"but, I don't look my age"

"But, I don't look my age".....I have read this often here, I think I made some reference to this myself when I first came to Ageless confused, lost and intimidated regarding a budding relationship with my YM.

Does saying..."but, I don't look my age" some how make it "ok" to be interested or in a relationship with a younger man? Does this somehow help to justify something, that frankly doesn't need to be justified...imo, but because of society do we feel compelled to say..."but, I don't look my age". I've been wondering for some time as to what the need to say this is.

For nearly the last year I have found myself looking more closely at women. Mostly in my age range (I just turned 46)....wondering...do they "look their age?" The answer to 9.9 out of 10 of them? Yes, yes they do. Is that a bad thing? For some reason the majority of us appear to think so.

For myself, I'm told I have good skin (luck of the genetics wheel). But, anyone can have that nowadays. It's been making me wonder....If none of us "look our age"...then what do we look like?

Do I look 20? not even close. Do I look 30? Nope. I like the way I look...I could stand to lose about 20lbs, but, I'm healthy, and I like where I am. Do I have a need to battle time? I can't. If I'm always wanting to look back, I'm afraid of what I'll find when I finally look in the mirror and have -really- aged. Cause, it's gonna happen. I want to beable to embrace it. Of course I want to look good and I try to be the best me I can be (guess I better start working on that 20lbs). I want to be the best 40 I can be, the best 50 I can be, the best 60 I can be. Cause I -will- be 50, I will be 60, then 70 and so on (the Lord willing). If that means plastics, dying hair, etc....then more power to ya. I say be the best we can be.

My YM (24) has a receding hair line. People think he's older than his age. So is it more ok for us to be together then, cause, well, "he doesn't look his age". This is something I've struggled with, cause I see too many women doing this. When I see and talk to some very beautiful, attractive women (and there are many very attractive women here on Ageless too), but feel the need to throw in the disclaimer "but I don't look my age", it makes me wonder what is wrong with being their age.

My YM and I are 22 years apart. Me repeating..."but, I don't look my age" isn't gonna change one thing about our age difference. Not where we each are in our lives, not that I have more life experience than he, nor the trials that come with an AGR.

If one takes care of themselves, is happy with themselves, and they have someone who loves them, then shouldn't being who they are be a good thing?

Hearing "but, I don't look my age", repeatedly, actually makes me worry -more- when I look in the mirror. For what ever reason, I've found myself in this AG relationship. It's nothing I could have -ever- imagined doing, most definitely nothing I was looking for, would have EVER looked for....but, it is. And for only reasons my YM and the Universe knows, he loves me. He's seen me in all my 46 year old nekked glory. He's seen me in my 46 year old grumpiness, happiness, motherhood and he's still here...loving all 46 years of me. I actually like that very much.

If someone else wants to say..."oh, but you don't look your age", then hey, I say thank you very much, that would put a smile on my face. But, feeling compelled to say it myself as to some how make my relationship more "ok", scares me.

This has been something that has been bothering me for sometime. If perhaps I'm not being concerned enough about my AGR. Does anyone else feel this way?

Looking your age...
Hmm. What is looking one's age? No wrinkles? Wearing teen clothes (and having the teen body to go with it). No glasses? A young looking hair style? No jowls? Hmmm perhaps. I think that having hard, cynical eyes, and a nasty tired attitude makes you look older than all the wrinkles in the world.

I am overweight. When I lose 20 pounds and after the botox I do not look 50, that is cool with me. Just wait and see.

Yes, I do think "I don't look my age" is a protection mechanism. I think many women don't think they look their age, because they wear younger looking clothes, act young and have a youthful zest for life. But make no mistake, in most cases, it's like the old Rod Stewart song, Maggie May: "When the morning sun is in your face, I can see your age...."
So be it.

I refuse to trick myself into thinking I don't look my age. I do, and I know it. I accept it, and I embrace it. Any man who isn't willing to go along for that ride shall have his ticket immediately revoked! :tongue2:

I read a study once that had a poll of people. Over 80% of them said they looked younger than they were.

I stopped saying I look young for my age then. If everyone else thinks they look young for their age, we can't ALL be right.

I prefer thinking I look good for my age, but I am my age. And if anyone doesn't like it, then nyah!

I stopped saying I look young for my age then. If everyone else thinks they look young for their age, we can't ALL be right.

Kind of like Minnesota, where everyone's child is above average. :)

People used to tell me I looked 10 years younger than I am. Taking care of an aging parent and becoming her parent in a role reversal, took care of that. The last year she was alive, I aged a lot. Stress has a way of doing that to a person, along with the stress of the rest of my life. When I look into the mirror now, I see my Mom a few years ago. My youngest Son told me I had to get rid of the grey that started coming in fast.:o It was a real wake up call.

I think it's easy to blend in more in your 30's & 40's. It's hard for some people to peg your age and it's a lot easier for someone who is 35 to be mistaken for 29, etc.

But, I've noticed that the guesses are getting closer and closer to my real age these days.

When I was in my mid 30's, people guessed upper 20's. When I was upper 30's, people guessed lower 30's and an occasional upper 20's.

Last time it happened, someone guessed I was 35 or 36 (I'm 40.) So, I guess I'm starting to look my age!

Sometimes, I think people are just trying to be nice OR they have a different expectation of what 40 or 35 should look like in their brain.

Sort of like when I was growing up, a "grandmother" was a little old lady with grey hair. People used to tell my mother all of the time that they couldn't believe that she was a grandmother! But I think they just didn;t expect "grandma" to have strawberry blonde hair, ride a motorcycle and be working full time in a demanding job.

Does that make sense?

She looked 45, but not what people expect to be a "grandmother."

Most people close to my age can guess it pretty close. It's younger people that seem to have an expectation of what a 40 year old woman SHOULD look like and say I look young for my age.

I look 40, IMO!

I understand the OP's point though. It does seem to be some sort of validation for many newbies (probably me too at first) that there has to be a REASON why some young hottie would want an old, fat raisin like us! LOL!

i am NOT a raisin! ;) i am not! *stomping foot*

Hey ladies, I just think we look good.

Period.

:)

Ive been thinking about this topic too over the weekend.

I know that Ive said it, Ive repeated what people tell me but honestly many many women in my age group look younger than they are thanks to moisterizer, healthy living and other "procedures" that are out there and some just have great genes. So I do look my age I would think just more like the lucky few who are looking good for their age.

I think phrases like "I dont look my age" or " I dont act my age" etc etc are just an older persons last ditch effort to convince themselves of their youth, and if they are still in some way youthful then being with someone who is actually young seems somehow not so taboo. It actually works the opposite though doesnt it? Saying I dont look my age or I dont act my age, I dont dress my age is a dead give away that you are older and many time makes the person look as if they are trying desperately to hang on to a fading youth.

So I dont say it anymore, lol. I agree with kristin, I think I look my age but that I dont fit the perception of what a woman my age should look or act like, I look like someone who took care of herself in her 20's the ones who look old are the ones who spent too many nights drinking, staying up late and hanging out in the sun. So its not that I look young but that they look old. lol

So yeah the phrase now makes my skin crawl along with the "age is just a number" phrase.

I will just say I look VERY good for my age! :tongue2: But a goddess will always look good no matter the age! jajajaja

Attitude and confidence has a lot to do on how we perceive ourselves! :bgrin2:

I would not be too concerned to see that here in AL every OW claims they look younger than their real age. The fact of looking younger is perhaps a factor that helped us attract a younger man in the first place.

Again, I think that looking younger is not only a result of lack of wrinkles but of the attitude, the bearing of a person.

I have never said that I look younger than my age. (Nor have I ever stopped to think about it.) Stopping to think about it now, I believe I look 51 years old. I think I also act 51 years old.

I understand what the person that started the thread means (or at least I think I do lol) - many times you see someone post that they just became involved with someone that is X age and they are X age, but "they look younger than their age" ... when I read that I wonder ... and the reason you say that is? Are they simply trying to say that due to looks their age gap does not appear as large? Or ??

I was guilty of this very thing when I first came here! I used the fact that people always told me I looked younger than I am (and the fact that my fella looked a tad older than he is) to justify things.

In fact, a few times people guessed him to be a few years older than me. Which I can't see, but whatever. To me, that was HUGE, like it really mattered or something.

Ugh, that whole "I don't look my age" thing is one of my BIGGEST ageless pet peeves! Who cares how old or young you look??? Certainly nobody here! Whether or not you look good with your man is all in who you ARE, not what you look like and that's relevant whether you're 20 or 80 for goodness' sake!

Do I look "young" for my age? People usually guess that I'm 29 or 30 - good genes contribute to my naturally gray-free hair and my unwrinkled skin that still has good lustre. But so did staying out of the sun when my friends were baking themselves, not smoking, not drinking to excess, wearing a good bra, drinking water, using a good skincare regime and getting enough sleep at night. In short, I used common sense and took care of myself over the years and now I'm reaping the benefits.

I correct people who say I look young and tell them that I may look good for my age but I am most definitely 42 and I'm not fighting the clock. I tell young women to made a decision - they can look GREAT in their 40s and beyond, too, if they just take care of themselves when they're young! Oh! And never, ever underestimate the age-defying power of an authentic smile and genuine laughter!

edited to add: Oh yeah! And Lucent has braces! So, no matter how "young" I could try to look... he has braces!! (in many peoples' eyes, braces = wow, he must be young because nobody but teenagers and old people get braces and he's definitely not old!) We also laugh because he has many more grays than I do. So I'm engaged to a graying young guy with braces! hahahahahaha!

Oh man...I'm so screwed..I bake in the sun for hours, I don't sleep at all (maybe 3-4 hours a night) I drink like whoa...I smoke pot!

Yeah by the time I hit 30 I'll be 50!

I better enjoy it while I still got it!

See I'm the other way around. I don't look older I look younger. I blame my grandfather for that. :)

I had an EEG done and the lady running it said I looked like I was 16-17. She wouldn't believe me till I told her to go check my papers. :)

One of the big kickers is that even at my age of 23 I have not grown in a full beard. So if I come in a lil scruffy I can see that being a big factor. Outside of that I have pretty decently well cared for skin. I dunno if it's something I do or don't do that makes it well cared for but I've seen worse skin on some 16-17 year old guys when I was in high school.

But all in all I don't really care. I'm just me in the end irregardless of how I look.

LOL, Jen - there is still time to change you ways. ;)

I will consider myself youthful until I'm dead. :eek:

See I'm the other way around. I don't look older I look younger. I blame my grandfather for that. :)



I have the same problem...I don't wear any makeup. People think I'm like 16.

Now most 20 year olds might hate that I think it's a good thing, if I look younger I feel when I'm 40 I might look like 33 or something, which is cool...and don't even get my started on my Britney Spears voice, that's a whole other issue all together (you can ask the people who have spoken to me on the phone here).

And Fae, I hope you're right LOL :tongue2:

OK, after reading some more, another thought.

I must admit that I have run into women I went to high school with and they looked OLD. Lots of wrinkles, leathery skin in areas, washed out, greying....just made me catch my breath and wonder "Do I look that old???"

I have fair skin & burn easily, so stayed out of the sun in my youth. Tanning salons were big with my peers. I also am a master with makeup - I get complimented on my skin all of the time & I swear it's really full makeup applied to look natural. I also dye my few greys. On top of everything else, I'm 5'6" and about 190 pounds, so I carry extra fat that is pretty well distributed - it's also on my face & I believe it plumps up the wrinkles that would normally show! :eek:

I confess I'm concerned about how losing the weight, since I started working out again, will accentuate my wrinkles. :( The "older looking" women from my school days are mostly thin. BUT my best friend from high school is very heavy and she looks old to me - but maybe I look old to her, too, since we've known each other since before we wore training bras! We ARE old! LOL!

So, I guess there is something to looking good for my age if some of these other women I've run into are considered what the average 40 year old should look like?:confused:

I will just say I look VERY good for my age! But a goddess will always look good no matter the age! jajajaja

Attitude and confidence has a lot to do on how we perceive ourselves!

Amen to that, Alta!

The fact of looking younger is perhaps a factor that helped us attract a younger man in the first place.

Again, I think that looking younger is not only a result of lack of wrinkles but of the attitude, the bearing of a person.


Yep, Sheila!

When someone does a double take when they ask for my license, or says that I don't look my age at all, I simply say thank you:) I know that what they mean is that I look good for my age (because the other phrasing is just a bit insulting). I want to look good for my age, 51. But then, I've wanted to look good at all my ages:p.

I don't want to be 20 or look 20....but I DO want to look and FEEL my best (be as healthy as possible). So, I color my gray, moisturize, stay out of the sun, don't smoke or drink (ok, a glass of wine now and then), avoid caffeine, wear "good bras", find the positive and smile alot, pray/meditate, and surround myself with good people I love. I had laser in 2004 to obliterate the sun damage on my face and cancel out the pre-cancerous spots already developing...and the bonus result was that I also lost all of my wrinkles and droopy facial skin (darn:tongue2:).

When I first met Jake (post laser), he thought I was about 34 (I was 47). My actual AGE never mattered to him, but I will say that the fact that I looked good at my age was an attraction factor. But, like Sheila and Alta said, it's who you are on the inside shining outward....if someone looks good, but acts like a female dog, there is no attractiveness. In the same vein, if I FELT old, COMPLAINED about being old, ACTED old and gave up on fun, frolic and frivolity, at MY age, I would BE and LOOK old. It's outlook and perspective.

