Criminal "Effects"

Hey all,

We had a terrible crime in my county at the end of last week. I'll be brief. A young mother of two was kidnapped from her home in the middle of the day, sexually assaulted, thrown into the perp's car backseat, and driven to woods to be executed and hidden in a shallow grave. The perp was a predator...showed up behind her in postal lines, paced her street in his car, let's say he has some real issues. He is in custody. She was also the daughter of law enforcement person.

I was wondering what other ladies do to feel, deal and heal when this kind of stuff happens. It really scares me b/c I am so afraid it could happen to anyone, including me. Last night at yoga, I started to cry about it (thank God, was wondering if I was becoming inured to this awful stuff). Later at bedtime, I was thinking about the woman (my head was in the most morbid places wondering how awful it must have been) when I heard an engine running. I totally freaked. Across the street in the dark corner was a beater of a car, lights out--how long it had been there I don't know, but it was going anyway. It was too dark to see and I live in a poorer section of my town where there is a presence of a certain "element". (although I know crime is everywhere). I called the police, the car finally moved on, but I was terrified. I miss my dog Lily so much. Her little Chow self would have been right there with me (am taking as break from being a dogowner now) .

Tonight I am pacing around my little house, checking the outside for pacing cars...I am having flashes of what might happen to me.

This poor lady was seen by cars who called in her distress via cells, she even got the perps cell herself and called 911 when he was getting a shovel...

Ladies, how do you deal with your fear? )guys, you can share too!) John and I don't live together. What do you do to soothe yourself? I am not going to buy a gun (just so you know!)

Even now, I keep looking out the side door window panes...it will pass, but, I just feel this messes with my soul...right now I will not take my cell off my body. :(

Rebecca,

I've always been adament with the ladies in my life that they carry 4 things when they are out of the home:

1. cell phone (to summons help, 911, etc)
2. automobile club card (for road side assistance & towing)
3. credit card (you never know when you'll be stranded somewhere over night, or need emergency plane fare, etc)
4. A can of pepper spray (in lieu of a pistol)

One of my dearest friends HAD to use the pepper spray a few years ago & couldn't thank me enough for insisting that she carry it. Instead of being a statistic, she is still around today to share good times with me.

Everyone I know has had to use at least one of those four things in an emergency at least once.

At home:

Keep the porch lights on all night (low wattage bulbs ~40W).

Install other exterior lights with motion detectors,

Make sure all of your doors & windows can be securely locked, and lock them every night.

Keep at least one interior light on all night, the house should never be totally dark inside.

Every window should have drapes that cannot be seen through at night, make sure those drapes are closed every night so no one can see into your home.

A decal for each window that reads "this home is protected by Smith & Wesson". Doesn't matter if you own a gun or not, you want the criminals to think you do.

Three things mostly: I realize that these incidents are very rare, I stay alert and pay attention to my surroundings, and I make sure I know how to fend off an attacker. I think alertness is the most important thing. Don't be distracted and don't look like a victim. When I was a kid it would drive me crazy that my mom would walk all the way to the car and then dig through her purse for five minutes looking for her keys. Keep your stuff organized and get your keys out before you leave a store or your house/apartment. Keep your distractions to a minimum, especially in what may be a high risk environment. And lock your doors while you're at home.

I have just a bit of martial arts training, but I'm familiar with self-defense techniques, lift weights regularly, and am mean as all hell. Plus I have two 50 lb. dogs which serve as a great deterrent both at home and when we're out on walks. I may not have dogs in the future after these guys are gone, so I'm thinking of buying a gun. Not as effective as an aggressive dog with an intimidating bark, but it would certainly be better than nothing as far as I'm concerned.

But really, something like that is very unlikely. And there's a difference between vigilance and fear. I don't think fear serves much positive purpose on its own. You can use it to give you an impetus to become more vigilant, though. Taking positive action can give you more confidence and help you feel more in control. Maybe you should sign up for self-defense courses or something like that? And perhaps you could get involved with some kind of victim support organization as well.

Keep the porch lights on all night (low wattage bulbs ~40W).

Install other exterior lights with motion detectors,
Oh, good thinking about the lights. I didn't think about that (my porch light comes on automatically). I'll just put in a plug for compact fluorescent bulbs as well. ;)

I think it's a good idea to always know where a working flashlight is as well. I keep one in my nightstand next to the pepper spray.

OK, I'll get more motion detectors. I'll look for window stickers, I have a flashlight and where do I buy Mace? I was thinking about a self defense class. Last one I took was college....but would you two just come over right now and hang out with:confused: me so I can go to sleep and not be scared! ? Do you think there are recordings of dog barking sounds I could buy??

Just today I was talking to my bf about steps to take to avoid being raped. I live in a big city and women do get killed. Apart from the great advise you have received here the internet also offers advice in this issue. This wisdom works! It prevented me from being raped when I was 12.

I have experienced enough incidents in my life to make me afraid of driving and walking alone at night. But I realized that I could not let my fear rule my life and prevent me from being happy and have fun.

I live in a very secure apartment building. I have my cellphone handy all the time, I have a sword (don't laugh it was my grandpa's military sword) and a very long knife in the bathroom. I also have pepper spray.

I am amazed at the lack of protection US homes have. People have entry doors with glass panes! Why bother to have a door? Also people do not lock their homes or car. People wake up, we live in a violent world.

Rebecca,

Pepper spray can be purchased on line these days. Make sure to purchase the stuff that contains military grade tear gas for your purse. There is a percentage of the population that is not affected by pepper spray alone. This stuff has a shelf life of 12 to 18 months, so you have to be vigilant about replacing it when its useful life expires. I also suggest you purchase 2 cans the first time around and practice using the first can so there are no surprises if you should ever need to use it.

For the home I suggest you visit the local hunting supply & pick up the "Bear Repellent" variety of pepper spray. It comes in a large can, way to big for a purse, it puts out a generous stream of liquid & can spray about 40 feet.

There are also industrial grade wasp & hornet pesticides in aerosol cans that spray a heavy sticky oily liquid about 20 to 30 feet, a shot of this stuff into the face of a would be assailant will stop them in their tracks.

take care, the old guy