What is she doing or thinking?

My husbands ex is back in town. She hasn't been back yet 2 weeks and she just showed up at our house Saturday afternoon without calling or anything. I had just came in from town and was getting in the groceries. I had the front door open because it was warm. I heard a knock at the door and just said come in and she walked in. I was thinking it was my mother in law because I didn't hear a car drive up. She had parked at my mother in laws then walked down here. My husband was in the shower. I invited her in, told her to have a sit and offered her something to drink and told her he would be out shortly. I asked him if he knew she was coming and he said no. This was a very strange situation for me. I wasn't expecting her! I didn't know what to say to her. Well he got out of the shower and came and talked to her. I got finish with the groceries and went and sat in the living room with them. They talked for a while and she left. After she left, me and him started talking about what we needed to do for that day, etc. She left here and went back to my mother in laws.

She called him at work this morning and left him a message and said "I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with Cindy, that wasn't what I was trying to do." "When I left I heard y'all talking about something, and I just knew she was getting onto you." I NEVER thought anything else about it. We were talking but not about her. It was what we had planned for the day.

When she goes back to my mother in laws she tells her the same thing as she told him.

Before we got married she was never around,(unless she was needing something or trying to get back with him) never called or anything. A month before we got married she called my mother in law and was asking her all kinds of questions about us. When were we getting married, where we were getting married, are we planning on any kids, etc. We got married November 30, 2002.

I just don't know what to think about this. What is she doing or thinking? I know just as well as she does, he will not get back with her. Yes they are friends but that's it. And I don't have a problem with that. I wish me and my ex were still friends instead of fussing and fighting all the time.

Hmm...something definately doesn't sound right. Maybe she is going through a hard time in life and wanted to be around something familiar. Not that it gives her the right or excuse to barge into your life and make a big scene.

Did your husband ever tell you why she stopped by? Is she wanting something...money, attention? Have you talked to your mother-in-law. How does she feel about her suddenly being around?

Sorry about all the questions, just trying to get all the info. :)

The reason she left town in the first place was because she got into some trouble at her job. She left town so nobody could find her and where she moved to nobody would know what happened.

She don't have a job right now. And anytime she needs money she will call him. Why, I don't know. But this day she didn't ask for money...not yet anyway.

She is living with her daughter, son in law, and grandbaby.

He don't even know why she stopped by. He was just as surprised as I was.

I called and asked my mother in law if she told her anything and she said the same thing as the message she left my husband.

Could she be jealous for some reason? I don't know! I just find it strange that she starts this now after we get married. We have been together almost 3 years. It doesn't make sense to me.

(17 years difference between me and hubby) (7 years between him and ex)

I have a feeling she is trying to butt her way back into your hubby's life.

Why did they divorce? If it was her...then maybe she realizes that she made a mistake and is trying to fix it. But sometimes people are a day late and a dollar short.

The reason for the divorce was because of her.

They would always fuss and fight. She would not clean the house, etc. He got tired of it. Me on the other hand, I keep our house clean all the time. He tells me I"m cleaning when there is nothing to clean...lol.. but that's just me.

When she got into all of the trouble, she tried to get back with him then. And we were dating then. He told her no, he would NEVER get back with her.

I don't have anything against this woman. I have met her a few times before now but this just puzzles me. If she keeps this up I might dislike her.

Wellllll......at least she doesn't sound completely psycho like my OM's ex.....but I still wouldn't trust her for one moment. Why would she turn to your man for money? Is there any good reason he should still be giving her money? I mean, if she's gotten herself into trouble with her job, it's no one's responsibility to get her out of it but hers. That's what I don't understand about my OM's ex either- she'll always call with a guilt trip about how broke she is, how she's going to be evicted, how she'll have to move and have her kids change schools again, etc. It's like, why? Why should he care? She makes plenty enough money to get by, she doesn't choose to manage it though. If he'll go back there to get some bills or papers, he sees brand new Play Station 2, her kids having new toys or clothes, and she's still drinking and smoking as much if not more than ever, going out to Timberlodge or wherever with friends. And then she says she can't pay her rent? I don't understand why they think their ex-husbands owe them money for being in a failed relationship. I mean, they don't even have kids together, and she gets child support from her first husband besides. Who knows, but you better ask your husband some more detailed questions, and make sure he doesn't give her any more handouts. That should discourage her from coming around, because once you remove the payoff, the behavior has no incentive to continue.

Yikes.....

I had an ex like that... but I stopped that right away... don't let that fester... although you need to make sure y our husband says to her strongly to leave and don't come back..... are there any kids between the two? or a clean break?

if it is clean than you guys need to tell her to leave and go on with her life.....

if there are kids... than the three of you need to sit down and come down with ground rules or something......

The only reason he gives her money and that's only once a year when he gets his vacation pay is he built some greenhouses and she had some money her dad had given her and she gave it to him, so he is paying her back. This is the ONLY time he gives her money. She has called in the past and wanted extra but he would not give it to her.

They do not have any kids together. She has a daughter by her first husband. My husband is her third. She is living with her daughter now. They have been divorced since 97. Their divorce was a clean break.

If there are no children then they need to break ties.. and move on with there lives..... I dont think it's healty for them to be close ....

That's what I think too! He doesn't go out of his way to see or talk to her. It's her doing it. I hope she doesn't show up again. If she does then he's going to have to do something about it.

THANKS to all who replied. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks this should not be going on and I'm not crazy..lol.

Keep us updated, I'm sure we all want the best and hope that his ex minds her own business and moves on w/ her life. You have every right to be upset...especially if there are no ties between them.

All the best
~EMC

Well I thought I posted this already but it didn't show up. I guess I did something wrong. If it post twice..I"m sorry!

Anyway......she called him at work Friday and wants to come by and borrow a copy machine we have to make copies of her resume. God knows she will past a dozen or more places with copy machines before she gets to our house. Well it's broke, so that's out of the question. Now she wants to know if she can come to our house and use our printer and print some out. What gives here?!!! She is really starting to get on my nerves!!!! She hasn't come by! And as far as I know hubby told her not to come, but it will be our luck she will just show up again.

Set bear traps in your front yard!!!

LOL!!!!! Only if I knew it would work, I would.

Tear gas at the door?