I probably said something in my posts way back about looking younger for my age, but I think the mindset of women who say that is more of an explanatory/trying to understand nature rather than ego or whatever...as in "I'm pleasantly surprised to get romantic attention from a ym, but then again, I have been told that I look younger than my age?? so maybe that's why??..."

I know for me I had this overwhelming sense of urgency to tell Jake as soon as possible how old I really was (since he was hinting at much younger) so that there was full disclosure (honesty) out there from the start. And in the end, the number didn't matter at all to him. But I also know that to some other guys his age, it WOULD matter.

I don't look my age. I also don't act my age. But what does that mean, really?

In general (and this is a verrry broad generalization), I find that men and women of my age group (mid-fifties) tend to be world-weary and cynical. I don't enjoy that kind of company or complaining from anyone of any age group (it's not exclusively older people). So for me, the attraction to my young man was very strong because his outlook on life was fresh and enthusiastic, not been-there done-that.

Now... when he finally revealed our relationship to his parents and showed them photos of me, the ONLY remark they made was: "She doesn't look her age." My YM took this as approval, and he forged ahead with the relationship. Eventually his parents stated their DIS-approval in no uncertain words. For that reason (and a dozen others), we broke apart and it's all over now.

He was not only young but also still underdeveloped in inner character. At this stage in his life, he still looks to outside standards of propriety, rather than looking to his inner self. While we were together, he preferred to ignore the reality of my age. And because "I don't look my age" it was easy to ignore.

A story: One day we were joking about the lonely young bachelor mayor of my city (age 39), and we invented a scenario in which the mayor had no female companionship except an illegal immigrant Guatemalan housekeeper on the brink of deportation. I said: "Oh don't worry, he'll marry her so she can get her green card." And he scoffed: "Oh sure, like he's going to marry a 50-year-o... [then he caught himself]... er, a 70-year-old woman."

Too late. In that slip, he revealed his own disapproval of AGRs (as well as my own 50s age), which had been pounded into him in recent weeks by his parents who were desperate to separate us. It worked - he was gone just a couple of weeks later.

I still don't "look" my age, nor "act" my age, but does it really matter...?

Faith

I still don't "look" my age, nor "act" my age, but does it really matter...?

Faith

Nope , and by the way...his loss :D

When I first met Jake (post laser), he thought I was about 34 (I was 47). My actual AGE never mattered to him, but I will say that the fact that I looked good at my age was an attraction factor.

I think that's it for Lucent, too, to be honest. I really don't think he cares nearly as much about my AGE as he does that I take care of myself.

When I was in my early twenties I met a woman who I thought was 60-ish but she told me she was 40. She had skin like a turtle; she was a sun worshiper and smoked. That day I swore to myself that I would not look like that when I got to that age. I quit smoking that day and have not sunbathed since.

I'm now 49 and have a few wrinkles (all of them earned!) and dye some of the grey from my hair but I still have better skin than most of my friends.

Sunblock is my friend...... :bgrin2:

OK, after reading some more, another thought.

I must admit that I have run into women I went to high school with and they looked OLD. Lots of wrinkles, leathery skin in areas, washed out, greying....just made me catch my breath and wonder "Do I look that old???"

I have fair skin & burn easily, so stayed out of the sun in my youth. Tanning salons were big with my peers. I also am a master with makeup - I get complimented on my skin all of the time & I swear it's really full makeup applied to look natural. I also dye my few greys. On top of everything else, I'm 5'6" and about 190 pounds, so I carry extra fat that is pretty well distributed - it's also on my face & I believe it plumps up the wrinkles that would normally show! :eek:

I confess I'm concerned about how losing the weight, since I started working out again, will accentuate my wrinkles. :( The "older looking" women from my school days are mostly thin. BUT my best friend from high school is very heavy and she looks old to me - but maybe I look old to her, too, since we've known each other since before we wore training bras! We ARE old! LOL!

So, I guess there is something to looking good for my age if some of these other women I've run into are considered what the average 40 year old should look like?:confused:

you know I ran into my old highschool pal and she ran to me at the reunion..she said OMG you hardly aged you look good but looking at her you could tell she lead a hard life and she looked like she was in her late 50s early 60s very deep wrinkles you name it

she was heavyset like me so I dont think you will AGE girl loosing weight..im loosing some but still no wrinkles ( a few laugh lines that is it)

i use Neutrogena anti wrikle serum and the face peel stuff ...SHHHH dont tell anyone LOL

and girl YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!

I will consider myself youthful until I'm dead. :eek:

*laugh* What you'll hear me say in person: Getting old is NOT an option.


I'm like Kristin. Looked young in my late 20s. Looked young in my 30s. People guess that I'm closer to my actual age these days.

Do I think that I look my age? In some ways. Not in others. Compared to some; not compared to others. Do I look older than 42. No.

Do I act my age? Can you define what 42 should act like for me first? :tongue2: (Not really looking for someone to try and define 42...)

Do I think that some gals say that they don't look their age as 'justification' for a OW/YM relationship? No. Appearance doesn't justify a relationship unless you're about as deep as a petri dish.

I think it might be said more as a statement of not feeling quite as uncomfortable about the relationship, for some.

For others, it's a comment on why a YM might have been attracted to them, initially; or vice-versa, if he looks older.

When I was in my early twenties I met a woman who I thought was 60-ish but she told me she was 40. She had skin like a turtle; she was a sun worshiper and smoked. That day I swore to myself that I would not look like that when I got to that age. I quit smoking that day and have not sunbathed since.

I'm now 49 and have a few wrinkles (all of them earned!) and dye some of the grey from my hair but I still have better skin than most of my friends.

Sunblock is my friend...... :bgrin2:

I so hear you! For me, it was the opposite: an Oprah show when I was, like, 13 and she had these BEAUTIFUL women who looked so, so, so much younger than the generic image of what they should look like at their respective ages (some were in their 70s and 80s). Not one of them had had any sort of surgical augmentation and they each explained exactly what they did to maintain their youthful appearances and it was ALL doable!

I've mentioned this episode of Oprah in other posts of mine and I'll probably bring it up again. It was so worth it to watch and learn!

When I was in my early twenties I met a woman who I thought was 60-ish but she told me she was 40. She had skin like a turtle; she was a sun worshiper and smoked. That day I swore to myself that I would not look like that when I got to that age. I quit smoking that day and have not sunbathed since.

I'm now 49 and have a few wrinkles (all of them earned!) and dye some of the grey from my hair but I still have better skin than most of my friends.

Sunblock is my friend...... :bgrin2:

For me it's more of a medical approach. Drinking a lot of water is a step toward reducing the appearance of "leathery" skin. I do that.

Also I am not a "sun worshiper". I observe moderation. I get enough to get a light burn which never really hurts me to be quite honest, and then when it turns into a tan I leave it at that.

