Please help!!! I need your advice

Recently started dating a guy who is 48 y.o. I am 30. We see each other at work about twice a week. He's not employed by the company I work for but he goes there to see some patients. He's a sweet nice guy He told me that that he likes me. We know each other since July but we started talking on the phone around mid Nov. We went out once after christmas and we really had a nice time. His dad recently passed away about2 weeks after we went out. Right now hes very confuse and lost. We went out 2 more times this month. The problem is he told me that he doesnt know what to do and not sure if he wants our relationship to take the next step. Since his passing he cant really think straight and he said its unfair for me to get involve with him . He said that one thing he's sure about is that he's attracted to me. He also mentioned about the fact that we work together which bothers him now and never did bother him before . Now he only wants us to be friends . Im confuse about his real intention.
Im sure hes not married and has no kids. They know him at work as a single guy. He's been coming to the same place for about 8 years now. Also, I dont understand why he mislead me to believe that there is a possibility for us to be in a relationship. In the beginning I didnt like him but my feelings developed after we've been talking and hanging out. Now hes not sure about us, before he was telling me not to worry about anything.Also,How about the we work together issue? That didn't bother him in the beginning.He said that our coworkers will understand and they will be happy for us. Now, he said its the second reason why we shouldn't be more than friends. He also said that he never thought that I will feel something for him later on because I didn't like him in the beginning. When you tell a girl you like her romantically and do all good things for her you are working on winning her heart right? My point is he should have thought about it carefully before making any moves on me. Even when he got over the pain of losing his dad we still have to face the issue of being at the same workplace. He told me not to quit my job.I started to wonder maybe he doesn't like me. But why he keeps saying that he likes me up to now when we talk on the phone. By the way, We never kissed or had sexual contact. Thank you I really need some advice.

The reason people date is to "explore" the possibilities of becoming romantically involved. There's no guarantee when you date somebody that it will lead to a long term romance. A person cannot predict before dating somebody if they will feel the same after dating them for a while. Since the man has changed his mind before the relationship has gone too far, I would say he's a good guy & looking out for your interests as well as his own. I would not accuse this man of deceiving you.

I see your situation as one of 3 possible scenarios:

(1) He's telling you the truth; after dating you a few times he's no longer sure about the viability of the two of you as a couple, the work place issues concern him, he likes you but only wants to be friends.

(2) He's changed his mind about you but is afraid to tell you bluntly out of consideration for your feelings.

(3) He's confused and possibly in a state of depression because of his father's death. If this is the case, he could probably use a friend to listen to him with unconditional love, and allow him to work through the emotional stuff going on inside of him. If confusion or emotional issues are his problem, there is a possibility he may change his mind again and want to have a relationship with you once he resolves these issues.

with care, George

I see your situation as one of 3 possible scenarios:

(1) He's telling you the truth; after dating you a few times he's no longer sure about the viability of the two of you as a couple, the work place issues concern him, he likes you but only wants to be friends.

(2) He's changed his mind about you but is afraid to tell you bluntly out of consideration for your feelings.

(3) He's confused and possibly in a state of depression because of his father's death. If this is the case, he could probably use a friend to listen to him with unconditional love, and allow him to work through the emotional stuff going on inside of him. If confusion or emotional issues are his problem, there is a possibility he may change his mind again and want to have a relationship with you once he resolves these issues.


Jkat,
George has it right (well maybe not exactly right. I mean I'd have put #3 as #1 and moved the other two down,.... but why quibble). Whatever his issues, and they are his, there's very little you can do at this point except back away. You don't have to change jobs, and you don't have to avoid seeing him. What you do have to do is resign yourself to being friends, at least for the moment. Whatever the future brings, you're not in a position to make it happen right now.
Talk to him, and talk a lot. Talk about everything. Communication can bring you closer. You need to be at a distance, but you don't have to be gone.

Go slowly and good luck,
Mike

I don't want to hurt your feelings but it's likely that he's decided to move on and doesn't want to hurt you. Whenever a man says it's because of his own emotional state that he wants to quit seeing you, that doesn't really mean that you can change him...

When a man says he's moving on, for whatever reason, believe him and let go.

Ali

I would have to agree, just back away now. You don't want to hurt yourself more. Perhaps, with his dad passing, he is depressed. But, he doesn't want to bring you down. That also, could be part of it..but, either way, I would just go on with my life..IF down the road, he changes, then perhaps you can see what happens..but, right now, you don't want to get yourself hurt about worrying about the 'whys' and giving yourself hope..

Take care,
naturewoman

Recently started dating a guy who is 48 y.o. I am 30. We see each other at work about twice a week. He's not employed by the company I work for but he goes there to see some patients. He's a sweet nice guy He told me that that he likes me. We know each other since July but we started talking on the phone around mid Nov. We went out once after christmas and we really had a nice time. His dad recently passed away about2 weeks after we went out. Right now hes very confuse and lost. We went out 2 more times this month. The problem is he told me that he doesnt know what to do and not sure if he wants our relationship to take the next step. Since his passing he cant really think straight and he said its unfair for me to get involve with him . He said that one thing he's sure about is that he's attracted to me. He also mentioned about the fact that we work together which bothers him now and never did bother him before . Now he only wants us to be friends . Im confuse about his real intention.
Im sure hes not married and has no kids. They know him at work as a single guy. He's been coming to the same place for about 8 years now. Also, I dont understand why he mislead me to believe that there is a possibility for us to be in a relationship. In the beginning I didnt like him but my feelings developed after we've been talking and hanging out. Now hes not sure about us, before he was telling me not to worry about anything.Also,How about the we work together issue? That didn't bother him in the beginning.He said that our coworkers will understand and they will be happy for us. Now, he said its the second reason why we shouldn't be more than friends. He also said that he never thought that I will feel something for him later on because I didn't like him in the beginning. When you tell a girl you like her romantically and do all good things for her you are working on winning her heart right? My point is he should have thought about it carefully before making any moves on me. Even when he got over the pain of losing his dad we still have to face the issue of being at the same workplace. He told me not to quit my job.I started to wonder maybe he doesn't like me. But why he keeps saying that he likes me up to now when we talk on the phone. By the way, We never kissed or had sexual contact. Thank you I really need some advice.

Some men have commitment issue. Has he ever been married or been in a long term relationship before?

For you you need to move on. Why do you want to be with him any way? He has failed your trust.

Trying to keep your affection in check will be tough, I'm afraid. I think one of the biggest concerns for you is the risk of him becoming dependent upon you. Be supportive of him, of course; he's going through a tough time. Just be wary of the risks, and don't get yourself into any situations that you can't easily get out of.

Wishing you the best.

Dear jkat:

In the separate universes of maleness and femaleness is the common bond of being rejected. :( I lost my father last June, but I was prepared for it because it had been slowly, obviously coming. But when a very close friend died suddenly I wept like a baby. For months I'd speak to the air as if his spirit could hear me. Close relations deaths can really rock your world. The test you must take was whether or not your man's funk is from a sudden death of his father or - ehhh! - long in coming demise of his father. If you know that your friend's father lingered a long time then you know the truth: your friend is avoiding you by using a convenient excuse. If his father died suddenly and unexpectedly, then I'd give him slack and understanding.

That's my two cents, for what it's worth.