Mishigas73
01-14-2008, 06:45 PM
I just need to vent a bit. I don't know what I'm "looking for" with responses, but, as always, any input is appreciated. :)
I've been with my OM for about 2 years now. Since we met online, there isn't really a "born on date" for our relationship, but we first met in person in February of 2006, so I'm just going with that. He's in Canada, I'm in the US. Initially, I was about 1100 miles away, and now I'm 110 miles away. I moved (at his behest) about 7 months ago.
Since September, I've seen him just about every weekend. I joined a curling league with him, so I go up and do that. It's great. :D I'm trying to get my life in order up here, which has had its own difficulties, and this has been a wonderful, stable thing for me.
Now, to the issue at hand. I moved up without a "commitment" from him. With both eyes open. I accepted it then, and still do. HOWEVER...recent happenings have caused me to re-evaluate things.
Without getting too much into the drama of it all (and believe me, there's plenty), I'm in a situation now where I'm taking on a lot of emotional responsibility that I was not expecting. (And, since "Murphy" has always been one of my best friends, it couldn't have happened at a worse time, since I'm going through a lot of my own stuff now.)
All of a sudden, I'm not going to be going up there "just to curl". I'll be going up there because I told him that I would do what I could to help him out with what he's going through, and he's just plain going to need me there.
So, here I am....one part of me thinking, "well, of COURSE I'm going to do what I can, I'm not going to leave this guy"....and the other part being the B*tch (capital intentional there), thinking, "well, he wasn't giving me any sort of commitment before, and now, since I'm there and he NEEDS me, he's been wonderful. What a crock!".
After two years, I would like to believe that I know this guy well enough to see where this is coming from...
But, there's also a bit of resentment. Like, who I was before now wasn't "good enough", but now that I'm sticking by him through all of this, the light bulb has come on over his head?
It certainly doesn't help that there's still 100 miles (and a border) between us. It's not like I can just "pop by after work" and help him out. Yes, of course, he has others there who will give him a hand, but I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Like, I SHOULD be the "number one, go-to gal" with all of this. Silly, isn't it? Considering that I came up here KNOWING that there was no standing commitment coming from him.
UGH. Thanks for reading.
I've been with my OM for about 2 years now. Since we met online, there isn't really a "born on date" for our relationship, but we first met in person in February of 2006, so I'm just going with that. He's in Canada, I'm in the US. Initially, I was about 1100 miles away, and now I'm 110 miles away. I moved (at his behest) about 7 months ago.
Since September, I've seen him just about every weekend. I joined a curling league with him, so I go up and do that. It's great. :D I'm trying to get my life in order up here, which has had its own difficulties, and this has been a wonderful, stable thing for me.
Now, to the issue at hand. I moved up without a "commitment" from him. With both eyes open. I accepted it then, and still do. HOWEVER...recent happenings have caused me to re-evaluate things.
Without getting too much into the drama of it all (and believe me, there's plenty), I'm in a situation now where I'm taking on a lot of emotional responsibility that I was not expecting. (And, since "Murphy" has always been one of my best friends, it couldn't have happened at a worse time, since I'm going through a lot of my own stuff now.)
All of a sudden, I'm not going to be going up there "just to curl". I'll be going up there because I told him that I would do what I could to help him out with what he's going through, and he's just plain going to need me there.
So, here I am....one part of me thinking, "well, of COURSE I'm going to do what I can, I'm not going to leave this guy"....and the other part being the B*tch (capital intentional there), thinking, "well, he wasn't giving me any sort of commitment before, and now, since I'm there and he NEEDS me, he's been wonderful. What a crock!".
After two years, I would like to believe that I know this guy well enough to see where this is coming from...
But, there's also a bit of resentment. Like, who I was before now wasn't "good enough", but now that I'm sticking by him through all of this, the light bulb has come on over his head?
It certainly doesn't help that there's still 100 miles (and a border) between us. It's not like I can just "pop by after work" and help him out. Yes, of course, he has others there who will give him a hand, but I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of responsibility. Like, I SHOULD be the "number one, go-to gal" with all of this. Silly, isn't it? Considering that I came up here KNOWING that there was no standing commitment coming from him.
UGH. Thanks for reading.