So, there's this OM...

Hello everyone! I've been lurking for a little bit now just reading everyone's posts, so I figure it's perhaps time to chime in with my story. Sorry, it's a bit long guys ;)

I am currently 19 years old (going to turn 20 in November). Erm... I don't know how to exactly word it, so I'm just going to jump right in. The OM (40) I'm interested in is a former teacher of mine from high school (*runs and hides*). He was my teacher for two years, and as shy as I am to admit it, I've had a crush on him since day one :o. We were very close during my time as his student, but it was never inappropriate. He maintained a very professional stance and never crossed the line, for which I appreciate. Once I left high school, I figured my crush would fizzle out, and I would grow out of it. But something new has arisen.

I've been in college for a little over a year now. I've dated plenty of guys, had my share of experiences, etc. I was going to go traveling this semester, and take long-distance classes, but in order to do that, you first need a proctor (a proctor is basically a teacher that can oversee your tests to make sure you're not cheating). Since me and this OM were very close during school, I was thinking he could proctor for me. He didn't work at my old High School anymore, so I had to look up in the phonebook where he lived. I popped over by his house, fully expecting him to turn me away due to him being busy, or just not being interested in the job. To my wonder, he was thoroughly shocked and pleased to see me, and immediately jumped on the idea of him being my proctor.

This attraction for him has never ceased, even after I left high school. If anything, now it has gotten more heated. It's much more than a physical attraction. He's incredibly intelligent and very kind, he's also got this killer sense of humor, he can make me laugh in a heartbeat :). Back in High School, him and I could talk for hours and hours, and never run out of things to say to one another, and that fact still stands today. I have only seen him three times since January (I don't have to see my proctor everyday, just check-in every so often), but every time we see each other, there's always an extreme tension, if that makes sense. He gave me his number, so that I can keep in contact with him, and we text each other a lot, usually flirting with each other. We flirt even more intensely in person. He always looks me dead in the eye, and smiles a lot when I talk to him, and tends to lean close to me. We can talk to each other about anything and everything. I was talking to him about age-gap relationships (just to sort of, tip-toe around that idea to get a sense of what his stance is), and he said he has no problem with it whatsoever.

He works at a new school, and I have to go visit him there, due to the fact that I need to take my tests for my classes from a school's computer, not a home computer (academic honesty). After I was done, we walked outside and I helped him carry some things to his car. He offered me a ride to my car, since I park all the way over on the other side of the school (he's offered before, but I declined). So this time I took him up on the offer and he drove me around the school, and parked right next to my car. He put the car in park and sat there for a minute. Honestly, you could fill a boat with the tension that was in that little car. (This has happened every time we've parted from each other. He never seems like he wants to leave me, and finds reasons for me to stay along with him. There's always this thick cloud of tension when we're leaving one another. We just stand there, looking at each other. I know he wants a kiss, but I just never act on it because I'm a tad shy :o.) He was looking at me, and I just kept looking at him. But, me being a bit timid, I didn't make a move. I finally got out of the car, and drove home. Needless to say, I was frustrated with myself when I got home :o

I know there's attraction here. He offered to take me to dinner, which was very sweet of him (I was complaining about being hungry earlier). He's a very nice man, but I think he's maybe waiting on me to make the move. I think he's nervous to do anything because he doesn't want to scare me off, or make me think he's some pervert. I'm nervous to as well, partly due to the fact that he's 40 years old, and it's a bit intimidating. I'm not worried, I know I will "put the moves on him" soon enough, I just need a little mental kick is all :). I guess I'm just telling you all this to get it off my chest. I was shocked, and still am shocked by just how much we have in common, and how much we get along and mesh well together. He's told me numerous times he's single, in fact we were talking recently about our last relationships, he seemed very interested in mine. He constantly wants to know what's going on with me (not in a psycho way, haha), and same goes for me regarding him :). Gosh, I feel silly now... :D

Hello Shotrocks, thanks for sharing and welcome to ageless!! :):):)

