Am I Reading Too Much Into This?

Hi everyone, am feeling a bit confused at the moment and could do with some advice. There’s a guy (isn’t there always?) He’s 20 or so years older than me, and for a long time he would be really uncomfortable whenever we were together (in a group).
My mum and I made friends with his parents quite a while ago, so I met him when we started going down to see them. He was always around, but would never even look at me, never mind talk to me. He would totally ignore me, and would go out of his way to avoid all form of contact – speaking/eye contact.

Eventually it got so bad that, after a really awkward silence when his mum told me to go ask him something and he spent the whole time shouting through another room to them rather than having to talk to me, followed by me going down there and him looking as though he would happily jump into the tv set rather than have to look at me, I asked his mum whether I had said something to upset him or something.
I didn’t think she would have said anything to him about it, but that she might have stopped with the ‘go and ask him (whatever subject)’, which made me feel so awkward.

Well, a couple of weeks ago his parents invited us over, so off we went, and it was totally weird, like he’d had a personality transplant or something. He joined in whenever he could, always made a point of speaking to me, and even made us tea. I really couldn’t believe it was the same person.
And the same thing happened again yesterday. He was so different, making such an effort to speak, going out of his way, and yet again making tea, which for some reason I find really sweet.

So, my question is, what, if anything does me think of me? I thought he hated me. I thought if I saw him again after I spoke to his mum it would be more of the same – ignoring and total silence.

Then, when I realised that his mum must have said something to him about what I’d said I thought he would have gone out when we went down there, or made his excuses to go to another part of the house, or even sat there making minimal effort under duress, but this total over-reaction on both occasions that I’ve seen him has really thrown me.

I still really like the idea of getting to know him, so I’m not sure my own perspective is any good. I don’t want to read too much into something that could mean absolutely nothing, so I just wondered what other people thought?
Also, we only ever see each other at these family get togethers, which makes things especially awkward, as does the fact that because I was actually a friend of his parents first I feel as though I am betraying them or risking offending them by ending up liking their son. I worry that they wouldn’t approve, and that they would think less of me. I really don’t know what to do.

Hi Whattodo. Welcome to the forum. First let me say that I really don't think people have feelings for other people without similar feelings in return. The real question is, how does this guy want to deal with them. Sounds as if he's having a lot of trouble with his feelings for you.
Have you tried engaging him in conversation without anyone else around? The subject could be about anything, but just give it a try. Getting to know someone is best done in small doses, and light conversation is a great place to begin. Good luck.

Mike

Hello Whattodo,

I don't think you can read too much into ONE single encounter. I mean if his mum spoke to him and then suddently he became polite it could mean just that. That he became polite because you are family friends.

On the other hand it could be that he just thought about it, decided he was not very friendly and because he likes you he wanted to make an effort.

But you really must see him again and talk to him alone. Only then you will see how he feels/reacts. I know it must be difficult if you only meet up in family gatherings but I'm sure the opportunity will present itself. It always does even if it be for a few minutes. If he is interested he won't miss the chance to talk to you when you two are alone.

All the best

ayla

There is a way to approach a person without putting them on the spot ...

instead of asking him "do you like me?" which many people have a difficult time doing, and some people would be embarrassed answering, you make a statement about yourself, starting with the word "I", such as ...

I would like to be friends

I would like to hang out with you

I would like to get to know you better

This takes the focus off him and puts it on you, and it lets him know you are interested in him.


the old guy

Hi guys, thanks for your replies.
I do agree that this just having time to talk together would be good, but it just doesn't seem to happen. We live almost in the same road, and yet we probably see less of each other generally than if we lived miles apart and had to make the effort (apart from these family visits).

This is only likely to get worse as at the moment he works shifts, and always seems to manage to be around when we're going down there, but he's probably going to be working more standard hours starting next month, then I doubt whether we will see each other at all.

Also, i'm still really concerned about the way his parents would react. I get on really well with both of them, and I just don't know what they would make of me liking their son.