I thought to put this here

Due to its nature and those that are in this type of ldr/game one would understand, nothing against the rest of yall who may answer this, and i would love input as well.

On the delicate nature of being ingame and then one starts chatting in a group or gets offered to group and the other person starts to like you but you have no interest in them and without being rude how does one go about bringing up your S.O and that you are not interested without ruining the said relationship?, honestly this has thrown me for one hell of a loop it is like it has come out of left field.

Would appreciate any and all comments and insights, also how any others may have dealt with a situation like this.

Due to its nature and those that are in this type of ldr/game one would understand, nothing against the rest of yall who may answer this, and i would love input as well.

On the delicate nature of being ingame and then one starts chatting in a group or gets offered to group and the other person starts to like you but you have no interest in them and without being rude how does one go about bringing up your S.O and that you are not interested without ruining the said relationship?, honestly this has thrown me for one hell of a loop it is like it has come out of left field.

Would appreciate any and all comments and insights, also how any others may have dealt with a situation like this.

Which do you value more, "said relationship" or "relationship with SO".......

I'm not certain why you are finding it hard to speak up about your relationship with SO........unless you are enjoying the attention from the "said relationship".......I don't think it's rude to say, "I have a boyfriend/husband, but enjoy gaming with you as a friend,".....

I find the best thing to do, weather in a game or RL if someone is starting to get too friendly for comfort just mention your SO. In a game for example you could say something like "I play Guild Wars with my SO" that way it's not even like saying hey back off I have an SO, you're just talking about your SO so they know you have one. 99% of the time that will get them to back off, if it doesn't they're a jerk. :p

It's generally one of the first things that I mention when gaming with someone.

As a female gamer it's almost insurance that people know the borders before attaching on to any false hopes.

However, when I first started talking with my fiance I did not expect to move into the relationship I currently have with him so I didn't always mention him.

It wasn't that I was hiding anything; it was just that I didn't want to overstate what we were together (being honest here he was 18 and we had never met...I wasn't living in la-la land about our chances). I was placed into a rather uncomfortable situation with a male friend who was closer to my age (a few years older in fact) and aware of my other male friend (now fiance) and saw his window of opportunity closing.

He told me that he was dreaming of me and that when he'd go out he'd see things (from stories I would share with him) that would remind him of me and that he wanted to meet IRL (we had exchanged photos).

Talk about uncomfortable position! In the end I learned a lesson, had a good thing happen and had a bad thing happen. I couldn't work it out the way I wanted because I wasn't forthright about my feelings with either of them.

My friend and I parted ways, sadly. But, I realized how interested I was in my fiance and how interested he was in me (we had a HUGE fight over this guy), so it was positive in that regards as it moved my romantic life forward. But it came at the cost of hurting a friend. Not a price I'd be willing to pay again.

Since then I've clearly stated my relationship status to avoid any confusion. Sure I don't get the guys flirting with me any more (well sometimes they still do), but I never had to feel that bad again.

Trading off a male gaming friend is not an option to me. People always seem fantastic and fun in a game, especially when you connect mentally to each other. Just remember, all gamers seem fantastic...in game.

Not sure if that story will help you out much, but there it is. :o

Is there a reason you've hesitated until now to mention your S.O.?

Sora, my relationship with S.O is first and foremost, this just started.

Entropy very true and will follow your advice...

Angel, right on the money there and almost the same situation.

Thank you all three for your response's....

I didnt want to assume anything with this man...It never came up until resently, i never showed him that i was interested.

I think you handle ingame relationships the same way you handle RL relationships. Imagine in RL you were interested or romantically connected with someone and someone else started to hang around. You would simply mention your SO. It doesn't mean you can't continue chatting with this other person; it simply means you don't let your friendship with them go beyond that. I honestly think if we take the manners, morals, and decorum that are necessary to navigate RL and apply them to online gaming, all works well.

I guess what seems different about games is that you can have private chat when you are with a group of people, whereas in RL if a third party tries to engage you in conversation, its pretty obvious. But with cell phones and text messaging that's even changing. So take the high road, mention that you are in a relationship and I would do that so of matter of factly, so that this third party doesn't feel embarassed. Then carry on and play as usual!

Sora, my relationship with S.O is first and foremost, this just started.

Entropy very true and will follow your advice...

Angel, right on the money there and almost the same situation.

Thank you all three for your response's....

I didnt want to assume anything with this man...It never came up until resently, i never showed him that i was interested.


I'm glad then that I shared that with you. :) It's from a very painful portion of our history together and since my fiance reads here ever so often I took a chance in drudging it back up.

But I'm glad that you could relate and it was worth taking the chance and I know 100% that my fiance would agree.

I didn't share my budding relationship with a lot of the people I gamed with for multiple reasons.

1. It was online and people don't respond kindly to online couples who haven't met. They think the relationship is a joke, because often times, honestly, it is.

2. The age gap. No way any one else would believe an 18 year old would be serious. I didn't even think he was!

3. I was suffering a midlife crisis I was sure. People had already had a go at me about what they felt my gaming meant. So I was sure adding an 18 year old teenager (let's just be blunt) wasn't going to warrant me much understanding.

4. We had never met! I didn't even know if we'd be compatible IRL.

I could go on all day with reasons why I didn't share with everyone information about him. And for each person I talked to I had to decide if they were someone I wanted to chance a disclosure to. Most often I decided not to and with the exception of this one male friend it was not a choice I regretted.

I can't tell you why I didn't tell him. I had no interest in him romantically. But maybe in retrospect I liked knowing that someone out there had an interest in me. My self-esteem was wasted and this male countered the insanity I felt being in love with someone so much younger than me. Maybe I used him unknowingly, but still, I used him by calling him a friend and yet not entrusting him with the most significant event happening in my life at that time.

Either way my guilt over having to chose between who I hurt was terrible. Once I disclosed my romantic interest in someone else and he realized that I had denied him the information months ago we could not recover. His heart was already too attached.

I hope that your situation has a much favorable ending than mine did. If you find our situations similar then let me tell you that I completely understand why you hesitated mentioning anything.

I had no desire to cheat on my YM; I only wanted to keep my heart from running ahead of my mind.

I didn't handle it perfectly, but I believe I handled it the best I could at that time given the situation. Trust that you have done the best you could as well.

I'm sending many hugs your way and I hope that you and your friend are able to work things out so that you can continue as friends.

3. I was suffering a midlife crisis I was sure. People had already had a go at me about what they felt my gaming meant. So I was sure adding an 18 year old teenager (let's just be blunt) wasn't going to warrant me much understanding.

Amen to that, Angel, and thanks for posting your experience so openly and honestly. Much of what you have talked about mirrors my own experience. It feels really good to know that others have been there, done that!

Amen to that, Angel, and thanks for posting your experience so openly and honestly. Much of what you have talked about mirrors my own experience. It feels really good to know that others have been there, done that!

Now that makes me feel really good Rozie! I'm glad that my experience made you feel less alone in yours. :bighug: