NSA = No Strings Attached

I worked in the same building with the guy who is 10 yrs older than me. Not a huge age difference, but we always chatted on smoke breaks outside, and I secretly always had feelings for him. Then he changed territories and moved to a different office in another city, 60 miles away. I sent him a My Space message that I missed him, we started talking and flirting. He ask me if I was interested in NSA sex ( No Strings Attached ). I said YES, and we have gotten together 3 times in the last 35 days and talked just about every day. Problem is: I am NOT adjusting to this NSA thing. He currently has a GF who lives 300 miles away, he only goes there about every 3rd weekend of the month, she is sick, doesn't work, and basically he supports her and her two daughters.
My Question is - What is HE getting out of that relationship??!!

Well I'm gonna go out and say he's just getting sex from you. Have they been together for a long time? He might not want to be with her anymore and want to move on (why he's having a NSA relationship with you) but due to her being sick and her daughters he can feel "trapped" or feel bad about leaving. It's hard to leave someone when you have bonded with their children or when they are sick and can use the company even if it is only one weekend out of the month.

My Question is - What is HE getting out of that relationship??!!

Your question should be - What are YOU getting out of your relationship??!! Just sex? You are not 100% happy. Are you sure you want to continue this?

He is getting sex out of it..thats all...You are what I like to call a booty call girl
as someone asked..WHAT are YOU getting out of it?? If you want more I personally don't see it happening:(
protect that heart of yours

I worked in the same building with the guy who is 10 yrs older than me. Not a huge age difference, but we always chatted on smoke breaks outside, and I secretly always had feelings for him. Then he changed territories and moved to a different office in another city, 60 miles away. I sent him a My Space message that I missed him, we started talking and flirting. He ask me if I was interested in NSA sex ( No Strings Attached ). I said YES, and we have gotten together 3 times in the last 35 days and talked just about every day. Problem is: I am NOT adjusting to this NSA thing. He currently has a GF who lives 300 miles away, he only goes there about every 3rd weekend of the month, she is sick, doesn't work, and basically he supports her and her two daughters.
My Question is - What is HE getting out of that relationship??!!
Who knows what's going on there? Whatever it is, it's his business. If you're not happy with the current arrangement, you have to see if he's willing to renegotiate terms, because sex is all he offered and that's what you agreed to.

My Question is - What is HE getting out of that relationship??!!

Possibly nothing. Perhaps he supports the lady & her children out of love, and not for any selfish reason. Imagine that. Or maybe it makes him feel good about himself to help somebody else. Maybe he made some sort of promise to the lady long ago, or maybe he has an obligation to those children he hasn't shared with you.

Next time you get together for some NSA, ask him.

If it were me, I could not have a NSA relationship with somebody I secretly had feelings for. That would be like laying on a bed of nails, or whipping myself with a chain.

the old guy

Very sad hun. The chances are she's perfectly fine and he just needs some nookie in between... I'm sorry to say you're probably not the only girl he's getting some NSA sex from... And even if she is sick you are just as wrong for having this relationship as he is if you are hooking up with him fully KNOWING he is attatched.

Possibly nothing. Perhaps he supports the lady & her
If it were me, I could not have a NSA relationship with somebody I secretly had feelings for. That would be like laying on a bed of nails, or whipping myself with a chain.
the old guy

agreed. I would definately not do that. Not right at all.

It seems like this guy doesnt have any feelings for you whatsoever and he's just getting what he wants, sex. You should move on and find someone who truely does care for you and wants to be there for you instead of just one thing (which we all know what that is).

Thanks for all the replies and answers that deep down I already knew. :( So my next move is distance. I will not send any text messages, Myspace messages or IMs. I'll just wait and see how long it takes for him to contact me. Relationships suck!!

Nah, relationships don't suck.

It just that our needs take command over our wants and we make sucky choices when we are in the need mode.

You will be ok. You live and you learn. Stay strong and don't let this influence any other relationship after this as that new one may be the charm. Just keep an open mind.

Paris

I worked in the same building with the guy who is 10 yrs older than me. Not a huge age difference, but we always chatted on smoke breaks outside, and I secretly always had feelings for him. Then he changed territories and moved to a different office in another city, 60 miles away. I sent him a My Space message that I missed him, we started talking and flirting. He ask me if I was interested in NSA sex ( No Strings Attached ). I said YES, and we have gotten together 3 times in the last 35 days and talked just about every day. Problem is: I am NOT adjusting to this NSA thing. He currently has a GF who lives 300 miles away, he only goes there about every 3rd weekend of the month, she is sick, doesn't work, and basically he supports her and her two daughters.
My Question is - What is HE getting out of that relationship??!!

This dude's my hero. He asked you for NSA sex and you jump at the offer before you realize it might not be for you. I need to get notes from this gy.

This dude's my hero. He asked you for NSA sex and you jump at the offer before you realize it might not be for you. I need to get notes from this gy.

Yes I jumped at the offer, because I had been checking him out and talking to him for over 8 months! Had to be professional because all this was happening at work. Then when he left there, he proposed the NSA, and I had wanted him so for so long, of course I would say Yes.

I find your situation very sad for several reasons.

First, you had FEELINGS for this man and yet you still allowed yourself to enter into a no-win situation with him. This guy wanted to have his cake... and you allowed him to. You settled for crumbs, when deep down you wanted much more. And you deserve a whole, healthy relationship, but I very much doubt that you will ever get one from him.

Second, I feel very sorry for the poor woman who is supposed to be in a committed relationship with this guy. He has betrayed her trust, and unfortunately, you have helped him to do so. I can't mince words here, betrayal stinks, and it inevitably leaves the foul smell of guilt in its wake.

Third, let's say you hold out for this guy and he eventually leaves the woman he is with. Well, could you ever trust a guy like this, who essentially hasn't shown much integrity? What makes you think he wouldn't do it again? Has he shown you any remorse whatsoever?

In conclusion, I wonder why you would want to be with this guy?

I know exactly what it's like to desire somebody so much that a few crumbs seem sacred. but when the sparkle wears off a few months down the line, you're just the back-up girl. How do you know that his "girlfriend" isn't his wife and those kids aren't her kids? Once you start vocalizing you want something deeper from him, you will be replaced with another NSA.

Been there, done that. I'm sure the sex rocks your world. In the end, being alone with a few toys and your fantasies is much more emotionally safe than being "Ms. Right Now."

Plus, he's a cheater. Right? And if you do snag him, how long until he cheats on you?
Unless you're willing to settle for a future of "open relationships," you'll have nothing but crumbs.

LEAVE.

but if you're not ready to leave, demote him to nothing more than "booty call" status and use condoms every single time.