why?

Why do people have more issues with the woman being older than the man then vise-versa?

Wildfire, none of us know either, but hey, we're tryin to change that!!!!:p

How appropriate - Maggie Mae just came on lol!!!

Southerngal

PS - Whoever can answer the question gets the prize !

Its because its always been accepted since the middle-ages for the man to be old as hell and the chick to still be in diapers (figuratively speaking, of course)

And, yes SG, we are trying to change that one couple at a time hehe

Steve

I have always preferred younger men. I used to wonder if there was something "wrong" with me.

But after marrying and subsequently divorcing someone considered "age-appropriate," (he left me for a younger woman), then (after many other relationships)--I found that younger men make me happy. Maybe it's psychological on my part, but I don't care--and I don't care if it "bothers" anyone else.

I can't change society's opinions, but I don't have to live by them, either. I can live to make me happy. It's MY life.

Beth

Jeez. That's a toughie. But I have had two relationships with women that were chronologically older than me, and I did'nt plan it. Neither did the women. And, I always have had some confusion about what is "age appropriate." I have always been attracted to older women, and younger women too. I heard from somewhere that the guy should always be 4 years younger than the woman because women are more mature than men overall. This may be true in some cases, but not really for me. I'm not tootin' my own horn here, but I have always been told that I am wise beyond my years. I have heard it enough that now I gracefully accept when I hear it again. It comes from different people all of the time. So I think that I am attracted to people who are in the same place as me. I enjoy the maturity that an older woman has to offer. Plus, women do outlive men by 6-10 years. Maybe we've all been missing something. My mom married a man 8 years older than she. And, she loves him, but all my Dad wants to do is sit in front of the tube, or golf. My mom wants to go out dancing, etc., but he won't go. She complains that his energy levels are different than hers. At 54, she's ready to live life to the fullest, and he just wants to be left alone. So, I digress.

Plus, I find that women who are older have the some wisdom that comes with life experience. I started out on my own when I was very young, and consider myself a self-made man. So, when I meet someone who is 30-35 years old that has had to make things happen on her own, I treasure that. I am able to relate. And, I have been working on my inner life for the last 8-9 years. I want that in a partner. I haven't met too many younger women who have really begun to take a look on the inside, except maybe for a religious tack. (Not that this is bad, but it's just NOT me) I tend to have a buddhist perspective on life, and a psychoanalytic perspective as well. I want that as well in a mate. Again, it seems I find more of that in women who are a little older than I.

Although, having been in two age gap relationships, I can't say that I haven't had my doubts about being in an age gap relationship. I guess I could blame society for that one, but I am more concerned with myself on this one. I am learning, at this moment, that age does not have to be a limiting factor. When I get ready to date again, I plan on giving more consideration to a serious relationship with a woman who is my age or 5 years older. I think that could work for me. I don't really want any one younger than I am. Sometimes I think that I do, but I guess that she would have to be wise beyond her years for it to work. So for me, my shell has been cracked. I don't think I'll limit myself in the future to just women my age or younger. It never has worked for me yet. D

Suppose there are many reasons for society to reject or to be suspicious to OW/YM relationships. But two main reasons might be social inherited patterns and pure biology. In biological terms, man and women get together and ‘make babies’, so you’ll keep the human race going. Once you’ve made love – even if it’s unlikely in this day and age that you’ll immediately procreate – that ‘sparkle’ thinks it has done its job. And what society concerns it still has a rather stereotype look upon how a relationship should be constituted. Suppose

Yep Kat's right.

It's the biology thing about women putting the interests of their children and their potential children before their own happiness and pleasure by choosing a man who can best provide for their children and express dominance over other males.

It's always scary for society when women put their own happiness and pleasure before the propogation of the species - although the facts bear out that the human species has done just fine and could now benefit from somewhat less propogating.

Yeah, could I agree more?

Society's view of the subordinate position of women must be even more difficult to accept when women no longer should be seen as the shadow of a man......but a person in herself who
strive to find her individuality – with a man she allows herself to live with – even if he’s younger!

.

I think the reason why OW/YM relationships are considered taboo is because women, especially older ones, have had to deal with all sorts of suppresions throughout history.

In an OW/YM relationship, it's assumed that the OW has more experience in life and love and, therefore, has more power then the YM. That goes opposite with history -- usually men have had the power.

But that's why I love OW: They have the power! I feel like I need someone who's older, wiser, and can show me what love is. I don't mind being the student when it comes to love.