I also don't smoke. Tried it once and didn't like it.

Whether we look younger for our age, imo, is not the point at all!
I used to think that it was cool to look 20 when I was 40.
Now I think that women are all doing themselves and all other females, young and old, a huge disservice by buying into this crap.
I am 48 and, for the record, look nowhere near it.....according to others around me.
Still, it makes me sick that we are ruining our own lives and that of our daughters by feeling that our youthful appearence is our validation :rolleyes:
I wear my age like a badge and my appearance, whatever it may be, is like an old friend who has good days and bad ones.
Validationg yourself or a relationship b/c you look younger is folly and will drive you crazy sooner or later.
Why cannot anyone accept the natural process of life and honor your life by standing up for age and the discrimination to have to young to be deemed important.
Shame on this countries obsession and what we are handing down to our own children :confused:
As to acting my age, like SG, I do not know what that means lol!
I have the wisdom that comes from my experiences of living almost a half a century ......and in my case......that would be several lifetimes combined into this one little body and soul:eek:
Maybe it is our nations youth obsession that has made the world so shallow and cold.......too many people putting their energies in the wrong, and very futile, quest to look young!
I'd rather look great, feel great, for me, and put my time and energy into feeding my soul.
Blessings, TD

Still, it makes me sick that we are ruining our own lives and that of our daughters by feeling that our youthful appearence is our validation


You are totally right!!!!

When we justify a decision to ourselves or others, we are essentially admitting we are insecure about the choice we made for if we were 100% confident - we simply wouldn't care one bit what others think.

That's okay because it's human nature to question ourselves when we take the road less travelled (regardless of pending outcome - good or bad)

As long as this questioning/insecurity doesn't become the primary focus, it's AOK. It is often perceived by others as a sign of weakness, and in some folks that would be the case but the majority of us it's not. It's merely our double-checking that the reality we created for ourselves has potential to be a really good one.

Regarding "looking younger" specifically... hey, if you're 50 and look 35 that's great. Kudos to you. But this alone doesn't (eerr, shouldn't) define who we are, what we're about, and where we are going. Unless of course your career is based on appearance (modeling, acting, and so on).

I got told I look younger than my friend who is 6 months younger than me. I get told that a lot...that I look younger than I am. I may not be a raving beauty but at least I got time on my side! I like em younger so it just makes me feel less self-aware in public with a YM.

I too think I look less and less younger as I have gotten older. I too use sunblock and have had to stay out of the sun due to annoying skin problems (I still get zits!)

I also am afraid losing weight will make me look old...

I too use sunblock and have had to stay out of the sun due to annoying skin problems (I still get zits!)

I personally think not living in the sun is good for the skin's tension, moisture content, and overall "glow" which combined is a key factor in looking younger than we are.

A friend of mine's wife is 39 and looks as though she's lived in the sun 24/7 since birth. Blotchy, leathery skin. She hides this with many, many tattoos.

While I would never make a comment to my friend, I have wondered what those tattoos will look like in 10 years.

tattoos are cool...but she should stay out the sun! It is amazing how many people are getting cancer on their skin.

I work in sales and unfortunately, looking youthful can help people hire you. Being overweight (working on that!) and being off-beat (can't seem to help the eccentric thang) are two strikes against me it seems.

I am me.... whether I look young for age is such a subjective answer and I go about life with my wants and dislikes. Do I look younger I don't know but I know after many years of trials and tribulations I am just me. That to me is where the attraction begins and ends. Do we have common interests? Do I fit into his life? Those are the questions I ask, Not whether we look good together cause I can do that at any age, it just takes committment from both parties.

I am 40. I look 40. This *is* what 40 looks like... its just what it looks like on me... anything else is just baloney we tell ourselves to feel better... and my question is this... why should we feel bad in the first place?!

Still, it makes me sick that we are ruining our own lives and that of our daughters by feeling that our youthful appearence is our validation :rolleyes:




This is so true!! My daughter is 29 now and for the past 5 or 6 years she has been worrying about the fact that she is looking OLD!!! :eek:

But of course....when you hit 30 it's all over! :eek::rolleyes:

But of course....when you hit 30 it's all over! :eek::rolleyes:

Well damn it's been over for almost 6 years then for me. lol

I have grey hair but I have always had grey hair since I was 15 so to me grey hair is not a sign of old age. I dont dye my hair the grey is there maybe when my hair starts to show more grey than brown I will dye it, I dont know. I always told myself when I was 15 that if it ever got to that point I would dye my hair white not brown and be like one of those women with their hair all dyed white and their eyebrows brown lol.

I havent "done" anything to myself just yet, I havent had botox or dermabrasion or face peels or any other injections, I havent been nipped and tucked but then Im only 35 and so far everything is still where it has always been. Maybe when things start going south I will look into it.

When I met Clint he thought I was 25, if he had not thought that I was 25 he would not had noticed me in the first place. So looking younger has helped me find my life partner, (ok ew that looks sappy) but I know that I will not always look younger eventually there will come a time when I will look my age and maybe even older, and maybe then I will become one of those women that I see at the kids school. Fake boobs out to there, bodies exercised to the bare bones, hair bleached out and perfect make up on all complimented by the salon tan...to me thats the horror that I want to avoid.

I hope to age gracefully, plus Im counting on the good genes that the women on my mother's side of the family have they are all in their 60's and 50's and look about 20 years younger.

Ive also run into women from high school who look 10 to 15 years older than I do. Like I said, its not that I look young but that they look old, I took care of my skin they did not.

Jen...moisturize and sun block and water and healthy eating and you will be ok.

Jen...moisturize and sun block and water and healthy eating and you will be ok.

I always wear moisturizer...I hate sun block, I wear the oil (yeah I know horrible JJ :eek:) and I love me some cold water and some good food! :yes:

I have said this in the (recent) past. I think I did use it as a justification. Like "This is why a younger guy would be with me-he's not totally insane".

I really do think I do look younger than my age. I know that's not going to last forever. Moreso I know that it doesn't really matter because my YM for some unknown reason loves me for me! :p

I have seen some women my age that look just god awful and that makes me want to take the best care of myself that I possibly can-I never want to look that way-at ANY age. I never want my YM to have to love me despite me being fat, or despite me dressing sloppily-things that are in my control.

But of course....when you hit 30 it's all over! :eek::rolleyes:

thats why I have false teeth a walker and my grave plot ordered DUHHH LOL:tongue2:

NAH I am a big kid I will DIE a big kid

why should we feel bad in the first place?!

<humor>

If women didn't feel bad about their appearance the economy would collapse and rob me and many men of our retirement.

Curves, Victoria's Secret, Nutrasystem, Maybelline and all companies related to "beauty" would post huge financial losses nearly immediately and my stock portfolio would be worth a combined 79 cents.

