In a weird place! (sort of an update)

Its odd, but the closer I get to this move, the less I feel like I want to post. I don't know if this is just cold feet or my acceptance of the idea that this relationship is for "us" and it doesn't really matter what anyone else's spin is, but I find myself coming here, feeling like I should contribute, but just not in the mood.

Some good things have happened recently. My father actually spoke my YM's name! My mother quickly hushed him...they have such trouble acknowledging this. But my father showed interest; have to give him credit there. My YM still has not introduced me to his family, but we spent 4 days in Orlando cosplaying with 9 of his friends. We had an absolute blast and I am considering posting some pics, once he sends me some good ones. (I didn't take my camera.)

I've met with my accountant and I'm going to be OK not to work for a few months after my move. This takes a lot of pressure off me. My YM is happy about my upcoming move....so....why am I not feeling like I want to run to the top of a mountain and shout with joy?

whats the age gap and how long of a long distance is between you two?

We have a 25 year gap and 1200 miles between us.

you don't really have "cold feet" do you? Seems like you're happy and you know what you want so more or less your questions have been answered? That may explain you not posting as much any longer.

Are you scared of what his family will say/think?


why am I not feeling like I want to run to the top of a mountain and shout with joy?

you are happy about the move too aren't you? Where is the pressure your feeling coming from?

Roz,
Good to see you. I know the feeling, and I don't think that it means anything is wrong because you're not giddy about it. You are going into this with your eyes wide open, knowing that its not just going to be all kittens and flowers.

Still, it will be amazing and I'm excited for you!!! I can't tell you how great it is to be settling in to a regular routine over here. I hope it'll be the same for you!

Thanks for the replies. Confuzed, I don't think its really pressure that I'm feeling. In fact, the more I think about it, I think I am just exhausted by the prospect of all that I'm going to have to do to make this happen. So rather than writing about it, I think this is a time for introspection and rallying. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

Zoliepup, I can't wait to fall into a day to day routine. In fact I go down there in May for two weeks, and he'll be here in April for a week. Each of us is going to have to work while the other one visits and you have no idea how much we look forward to coming home to eat dinner and watch a TV show or movie together...the most mundane stuff is so much better when you have someone to share it with. :yes:

I went through a lot of different feelings before Chris finally got here. First there was the elation, then the doubts, then the fear, then the "whatever just get here already and start our lives". We were so busy in the 2 weeks before he got here that we scarcely talked, and all the doubts and discomfort came flooding back full force.

Then he got here and life was as it should be :D

Confuzed, I am well beyond worrying about what his family thinks of me. I just don't want to have to go out of my way to avoid them...and I won't. So, when, where and how I meet them is really his decision.

well it sounds like you're ready for it rozie. You're probably just anxious!

I'm sure it will work out based on all the solid advice you've given me in my ordeal, you clearly have your head on straight and you know what you want.

Hey Rozie.

I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with how you feel. Some people like to post about everything that's going on in their lives, some people like to just get on with it and not draw as much attention to themselves. I don't think I often post with 'updates'?

Also, I remember when it came time for me to finally move, and amongst all the feelings that I (we) had there was one big one, which was.... thank **** it's finally over. The distance I mean. :p Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of joy, and anticipation, and other things, but a huge sense of relief too.

When is the move?

Rozie... I am glad you are making the move. :)
LDRs are tough... but living together is tough too. But... love conquers all.

I am not too sure that I would be wanting to post a lot either if things were going so well (and I don't mean to jinx myself!). I had known that N was coming for months, but I didn't feel the need to post until I felt comfortable about it and plans were made (but boy how things can change :(). BUT I am not saying this about YOU AT ALL! TO me, I don't think you have cold feel or any malady... I just think, that you have all your "ducks in a row" so-to-speak, so now all you have is the waiting game for all to come to fruition. Hence, there really is not need to post as your "ticker" says it all! :bgrin2:

BIG HUGS TO YOU!
Linda
PS Any you were in Orlando and didn't call me!!!! :tongue2:

I can totally understand not wanting to post. I haven't really wanted to post things related to my emotional life or relationships right now because I am sorting some things out and it's for me and I'm okay with what's going on in my life. So I don't post about things I don't really want commentary on.

This is a time of change and new exciting things happening after so long. I'm glad for you. Hope it all goes smoothly.:D

Its odd, but the closer I get to this move, the less I feel like I want to post. I don't know if this is just cold feet or my acceptance of the idea that this relationship is for "us" and it doesn't really matter what anyone else's spin is, but I find myself coming here, feeling like I should contribute, but just not in the mood.

Some good things have happened recently. My father actually spoke my YM's name! My mother quickly hushed him...they have such trouble acknowledging this. But my father showed interest; have to give him credit there. My YM still has not introduced me to his family, but we spent 4 days in Orlando cosplaying with 9 of his friends. We had an absolute blast and I am considering posting some pics, once he sends me some good ones. (I didn't take my camera.)

I've met with my accountant and I'm going to be OK not to work for a few months after my move. This takes a lot of pressure off me. My YM is happy about my upcoming move....so....why am I not feeling like I want to run to the top of a mountain and shout with joy?



Rozie, I completly understand how you feel about not wanting to post sometimes. I get like that too. I just feel that sometimes I need to focus on what's going on in my real life rather than my "internet" life. ;)

I do wish you all the best with the move. Just take it all one day at a time, that's the best advice I can offer. :)

Thanks for the replies guys!! I've been giving this some more thought and I'm realizing that the problem is not what I'm going to, but what I'm leaving...my son (who has some major problems that worry me greatly right now) and some dear friends who have been relatively accepting of my much younger boyfriend. I am having a hard time trying to imagine starting all over with friendships and finding people who are going to be as supportive as these ladies have been. The good thing is, work has been a major stressor and I think a fresh start with my YM there for the moral support will help me to truly enjoy work again. I guess any big life change involves some sacrifice and hopefully enough benefits to make it worthwhile.