Originally posted by wildfire79
Why do people have more issues with the woman being older than the man then vise-versa?


see I don't but then I'm 11 years older than my bf. I personally have a hard time with older men and younger women.

I also think that a lot of it has to do with the ages of those involved.

My dad's girlfriend is 6 MONTHS older than he is and he thinks she's an older woman. LOL.

Hi,

I think maybe it's because a lot of people do not find older women attractive ( except for you wonderful Y/M) and therefore do not understand, and people have a difficult time accepting what they do not understand.:confused:

It bugs me that one of the guys that works with my husband is always trying to get my husband to check out all the "hot chicks" that walk by and always trying to get him to go into restaurants where young waitresses are wearing almost nothing. He has been bugging my husband to go to a chess tournament in Las Vegas with him, and my husband told him that he didn't want to go without me. The guy just pressured him more to leave me here and go without me. I get the feeling that this guy is just trying to see if our relationship is "real" because of the large age gap (I'm 26 years older than my husband). I have the feeling that if the situation were reversed, and I were 26 years younger than my husband, the guy wouldn't constantly be trying to test my husband this way. He doesn't do the same thing with the other guys at work.

I've been taking a cultural anthropology class this semester, and we just finished covering kinship and marriage. It brought about some interesting insights, and, though we didn't cover OW/YM relationships in class (darn the luck!), many of the same ideas also apply here.

First, marriage is a relatively new concept in the history of the human race. Yeah, it goes back centuries and even millennia, but Homo sapiens is about four million years old, give or take. However, once it (the concept of marriage) finally did take hold in Western society, it became a near-universal institution.

Second, the concept of marriage for love is an even newer one. Marriages historically were for economic reasons (also political, but that mainly applied to socially or politically powerful famlies, which made up a pretty small slice of the pie), and also for purposes of procreation -- but the social or romantic aspect was largely unaddressed. Such marriages were also typically arranged or negotiated -- like a purchase -- which further emphasized their economic nature.

Third, there's the biological aspect. Men are physically capable of concieving children so long as we can produce sperm cells. That age limit could be up into a man's seventies or even later, though the practice of fathering children at that age is not incredibly common. With women, the same situation does not apply. The number of egg cells a woman carries is finite, and already fixed at birth. Once they're gone, they're gone. No more chances for her to concieve a child; menopause starts kicking in beginning somewhere around her late forties.

Now, just looking at the sheer age gap between the sexes during which procreation can take place, simple biology would favor older men paired with younger women. Among other things, that's one of the reasons we tend to think of this kind of arangement as "traditional".

Fast forward to today. While marriage is still a respected institution, it's no longer a given that a man and a woman automatically marry and have children. There's plenty of different social arrangements between two partners these days; they have varying levels of societal acceptance, but few of them carry the taboos they once did.

So that clears the path for a relationship between an older woman and a younger man. Assuming that both parties are consenting adults and not married (well, not to anybody else), then there's no moral or ethical restrictions on such a relationship.

But, in doing so, you're swimming upstream against that long-running current of tradition.

Considering the relative age gaps that are possible (say, a late-20's YM and a late-40's OW), having children may not be practical or even feasible option. Once again, bucking tradition.

And by doing so -- by pursuing a long-term OW/YM relationship of that type, you're effectively taking the male out of the gene pool, which defies what has long been considered one of marriage's primary purposes (namely, procreation.) That, also, runs against tradtion.

(A note here: Assuming the actual ages of both parties are relatively young -- say, an early 20's YM and an early 30's OW, the "can't have kids" argument won't apply. But you'll still have all the other hassles to contend with.)

Finally, getting out of historical or biological aspects, let's look at one that's strictly social. If a person chooses to look skeptically or even disapprovingly at an OW/YM relationship, it could be called a form of discrimination. But, unlike racism or sexism, which could be directly confroted on the grounds that each form is morally or ethically wrong, that's not really an option here. Someone doesn't like the idea of older women dating younger men? Well...that's a choice. You may not like it; you may completely disagree with it. But you still have to respect the right of the person who holds such an opinion.

So where does that leave us? Back at the beginning of the question. It doesn't change the fact that you -- whether you're the OW or the YM -- will likely take flak for pursuing a relationship that doesn't fit the norm. But knowing some of the "whys" behind the issues might help.

Personally, I like the "we're trying to change that one couple at a time" position that Tall Guy proposes. Smart man.

(hey...do I win anything?) :)