love to friends or what? need help

I have been dating a younger girl (20) I'm 43 for almost 6 months now. She initially approached me, she is a coworker of a friend. I thought she was about 25/26 when we first met. We instantly hit it off-got along great. When I found out how old she was I thought this was really silly. Saw each other once a week or so-pretty much mutually exclusive from the beginning. Things just get better and better-L word came out about 2 months or so in-we have an amazing physical thing and a great thing otherwise. We express greater/growing love as time goes on. Our 5 month anniversary she sends me a note saying how her love grows stronger every day and how happy I've made her life. About 2 weeks ago she told me she doesn't want to have a boyfriend right now-but very much wants to be in each others lives. Naturally I'm thinking she met someone else or just isn't into me anymore. She assures me this is not true, and I really do believe her. She has always been very honest with me and her behavior suggests she is truthful. We still talk as we always have, get together-have been out to dinner and a movie on two different occasions. Everything is just how it was minus the physical aspect. I believe that she very much loves me, but I don't get what is going on. Its definately not a lack of attraction thing-we've spent the day in bed on many occasions. She says she is not happy with herself right now, and my friend has told me she has not been herself at work for about a month or so. Others have noticed changes in her, depression, short temper. She obviously has a lot of other pressures in her life now and seems to think "us" makes it harder. I'm not sure how to handle this, it is really hurting me. I thought I would try to pull away a bit and hope she would miss me enough to realize what was up, or if not there would be the answer too. I can't do this though, I feel like I need to respond when she reaches out, and just go along how she wants it right now. I feel like I should be able to be there for her to talk to and support her and still be in our romantic relationship. The past 2 weeks have been very hard, I feel like its so obvious that we belong together. Any thoughts?

Hey RR,

Welcome to Ageless Love.

If your lady loves you as she says she does, and if she wants you in her life, you have the right to full disclosure of what's going on, there should be no questions in your mind. I get the feeling from what you've written that you feel like you're in "limbo". You don't have a full grasp of why she made this change in your relationship. So I am assuming she hasn't given you a full explanation

When she changed the rules of the relationship two weeks ago, it should have been a joint decision, not her decision alone. She should have provided full disclosure of what is going in her life, in her mind, in her emotions, that has motivated her to want this change. The decision of what to do could have then been a joint decision between the two of you.

The way you have described it, it seems she called the shots and gave you no say in the matter. This is a bad precedent to set in the relationship, something that needs to be ironed out now, if you plan to stick with her. None of us do everything perfectly, we all make errors in judgement. Especially when we are younger, and most of the mistakes in life we have yet to make. So please understand, I'm not judging her for handling things this way, but it is a lesson she needs to learn.

If there is a good reason why she wanted this change (and there most likely is) then my advice is to put your concerns about the sexual relationship aside, and give her the support she needs in whatever she's going through. All the guys here understand the frustration of being "cut-off" sexually, females don't understand it impacts us more severely than it does them. You should acknowledge that the emotional aspects of this relationship impact her just as severely as the physical aspects have impacted you.

The first thing I would suspect that is going on with her are religious beliefs that make pre-marital sex a sin. But she may also be overwhelmed by the strength of the emotion between the two of you, the relationship happened too much too fast. She may be slowing things down to make sure its "real". But there is no need for us to "guess" what's going on with her, go to her and ask her up front for a full explanation.

After you work through this bump in the road, it will be time to work on unconditional love & open communication. I wish you the best of luck, I'm sure you two can work this out.

George

HI and welcome...just wondering how the relationship rules changed exactly?
You said, " Everything is just how it was minus the physical aspect. "
Do you mean that you still spend the same amount of time together as always except there is no sexual relationship where there once was one? Has the mutually exclusive part gone out the window? Just trying to understand what exactly changed.
I also agree with George that this shouldve been a discussion and decision where you both had input; that is a bit upsetting. At any rate, I hope that you get some answers soon so that you can get out of that Limbo you're in. :yes:

Hey RR,
All the guys here understand the frustration of being "cut-off" sexually, females don't understand it impacts us more severely than it does them.
George

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:: GEORGE!