Please warn me of a paradigm shift... I shall "sell out" and go back to blue chip stocks :)

</humor>

I was just thinking....

We (women especially) should not be made to feel bad (e.g. selfish, narcisstic, vain, mentally-flawed, obsessive, poor role models, etc.) because we want to take care of a few wrinkles or spider veins or sagging skin or whatever.

Here was my epiphany:
WE JUST WANT THE OUTSIDE TO MATCH WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE!! (our true fun loving, youthful-spirited, caring, happy, approachable wonderful - as Alta says- Goddess selves!!)

This is NOT age related I don't think...I mean, maybe it is for some who are freakishly pre-occupied to the place of self-loathing because they hate their age and wish they were 20....but it's self-image related, wanting to look as good as you feel:yes:.

Points of fact:
1. Teenagers use acne medications and programs to get rid of the "naturally-occurring-for-their-age" marks all over their face...to be honest, most (if not all) are not doing it for their health, but so that their appearance will match their wonderful selves inside and they can be more approachable to others. Nothing wrong with that at all...whatever makes them feel better about themselves...

2. Women in their 20's and 30's (childbearing age) apply creams or have treatments to make stretch marks fade....stretch marks are naturally occurring skin-discolorations that are typical for this age group (and a result of the wonderful state of bringing a life into the world)...STILL, most women in this age group,I would venture to guess, would be thrilled to have a product or procedure (if it were free:D) to get rid of the stretch marks...NOT because she doesn't value her motherhood, or what the stretch marks represent or because she hates her age of fertility or whatever...she JUST wants to look her best in a bathing suit, or neked when with her husband, for crying out loud!

3. Women in their 40's, 50's, etc. don't have a character flaw, or are overly vain, or hate their age just because they have treatments/procedures to reduce "the signs of aging". Why shouldn't they??? They are just like the teens or the 20's-30's who have naturally occurring skin changes that can be addressed (relatively easily these days) to "refresh" their appearance and make them feel that their insides match their outsides better, make them more approachable or whatever.

I guess it's just like I said in a previous post...I think most OW are not trying to look younger (I personally LOVE my age)....we just look the best they can at any age (teens, 30's, or whatever).
Men, on the other hand, truckman, seem to be fine with their beer bellies and unshaved faces...as long as they've got a beautiful woman to boost their ego:eek:. No drop in health and beauty stock in the near future...has been a strong business since the pharoah's queens age.....
That's my take, and I'm stickin to it:paperbag::bow:

Karen and Truck...

Don't misunderstand me... I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to make yourself into the best physical image of yourself possible. I do think it is utter crap that anyone looks something other than their age. If you are 50 be proud of it and march on. It is hard won and the alternative to being 50 just plain sucks doesn't it? Frankly I'd rather be 40 than dead. I don't think I need to justify my relationship with Devon by saying I'm younger looking than I am. It is utter crap. Even if someone incorrectly guesses my age as 37 rather than 40, it isn't a reflection squarely on what I look like at all, but rather a reflection of what the observer has tucked away in their mental imagery as well. If someone guesses me at 44 should I declare that I look older than I do? I am 40. This is what 40 looks like on me. If you are 50, then this is what 50 looks like on you. Maybe it looks better on you than others, but there is surely someone that is rocking it harder than you too. There is always someone standing in back of us, but always someone standing in front too.

For me it is all about the OP's question in the first place though. When someone says I'm 50, but I look 30 so its okay for me be with my 30 yr old bf (usually the but part is unwritten, however that is definitely the implication here). They are saying that they *look* close in age to their partners and therefore its okay because nobody would be alarmed or care. Guess what? 50 doesn't look like 30 or 20 to anyone else (even if they are telling you so) and TRUST me when I say that others will notice and will care. The point is that it shouldn't matter to YOU. If it does, deal with that and leave those stupid issues behind... lying to yourself about your appearance won't bring you ultimate peace with the age gap. The thing that brings you peace with it is accepting it and yourself whole heartedly.

When a woman is starting an AGR it is important that she feels that she looks good for her age, or young for her age. Specially in large age gaps. The initial stages of most relationships involve physical attraction. If you look like the guy's mom or grandma, and you are constantly reminded of this everywhere you go, I bet that relationship will suffer, at the inital and most vulnerable stage.

Men, on the other hand, truckman, seem to be fine with their beer bellies and unshaved faces...as long as they've got a beautiful woman to boost their ego:eek:.

I'm not happy having a bit of a belly, but you can sod off if you think i should shave every day. :p It's tedious and you might be happy applying lotions, make-up, etc, for hours, but I want to be able to just have a shower, put on deoderant, and leave the house! And my skin is sensitive so I would come up in a rash constantly.

I'm not happy having a bit of a belly

I can see my feet without a mirror or bending over so I'm not going to complain. I imagine eventually I will be shaped more like my father, which means I have to carry a photo of my feet so I remember what they look like.

tattoos are cool...but she should stay out the sun! It is amazing how many people are getting cancer on their skin.

Yes, and why I wear a hat anytime I'm outside - even to get the mail or haul the trash to the curb. I go from copier-paper pale to extra crispy in seconds unfortunately...

I work in sales and unfortunately, looking youthful can help people hire you. Being overweight (working on that!) and being off-beat (can't seem to help the eccentric thang) are two strikes against me it seems.

This is often the truth for non-saleperson roles as well. One day I'll have to share a weird story/experience on this when I have more time. I was actually "attacked" by human resources in one company because they questioned my hiring "too many women".

Karen and Truck...

Don't misunderstand me... I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to make yourself into the best physical image of yourself possible.

Oh, I understood what you said the first time Elle - no worries - though I'm wondering if I misread Karen's last bit in her post or if I just received a free colonoscopy. If the latter, I hope the results were good. After all, I do eat a lot of broccoli.

But to your point - of course there's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best - helping the outsides match the insides as Karen put it - but I do see a lot of women taking "appearance" to what I consider an unhealthy level - where that becomes their "substance" if you will, and they lose their personality and charm in the process.

Anyway, I must sign off for the night so have enough time after my date with my cousin at her trailer so I can then wax my gun rack for tomorrow's annual pig-chasing/beer guzzling truck show. Even cleaned a shirt!

Oh, I understood what you said the first time Elle - no worries
Me too, and I agree with you :bgrin2:

Rob...just an attempt at lightheartedness with truckman...actually, I find the "unshaven" look kind of sexy...and, hey, what woman shaves every day (I'm sure some do, but when I'm just going to be working around the house or whatever, who the heck cares?)

A free colonoscopy is yours, truckman, if you really want one:jaw: Actually, it might be better than having to PAY for such an "un-fun" procedure..but you still have about 10 years before you get to enjoy that one! As to unhealthy levels of preoccupation with beauty or whatever, I totally agree with you:yes:

Sheila, you have a good point there. If I looked like Jake's grandma, things would be a lot different in public...harder, I think...and more uncomfortable.

