Hi, again!

Hey everyone!
How are you? I've been away for several months, am hoping to start participating again... Just for a reminder, I'm 21 w/ a 52 yo OM. Since I was last here, we've moved in together and are living on a vegetable farm (rent free in exchange for work) a few miles from my college, which is great. I'm looking forward to spring, VT has been cold for too long :)

One reason it has been hard for me to come back is that in some ways, I feel a little insecure about my relationship with S____, and in general I have a history of poor coping strategies and unstable emotional states, so reading about others' relationship difficulties tends to be emotional and upsetting for me, and I felt kind of guilty about not being able to offer advice or comfort to those people... What do other people do to avoid being overwhelmed for the rest of the day after reading about experiences that are similiar to your own painful experiences, or after reading about things you fear will happen to you, or just after reading someone's story and feeling so much empathy for them that it hurts for a long time? I want to be part of this online community, and I feel like part of my duty as a member of this community is to be there for other members, but sometimes I feel that I can't... What do you do?

Welcome back RE,

It can be depressing to come here daily & read about other people's problems. That is fully understandable, and you are not alone in feeling this way. Others have expressed the same sentiment to me.

I have several personal issues myself, one is worry. When I get involved in somebody's problems I get emotionally involved; the ladies here are like daughters, neices, sisters & friends to me. I care about them, and so I worry when I know they are hurting.

Another personal issue is abandonment. I get involved with the folks here, start caring about them, and then they stop coming to Ageless. This leaves a big hole in my life. And why not, I've lost a friend.

The final issue is that Ageless punctuates the fact that I'm single. I feel like I've come to a dance all alone, standing on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun.

But I enjoy the friendships I've developed here, and Ageless becomes a way to interact daily or weekly with these friends. I also get great satisfaction out of helping people. I learn new things about human behavior. I get to socialize with like-minded people from all around the world. These are all positive benefits from being here. So I take the good with the bad, focus on the good, cope with the bad. If the bad becomes overwhelming then its time to step back, or go out & get some physical exercise, burn off that stress. Getting involved in some of the "fun" threads is another way to take your mind off the heavy problems.

the old guy

remoore, I completely understand where your coming from. I find that I project some of the posts here into my own relationship. Sometimes, reading about others' problems makes me question things in my own relationship. I begin to wonder: do we talk enough, say I love you enough, have we planned enough for the future? These are things I'm normally content with but some of the posts make me question myself. I'm not sure what the solution is. I guess when you start to feel things slipping into your own world, take a step back from the site for a day or two....that's what I've been doing.

Hi geo and halfhisage
Thanks for your replies! I think your advice to step back from the site is good... The problem is, I tend to step back for months at a time :) My hope is that I'll be able to come back more frequently... maybe I can not read some of the more upsetting posts sometimes, reminding myself that I need to take care of myself...

Welcome back Remoore, keep posting please!