First-I'm sure it's not a pre-marital issue. We had a long talk last night. Basically, about 3 weeks ago she told me she didn't love herself so how could she love someone else. She didn't want a lover in her life now. She said it was nothing to do with me and nothing to do with seeing other people. Since then we have seen each other a few times-date type things, and all seemed just as always, had a good time-only difference is the nights didn't end with kissing or more. She has since sent very mixed signals-told each other we love each other, playful sexy phone talk. Romantic valentines cards. People had noticed a difference in her mood and behavior for a few weeks before all this went down. Don't know if that had to do with me, or turned into this. She has been gravitating towards hanging out with her younger friends again who have the heavy party agenda. When we first met this seemed to turn her off, once in a while, but not all the time. Maybe she feels like she is missing out on something-although I've never been in the way of her hanging with her friends anyway. I am a musician, she comes to my shows, knows everyone and usually has a great time. Most people think I am about 30-and the crowds we hang with are 25-35. So its not like she is not in a younger festive sort of environment.
I am having a hard time because right before this went down she was talking to my friend, who she works with, about us being married some day. She told me I was her world, her love grows stronger every day, how happy she was with me in her life. I have told her the same. Its like she just flipped a switch and its all changed. She said last night that she didn't want a serious commitment now, doesn't want a lover/boyfriend in her life. She expects I should just say-ok, no problem. I can't do this as I'm deeply in love with her and thought she felt the same. When I bring up what she had said (above in this paragraph) she has no explanation about how/why this has changed.
I know these feelings are new to her, maybe she is afraid-I just don't know. The way we left it last night-she was irritated that I had brought this up again. I just told her I really didn't know how to go back to being just friends at the moment and probably needed to step back.

RR,

Of course you are confused, and of course this hurts. To be cut off sexually is interpreted by guys universally to mean we've been rejected, the woman in question no longer loves us. On the other hand your lady is still behaving friendly, like nothing has changed except the absence of sex. Definitely mixed signals.

I have experience with several similar situations in the lives of people around me. And when I've spoken with the ladies about what they are feeling, their answers describe fear and confusion. They fear no longer being the center of their own lives. In other words, they are being self-centered. Another word for immature.

I'll relate one similar situation occuring at this very time. They had been going together for about 4 years, they met right here in my home. He's now 25, a college grad, has a good job, very motivated and ready to marry his lady and move on to the next phase of life. She's 21, and after they both started talking seriously about marriage, she flipped. She's been a party animal for about 16 months now with no end in sight. She goes out with her friends to nightclubs several nights a week, without her guy. She stays out late, comes home at 3 AM, even though she has work the next day. She cut him off sexually. Her fella is heart broken. She doesn't care, she is only concerned about herself. He has broken up with her, but that didn't change her mind either.

The fact that your lady has become more of a party animal, she wants everything her way, was perturbed you even brought the subject up again, leads me to believe you are dealing with a similar set of emotions.

So, there's no way of knowing how long your lady will continue wrestling with this issue; it could be a month, a year, until she's 30 years old, who can say. If you wait for her I can guarantee she'll put you through an emotional roller coaster ride that you won't enjoy.

My advice is give her no more than 2 or 3 months, if she doesn't come around, then advise her to go see a counselor or you're moving on without her. This would be a good lesson for her, to loose you due to her self centeredness, to learn she can't always have things her way, and to learn she can't string you along indefinitely. You need to take control of this situation because a woman will not respect a man that she can dominate.

best of luck, George

Something out of the blue... Is she pregnant? An abortion? I got those vibes... Also another possibility can be, her friends and/or family are telling her she is too young for you...

I wish you the best. May love conquer all fears! :bgrin2:

Geo: I disagree with your judging this VYW as self-centered and immature.

I do not know if it is immaturity or quite the opposite. When a woman is very young she wants to marry her Prince Charming in a white Barbie wedding and live happily ever after. But when she realizes that the "ever after" involves resposibilities (many times one-sided) and a yielding of her inviduality for the good of the couple, she backs off from commitment.

I am glad I did not marry in my early 20s. I went to all the parties I wanted, dated as much as I wanted, and danced, danced, danced. All this joy charged me with positive energy that lasted for years! Why be in a hurry to become part of the furniture? (which is what happened to me) I am sorry that I do not sound sympathetic to the OP, because that is not my intention.

I tend to think that the girls behavior is not related to anything the OP did or did not do but to her fear of commitment. As Geo said, give her a couple of months and move on, if you want her for more than friendship. But do not be surprised if she wants you back. It will be up to you to decide if you want to be patient and wait until she makes up her mind.

Apologies to Rob Roy if you consider my post was off topic.

I wish you the best.

my gut feeling really is that she feels as I do and is fighting things for some reason. It may be fear of commitment. It may be that this is all new to her and she is freaked out about it-afraid to really trust and give it up to someone. To talk about the sex thing sounds shallow, but I just feel our connection there really is one of deep love and not just having a good time. I've never had this feeling with anyone, and I know she hasn't. Its funny, she has 2 friends her age, one is married with a baby and the other engaged. Then she has friends her age who act like I did when I was 15. Most of her friends have boyfriends, its not like they are all out on the prowl all the time. I had serious girlfriends when I was in hs and after, and I'm not asking anything more from her then I did with them. I don't know if she actually knows what the issue is-tells me things that logically don't make sense. Right now I'm trying to just be passive about it-talked to her casually on fri, nothing over the weekend, and just sent her a hope u had a nice weekend thinking about u text this am. Its hard to sit back, but I'm trying to for now-with the hope that she'll start to miss us. If she doesn't there's not really anything I can do and there's my answer. I just can't imagine someone could flip the switch on love like that. I can understand being overwhelmed by new feelings and needing to step back, but she doesn't really describe it that way. Its funny when some of my friends heard I was dating her they thought I was nuts, but after meeting her they got it-they were quite startled by how seemingly mature and focused she was, and with a good head on her shoulders.

Something out of the blue... Is she pregnant? An abortion? I got those vibes... Also another possibility can be, her friends and/or family are telling her she is too young for you...

I wish you the best. May love conquer all fears! :bgrin2:

I was getting those vibes too when I first read this. If not a pregnancy, perhaps a pregnancy scare?

The other possibility that ocurred to me is that she started to realize she more than just loved you and was falling "in love" with you too. This can be a very scary experience, especially if it is her first true love. She might be afraid that if she lets herself fall deeper in love with you she is going to get hurt badly if/when the relationship ends. The uncertainties are enormous with an age gap relationship, even more so if the two of you are still in the early stages. Becoming conscious of the depths of her feelings for you may be causing her to re-evaluate the implications of that realization (i.e., do I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, would he want to do the same, can I handle the age issue, what about children, how would my family and friends react, would I still love him in 20 years, etc.)

But in the end I agree with George, just ask her. Be supportive and understanding. Just listen and see what she says. It maybe that she has pulled back because she doesn't even know yet what is bothering her--other than that SOMETHING isn't sitting right.

Not being happy with herself would indicate to me that she is having a hard time accepting that you love her and would want a longer term relationship with her. No matter how much you tell her otherwise, I think she would still have a hard time with this until she learns to accept and love herself. If she is wise enough to see the problem that is the first step towards correcting the problem.

Amy, I think some of that is definately possible. All she can tell me is that she doesn't want a serious relationship right at this moment. Its hard cause its gotten pretty serious already. Like I said before about 2 weeks before this she told me I was her world, how happy she was, and that her love grows stronger every day-and I much of the same to her. She seems to me to be overwhelmed about it and unable to really express what is going on, or just doesn't know. I am trying to give her space now. Its very hard, I just want to call her/text her etc. The last week I've cut down a lot-its been almost a month we haven't been dating. Almost 2 weeks we haven't seen each other. I'm afraid by being too accessible and honest with her that I'm hurting things. My logical mind says don't contact her, let her go and if its going to be it will be. Problem is it is tearing me apart.

