Greetings

I found this site after I became involved with a 24 year old man.

I'm 41. I do look much younger than I am, am really thin, and am very attractive. While this may read as conceited, please know it's not. I'm 41. I know what it means and what it does not.

I'm on assignment overseas from the US. I've been in this other country for 8 months now. My marriage has ended and I am in the process of divorcing. There's stress from that.

I liked this man immediately. I wasn't attracted to him sexually initially, I just really enjoyed his company. He would flirt with me occasionally and for me it became a sort of game to shoot him down. One pattern I have always followed is to shoot a man down that is interested in me to see what he does next. Most men, will pick up their toys and exit the sandbox. I then know that man wasn't worthy of my time. Some will hang and continue to treat me the same way they always did even though they "know" it's never going to happen. I like those men. I know they like me. Most of my relationships were of at least a year's duration. My marriages, two, lasted 5 and 12 years each. It's worked for me in some ways I think.

So, my marriage is over, I'm in a foreign country where my only real company consist of this man and another woman. My vibrator broke and all hell broke loose. 3 weeks later I jump the 24 year old's bones. ARGH.

I spent a lot of time with this man. We were in every practical sense dating for about 6 months. I knew he wasn't with anyone steady and neither was I. He and I will both be finished with our time here in about 3 months.

So, I jump the guy's bones. He couldn't believe it. It took about a week before he got over the shock. It's been more fun than I can tell you since. OMG. I really had no idea how well the age gap can synch. Sexually, I've been very happy. I always enjoyed being with him so good sex has been icing.

Being away has it' challenges. Outside of work, I'm bored and lonely most of the time. I've been getting "he's not that into you" kind of vibes from this guy for the last 2 weeks. We've been sexually involved for about 2 months.

I'm thinking the first thing I have to do is make sure I don't end up bored and lonely another Friday night. I have to make other plans and stop waiting on this guy. I'm thinking I should stop sleeping with this man. I do enjoy being with him, though.

I hate to think a man is just banging me. I want to think he really wants to be with me. I'm not getting that sense here. The thing is, we've never really talked about what we're doing.

Should I talk to him before I decide to end this? I should be asking some questions, right? I've never been good at the emotional talk part of any relationship I've ever been in. I'm not looking for true love. I think that when we leave here we will both go our separate ways. I believe that would be best for both of us. We work together. I know this isn't the best possible move. I cannot explain how limited my options are here. Please understand I know it's not advisable to get involved with co-workers.

I hope that you can see from my post that I'm really confused and have a whole lot going on. I've been as honest as possible so if any feeling I've expressed here is not acceptable to someone please know that I still need your help even if you don't agree with how I look at it.

I don't know that that issue here isn't neccesarily that's he's 24 and I'm 41. Maybe it's the whole rebound thing. I dunnno....any thoughts?

Thank you for being here. Your message board is very warm. Most on the internet are not. I felt like I could express what a mess I've been here and it would be safe. Thank you. :)

I never replied to a newcomer first before. The silence from others is scaring me. But anyway here goes.

You are temporarily in another country, he is on a short assigment.

I assume you don't know his family, and his true situation. I assume you protect yourself physically.

Why are you confused and fighting yourself. Maybe you both have gotten what you wanted. How long does anything last, marriage, romance..... We never know.

You will be leaving in 3 months. If this guy is tired of you, then just go to a movie, or hiking, or take a sports class, or row a boat. You don't need him to explore the country you are visting.

:no: Don't expect him to stop you from being bored on a Friday night, Do what you like to do, and someone else might come into your life, someone that would be more thrilling, or a solemate. Hey don't limit yourself, if you are soon to have your own freedom, why worry now, enjoy life a bit. :rolleyes:

Be spontaneous, and free in life. Good things will come your way. Just be safe and happy for a while. :)

I never replied to a newcomer first before. The silence from others is scaring me. But anyway here goes.

You are temporarily in another country, he is on a short assigment.

I assume you don't know his family, and his true situation. I assume you protect yourself physically.

Why are you confused and fighting yourself. Maybe you both have gotten what you wanted. How long does anything last, marriage, romance..... We never know.

