Question: Marriage after 35

I have a question for anyone who thinks they can be of help. I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months now and we're getting along great. I want to make it clear that I like the pace we're at, I'm perfectly comfortable with it. I don't want to change anything, I just have a question.

My boyfriend is 35 and I am 24. He has never been married and said "maybe some day he will, if the desire really hits him and he finds the right person".
I'm not worried that he doesn't want to marry me (I am by no means wanting that any time soon).

My question is, do men get to a certain age where if they have never been married and have no kids, that they are highly unlikely to ever marry and have kids? I just wonder if there are men out there who are around 30-35 and have never been married but do have the desire to do so.

Jillian,

Welcome to Ageless Love!

I am not in my thirties but I will offer a comment. I know people, both male and female, who were not ready to get married, settle down and start families until they were in their thirties, I don't think that is unusual at all. I've known both male and female friends who suffered from the biological clock syndrome, they are 30 something and have no kids, they decide they need to get their life together and change that. I've also known both male and female friends who were happily single with no plans for marriage until the right person came along and rocked their boat.

Its not unusual for people who came from a broken home (divorced parents) to be leery of marriage. Its a very big deal in a child's life when parents divorce, one parent leaves the home, etc.

On the other hand, I also know a few people who decided they shall either never become a parent or never get married. This is because they realize they don't have the personality for that role, or they have too many emotional issues to be a parent or spouse.

the old guy

I am not in my thirties but I will offer a comment. I know people, both male and female, who were not ready to get married, settle down and start families until they were in their thirties, I don't think that is unusual at all.
That's along the lines of what I was thinking. Thirty or thirty-five is pretty young (I know it is because I can see it coming right around the corner! :D ), and it doesn't seem unusual at all for someone to have not been married by then, especially if they're invested in their education or career. That's certainly no worse than having been already married and divorced by that age, and aside from those two options he'd probably be married and unavailable now, right?

Ha! I am 39 and 11 months, and I know that I am a late bloomer in life and that's perfectly okay. I actually love that about me because I have never joined in the bandwagon of when something is "age appropriate!" :tongue2:
Emotional growth over chronological growth any day, thank you! I have also dated other men older than me who are very interested in getting married and having children for the first time. :yes:

Thanks everyone!

You know you all are so right, everyone is different and progression is personal not universal. The thing is that I am not someone who dates around and even though I'm not looking to get married in the next two or three years, marriage of the ultimate goal (maybe five or so years). The only thing I was concerned about with dating an older man was that I was afraid since he hadn't been married he might be a stringer (the type who has several LTR's but no interest in pursuing anything further). My last boyfriend was 38 (just a coincidence they were both older than me) and although we had fun together he was like a big child who never could commit (or stay faithful).

So thank you guys. Your replies really made it hit me how I was generalizing someone I care very much about and putting them into a little box. I wouldn't want him to do that to me so I think I'm done with this petty worrying.

Sound good? :D Thought so!

I wouldn't be wary about someone in their 30's not being married before, but maybe 45 and older. Some people have commitment issues and will never take the leap, others well, life got in the way and they were too committed to their profession and relationship took a back seat.

One of my dearest male friends (I've known him since college) finally got married at the age of 49. His wife is 17 years younger (she was 32 at the wedding).

Now it's 8 years later - he's had to do a LOT of adjusting to this highest level of committed relationship, including starting a new career when he was suddenly laid off his high-tech job at age 50. His ego was devastated by the job loss, which occurred only one year into the marriage. His wife stood by him and encouraged him to follow his heart, even though they were struggling financially, and with a baby on the way. She is a goddess - many women would have torn their man down. He found a new career doing what he loves (in book publishing).

They have two children, a boy age 6 and a girl age 2.

In the 30-plus years I've known him, I have NEVER seen him happier. :yes:

I did not marry until I was 46 (no children either). I am now 51 and my wife and I are expecting our first child in June. I could not have made a better choice than to wait until I did.

I'm 36 and my SO and I just moved in together. I'm so glad I waited until I found the right one. Someday, we'll start a family together, but right now, we're just enjoying being together!

I delayed all the relationship stuff while I was making a really great career. I didn't want to do either one half-way. And honestly, of all the people I've ever met, it's never felt as right as this. Settling for anything less would have been a mistake!

Thanks again everyone. Somehow the talk about "marriage and kids" came up. I am a very determined and have a strong sense of ideals and where I am going and he is constantly reminding me that "life throws curve balls". He asked me (since I'm a nanny) what I thought would be a good baby gift for a friend of his who's wife is expecting. I gave him a few suggestions and he said they registered at some over the top pricey place and its bugging him a little.
I said "When I have kids I'm not going to put people into a corner and register some place fancy" and he responded "IF you have kids". We didn't really fight about it but he argued that I can't predict exactly where my life is going (which I understand, but it is reasonable to want and desire things).
How do I get it across to him that, although I'm ten years his junior, I know who I am and what I want, and I have never been ambiguous that. And yet he seems hell bent on changing my view point?

Jillian, take your guy with a grain of salt and a smile. At 35 he thinks he's got the wisdom thing all figured out. By the time he reaches my age he'll realize how little he really understands. Its the journey between now and then that will be a humbling experience. In the mean time suggest to him that maybe life will throw him the curve ball instead of throwing it to you.

Of course, a relationship requires compromises by both members, not just one. He sounds rather self centered in his view point, this could be a red flag, a foreshadowing of problems lurking in the shadows. I hope I am wrong.

the old guy

Thank you Geo.

I kind of suspect that his viewpoints stem from his own disappointments in life rather than unbiased, sound advice. He says he "doesn't believe in marriage" but "if I did do it, I'd do this _____".

I think I'll try that tactic the next time we disagree. Usually I say "Things might not go that way, but thats what I'm shooting for". He said he's used to women his own age who don't argue with him and I told him "Get used to it. I have a mind of my own and I don't mind defending it". Thankfully we never argue, we agree to disagree a lot.

Other than his inconsistencies in the "future" department he is a very well-spoken, caring individual. It just helps to have an outsiders view point. Of coarse, to hear him tell it I'm "very specific in my wants and desires and leave little to no room for compromise".

By the way, I've been reading your posts a while Geo, you are very wise!

... He said he's used to women his own age who don't argue with him and I told him "Get used to it. I have a mind of my own and I don't mind defending it" ...


I like spunky, opinionated, intelligent, confident ladies. By the way, that description seems to fit most if not all of the young ladies on the YW/OM side of the forums. I'm beginning to wonder if this is not a common denominator amongst you gals who like older men.

take care, George

George,

It's very possible those personalities are especially attracted to one another. One thing I like about older men is that they're not intimidated by me. Most older men respect my opinion where as men my age tend to shy away from conversation.

Works just fine by me, I can't be with a man who lets me railroad him in conversation.