A question for men

Hello to all the distinguished and handsome men who frequent this site; I need your help.;):)

I sometimes feel inadequate when my om has work related problems/stress. It's that feeling that an older woman would know exactly what to do or say to make her partner feel better even if she didn't understand the intricacies of his line of work. My partner's company is building a hotel and a mistake that has occurred will cost him millions. He doesn't usually bring work related stress (meaning he doesn't talk about it much) home with him, but this is major. I don't know what to say and I feel helpless. I certainly don't want to add to the problem so I'm seeking some insight.


The questions I need you men to answer are:

What is it that you would like from your partner when you are feeling really stressed?

Think of the situation above; what would you expect from your partner?

I know people are different but I would really like to hear what goes on through the minds of men.

first and foremost just listen to him. . .even if you can't offer him any advice or don't understand what he's talking about just honestly listen. Letting him vent might be the only thing you can do at this point.

then you can try do do some things to help him relax. maybe rub his shoulders and neck while he's talking. If you can cook I'd say let him sit back and whip up some comfort food.

there's a few thing you can try. . .i'll think of others if i can

Like with anyone, your OM has his own ways of communication. Dont dwell on " how can I help him" or go out of your way " to be there". You will start walking on egg shells (as will he) around him and he will sense a change which will only add to his stress. Having said that, he does need to be able to share with you, thats part of what relationships offer to each partner. dont ask yes no questions, like how are you? did you have a good day? say to him, I know you are under a lot of stress right now, I just want you to know that I am here for you and you know that I am a good listener ( assuming you are). dont try to fix or offer advice, that only serves as a communication block. Offer for you both to do somehting fun, leaning towards something that you can do outside or excersize kinda thing. Offer to take lessons together, tennis, dancing, somehting active and fun. Physical excersize serves as natures tranquillizer and anti-depressant, plus its doing something together. Buy him massages, itll let him know you care and itll be a source of relaxation for him Also, give him his alone or down time in whatever way that works for him. Finally take care of yourself with alone time, girl time, whatever you do to seek peace and meditation.

First. Quiet solitude, to allow me to process the problem alone, in my mind. If I need input from my SO, I'll call for her and ask her questions.

Second. Answer the phone, answer the door, keep visitors, kids, etc out of my space. Take care of the distractions, tell everyone I'm tied up or not at home.

Third. A reassuring pat, or kiss on the forehead, to know she cares & is "there" with me, even though she's giving me space. You see I know that women don't understand the need for quiet solitude, so its nice to know she's being understanding and I haven't pissed her off. Hence the "reassurance". The last thing I need at the that time is to worry about a pissed off companion.

Fourth. Bring me something to sip on. See explanation #3.

Fifth. If I decide I need to get out and do something, to take my mind off things, she should be ready to go with me, or understanding if I decide to go out alone.

Your right, everyone is different. :yes:

This usually works for me..

Just listening without making comments, at first.
Reassurance that everything will work out for the best, which is true!
Wine or Scotch
Back Rub
And uhmmm... :o

Well, I think you got it from there!

I'm with everyone else on this. First and foremost; just BE THERE. For most men, the SO's very presence helps more than they can tell you. A quick hug, a simple touch on the shoulder, knowing eye contact is a great help. Be close but be silent. Men tend to want to work out their own solutions to problems. Good or bad, that's just the way it is. Let him talk to you. If you mean something to him, he will want your input in some fashion, even if it is only to help him figure it out for himself.
In the end, it really is enough that he knows you're there for him. It really is.

Mike

Hello to all the distinguished and handsome men who frequent this site; I need your help.;):)

I sometimes feel inadequate when my om has work related problems/stress. It's that feeling that an older woman would know exactly what to do or say to make her partner feel better even if she didn't understand the intricacies of his line of work. My partner's company is building a hotel and a mistake that has occurred will cost him millions. He doesn't usually bring work related stress (meaning he doesn't talk about it much) home with him, but this is major. I don't know what to say and I feel helpless. I certainly don't want to add to the problem so I'm seeking some insight.


The questions I need you men to answer are:

What is it that you would like from your partner when you are feeling really stressed?

Think of the situation above; what would you expect from your partner?

I know people are different but I would really like to hear what goes on through the minds of men.

For myself (because it's hard to speak for another person) Strength and compassion.

If I may quote one of my distant relatives, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Former First Lady Elanor Roosevelt

I'm also related distantly to FDR and Theodore. But Elanor and Teddy are the two favorites of mine even though Franklin had his good moments.

You are not inferior. He's with you for a reason. Be you.

And to quote two other millionaires.

"I have failed countless times at being a millionaire, but I only needed to succeed once."

"I am the only man smart enough to hire people smarter than me." - Andrew Carnegie

I'm so glad I made this thread. Thank you gents for your input.
From what you have said, I'm doing the right thing. I gave him a massage last night and I plan to make his favorite meal this evening. From what you've all said there's no need for me to feel inadequate as he's not seeking technical advice from me and he just wants a listening ear and to know that I'm there for him. Gosh I could have told anyone that but then when it comes to my issues I can hardly see the forest for the trees.:(

Cuteguy: It's interesting that I have Eleanor Roosevelt's quote as my signature line but needed to be reminded of the concept. I know that feeling of inadequacy comes from within as I thought that somehow I was not being there for him like he has been there for me. He is so knowledgeable that whenever I have a problem he is always in a position to help me work through the issue but then in reality he allows me to solve the problem myself but asks questions that gets me thinking about a solution after he has listened.

You are all so sweet, thanks!:)

One point you made was and I quote via cut and paste - "and a mistake that has occurred will cost him millions." which suggests that he is in an executive position within the organization.