You will be leaving in 3 months. If this guy is tired of you, then just go to a movie, or hiking, or take a sports class, or row a boat. You don't need him to explore the country you are visting.

:no: Don't expect him to stop you from being bored on a Friday night, Do what you like to do, and someone else might come into your life, someone that would be more thrilling, or a solemate. Hey don't limit yourself, if you are soon to have your own freedom, why worry now, enjoy life a bit. :rolleyes:

Be spontaneous, and free in life. Good things will come your way. Just be safe and happy for a while. :)


Donna, I'm not exactly sure what I wrote that made my post untouchable. LOL I do appreciate your bucking the trend.

It means a lot to me that you would. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you. :)

The night I wrote this post I was very upset and knew it was time for me to start to take control of my situation overall not just what's going on with YM. I was frustrated, angry and feeling very alone with all of it. I just wrote what I was thinking and feeling and got it out. I felt better just by posting it.

I do not sit at home if I don't have to. Options are extremely limited here. Trust me, if I were invited to the opening of an envelope I would go. I'm fortunate that I do get nice invitations but the hours I work keep me from going to as many as I would like. My hours and gender are an issue here for what I can do and when. I don't need a man, per se, to be an option. That's just how it worked out given the fact that I can't really do much of anything except go to work here.

I didn't like the mixed signals I was getting and wasn't sure what it was.

Again, I knew it was time to start to handle some of this stuff so I talked to him about it. We are both in a time of our lives where everything we've known for quite some time is changing.

I have no desire to place myself into another serious relationship this soon. What was bugging me the most was the not knowing what was going on with him. He tells me that what I felt from him was simply his not knowing what to do or how to act with me. I can identify with that as most times I don't know what to do or how to act around him. I've never been in this type of situation before and he hasn't either.

We agree that for now, we are having a good time together and we're o.k. with things as they are. We will not be making any long range plans as both of us are not sure what is coming next in our "real" lives back home. He was feeling some anxiety over that and truth be told, so was I. I am not sure what direction I want to take and I do not want to be locked in before I get back home. I was married for 15 years.

It is important to both of us that we remain friends. Our time together has been intense . Even before we started sleeping together! I know a great deal about him that is easily verifiable. We work together and we have mutual friends. We hadn't met before I came here. I do protect myself, of course. I didn't get to be 41 by not being careful. http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/images/smilies/wink.gif
;)

There's a lot going on. I have to make a decision about where I'm going to live when I get back, I need to buy a house or apartment and am not sure about that, I'm getting divorced so I'm dealing with the details around that, I have to decide what to do next with my career as the time I spent here can be very valuable moving forward.

<sigh>

I'm a mess trying to unravel itself.

Thanks again, Donna. :bighug:

I never replied to a newcomer first before. The silence from others is scaring me. But anyway here goes.

:no: Don't expect him to stop you from being bored on a Friday night, Do what you like to do, and someone else might come into your life, someone that would be more thrilling, or a solemate. Hey don't limit yourself, if you are soon to have your own freedom, why worry now, enjoy life a bit. :rolleyes:

Be spontaneous, and free in life. Good things will come your way. Just be safe and happy for a while. :)


I agree why concern yourself with what he is doing on Friday night if he can't be bothered, doesn't mean you have to go out and find another man, but I am sure you can find ways or amuse yourself or can just hang around with other people.
This space may be good for you, you may be able to think out things and have a clearer sense of what you are doing and how you want to handle what comes next. You are moving on in a bit, keeping things light may help you manage. I wish you luck:)

Give yourself permission to relax.

Deep breath now.

Your making it more complicated than it has to be. Your leaving in a few months, and he's staying. If he pursues you after you leave, then it gets complicated. If he doesn't, then you've had a lovely time with someone you clicked with and be thankful for it.

Oh, and buy a new vibe! ;)

Give yourself permission to relax.

Deep breath now.

Your making it more complicated than it has to be. Your leaving in a few months, and he's staying. If he pursues you after you leave, then it gets complicated. If he doesn't, then you've had a lovely time with someone you clicked with and be thankful for it.