The last week I've cut down a lot-its been almost a month we haven't been dating. Almost 2 weeks we haven't seen each other. I'm afraid by being too accessible and honest with her that I'm hurting things. My logical mind says don't contact her, let her go and if its going to be it will be. Problem is it is tearing me apart.

It probably hasn't hurt to cut back some and give her time to think about whatever she needs to think about. However, since you are being torn apart over this and you do still care about her I would suggest you send her an email. Tell her that you still care about her very much and if she needs to talk you are there for her. Try not to ask for anything from her at this point. Since you have backed off it would be good to let her know you still love her so that she isn't interpreting you decrease in contact as lack of interest.

In my case, it took me several months to come to terms with the implications of our age gap relationship becoming serious. And the first few were just trying to figure out what exactly was causing the uneasy gut feeling I had. I wasn't ready to talk to my man at that point because I didn't know if I was even going to be able to resolve things on my side and I didn't want to give him any false hopes. Through it all he let me know that he was always there for me whenever I felt ready to contact him and then he did just that.

I am sorry you are having to go through this now, especially not knowing what exactly the problem is (which is very hard for guys because if you don't know the problem, you can't fix it). If your girl is not able to work through this in a reasonable period of time then maybe she is not the one for you. However, I do believe that if two people are meant to be together it will all work out eventually.

I did try to have an online chat the other night to try to delve a little deeper, but she got too upset and cut it off. She really has only said she doesn't want a serious commitment right now. She doesn't seem willing or capable of talking much deeper about it. She says she doesn't want to keep repeating herself. My thought is that something led her to this thought and if I/we knew what that was it could help. I am very patient and open, but she is not so much about these matters. I wrote her this 3 page email last night that I don't know if I should send her. It pretty much just expresses how I feel about her, that I am frustrated that we can't seem to really talk about this, and some speculation about possible problems-just hoping to make her think about different things. We have had such great times together over the 5 mos or so we had been dating, with such minimal drama. The 2-3 times we had conflict/misunderstandings she created much bigger dramatic situations then they actually were. Sometimes I think that she doesn't understand that everything will not always be perfect in any relationship. I did in this letter tell her that I am here for her. If I send her this it might really put her off if she is not open and mature enough to take it as I intend it (maybe this would tell me something) or it may make her think in the right way and make the right decision either way.

Something out of the blue... Is she pregnant? An abortion? I got those vibes... Also another possibility can be, her friends and/or family are telling her she is too young for you...


RR.. you know, just like TALLBLONDECUTE and Amy said, I definitely got those same vibes when I first read your post! I don't know if you should ignore 3 women's intuitions, lol?! She's probably not pregnant.. but.. for her to make such an abrupt change is very odd! It seems like something major had to have triggered it. Maybe it was a pregnancy scare that forced her to REALLY think about what a future/marriage/and having children with you would be like. Or maybe her close friends or family tried "talking some sense into her" and she got scared?

Next time you see her, I'd try to get alone with her and just be direct.. "Hey, I'm worried about you. What all of the sudden made you change your mind about me? Do you want to talk about it? Are you scared about something?" I'm sure you've probably already tried it.. but just remember to be warm, sensitive and accepting.. let her know that whatever it is, is okay.. you won't take it personally or be offended (although maybe you will be..)

