Difficult colleague at work

Hi everyone,

Ok, as some of you might already know I currently work in the army which is as you would guess a male dominated environment. There are hardly any women apart from the teaching stuff and most teachers are in their late 40 or 50s.

I work with this other female teacher who is 35. She is very beautiful I think and great at what she does. However, she is very insecure and well...does not like me at all. She sees me as a personal threat to her career because I got more qualifications than she does. Since the first time I met her, I could sense that she did not like me although she tried to be polite. Now, a year later, I can tell you for certain that she doesn't like me.

Unfortunately she is not openly rude. She still tries to pretend she is a "friend" but she always ends up insulting me in a "friendly" manner in front of students, staff and high rank officers. She is very competitive about everything. From the way I dress to the way I conduct my class. I have recently found out that she conceals work information from me. For example, they might tell her to inform me about exams (as we share the same level) and she will conveniently tell me at the last minute. I might not be able to attend a meeting, and she will lie about the context of the meeting or not tell me about important things I should know about (for example work applications etc) She even goes as far as talking to students behind my back and asking them whether "I am a good teacher". The worst thing of all is that she is not willing to co-operate with me at work. We share the same level as I've already mentioned, and she refuses to have a common exam or even have the students take the exam simultaneously in the same class. This is because she gives her students the answers of the tests beforehand in order to have a high class average and that would show if all took the exam together.

It is really a pain in the butt. I try to avoid her and be civil as much as I can but it is hard sometimes. I am a very up-front person and I have to really shut up and not come back with an equally insulting remark. Just yesterday she told me that she is currently dating a very high rank officer who is her "protector". In other words "don't even dream of saying anything to anybody because you won't get any support".

I have really nobody to talk to at work. What do you think I should do?

Thank you

ayla

Well, I had another college professor behave that way with me.....in my case she told the head of our department some ugly rumors which were in no way true but caused me a lot of grief for a while!
I took the bull by the horns and waited until she was alone (lunch time) and sat down with her and asked her why, what did I do to cause her to behave that way, etc....
She finally admitted that she had no idea but she was intimidated by my backround and my students love for my classes which were completely filled to maximum capacity......her classes were not.
She flat out apologized and amitted that jealousy got the best of her in an insecure moment.
If our talk hadn't gone so well....I'd have probably just smacked her one:eek:

You are in the army, so my recommendation is document, document, document. Send her memo after memo, cc your supervisor. On your memos just be practical, not accusatory, be just matter of fact information. CYA (cover your a.s.s.) FYIO MEMOS. Write and send as many memos as you see fit.

Let me give you an example of a memo to her:

"Please be informed that you notified me that the meeting on date ___ you indicated that meeting was about______ Nevertheless it deal with_____, thus I am requesting that for the next meeting you provide me an agenda of items to be discussed."

BTW why is she the one that have to inform you of meetings? And why do you rely on her?

Ignore her as much as you can. Be cordial but that is about it, hello and good-bye it is the most she would get out of me.

Good luck to you!

Is this Sara? It sounds so much like her! I wouldn't speak to this co-worker unless I had to, and if you take any kinds of information from her, such as test days, etc, then get her to email you everything. Make sure everyone knows you've made it a request, or in fact, have it become policy in your dept. that everyone emails you things. That way there is NO excuse and an admin can say whether or not you were told in a timely manner about testing days and the like.


Ali

Hi everybody,

Thank you for your prompt replies. To be honest army or no army things are totally disorganized around here. The head of teaching stuff cannot be bothered with emailing us with meeting dates, exam dates and the like and depends through the "heard it through the grape vine" system of spreading the info. He tells one member of stuff and expects him/her to inform everybody else. When it is her turn she simply...."forgets".

My only option is to talk to the head personally at our next meeting and explain that I must be emailed the information. I do not want to get into any details with him (he will definitely ask questions) but my job is at stake and so I must at least make some attempt at getting the info from him!!!

Apart from that I don't think that talking to her would help. She is not a "clean fighter" as one would say. Last year a female member of stuff (a good friend) went through the exact same situation as myself. The problem was not her qualifications or abilities but the "love" of a young cadet. My friend had him in her class, the colleague of hell thought there was something going on between them, and made her life difficult.When confronted by my friend she denied everything, apologized profusely and then went straight to the head of teachers and started spreading rumors. Needless to say my friend was in a very difficult situation indeed having most teachers talking behind her back and not knowing why for months and months.

I do not intend to give her that option. I need this job and I wont lose it because of her. So I will have to avoid her even more I guess and...hold my tongue.

Anyway, thanx for listening. I really needed to vent.

ayla

Yep, I spent close to two decades to corporate America and dealt with many bullies along the way. I agree with many who have posted here about documentation. Writing those e-mails very professionally that describe her "last minute" communication of important information, etc., will sent her a signal. She will know that you are starting to keep a "written," chronological record of her behavior and this can be very damaging to her should she press things to the point where you have to "go over her head" to get her off your back.

As mentioned here as well, confronting bullies can be helpful. I've done this a number of times. They seldom see it coming, so you have the element of surprise on your side and you can speak very professionaly and frankly with her about the situation. After your professional confrontation, you can follow up by sending her a memo regarding your discussion. In this case you are documenting your attempt to resolve an internal conflict professionally.

Between the documentation and the confrontation, she might get worn out and stop getting on your nerves. Bullies only persist when you don't call them out, but you have to do it very discreetly and professionally in the workplace. So document, document, document and perhaps think about a professional one-on-one chat with her. Hope things work out. Keep us updated.

Hi all,

She will be around tomorrow and so I will have the "chat" with her. There are end of year exams coming up and so I must do it.

I'll keep you posted

ayla