Oh, and buy a new vibe! ;)

God knows I would if I could. ;)

[QUOTE=hunnybunny17;564415]I agree why concern yourself with what he is doing on Friday night if he can't be bothered, doesn't mean you have to go out and find another man, but I am sure you can find ways or amuse yourself or can just hang around with other people.
This space may be good for you, you may be able to think out things and have a clearer sense of what you are doing and how you want to handle what comes next. You are moving on in a bit, keeping things light may help you manage. I wish you luck:)[


It's very difficult for me to explain just why I became so upset about this. It's a combination of things.

There is no one else I can hang out with or anything else to do other than sit in my apartment on the internet, watching t.v. or reading a book when I get out of work. I've been doing that for 8 months. I honestly cannot clean any more.

I do amuse myself with other things and people as much as is available to me.

I agree that this board may be good for me.

I am taking a short trip next month to break things up a little. A change of scenery always lifts me up. I'll be traveling with other people which is a good change as well.


Orlando? It looks like you're happy you're going so I'd like to say good luck to you, too. :) It's nice there.

There is no one else I can hang out with or anything else to do other than sit in my apartment on the internet, watching t.v. or reading a book when I get out of work. I've been doing that for 8 months. I honestly cannot clean any more.

I do amuse myself with other things and people as much as is available to me.

I agree that this board may be good for me.

I am taking a short trip next month to break things up a little. A change of scenery always lifts me up. I'll be traveling with other people which is a good change as well.


Orlando? It looks like you're happy you're going so I'd like to say good luck to you, too. :) It's nice there.
See you already seemed to have gotten yourself figured out. You know what makes you feel better and you are cashing in on it, that's good. Change of scenery helps: it gives you something to look forward to, something to do.
I am happy I am going, I feel the need to get away from my country for a bit and just be "me." After being half a twin for so long I feel the desire to establish my individual persona, figure out who "Chrissie" really is.
Plus I have an intense desire to visit Sea World:bgrin2:!! lol

[QUOTE=hunnybunny17;564415]I agree why concern yourself with what he is doing on Friday night if he can't be bothered, doesn't mean you have to go out and find another man, but I am sure you can find ways or amuse yourself or can just hang around with other people.
This space may be good for you, you may be able to think out things and have a clearer sense of what you are doing and how you want to handle what comes next. You are moving on in a bit, keeping things light may help you manage. I wish you luck:)[


It's very difficult for me to explain just why I became so upset about this. It's a combination of things.

There is no one else I can hang out with or anything else to do other than sit in my apartment on the internet, watching t.v. or reading a book when I get out of work. I've been doing that for 8 months. I honestly cannot clean any more.

I do amuse myself with other things and people as much as is available to me.

I agree that this board may be good for me.

I am taking a short trip next month to break things up a little. A change of scenery always lifts me up. I'll be traveling with other people which is a good change as well.


Orlando? It looks like you're happy you're going so I'd like to say good luck to you, too. :) It's nice there.

Okay time for me to jump in and WELCOME YOU!

I think you have some feelings for this guy from what I am gathering and he might as well have the same for you. NOW you know in a relationship we all need our Me time...I know I do LOL

My Fiance who is almost 21 and I am 42 live in different countries...he in Ozland me in the states. He was here with me for a while and NOW its been almost a year of seperation and waiting on one more piece to ship off the visa

I mean if its just just a casual hey lets hook up and do the nasty well okay then talk and say hey Its been fun its been real see you..however if you do have feelings and he does talk that out to...LDRS can be done and have been done...It is for some but some it is not

it is up to you

Hmmm...strange that it took so long to get replies...must have been a quiet night because there is nothing shocking nor dumbfounding in your story! Sorry about that - I just now saw your thread myself!

I tend to agree with Gabby - there's probably a short-term relationship for you with this and it won't translate back home. (I saw probably not because of the circumstances & odds, but not that it's impossible!)

I invite you to check out the Married OW and the "Other" YM thread (http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=33254), not because you are technically still married, but because this is the first relationship AFTER your marriage. Many of us have been there and know what you may be feeling. It's very confusing and can often be mistaken for something else entirely.

I would say that you and the YM talk and make no promises for beyond this stay, but also say that it doesn't have to end here if it seems to be working out.

Basically, that you are agreeing to enjoy the time you have and take it one day at a time. Don't put any unnecessary pressure on him or yourself! :no: