Are We All Just Crazy People?

Wow, I haven't been here in a long time. It's great to see the old-time members are still here, and there are new members here as well.

Well, I've got a short time to write, and so, if you don't know my story, please feel free to review my past threads. Long story short, I was in a relationship with an older man 30 years my senior, and it lasted for about 6 months due to situations beyond our control. I still talk to him, we are still friends after a month of not talking to each other, and I can pretty much say that I've moved on. I still have feelings for him, but they're not strong enough as to have desire to get back together. I know for sure that I DO NOT WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER, and there is just no way it will work again the second time around. Or at least, I don't think it will.

Since then, I've dated and gone out with people. I pursued dating the guy I met at the bar who was 3 years younger, and it lasted for about 4 months. Yes, it was a rebound relationship, but it worked out. We were in the same page, we let our expectations (or lack of it) known. It wasn't anything serious. He had to leave for Iraq, and so now, I'm currently not seeing anybody.

Anyhow, the reason why I'm writing is because I had a dream last night. More like a nightmare, I guess. I had a dream that I was laying on the lap of this older man, who resembled my maternal grandfather. The man looked really old in the dream, like almost 80, and I was kissing him. In the dream, I felt disgusted and sick to my stomach for kissing an elderly person, much more even having feelings for him. I woke up, and I was asking myself what the dream meant.

So, it's been simmering in my mind the whole morning. Then, a thought entered my head, and I thought maybe I'm a nut job for even thinking about pursuing a relationship with a man 30 years older. Am I just crazy? Do I need to be mentally checked-up? I know for a fact that my feelings were real, and that I really loved my OM, but how could it possibly make sense in the real world?

I don't know, I just feel really disgusted with myself. Sorry if this sounds really negative. I've always found comfort here on ageless, that's why I'm back and writing. Your thoughts are welcome!

Not sure what your dream meant but my fiance is 30yrs older and I have asked myself that question in the past. Our relationship have progressed slowly because I wanted to make sure there was a good chance that it was viable longterm. Eight years later, I no longer ask such questions. I' m in love with my man and I'm in this for the long haul.

On second thought, maybe your dream is an indication that you had mixed feelings about your relationship with your past om ex. Maybe you had residual feelings that you had done something wrong by being with him. It could also be that subconsciously, you have rationalize the failure of the relationship to be the result of the disparity in your ages.

I don't know really; just throwing my thoughts out there:)

I don't think dreams really signify anything important; they're just the outcome of your brain parsing and storing information, if I recall correctly. They can lead us to think about things in ways we might not have otherwise (and that can be positive or negative), but I don't think they're any kind of key to your subconscious or anything like that. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. You may as well have had a dream about kissing your brother or your dog or anything else. It only seems important because you think it might be important. Certainly you've had other strange dreams that you haven't given much thought to.

As to whether it's inherently unhealthy (I won't say abnormal because I don't necessarily consider "normal" to be the goal) to be attracted to someone two or three decades older than yourself, I don't think so. If 30 years is too much, what about 25, or 20, or 15, or 10, or 5? There aren't definite breaks anywhere where you could point to something and say that it's suddenly wrong. There's a point on the other end of the scale where you could say that a person isn't an adult yet and so an attraction (or at least acting on an attraction) would be inappropriate, but once people are adults, I can't see any reason to say that there's something wrong with being attracted to another adult. Of course, if you're looking for something to be wrong you might be able to convince yourself you've found it, like people who think it's inherently immoral to be attracted to someone of the "wrong" ethnicity or gender or even religion. But we're all adults, and if finding another adult attractive who happens to be a bit older or younger is all that's "wrong" with you, I think you're probably okay.

There is no such thing as normal. People often put on the guise of normal, in order to avoid the shame, embarrasment or judgement of society. The very people who look down their noses at people involved in age gap relationships often have their own skeletons in the closet.

If two adult souls learn to admire and care for one another, if they click, if it works for them, if their involvement with one another makes them happy and is an enhancement to their lives ... that's all that matters. The people who cannot support a healthy relationship between two people in love are the people who are crazy.

In the course of my life I have dated women who were from 8 years older than me to 20 years younger than me, and I've loved, cared for and admired them all. The heart doesn't count years. Love is ageless. Kinda like the name at the top of this page.

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h51/gp_fillmore/serenity.jpg

So, it's been simmering in my mind the whole morning. Then, a thought entered my head, and I thought maybe I'm a nut job for even thinking about pursuing a relationship with a man 30 years older. Am I just crazy? Do I need to be mentally checked-up? I know for a fact that my feelings were real, and that I really loved my OM, but how could it possibly make sense in the real world?

A couple of thoughts:
- From what little I know about dream studies, most researchers will tell you that dreams are image-driven. The old man in the dream does not, in fact, represent an old man literally, but something else. What else? You got me!
- "...how could it possibly make sense in the real works?" What "real world" is that? There are those philosophers and literary authors who would tell you that all the world is an absurdity, with the greatest of this being love. Developing feelings for a particular person has no rhyme or reason. It just is. And if it needs to make sense, then you've missed the point. Way too many people spend their whole lives bent on making their lives make sense. When all is said and done, their "real world" is safe and secure, and predictable, and mundane, and nothing like what it could have been if you just guts up and take a chance.
You did that. You took a chance on an absurdity and regardless of where it all is now, you will never be the same.

glad you're back,
Mike

I do a lot of dream analyzing as far as my personal dreams are concerned, especially when I wake up with intense emotions from the experience. I would say the older man in your dream stands for something else. This is taken from www.dreammoods.com , a dream interpretation site:

If you are a woman and dream that you are in the arms of a man, suggests that you are accepting and welcoming your stronger assertive personality . It may also highlight your desires to be in a relationship and your image of the ideal man.
To see an old man in your dream, represents wisdom or forgiveness

A kiss might mean:
To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

Usually you can take that an apply it somehow to yourself or changes in your life. Sometimes it may take a while for any sense to be made of a dream.

Personally I have dreamt that I was with my OM, when in fact he looks much like my father or another older man in my life. I have never researched much on it though because it never left me with much of any deep thoughts when I woke up. And also, I have had dreams where my best friends here in Missouri interchange with my old friends back in Georgia. Its all very interesting.

Oh and I'm new, here. Nice to meet you. :)

I have noidea what your dream means but i often have the same toughts of being crazy because I am crazy about a man 29 years my senior.

I think that the old man does represent your ex-bf, but the reason you feel disgusted is not because of his physical age, but because your mind recognizes that you have to move on and is focusing on the age thing (as a symbol of incompatibility) to flush him out of your heart... hence, the disgust.

It does not matter how old or young is the man you date, if you are compatible you have a good head start.

P.S. I do believe in dreams. My dreams have shown me many things that later came true.