I just keep thinking about me and my OM bf.. I'm 25 and he's 45.. so our age gap is about the same as yours. Being the YFM, I can tell you how scary and confusing it all can be.. I'm sure you've thought about all of this before and probably don't want to hear it said again, but dating a much older male has great implications for us... like for me.. I think about my OM and I think about how I want to grow old with him and spend the rest of my life with him! Well.. that's scary! He's 20 yrs. my senior... so more than likely he'll pass away well before I do :( I know that's far into the future, but it's heartbreaking to think about! To think I'll spend 20 yrs. or more possibly as a widow without the love of my life.. it's too sad to think about! And then we start thinking about children of course... well, if we have children, my OM will be 65 or older when our children even graduate high school.. that makes me terribly sad too, to think he may not be around long enough to see our children get married or have children of their own.

So all that said, I'll be honest and tell you that there have been times in my relationship with my OM that I let those thoughts get the best of me, and I become withdrawn.. and I get depressed & quiet and my whole attitude changes... cuz I feel so helpless. So maybe the age-gap finally hit home with her? Have you two ever addressed it in-depth?

It seems obvious that she still loves you, but the idea of an actual relationship right now scares her. It could be the age-gap, or it's just the normal phase post-high school 20 somethings go through. Seems like it's around that age that girls want to be party animals and live it up. If that's the case.. you may not want to wait a couple of years for her to grow out of that stage... cuz it could take a while..

I did try to have an online chat the other night to try to delve a little deeper, but she got too upset and cut it off. She really has only said she doesn't want a serious commitment right now. She doesn't seem willing or capable of talking much deeper about it. She says she doesn't want to keep repeating herself. My thought is that something led her to this thought and if I/we knew what that was it could help. I am very patient and open, but she is not so much about these matters. I wrote her this 3 page email last night that I don't know if I should send her. It pretty much just expresses how I feel about her, that I am frustrated that we can't seem to really talk about this, and some speculation about possible problems-just hoping to make her think about different things. We have had such great times together over the 5 mos or so we had been dating, with such minimal drama. The 2-3 times we had conflict/misunderstandings she created much bigger dramatic situations then they actually were. Sometimes I think that she doesn't understand that everything will not always be perfect in any relationship. I did in this letter tell her that I am here for her. If I send her this it might really put her off if she is not open and mature enough to take it as I intend it (maybe this would tell me something) or it may make her think in the right way and make the right decision either way.

My advice would be to hold off on that long email. When I ended things with my OM (even though I did love him), he would send me these really long emails about how frustrated he was about the change in our relationship, how he loved me and wanted me back, etc, etc. It didn't help me one bit. Actually it made things worse because I felt like he needed an "either/or" decision from me and I just wasn't at the point I could do that. I don't think he was intentionally pressuring me but he was trying to get answers and that translated into intense pressure for me because I didn't have any answers for him let alone for myself. It got to be too much for me and I had to ask him for no contact at all, even though I did still want him in my life I just couldn't resolve the things I needed to resolve with the added stress of what he needed.

After things calmed down a bit for me we started emailing again--keeping it short and sincere but without going into "relationship" stuff. He would let me know in little ways he still cared about me and that kept the door open for when I was ready to come back.

So, rather than push your girl away I suggest you keep those long emails to yourself and only send something short to her and avoid any heavy topics for now. Let here know you are concerned about her because of how abruptly she has pulled away and that you are there for her if there is anything you can do to help. Even better if you can honestly add "no strings attached". She may or may not be able to accept your offer and confide in you, but you can't lose anything by giving it a try.

I don't know if you should ignore 3 women's intuitions, lol?! It seems like something major had to have triggered it.

RR, the ladies have a really good point. Whatever triggered this, she's hit a wall, and it's a wall you can't help her climb. Don't send the letter. She's already doing more thinking about this than you can imagine. A good bet is she's thinking this into the ground, so don't give her more to confuse the issue.
Be supportive, be kind, and be silent. I think you can contact her, but no more than an E-mail asking her how she's doing. Make it clear that you're there to listen whenever she needs to talk, but, at this point, she's the one that has to say what comes next. I know that the waiting is a killer. Be patient. She's worth it, isn't she? I'm with you.

Mike

well-I decided to hold off on passing on my letter. The last 2 weeks or so my only contact has been maybe every 3/4 days or so just shooting her an text. Just a 'thinking about you, hope u have a good weekend" sort of thing. Two nights ago we had a little online chat (she initiated)-low key joking around stuff. I just told her that I missed her (prefaced by saying u don't need to say anything-its cool if u don't feel the same, but I just wanted to let u know). She responded that she missed having me around (with a little frowny face icon) but you know my position on things now. I wanted to say-you don't need to miss me, lets just get back to it, but I said nothing-just that I wasn't trying to start a discussion about it, just that I miss her thats all, and moved on to other topics. Our chats are like everything is fine as long as nothing serious is talked about. She seems like she wants to come over, watch some movies, etc. Yesterday we had ongoing text joking round through the day. Last night she called, first time in weeks. Part of me says, ok she is missing me, maybe I should pull away and let her miss me more for a little while. Part of me says maybe things are turning around and I should just hang with her and see what happens.

Part of me says maybe things are turning around and I should just hang with her and see what happens.

Seems to me as if you're already doing the right thing. Go with your gut and just be there for her.
Maybe some of our lady-friends out there can help with this. I'm starting to be of the opinion that at least part of this male-female chase may be a matter of staying power. Who in their right mind would put up with these kinds of shenanigans if there wasn't some serious feelings involved? Of course, when love's involved, we men can be some of the stupidest critters on the planet (please see Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman"). I'm not suggesting anything planned or premeditated here. It just seems as if the better romances I've ever known were boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-works-like-hell-t-get-girl-back... You all know the drill. What do you think?

Mike

Hi Rob.

Theres a wonderful Celtic song called "Only A Womans Heart" that really sums things like these up.
Now, I would give her plenty of space, but not to ignore her or punish her, etc.
It really gives peace about women.
She definitely sounds like shes "searching for meaning" and she will never be happy with substitutes until she finds what shes looking for spiritually, inside, etc.
More importantly for you to understand, is that she will not be able to make you happy unless she is happy with herself inside.

... Last night she called, first time in weeks. Part of me says, ok she is missing me, maybe I should pull away and let her miss me more for a little while. Part of me says maybe things are turning around and I should just hang with her and see what happens ...

You've joined her on "The Roller Coaster".

She's going to go up and down for a long time. You will eventually get tired of this.

Best of luck.

You've joined her on "The Roller Coaster".

She's going to go up and down for a long time. You will eventually get tired of this. Best of luck.

.........or you won't. Best of luck in either case.

RR..
I just keep thinking about me and my OM bf.. I'm 25 and he's 45.. so our age gap is about the same as yours. Being the YFM, I can tell you how scary and confusing it all can be.. I'm sure you've thought about all of this before and probably don't want to hear it said again, but dating a much older male has great implications for us... like for me.. I think about my OM and I think about how I want to grow old with him and spend the rest of my life with him! Well.. that's scary! He's 20 yrs. my senior... so more than likely he'll pass away well before I do :( I know that's far into the future, but it's heartbreaking to think about! To think I'll spend 20 yrs. or more possibly as a widow without the love of my life.. it's too sad to think about! And then we start thinking about children of course... well, if we have children, my OM will be 65 or older when our children even graduate high school.. that makes me terribly sad too, to think he may not be around long enough to see our children get married or have children of their own.

..

I agree with this post RR. As a YW I have much of these concerns. They really bother me because I want my partner to be with me for life. In my case what stresses me out more is my family's unacceptance of my relationship, so you may want to look at that as avenue. These factors sometimes make me so overwhelmed and even I am tempted to run at times..

well the other day I decided to whittle my letter down to a page and a half. Just told her look I am in love with u, want to be with u in that way and I miss u. I also told her I miss her as much if not more as a friend as well. I told here I am there for her as whatever in whatever no pressure way works for her. No deep delving into any issues. I told her if there are any-we can work on that, if its her figuring herself out, she needs to do that on her own time in her own way, but I'm here if she needs or wants anything. Lets just see where it goes. Seems to have been the right thing, shes been calling, we saw each other for a minute today. Who knows-I told her I just have to be honest with her-can't play games most people seem to-At this point either she'll decide she wants the romance aspect or not.