So, I threw this subject past Jake this morning and he had a good analogy, and it reminded me of pictures that Kristin posted on another thread recently:

Real Estate

A house can be "healthy", structurally sound, have great ambiance on the inside and be a generally wonderful place to live....but if you want to attract a buyer, you might want to make the outside attractive to match. I think it is christina who is trying to sell her house, and she asked Kristin for some hints on making it "staged" right, etc. The house is GREAT, a really nice looking house...but one thing Kristin did was photoshop the front door to be red instead of gray; and the result was AMAZING! Just one little fine-tuning, creative, colorful change, and the place really "popped" in the picture.

It reminds me of a phrase my mom used to say -tongue in cheek- when I was little and asked her why she wore makeup: "When the barn needs painting, PAINT IT!"

Feeling good about who you are, your accomplishments in life, your character, etc. is most important...that's what makes a person most attractive to me: that whole "he/she exudes positive energy" thing.

I'm not happy having a bit of a belly, but you can sod off if you think i should shave every day. :p It's tedious and you might be happy applying lotions, make-up, etc, for hours, but I want to be able to just have a shower, put on deoderant, and leave the house! And my skin is sensitive so I would come up in a rash constantly.

We (men and women) are so different...for me the application of my "face" is such a ritual...it is my time to just be quiet and in my own head....I agree about the whole shaving thing though....time consuming and messy...so I mostly get "waxed" every 4 weeks....less mess but definately an added expense in a already too expensive beauty routine...I am embarrassed to even mention what I pay on Hair, mani/pedi, waxing, cosmetics and lotions...but damn it makes me feel good about being a woman....a freind of mine calls me a product *****...I love it all.....see me twirlling in the middle of the Nordstrom Cosmetic;s department.

As opposed to your shower,deodarant and go...it takes me at least 1 1/2 hours just to ...iron my clothes and my hair....bathe, makeup and lotion....its not easy being me!! But I can do a pony tail and a quick once over and be out the door if the day calls for it....I am not that high maintenace....

Blessings, Jann

It's not about chronological age. It's about how you view your world. Is your world about possibilities or impossibilities? I choose to view the world through the lens of what is possible. Is your world about yearning to learn new skills, being open to new adventures, and embracing optimism over pessimism? I believe that when you embrace your life as a gift with unlimited possibilities, aging is a great opportunity.

So if someone says that their physical features do not match their chronological age, perhaps what they see when they look in the mirror is their own very positive outlook on life -- a very positive, exciting and attractive outlook. And if others say that "you do not look your age," perhaps what they see is an energetic countenance that naturally surrounds you. To others, your countenance may very well reflect that you approach each day as a fresh start, a new beginning -- a daily rebirth through the lens of endless possibilities.

I know people in their 90s who look wonderful, who travel the world, and who could care less about social norms. They just enjoy their lives and in so doing expess more joy and energy than many I know in their 20s, 30, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. So go on out and take a huge bite out of life every day. And if somebody says, "hey, you don't look your age," pat yourself on the back and say "Hey, I woke up this morning and am living a full and happy life today, and it shows. Good for me!!!!"

I personally do not think that one can attract any partner, young or old, for more than 5 minutes if it is based soley on looking good.
My problem isn't so much about taking care of yourself or looking good to feel good as it is about the NEVERENDING vomit of commercials, etc... telling us how horrible wrinkles are, how skinny to be, and so on.
I think it is sick, not to mention futile, to measure ones self on how young they look!
Yes, I do use haircolor, yes, I have done the restyline once, and it is b/c I too get sucked in to believing all this crap from time to time.
This generation of baby boomers, my generation, has taken it WAY to far though and it disgusts me.
I find someone like Helen Mirren, Diane Keaten, and so on.....so much more attractive and interesting than most any plastic woman any day!
We all should embrace our ever changing physical self and YES, no matter how much plastic you've got, if your older.....chances are your still going to go to the grave befor someone in their 20's......SO WHAT!
It is like people are so afraid of age that they waste most of their time on this planet trying to fend off the natural order of things :rolleyes:
Wrinkles = death or some such crap.
Seems that we've forgotten what's real in this society and that is very sad....esp b/c our daughters are watching these commercials and advertisments over and over again and they are not yet mature enough to process what a terrible thing ego can be :confused:
Our generation of "hippies", sex, drugs and rock n roll, don't trust anyone over 30, is the most childish and selfish generation thus far in the history of modern society!
Take your extra money, if you have any these days, and feed your soul instead!!!!
The world and upcoming generations will thank you!

I personally do not think that one can attract any partner, young or old, for more than 5 minutes if it is based soley on looking good.
My problem isn't so much about taking care of yourself or looking good to feel good as it is about the NEVERENDING vomit of commercials, etc... telling us how horrible wrinkles are, how skinny to be, and so on.
I think it is sick, not to mention futile, to measure ones self on how young they look!
Yes, I do use haircolor, yes, I have done the restyline once, and it is b/c I too get sucked in to believing all this crap from time to time.
This generation of baby boomers, my generation, has taken it WAY to far though and it disgusts me.
I find someone like Helen Mirren, Diane Keaten, and so on.....so much more attractive and interesting than most any plastic woman any day!
We all should embrace our ever changing physical self and YES, no matter how much plastic you've got, if your older.....chances are your still going to go to the grave befor someone in their 20's......SO WHAT!
It is like people are so afraid of age that they waste most of their time on this planet trying to fend off the natural order of things :rolleyes:
Wrinkles = death or some such crap.
Seems that we've forgotten what's real in this society and that is very sad....esp b/c our daughters are watching these commercials and advertisments over and over again and they are not yet mature enough to process what a terrible thing ego can be :confused:
Our generation of "hippies", sex, drugs and rock n roll, don't trust anyone over 30, is the most childish and selfish generation thus far in the history of modern society!
Take your extra money, if you have any these days, and feed your soul instead!!!!
The world and upcoming generations will thank you!
I am afraid I disagree with you this time.

If you are not physically attractive (or at least acceptable) to a person, no matter how charming you are, what will happen in the first five minutes is that you will be classified as possible friend vs possible romance.

I do not find commercials particularly problematic since I am trained to ignore them. I do not find the need, nor will I buy a diamond ring, a new SUV, a cruise to the Caribbean, McD's triple stacker, or an anti-wrinkle cream just because I saw it on TV.

I think that while it is indeed dumb to measure your worth by how young you look (or the car you drive), it is not bad (I think) to be proud of how well you have taken care of what nature gave you. This includes your health, your body, skin, intelligence and your children. Yes, I am proud of my son. I am also proud that I keep my weight and wrinkles relatively under control in an uphill battle. Nature gave me a big nose, beady eyes, small boobs and skinny legs, so be it, but I still believe on making lemonade out of lemons so I still try to look good and be me.

While we should accept natural changes, it does not mean we could not do our best to delay them. Meaning, stay out of the sun, eat healthy, HRT if needed, and supplements as needed too, keep the weight off (for the joints and health), do not smoke, exercise etc.

Plastic will not delay your death, but all of the above should keep you healthier, longer. So, why not look as young as possible in the meantime?
I do not have a daughter, I have a son, and no matter the gender, a child should be taught to differenciate substance from illusion, and real need from whimsical wishes.

You do not need to be wrinke and grey free at 50 to feel that you are a valuable person, you do not need to drive a BMW either to feel successful. But if it happens that you have a BMW and no wrinkles, while paying your debt to society... good for you!

Our generation of "hippies", sex, drugs and rock n roll, don't trust anyone over 30, is the most childish and selfish generation thus far in the history of modern society!
Take your extra money, if you have any these days, and feed your soul instead!!!!
The world and upcoming generations will thank you!


:1appl:I agree with you totally! I am soooo tired of the constant "worry" about how old I look! I wish I could just un-brainwash myself. I'm not comfortable in hot weather pulling my hair up because it shows what an old jawline I now have when I look down. :(

Sheila....I am ALL for taking care of oneself, believe me lol!
I've been using retin A since it's birth in the late 80's :eek:
I have stayed out of the sun and, in my case, it was a job requirement that I did! As was changing my hair w/o permission, gaining weight, having less than smooth skin to apply make-up to, etc......
Taking vitamins has also been a way of life for me.....getting sick or injured was career suicide!
I understand more than my posts would imply!!! :yes:
What I do see though is women these days "defining" themselves on how young and beautiful they look and forget that a straight posture, grace, eyes that sparkle, clothing you feel great in, etc.... is way more peaceful and uplifting!
I am all for anyone getting through life in the happiest way they can find.....just think that some very destructive "norms" are detracting us from our inner spirits.
That's all

What I do see though is women these days "defining" themselves on how young and beautiful they look and forget that a straight posture, grace, eyes that sparkle, clothing you feel great in, etc.... is way more peaceful and uplifting!
Exactly! :yes: Joy and youthful spirit can take years out of any face and you cannot buy those in any store.

What one person finds attractive another may not. I don't think people in regards to their relationships are quite so shallow that only those who have taken great care of themselves will be loved.

I look 51, as Rebecca said, what 51 looks like on me. I can't say that people have guessed my age younger or older - I've never encountered a situation as an adult where there was a reason to guess my age. Nor do I think about my age, whatever age I am is fine and dandy with me - I'm alive.

One can easily see our age difference. Once my husband and I talked about our 'issues' relative to our relationship, (having childred, as I can not) I have never worried about the difference in our age. People don't make comments at all to us, and if they are making them behind my back, I don't really care. I believe as long as our love shows for each other, other people really don't care. In all honesty they probably don't care if they can see we are in love or not. I don't give myself that much importance in other people's life.

To me being 'the best you can be' has nothing to do with looks or weight, it is being a kind, strong, caring, happy, confident and willing to help others type person. That is what I care about in a partner as well - I'll take a big heart over great looks anytime.

You know what bothers me - we as woman quibble over the strangest things - why isn't every woman regardless of her age or looks perfect enough.

What one person finds attractive another may not. I don't think people in regards to their relationships are quite so shallow that only those who have taken great care of themselves will be loved.

To me being 'the best you can be' has nothing to do with looks or weight, it is being a kind, strong, caring, happy, confident and willing to help others type person. That is what I care about in a partner as well - I'll take a big heart over great looks anytime.
I agree that attractiveness is very subjective. And even if you are super attractive you cannot buy love. Physical appearance is like the cover of a book. Some people go for the silky look of a new paperback and others go for the content of a well read piece. Then there are those who buy the book for its cover and keep it for its content. ;)

People are not just spirit, they are also intellect and body. Being the best you can be involves, in my opinion, taking care of all 3 within your possibilities. I am not suggesting that you should neglect your family in favor of going to the SPA, or getting an extra masters degree. I just say, if you can do it... why not be as attractive as you can, keep yourself challenged and interesting by being up to date in various topics, and also being a good, caring, socially responsible person.

You know what bothers me - we as woman quibble over the strangest things - why isn't every woman regardless of her age or looks perfect enough.

Because nobody is perfect. ;)

I understand what you are saying, Sheila.

I guess my point is as women when will we accept all women, regardless of X ? Instead we all have our words of wisdom to relay to other women. Which (in my thoughts) implies if you don't do X, Y and Z a woman is going to find it hard to be loved and valued. If some woman want to use a skin care ritual ... I say yay. If some woman want to loose weight ... I say yay. If some woman don't care to do any of that ... I say yay.

Your (or anybody's) way of living their life is right for you. It probably is not right for me.

Haven't you experienced woman being 'catty' about other women? Look at her, she is so fat. Look at her, she is old looking. Look at her, she is ugly. Look at her, she is so skinny. I hate that crap. My usual response is, "well, look at you, you are so b _ _ _ _ y."

And I do disagree with you that no one is perfect ... I prefer to think everyone is perfect, unless I am shown differently.

Amen Fae.....
I have other "issues" if, or when, I degrade another woman :o
If she is mean to me, judges me for things I cannot change.....I am "yet" to be above using physical features, as well as mental capacity, to discribe how I feel :eek:
But never have I personally judged a woman based on her looks or God given features.....now, how she dresses....that's a different story:p

Jodey what about "the cow"? :tongue2: jajajajaja

Sorry, I couldn't resist it!

Fae, I think you and I are almost in the same page. ;)

My two best friends and I are a perfect example of accepting differences, one is Ms. Perfect outfit, spa, Channel purses, Cartier watch, leather high heels, the other one is beat up jalopy, nice but not remarkable clothes, and me, I am Ms. Nerdy Comfort, if it is comfortable, I wear it, if not I wont. I rather be in jeans than a suit but I have to dress for the job. :o All 3 of us could lose weight. :o

My friends and I work together, we are in constant contact with all kinds of new people and we somehow decided to find something nice about the people we meet and tell them.

It can be a necklace, a brilliant speech, their efficiency, or any other aspect, and we praise them. At first it can be a bit forced and feel hypocritical, but after a while, you learn to open your eyes to the good in others and to honestly express it.

However I cannot go as far as saying everyone is perfect. But, I rather not think about shortcomings as defects but rather as opportunities for improvement. :)

Gotcha, Shiela! ;) I agree we are closer to being on the same page!

I have one person that has been my best friend since highschool. She is very thin and it is stunning to hear the crap she gets from other woman for being so thin. She would love to put on weight and she tries to put on weight, it doesn't happen though. She is as sensitive about being too thin as I am about being overweight.

I want women to be strong supporters of other women. I think as women we are still a work in progress on that.

Hey there fellow goddess.....I gave my "disclaimer" lol :eek::o
I am still a work in progress!

t's not about chronological age. It's about how you view your world. Is your world about possibilities or impossibilities? I choose to view the world through the lens of what is possible. Is your world about yearning to learn new skills, being open to new adventures, and embracing optimism over pessimism? I believe that when you embrace your life as a gift with unlimited possibilities, aging is a great opportunity.

So if someone says that their physical features do not match their chronological age, perhaps what they see when they look in the mirror is their own very positive outlook on life -- a very positive, exciting and attractive outlook. And if others say that "you do not look your age," perhaps what they see is an energetic countenance that naturally surrounds you. To others, your countenance may very well reflect that you approach each day as a fresh start, a new beginning -- a daily rebirth through the lens of endless possibilities.

I know people in their 90s who look wonderful, who travel the world, and who could care less about social norms. They just enjoy their lives and in so doing expess more joy and energy than many I know in their 20s, 30, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. So go on out and take a huge bite out of life every day. And if somebody says, "hey, you don't look your age," pat yourself on the back and say "Hey, I woke up this morning and am living a full and happy life today, and it shows. Good for me!!!!"
__________________
PERFECT, unconventional...you said it way better than I:yes:

I want women to be strong supporters of other women. I think as women we are still a work in progress on that.
Amen to that, Fae!

And Sheila...you always astound me...are you SURE English is your SECOND language???!?!? You always have a way of articulating exactly what I'm thinking, but you say it WAAAAAY better using MY language.:yes: Kudos, young lady!

I am SO glad I'm no longer in my twenties. THANK GOD. I am confident and have wrinkles and am real. I think we are used to society telling us we need to look like 12 year old boys. But it's funny, because I too find myself saying that, because other people have told me so, and I like hearing it from people.

I imagine it's obvious to most... most men do not find catty, spiteful, snippy, condescending, insecure women attractive.

Anyway, I must sign off for the night so have enough time after my date with my cousin at her trailer so I can then wax my gun rack for tomorrow's annual pig-chasing/beer guzzling truck show. Even cleaned a shirt!

ok now I found the entire post funny but this however made me snort out rockstar...and thats so not a good thing.:p

You forgot to put the Duhuh at the end of the post Truck. :tongue2:

ok now I found the entire post funny but this however made me snort out rockstar...and thats so not a good thing.:p

Hopefully you chortled out the remix and not the original....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdANcmDkoH8

You forgot to put the Duhuh at the end of the post Truck. :tongue2:

Awwww, are you telling me my humor wasn't obvious?

Hopefully you chortled out the remix and not the original....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdANcmDkoH8



Awwww, are you telling me my humor wasn't obvious?

LOL oh it was obvious. Ok Im going to continue this on a new thread because I dont want to hijack this. So dont mind me if I quote you.

LOL oh it was obvious. Ok Im going to continue this on a new thread because I dont want to hijack this. So dont mind me if I quote you.

Don't mind at all :)


And don't mind me, I write with the assumption my readers are more intelligent than a stuffed yak.

i just finished with a conversation that i was having with a stranger....he asked my age "40" and then my man's age "24" and then wondered how i got "hooked up" with a younger man....

so when i say i "don't look my age" why do i also feel the need to explain why i am with a younger man? like why do i feel a need to explain his age to anyone? what difference does it make??? and why exactly do i feel i have to explain his age to anyone? hmmmmm i don't know exactly why i do it....but i do know it isn't anyone else's business.....and why does everyone else think it's a "mid-life" crisis......and why is it "totally ok" for an older man to dig a younger chick but "taboo" for me to love totally with my whole heart and soul....a younger man....

i think i'm thinking to deeply today....lester tells me not to worry so much about what anyone else thinks.....he's so right on target!!!

Umm, Vicky, if you are 40 and he is 24, you might want to change your hang tag to 16 instead of 14. *waves hi*

thanks faye...i did it...i did it....yeah me.....

l love your quote btw

Anyway, I must sign off for the night so have enough time after my date with my cousin at her trailer so I can then wax my gun rack for tomorrow's annual pig-chasing/beer guzzling truck show. Even cleaned a shirt!

Oh sure cuz! give away the secrets of our social life!! :bgrin2:

(by the way - you clean up real purty)

I don't care if people know how old I am. I've earned every single wrinkle on my face. I've earned the right to be alive on this planet just like everybody else. (well I'm not crazy about the grey hair but that's easily taken care of) I don't feel the need to justify looking the age that I do and I don't feel the need to justify why I'm with a younger man. I'm comfortable with it; everybody else can either deal with it or go away. :yes:

Oh sure cuz! give away the secrets of our social life!! :bgrin2:

I did not divulge your attire nor our favorite position(s), did I? :-D

(by the way - you clean up real purty)

Thank you. It is difficult to get grease off my skin and pig mud out of my hair. Just wish your trailer had hotter water. Oh, I ate your last can of beans.

(well I'm not crazy about the grey hair but that's easily taken care of)

I don't mind that I'm greying... for I'm estatic there's hair in the first place as I started losing the front in high school, which severely impacted my "metal god" look at the time.

And thank you for the compliment! Unfortunately I generally have two modes of dress - suit and tie - or car greasey/slimey/sticky. I'm guessing you saw my pictures on the "guitars?" thread?

My man (19) has gray hair a lot of it. When we met I was reluctant because I was am 35 and he said, so what I have gray hair. It was so funny. I get the I don't look 35, but when I look at my size 8 butt that was once a size 4, and the parenthesis around my mouth, and circles around my eyes, I say okay! I think people mistake a woman growing old gracefully and accepting the aging process and taking very good care of herself at the place she is at, with a woman trying to look younger.

My friends how are in their 30s want women in the mid 40s to 50s, and they say its the class and sophistication that is attractive. They dont want an older woman trying to act and dress like a 20 year old.

What is 60 supposed to look like ? At 45, I wrote myself off because I believed the BS about menopause, and how we women were advised to "pack up the sex drive, don frumpy clothing, and wait for the slow drying up process".

No one advised us to go find a young lover, hang on to our sex appeal, and shell out for a nip and tuck. At 60, I can pass for 50. Not boasting, I just decided to wear sensible, but sexy clothing to make myself feel attractive. I am not trying to be 30. Let the youngsters do all that. I was there. I was 30. To think it was easy being 20 or 30 is an illusion. Life has ups and downs at all ages. I wouldn't trade my accumulated wisdom and memories for anything.

Do I worry about getting sick, and looking "beaten down" by the effects of gravity ? Yes. So do men.Who wants to look decrepid ? I hate when we women are accused of robbing the cradle (that's a mighty BIG cradle), and men are often labelled "distinguished older gents who want a young wife for reproduction, and companionship." Oh life is hilarious.