We have all heard the quote " It is lonely on the top" - it has much more of its truth in business.

It is quite possible he is in a position that he cannot think out loud at work, or literally have no one to simply talk it out with.

I can empathize with being in such a position and it can wreck your brain, lol your sanity sometimes. It has it's ups of course but equally it has its own issues.

Just listen to what he has to say when he wants to talk. Be there for him, give him a hug, listen and give him something soothing, a drink, a snack, massage, something to show him that he has you to lean back on when he just needs to think.

Good luck

One point you made was and I quote via cut and paste - "and a mistake that has occurred will cost him millions." which suggests that he is in an executive position within the organization.

We have all heard the quote " It is lonely on the top" - it has much more of its truth in business.

It is quite possible he is in a position that he cannot think out loud at work, or literally have no one to simply talk it out with.

I can empathize with being in such a position and it can wreck your brain, lol your sanity sometimes. It has it's ups of course but equally it has its own issues.

Just listen to what he has to say when he wants to talk. Be there for him, give him a hug, listen and give him something soothing, a drink, a snack, massage, something to show him that he has you to lean back on when he just needs to think.

Good luck

Thanks for your input bbsrabbit. Actually, it's his company and he's angry at the decisions of senior supervisors. He's trying to decide who should be fired because the reputation of his business is at stake. This problem has come at a bad time because his company is restructuring. He's back to normal now (in relation to his mood) as he's not one to allow an issue to consume him totally, but I know it's weighing on his mind as he tries to find the right solutions. I tend to worry a lot so I sense he's trying to shield me from too much of his business stress because frankly when I hear that he will be losing millions I start thinking that the business is collapsing because I don't understand certain business operations, but I'll learn in time.

Hello to all the distinguished and handsome men who frequent this site; I need your help.;):)

I sometimes feel inadequate when my om has work related problems/stress. It's that feeling that an older woman would know exactly what to do or say to make her partner feel better even if she didn't understand the intricacies of his line of work. My partner's company is building a hotel and a mistake that has occurred will cost him millions. He doesn't usually bring work related stress (meaning he doesn't talk about it much) home with him, but this is major. I don't know what to say and I feel helpless. I certainly don't want to add to the problem so I'm seeking some insight.


The questions I need you men to answer are:

What is it that you would like from your partner when you are feeling really stressed?

Think of the situation above; what would you expect from your partner?

I know people are different but I would really like to hear what goes on through the minds of men.

I'm a YM but if it was me I'd just wanna be able to feel comfortable telling my girl about my problems. I don't expect her to know the answers/solution to my problem but its just nice to be able to express yourself to someone and have them there simply to comfort you and make you feel better about things.

As you know, I'm not a man :D

Here's my female uninvited two cents anyway. I should think that what matters to the man is the knowledge that you care. Showing you care can be done in all sorts of subtle ways; business knowledge is unimportant. You represent home to him, the oasis, the escape from work matters. You are the constant, in the period of turbulence.

[QUOTE=goodchild;564029]Cuteguy: It's interesting that I have Eleanor Roosevelt's quote as my signature line but needed to be reminded of the concept. I know that feeling of inadequacy comes from within as I thought that somehow I was not being there for him like he has been there for me. He is so knowledgeable that whenever I have a problem he is always in a position to help me work through the issue but then in reality he allows me to solve the problem myself but asks questions that gets me thinking about a solution after he has listened.[QUOTE]


I have to say that maybe he sees things the same way in regards to your problems... I mean he might really have no idea what to say or do to help you, and he's just being there doing what he knows he can and letting you do what you need to do to figure it out... you know? It kind of goes both ways since we are only an individual and as close as we are to others we don't always know their inner struggles.

I completely agree being there is just what the doctor ordered. Simple little "I love you" reminders like everyone else already said.

Also, I can't help but to feel that if he does talk to you about the situation something you say MAY very well help him... just b/c we don't know the whole situation or operations doesn't mean we can't offer something to the solution. It could be something as simple as making a comment about a particular characteristic that is important in that line of work and makes him think of something brillant towards the solution.

So just being there, being supportive, and being you could be everything he needs to get things on track.

No worries Phoenix and G-E-L; atleast I know you peeps have my back! :tongue2::) I was surprised so many men responded because not many men post, but I'm happy they were so helpful.

Phoenix, as always very insightful and G-E-L you are so right. I remember I once asked him to edit a 25 page literature paper for me because I was extremely tired and the deadline was looming. After editing he said "damn! I got the gist of what you were saying but most of it went straight over my head; way too deep for me." After assessing how he relates to my problems, I realize that most times he allows me to find my own solutions by asking the right questions. When he says "so what are your options?" he is really getting me to think and work through my own problems.

I felt inadequate because I end up asking silly questions such as "Is this something you can fix?" Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All problems have a solution; it's just to find the right one. I end up saying something silly because I'm so consumed with the need to help him solve the problem rather than just being there for him in other ways. It's that feeling that my only role in his life shouldn't just be to give him massages etc but a more practical one. However, since I do not have the technical expertise then naturally he wouldn't expect me to provide him with answers. Further, when he knows that I am knowledgeable in an area, he asks for help directly; so really, my concerns were unnecessary. I'm ok now though and he's just trying to save the image of the company.

What is it that you would like from your partner when you are feeling really stressed?

We're all different but to answer your question for myself and myself alone, simply receiving a hug and being asked what you can do is more than enough. More than likely there is in fact nothing to do, and I'd tell you that. But knowing that you care enough to observe I am stressed and offer a hand in whatever, is really what I'd need at that moment.

"You" being whomever I am dating, of course :)

It's nice to be reminded when the world around is is annoying, aggrevating, turmoilous and so on, that what you value most in life is rock solid.