Who said it first...and when?

If anyone of you read my intro post you might remember that I said I've been seeing my OM since July (almost 8 months now).

I am really torn on those three little words: "I love you".

With my ex he absolutely would not say it. I remember how awful I felt when I finally said it to him and the words were met with silence and he said "I just don't say it and I never will" or something along those lines. I don't even know if he was able to love, frankly.

Anyway, with my man, especially him being divorced I would ponder that he still feels the burn of those words or those feelings at the least. I can only imagine how gun shy someone becomes after such a bitter ending. I've read a lot about men and how they feel after divorces and it's not the stereotype we typically see in the media, etc. how they immediately find love, usually with a younger lady, etc. (mid life crisis) and aren't hurt by the process. I know my man still feels pain although he definitely does not miss the woman "boy did I pick the wrong one" he says often.

Anyway, I wonder... is it too early to tell him I love him? I really do feel it but I guess due to past relationships I am gun shy, too. I don't want to be met with a negative reaction that will potentially cause him to back away... I know some people feel pressure when their partner says that to them and want to then run for the hills. Others are elated because they wanted to say it too and were equally afraid to utter the words.

So my question to all of you is who said it first, and when, and what, if any, were the issues for you, personally, surrounding the situation?

I have a friend who is in a relationship and they said it to each other the first day they met. I have another set of friends who are engaged and he waited a year to tell her. It seems pretty common that the woman waits for the man to say it first and maybe I don't want to seem to forward? I'm not sure. I guess I am impatient and can't imagine waiting to hear him say it for a year or possible more! Agh!

I'm such a wuss!!! :) Any words of advice? Encouragement?

:p Ok , i'll go first :o I said it first , followed by a really quick, THANK GOD , i didn't know how to tell you that. :D I just kind of blurted it out. :eek: If you really love him you should just tell him , no matter what the answer, if you feel it, it needs to be said. By the way , you shouldn't let hearing an answer stop you from telling someone you love them.

If you really love him you should just tell him , no matter what the answer, if you feel it, it needs to be said. By the way , you shouldn't let hearing an answer stop you from telling someone you love them.

There it is. Don't know how anyone could have said it better. Way to go Misery.

Mike

He said it first, while I waited until I truly felt that I felt the same way. I would not say it to just say it and you shouldnt either if that isnt how you feel. Say it when you mean it...and then you won't have to worry, because then you will feel comfortable knowing you are only speaking the truth..:yes:

He said it first. The timing was actually interesting because it almost slipped out of my mouth moments before he said it. I am glad now that he said it first because I did not have to worry about him saying it back just because he felt like he had to.

Melissa

There it is. Don't know how anyone could have said it better. Way to go Misery.

Mike

:bgrin2:Thanks Mike

Our circumstances were more complicated. We had been seeing each other for about 5 months with the understand of "a day at a time" and he had made it clear that he expected I would move on and find someone else my own age but that we would enjoy the relationship as long as it lasted.

I had just recently realized that I might be falling in love with him, but wasn't sure yet (especially since this was my first experience with real love). This happened right before he was to leave for a week on a trip. I was afraid I was going to fall in love with him and get hurt--badly. So that along with a few other issues and when he returned from his trip I told him I couldn't keep seeing him anymore. He asked me if I loved him and I said I did love him but I didn't know if I was "in love" with him.

A day or two later he told me on the phone that he loved me. He had been planning to tell me so that night he got home from his trip, but I ended things before he got the chance. I told him I thought I was in love with him too but I couldn't be sure and since I didn't think our relationship could go anywhere (due to things which have now been resolved) I was afraid we would both get hurt. After several months of misery for both of us (and a lot of soul searching on my part) I was sure that I really did love him. We worked out the other things that were problems for us and got back together a few months later.

It was a risk and a scary thing to say for both of us. We went though some intensely difficult times being apart. But looking back we both agree that it was worth it, even if the timing was messed up and the first time we said I love you wasn't in romantic circumstances.