I feel so useless

I called my boyfriend yesterday and asked about his day, to which he simply replied that he had a bad day.

The way he said it made me feel uneasy, so I gently prodded until he began to tell me the details. I listened silently as he told me that the guys in the apprenticeship program had treated him badly: they made fun of his weight, hit his neck, kept hiding his belongings, ruined his work, slapped him, cut some of his hair, etc.

These are guys who have always been jerks to him but they've never been this bad before. They're small-minded, spoiled kids that obviously are immature beyond belief (they're 18-21). Although my man is only 22, he's nothing like these creeps.

He told me he was almost at the point of punching somebody in the face, but he didn't want to sink to their level, or risk being fired.

I stood there wordlessly after he stopped, for about thirty seconds, before I was able to speak. All I could say was, "I'm sorry your day was so awful. Please always remember that I love you?"

I feel so useless. He's 6000 kilometers away and dealing with these people on a daily basis, and I can't even hold him.

This really made me sad and angry! No one should have to put up with behavior like this! Why doesn't the boss or leader of the apprentenceship do SOMETHING?!?! Why aren't these douchebags fired?!?! :mad0136:

Probably because it's four of five or how many ever of their words against him.

I hate to sound negative about this, but working in sales and resto's for so long, I've seen this and experienced it. I had one crazy woman (she was, a story that came up later in her life confirmed it, funny story too) threaten to kill me with a knife on Halloween. She made the threat days before, and my mom came and picked me up from work. Her mother was the dining room manager. And believe me, her mom was one of the nicest ladies imaginable, but her daughter, yucko.

Ali

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK! We live in a society that is just totally insensitive. I am sorry your bf is going through this. :(

I was mugged once, when Donna and I were still long distance. So I can appreciate how he is feeling and how frustrating it must be for him to not have you there.

All I can say is that it DOES help if you continue to be there for him and help give him the strength to deal with this.

I know you feel terrible and helpless, but believe me, the phone call and just letting him talk about this was probably the best thing that happened to him yesterday. I underwent a minor medical procedure yesterday and my YM texted me a few times with moral support, from 1200 miles away. It is amazing how much that helped. Just knowing someone cares about you and would be there if they could is better than having a billion half hearted people people at your side.

GreenEyedLily: If he complained to his boss, apparently he'd just tell him to stop whining and get back to work.

The mentality of the people he works with, even his boss, is like a horde of small-town bigots with no respect for one another.

The boys he works with brag about how they have random sex with girls and steal money from their parents for drugs and it's such an atmosphere that the boss just doesn't care what happens anymore.

The kicker is that they're civilians in a military air base, and one might think they would exhibit a little more maturity in such an establishment.

I've been writing him a Valentine's letter and putting together a little parcel for him. I hope it cheers him up.

So glad you listened to him. These types of people harassing him really piss me off. Keep calling him, pressing for details, and giving him as much comfort and stability as you can manage to shove down the phone line.

If you cheer him up some and then find yourself still on the topic of his work, using a few choice cuss words could lighten his mood. This really depends on who the two of you are, though.

Good luck to the both of you.

I can definitely relate to your feelings. Several years ago, I was involved with a man who lived about 1500 miles away. He was headed in a long downward spiral, and it was the most heartbreaking thing to me not to be able to do anything for him except for "being there", from 1500 miles away.

He passed away in October, 2005, after a long illness. In the months before his death, he drew away from his friends and family. Everyone except for me. As a matter of fact, one of his closest friends was incredibly surprised to hear that he had been in constant communication with me, practically up until the very end.

In the over two years since his death, I've thought a lot about our relationship. I've had my own ups and downs with it...but the one thing that remains constant is that I was "there" for him...even from 1500 miles away. The random cards I sent to him. The phone calls, e-cards, jokes. All of these things, as simple as they were, meant so much to him.

The lesson from this? Don't EVER discount your influence on someone, no matter how far you are away from them.

You're not "useless" at all. Yes, physical contact is important, but it's not the be all, end all of things. I know that it's really difficult to hear these things from someone you love, and being so far away, but your position now is just to be his "rock" in this. He needs to vent, and your allowing him that. Do you realize how many people simply don't have that ability to vent, even when they're living with their love?

You know him best, so go with what you feel would be the best course of action. If it's sending him a card or package, making jokes, or just letting him vent and you saying "oh wow, I understand how you feel"....whatever you do will be appreciated, I'd bet my last dollar on that.

I wish you the best, and all the strength that you need. Take care. :)

I really suggest packages and letters. If you haven't sent him anything before or at least frequently, this is likely to burst into a nice way of communicating your emotions.

I really suggest packages and letters. If you haven't sent him anything before or at least frequently, this is likely to burst into a nice way of communicating your emotions.

We send packages and handwritten letters and cards to each other all the time. We also use the webcams 24/7 (they're on auto-accept) and talk on the phone every other day.

It's all helpful but sometimes there's nothing quite like a warm, loving hug.

M.B. was treated this way in his previous job when he first got hired on 2 years ago. However, his story ended better as he took their crap and just kept doing the job, and eventually gained their respect, although they have never had his. So his story was over (except for general moronic co-workers and job conditions) by the time he ever told me about it although I could tell it had been a trial by fire at best for him, as M.B., while pretty tuff, has also got a gentle heart, and having people's respect is one of his biggest needs.

He also has to deal with how he is treated by his father.

When he shares with me these things, I don't think he appreciates any sappy sympathy implying that he can't take care of himself. Rather he wants to hear me affirm that I know that he has taken care of himself, and still does, and his courage and strength to deal with morons is amazing.

However, here is what also comes out of my mouth, and, M.B. finds it humorous and it helps his heart: "Let me at 'em!" or "Let me find my evisceration tool." (We have a running joke that anybody that hurts M.B. is in danger of being eviscerated by me.)