Who Has The Powers????

Powers of Attorney, that is.
:rolleyes: Yes, here I am again, sounding like the "Mistress of Doom."

On a serious note though (and this goes for ALL agr's, OM/YW, OW/YM, and like-age couples).

This also does NOT only apply to those married, but to all "committed" couples.

Power of attorney for health care (MPOA), Power of attorney for General/financial (DPOA).

For couples in love, married or not, doing legal paperwork now will save alot of heart ache and tremendous stress down the road. Particularly for those in relationships with children from prior marriages, this step can save alot of heartache and legal challenges down the road.

I've learned alot from people in my other message boards just how painful it can be to have a partner you've been committed to forever, become sick, or injured, or even pass away.................and during immense pain come the battles. Battles with kids, ex's, parents. Your decisions can ALWAYS be changed by YOU, but when one of you cannot speak for yourself these documents will speak for you. It can quell arguments, misunderstandings about ones intentions, and misconceptions about ones motives.

I've been married almost two decades, and we finally got this done. We each have an adult child from prior marriages, and two minor children together. Our two adult children have a good relationship because they were adolescents when DH and I married. But I hate to imagine, if we didn't have legal documents in place, that any of these step siblings and half siblings come to battle because we didn't make our wishes known.

Just some food for thought. I hope you don't mind.

Diana

Very wise to think ahead to this. Also, it's important to be aware that when one partner passes or becomes incompetent, the remaining partner must be prepared to designate a new person as power of attorney.

I have observed that the failure to do this can result in damage to the family, both emotionally and financially. This happened in my own family when my mother died and my stepfather became ill soon after her passing but he resisted giving anyone POA because he didn't trust anyone.

I'll spare you the awful details, but suffice it to say that some forethought could have saved us all a lot of pain.

Powers of Attorney, that is.
:rolleyes: Yes, here I am again, sounding like the "Mistress of Doom."

On a serious note though (and this goes for ALL agr's, OM/YW, OW/YM, and like-age couples).

This also does NOT only apply to those married, but to all "committed" couples.

Power of attorney for health care (MPOA), Power of attorney for General/financial (DPOA).

For couples in love, married or not, doing legal paperwork now will save alot of heart ache and tremendous stress down the road. Particularly for those in relationships with children from prior marriages, this step can save alot of heartache and legal challenges down the road.

I've learned alot from people in my other message boards just how painful it can be to have a partner you've been committed to forever, become sick, or injured, or even pass away.................and during immense pain come the battles. Battles with kids, ex's, parents. Your decisions can ALWAYS be changed by YOU, but when one of you cannot speak for yourself these documents will speak for you. It can quell arguments, misunderstandings about ones intentions, and misconceptions about ones motives.

I've been married almost two decades, and we finally got this done. We each have an adult child from prior marriages, and two minor children together. Our two adult children have a good relationship because they were adolescents when DH and I married. But I hate to imagine, if we didn't have legal documents in place, that any of these step siblings and half siblings come to battle because we didn't make our wishes known.

Just some food for thought. I hope you don't mind.

Diana

Mistress of the Doom? Heck no! You've provided very insightful information and I think most yw/om/ow/ym would benefit from your experiences. I think this is a very good post and is very useful. This has to be sorted out in my relationship because my partner has two adult daughters who do not like me much, so I know the problems that I would face if the unexpected happens. Thank you for making this thread!

But I hate to imagine, if we didn't have legal documents in place, that any of these step siblings and half siblings come to battle because we didn't make our wishes known.

Just some food for thought. I hope you don't mind.

Diana


You give sound advice. We all like to think/hope that we are going to live forever and that in the eventuality of something like this everything would be sorted out equally, etc, etc. But this is not the reality. Getting your affairs in order also provides peace of mind for us too as we know that f anything should happen, our people are provided for.:yes:

We have been married for 6 years, my hubby is the one who has been pushing me to become his poa. There is a form from his attorney laying on the printer tray. His sister is his poa and still is because the new form has not been sign to make a change. The reason I delay this is because I feel that I'm the one who is going to decide anyway(maybe wrong though). He has been wanting me to make him my poa but I haven't done that either because, same thing I feel no one else has more right than him to make decision for me when I can't for myself. Are you saying the law would not allow him to make decisions for me even though he's my husband and I don't have any poa in writting? gohs I'm still in the dark.

In community property states whatever you own jointly with your hubby you could end up with his sister controlling his half, should he become incapacitated by illness or accident. But gosh, say something incapacitates your hubby, you certainly don't want to have SIL controlling his affairs for you.

If your hubby had NO POA and he died or became incapacitated, much would default to you because you are his spouse. But because his sister still has POA she could potentially override you in certain legal and financial decisions when hubby couldn't speak for himself. POA's do become null and void when someone dies, and at that point a trustee takes over. You've got to have a Will/Trust to retain authority over everything in the estate, or you'll wind up going through probate. Another problem if nobody had his POA and he became incapacitated one might have to petition the court for guardianship, and banks would drive you absolutely insane. Plus ironing things out would cost a fortune as well as take alot of time. When you are grieving, or highly stressed due to health issues, the last thing you want to deal with is POA issues.

With you not having a POA naming your husband, again, much would default to him because you are married. But if you were incapacitated he too, at some point may have to petition for guardianship of you.

I would very strongly suggest all married couples, AND committed couples, have each others MPOA's and DPOA's. My hubby has Alzheimer's, and I have found I have to handle more and more every day. Even though he might appear normal, and alert upon meeting someone, it doesn't take long to realize he is not capable of making any legal or financial decisions, and is unable to formulate his own plan of care. I feel a gigantic burden has come off my shoulders now that we have our papers in order.

We have been married for 6 years, my hubby is the one who has been pushing me to become his poa. There is a form from his attorney laying on the printer tray. His sister is his poa and still is because the new form has not been sign to make a change. The reason I delay this is because I feel that I'm the one who is going to decide anyway(maybe wrong though). He has been wanting me to make him my poa but I haven't done that either because, same thing I feel no one else has more right than him to make decision for me when I can't for myself. Are you saying the law would not allow him to make decisions for me even though he's my husband and I don't have any poa in writting? gohs I'm still in the dark.

Your husband is thinking of your feelings and is showing great consideration here. Without the signed POA, you cannot and may not be able to address the personal affairs required if something happens.

If his sister has current POA, then she and only she has the final say.

Legally enforcing you and your husband's wishes are important to both of you.

Thanks to both of you for your advice and good thoughts but right now I don't think I want to do anything about it.