so, he dumped me...out of nowhere

He said that I "care too much".

Months ago he said that he knew he loved me and was scared of losing me.

Now he tells me that he isn't in love with me but since I am in love with him we can't be together. He doesn't seem to have any logic and I don't understand what I did wrong and he won't seem to tell me.

How do you care too much about someone? I don't get it. :(

I thought we were perfect for each other and he is just throwing everything away....I don't get it.

Also, the only thing I think that was "wrong" is that the age gap did bother him a little bit but he would never tell me it was that bothered him about it. So I'm also in the dark about that too.

I guess we didn't communicate as well as I thought we had begun to.

There is this song by Meatloaf... "I want you, I need you, but there is no way I am ever going to love you, but don't be sad, two out of three aint bad".

He may want you, and care for you deeply as a friend, and the fact that he realizes that, for you, is not just friendship and sex, is the reason for this break-up.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry, here's a big cyber hug headed your way.

You didn't do anything wrong, that's not the way to ever understand love. Whatever is going on, its all inside his head.

sympathy & warm thoughts

I have to be the downer here...

Honestly reading that 3 things came to mind, and I could be totally wrong but this is my opinion.

1. He sees things getting too serious and doesn't want to commit

2. He sees you as being too clingy (you care "too much")

3. He is interested in someone else

If it's either of those, it's best just to hold your head up high and take it as HIS LOSS and not yours. Obviously you're a loving and caring person and you deserve to be with someone who will "care too much" about you!

Hugs!

You'll get through this...

we always do.

I have to be the downer here...

Honestly reading that 3 things came to mind, and I could be totally wrong but this is my opinion.

1. He sees things getting too serious and doesn't want to commit

2. He sees you as being too clingy (you care "too much")

3. He is interested in someone else

If it's either of those, it's best just to hold your head up high and take it as HIS LOSS and not yours. Obviously you're a loving and caring person and you deserve to be with someone who will "care too much" about you!

Hugs!

You'll get through this...

we always do.

I think so too.

I am so sorry:( big cyber hugs to you and I hope you will be okay

I'm sending big hugs too...Im so sorry.

It sucks that in life, we have questions that we never really get clear answers to. :( You probably won't ever know the exact and total reason why this happened....and Im very sorry it happened.

I know that you will be okay, but I also know how much it hurts going through it. I wish there was something I could say to make it better.

Stay strong..we are here for you!

I'm sorry that he broke up with you, feel better soon. My ex-OM broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and so I know how you feel. It wasn't the same situation, but it was hard to accept at first. Now I'm seeing a tiny speck of light at the end of the tunnel and just taking time for myself.

Like George said, it's all in his head and he needs to work that out by himself. Some men just don't/can't tell you what's really going on up there so it is best to let it go.

Take care of yourself!

It's so hard for me to think this was only a few weeks ago. He was gone on business for two weeks right after so he didn't talk to me but one time. He dumped me the day after a friend of mine died so it's been really rough and I had some really bad things happen since.

So I know everyone's gonna say I shouldn't have done this but we did see each other yesterday briefly. He said "I'm really glad that you're here" and "I just wanted to see you" lots of hugs and then...the confusing part... he kissed me.

I almost don't want to think too much about it because of course for me it was so nice to close to him again and imbibe in all the things a girl loves, the super soft shirt he was wearing, his smell, his favorite baseball hat and just the feeling of his hands pulling me closer to him.

He said something about how it is going to take a long time and I am not sure what he was referencing. I know he has been traveling so much, in fact, while throwing his suitcase in the trunk he grumbled "I am so f**king sick of traveling" and he is having back surgery on Thursday that I didn't know about. It kills me he didn't tell me but I understand why because he would be too tempted, and I, too, to take care of him.

But, damn, those kisses. What to do. My head is spinning.

You just don't kiss YOUR FRIENDS! Is it just me????? :baa: :confused:

I was thinking of making another thread for this but don't know if it would be appropriate but.......

Who has ever gotten back together with their Ex? I've talked to enough people and I KNOW that he still has feelings and obviously I do... that maybe b/c of his travel he doesn't feel physically available to me enough to have a "real" relationship. That was one thing he said to me "when was the last time we saw each other?" (it had been 3 weeks) "it's like there is no us. i hardly see you with my schedule now".

I personally didn't have a problem with it because it isn't always like that and the times i do get to see him are worth it and we would keep in touch while he was gone.

but anyway... I am nearly positive I'm not being delusional on this one but I feel like there actually is a chance we could get back together. It's just, I don't know, I don't know how to articulate it.

Has anyone done it? Success/Failure? Please, please, please no one tell me I am being crazy, too hopeful or delusional. I've had enough discussions with my friends about it and they don't think I am but I'm just curious what my fellow AGRers think.

Thanks so much for your support, guys and gals!

The fact that he told you he was not in love with you, would be enough to make me run for the hills. He is playing a cruel game with you. Who needs it?

I know. People stay in relationships even though they aren't in love... I have friends who were in them for 2 or 3 years until they knew "for sure" that they were in love with that person.

I just don't know what to think about the whole situation. I got some kind words in a PM but it's so hard for me to think of him as a manipulative controlling person unless he was THAT damaged by his ex.....12 years ago!

I personally think, and no offense to the guys here, that inside every man is a scared little boy.... but for some reason they always seem to run away from (me) the very thing they shouldn't be afraid of :(

The fact that he told you he was not in love with you, would be enough to make me run for the hills. He is playing a cruel game with you. Who needs it?


Young and stupid people, I suppose!!! That would be me.

Young and stupid people, I suppose!!! That would be me.

honey even older people go through this to...its not your fault! You deserve to be happy and loved

dramatic marmots are all that make me happy and full of love :)

dramatic marmots are all that make me happy and full of love :)

LOL well girl we can be your dramatic marmots:yes::tongue2:

But, damn, those kisses. What to do. My head is spinning. You just don't kiss YOUR FRIENDS! Is it just me?

Plenty of people do - depends on the kind of kisses. Several (female) friends kiss me. Our landlady likes lying on the sofa with her head in my lap to have her head scratched (which annoys the cat when he wants much the same).

I'm afraid it may well not be any sign that he wants to get back into a relationship.

SW

Who has ever gotten back together with their Ex? I've talked to enough people and I KNOW that he still has feelings and obviously I do...

I am nearly positive I'm not being delusional on this one but I feel like there actually is a chance we could get back together.

Has anyone done it? Success/Failure?

It can work, but often doesn't. I know a couple who were dating from about 20 who split up for a while at about 22/23, decided they didn't like it, then got back together after a few months and got married at around 27.

All the others I've come upon have either failed again or got into a cycle of breaking up/getting together/breaking up, etc, etc, which gets very tiresome for the friends and family of all involved.

SW

I did the whole back and forth thing, it's not worth it. It just makes the breakup harder and longer and it's more stress then fun!

You just don't kiss YOUR FRIENDS! Is it just me????? :baa: :confused:

Apprently some OMs DO actually KISS FRIENDS... on the lips... after flirting with them and growing close to them over a number of months... and using a lot of hugs and physical contact.... but DON'T *intend* to send out any romantic vibes... been there, done that... that was MY situation a few months back....

I have to wonder if it's a generational thing, b/c I don't greet my friends with kisses... hugs are fine, but kisses are more intimate, and just like my family has never kissed on the lips, cheeks yes, lips are more reserved for romantic involvement. Just my feelings.

(didn't read everything else posted yet, but that was my fyi b/c it happened to me)

... I have to wonder if it's a generational thing ...

I normally invite them to come sit on uncle George's lap. :bgrin2:

I normally invite them to come sit on uncle George's lap. :bgrin2:


:rofl::flirt:I know who is going to be the forum santa!

Splitting from someone we care and love about is very hard and very painful. The BUddhists say that we are not promised any set time with anyone and when it ends appreciate what you had and move on. Easier said than done, thats for sure. Just rememeber its not personal, its what the other person decides is right for them. Endings are never simple and easy, most of the time they are sloppy and awkward, sadly. Too many times we seek worth through others, dont fall into that trap. You are obviously a loving caring lady, go through the grief process, take what time it takes and move on.

I wish you well
Mark

I remember years ago I got messed around a lot by an ex. She broke up with me, then she wanted to be with me again, then she still liked me but didn't want to be with me... it went on and on and the whole time I never knew where I stood with her. Then she actively started dating someone else properly, and finally I started to let go. I stopped seeing her, even just as a friend, and over time I got over her.

I think you should let go of this one before you get into any kind of routine like I did. It gets harder to break it the longer it goes on. It doesn't sound like he knows what he really wants, and whether or not he does have feelings for you that doesn't make him a good prospect for a healthy relationship. Concentrate on healing from this, and then allow yourself the chance to find someone who will actively want to be with you.