Sounds like things are on the right track.. hopefully she'll come back around instead of running again! :o

He's 20 yrs. my senior... so more than likely he'll pass away well before I do :( I know that's far into the future, but it's heartbreaking to think about! To think I'll spend 20 yrs. or more possibly as a widow without the love of my life.. it's too sad to think about! And then we start thinking about children of course... well, if we have children, my OM will be 65 or older when our children even graduate high school.. that makes me terribly sad too, to think he may not be around long enough to see our children get married or have children of their own.

If it makes you feel any better, when I was writing to penpals in the Philippines, one of my "prospects" had parents were 22 and 66 when they married. They had just celebrated their 27th anniversary. There were six in her family and some of her older siblings were married with kids... so he did it all; kids, grandkids, weddings, graduations, and at 93 he was still alive, well and kicking! I know this is an extreme example. However, if you're going to be in a relationship with someone that much older you have to either put it out of your mind, or adopt an "anything is possible" mentality. It will help you maintain your sanity.

I can't think about what will it be like in 30, yrs thats no way to live. I lost my mom when I was 19-I was from a 2nd marriage so she was 59 at the time. Of course I wish she was still here, but she was a wonderful person who I was lucky to have in my life for the time she was here. I've lost friends my age and younger to accidents and illness. Having love and joy in your life is worth it if for a year or for 50, but hey thats just me. Something could happen to my girl tomorrow-who knows. Yesterday there was an accident down the street from me. A man, 55, was driving with his 4 and 8 yr old kids in the car. A tree fell and killed him instantly, the kids are physically fine. You don't know what fate will deal you.

little update-we are back together and things have been great as they were before. It seems that she was pretty overwhelmed by things and needed to step away and figure it out. I think she had some trust issues too, not from anything that went on between us, but from being let down by other people she is/was close to. It turns out she was just as unhappy being apart as I was-just didn't want to let me know until we got back together. Who knows what will happen, but she seems to have turned the corner in a few ways. We have been spending more time with each other and she seems to be a little more open with her feelings.

Hey RR,

that's great news, congratulations, I'm very happy for you.

I'm glad I was wrong. :bgrin2:

George

little update-we are back together and things have been great as they were before. It seems that she was pretty overwhelmed by things and needed to step away and figure it out. I think she had some trust issues too, not from anything that went on between us, but from being let down by other people she is/was close to. It turns out she was just as unhappy being apart as I was-just didn't want to let me know until we got back together. Who knows what will happen, but she seems to have turned the corner in a few ways. We have been spending more time with each other and she seems to be a little more open with her feelings.

I'm very happy for your Rob. This sounds very similar to what happened in my relationship. I got overwhelmed, called it quits, and it took me 3 months before I realized I had fallen in love with my man and another 4 months (would have been less if I hadn't gotten really sick and had a few surgeries) before we officially got back together. Getting back together after I had had the time to sort out my issues (with the age gap of the relationship, our differing religious views, and issues with my own family) was completely different and so much better than before. From that point on we were able to proceed along in a drama-free serious relationship. We waited a year to be really sure we still wanted to get married. As of yesterday we have been married for three weeks and I feel totally content and at peace in our relationship. Something which would not have been possible if we had tried to force things to work between us without me taking the time off to sort out my own things.

Good luck, Rob. I hope this is the start (or re-start) of great things for the two of you.

As of yesterday we have been married for three weeks and I feel totally content and at peace in our relationship. Something which would not have been possible if we had tried to force things to work between us without me taking the time off to sort out my own things.

Good luck, Rob. I hope this is the start (or re-start) of great things for the two of you.

Congratulations Amy! :feest013:How can you keep this a secret; bad, bad girl!:tongue2::bgrin2:


Oh and RR, glad things have turned out ok!