Well it's never easy starting everything all over again no matter what. Meeting new people can be hard especially understanding supportive people but they are out there and I'm SURE that you will meet some great one's. You're already close with your YM's friends and that is so great you do have people to hang out with and some YW to go shopping with.

It's hard but it's also great to get a "new start" and you'll be with your love and that right there is worth it all, I think it's great you're looking at it so deeply it just means how seriously you take it.

Best of luck to you I hope it's all you dreamed of!

There's no doubt that leaving family/friends is the hardest part of moving such a long distance, but I'm sure there's more than a few examples on here of couples who have done it and are doing okay. You will be too! I remember getting massively upset when my parents left after their first visit over. The 2nd time they came over (when my friends did too) it was much easier. And I'm very happy here still.

You're already close with your YM's friends and that is so great you do have people to hang out with and some YW to go shopping with.


That's definitely a plus point. I was also lucky that Donna has a good group of friends who were very welcoming. We don't all necessarily hang out often, but when we do I feel like a member of the group.

trust me I know it is hard but you WILL be fine I moved to another state told my mum okay I am moving..she said when I said tomorrow..thought she was going to flip!
Kai is moving here from australia soon but my family loves him and you have your sweeties family..it will be okay

BREATH!! hehe
BIG HUGS!

Hey Rozie, I think what you are feeling (well, were feeling since it's a month since you posted how you were feeling) is so normal and all right about both things...the not wanting to post and the way you are feeling about the move. This time visiting my boyfriend was the longest I was there and away from my 'home' and family and friends and it really impacted me as to what it would/will mean to move away. And though I felt so happy and excited about the idea I also felt terribly sad too. It's good you won't have the pressure to find work right away to give yourself time to settle in a bit. don't worry, be in the moment, be in the flow. I wish you all the joy in the world. Wow..you're doing it... all the things I think on and ponder and question and here you are making the move and going for it! That's inspiring.

Mariposa, thanks for answering and let me wish you well with your YM's upcoming visit! Just a quick update...my YM was here for a week and I just got back from taking him back to the airport. The moment I set foot through my door I ached over how empty this place seems without him. Last night we were arguing about his horrible eating habits and today I just feel lost. :(

Death, marriage, and moving are the top three stressors according to the experts, and in a way your facing all three. No wonder youre feeling worn out...Death of your old life, starting a new one, and moving ! Just be kind to yourself and it'll all be ok.

I know I'm a bit late...but Rozie I think everything you are saying is normal.

From my own personal experience, I got to a point when I had definitely decided to marry my (now) DH and move to a different country to be with him...I had accepted that this was what I wanted to do and I knew that I loved him and he loved me...I knew he was a good man and I truly believed we'd have a great life together...so, once that acceptance came to me I just really didn't feel like posting much about my relationship anymore. It wasn't because I wasn't THRILLED or deeply in love, it was simply because I didn't really need people's opinions anymore, I didn't much care if others were for or against my decisions...and ultimately, I was at peace, a peace which made me feel quiet about the entire subject.

I talked about lots of utter crap on this forum, and the thing I've talked about the least - my marriage (and the baby that has come from it), is definitely the most amazing, wonderful aspect of my life.

Follow your heart and your senses...we're just sideliners with a very, very outside view of your life and your relationship.

I was talking to a friend from ageless the on yahoo messenger last night...out of the blue she said "aren't you glad you didn't listen to any of us when we told you were totally nuts to marry your husband and move to the Middle East? Turns out you're probably one of the happiest people I know!"...

Amina, I think you are absolutely right about how I am feeling right now. This relationship no longer needs any validation, which was not the case when I first came here and had no one I could talk to about my unconventional romance. Now I am at peace as well. :yes:

Just an undate. Monday we met with the agent from at apartment complex we were interested in, and the unit we wanted is available. We've put down a deposit and are waiting for the final word. My guy is soooo excited! He's been on the computer arranging the furniture. He's contacted his friends to let them know when his moving date is. I'm actually getting pretty excited now. Knowing where I am going to live is a HUGE relief and get this; its next to the Publix (grocery store) and within walking distance to the dance studio and gym.

We had friends over last night and played Rock Band for a couple of hours. I can't tell you how much I like his friends and how comfortable I feel with these like minded people. This is all so different than things were with my ex husband (who, by the way, got remarried on Saturday.) I try not to make comparison's, but it's hard not to. I don't remember him ever having an opinion on anything related to the apartment we lived in and we never had friends who dropped in, just for fun! This really is death of the old life and birth of a new one, as Gabby pointed out, and the moving is starting to feel less overwhelming and more like just another step forward.

Awww that's so good to hear. I'm glad that you're in a good place and that you're happy and things are moving along. :D

Well, I finally met one of his sisters on Sunday!!! About time! :Thud:

She was very nice, although she was not feeling well (in fact she'd just been released from the hospital a few days earlier...no one in the family, including my guy knew), so I found it hard to figure her out. My YM thought it went very well...guess I have to go with his take on it...he knows his sister. He did tell me that each time he's talked to her since, she's asked about me or made reference to our moving in together. He hasn't felt any opposition from her, but says that could still come. His mom invited him to dinner last night and he turned her down. I heard the invitation when they talked on the phone and there was no mention of me, my being here or that he could bring me along. So, I still don't know how much "mom" knows. I keep telling myself to take baby steps here and to tread lightly. I do have a family here....it just isn't the blood kind. :)

BTW. I'm a kick-arse bass player on RockBand!!