Here is what I think. Right now, as long as he is your teacher and has a say in what your grades are, a romantic relationship could easily be considered a conflict of interest... If you are going to pursue this, I would recommend finding another proctor for whom your feelings are less intense (I would discuss the reasons with him before hand, so that his feelings won't be hurt... and perhaps this could be the opening line to your asking him on a date, hehe ;) )

I also want to tell you that one thing I wish I had done earlier on in my relationship with my OM is establish a feeling of equality. For a while, I think I kind of expected him to make most of the decisions and also held him accountable for bad decisions we made together because, in some ways, I was also looking for a father figure and at first I wanted (expected?) him to ultimately be "the adult". This is no longer true, but it took a little while to get past and caused some tensions in our relationship. I don't know if this would be a problem for you or not, but maybe it's something to think about... One thing I wish I had realized is that you are just as likely to get hurt by an OM as you are by someone more your own age.

However, I can definately relate to having the kind of rapport you have with your former teacher and wanting something more to happen. I wish you luck with this and I hope you'll come back and tell us how it's going! ;)

Thank you kindly for the welcome remoore :)

Yes, I was thinking that if something were to happen, him being my proctor would be a bit iffy. He does not have to do much on the other hand. He (in the plainest terms) basically just has to sit in a room and make sure I don't have my book with me to cheat with. There's no grading on his part, or anything of the such. But I do understand that the situation is a bit, off.

I've never felt that we were unequal, which I am thankful for :). I definitely understand that in a relationship like this one, there is a sense of superiority (is that the right word?) with the OM. I've heard that if you are the younger one, you might not feel on equal grounds, especially if they were your teacher at one point, I can see that. But there's been no issue of that, we (I believe I can speak on his behalf, haha) see eachother as equal adults :). I will still keep my wits about me though, thank you for the advice!

I'm with Remoore on this one: get the professional relationship out the way first. I'll also add that you should probably be direct in your approach regarding his feelings for you. I'm usually advocating a wait and see approach but from some of the post here I realize that behaviors can be misinterpreted and people sometimes project their expectations onto the other person. For example, you seem to think that his eagerness to be your proctor means that he's interested in you romantically, but his attitude could simply be that of a teacher who is eager to assist any student in any way that he can. Anyway, when he's no longer your proctor I think you should ask him out.

welcome to Ageless.

You're doing fine, keep it up, we're here to encourage, advise or console as needed. Keep us up on all the latest. Go slow, talk with him about your feelings & everything as much as possible, and enjoy.

A bit of advice, old guys get nervous too, but we're masters at looking calm on the outside.

with care, George

Thanks for the welcome guys :)

I will take things slow of course, I don't want to rush anything.

Goodchild, thank you for the advice. I, too, have thought that the reason for his help was because of him just plainly wanting to help me out. No worries, I will keep my projections to myself and try not to read too much into everything :yes:

Geo55, I will keep that in mind, thank you :)

Hmmm..he asked you to eat when you said you were hungry. I'd go with that if another time happens along. That way you get the ball rolling in the direction that he is the one pursuing and showing interest, rather than you doing the asking. Or doing the moving in for a kiss thing.

He might just be interested in assisting a former student because he's a great teacher, but if he begins to take you out to eat, I would feel there was more to it.

Since he already said he does not see a problem with age gap relationships I doubt you have to reassure him too much as some OM might require.

I think he will be more interested, if he thinks you might be, is not sure totally sure, and is pleased you accept his invitation.

Good luck!

Thanks Softsong :)

I've been mulling it over, and I think he might not think I'm that interested in him. We flirt, sure, but he might just think I'm just being playful. It's kind of hard for me to show interest in people, due to the fact that I'm a little sheepish around people I like :o I guess I will just see what happens I guess :)

I guess I will just see what happens I guess :)

If this OM is flirting with you, there's a part of him that means it. I think you've got the right idea though. Just go with your gut feelings on this and don't think about it too much. I'm of the opinion that the head is where things get fouled up. See what happens next and act on it based on what feels right. And no matter what, remember we're all right back here rooting for you.

Mike