Should I Say Something or Just Leave It Alone for Now

Hello Ageless Love Friends,

As many of you already know, I'm a 37-year-old writer from New York who has always been attracted to older women even though none of my past relationships have ever really worked out for a variety of reasons, mainly that I have picked the wrong people in the past and have gotten burned. And as you may also know from my recent postings, I have had a very close friendship/companionship with a terrific artist named Susan whom I'm crazy about and have been hanging out with since we met on Valentine's Day this past February who turns 61 at the end of June even though she could easily pass for 40. She's beautiful, talented and we always have a blast together. Not only that, but my family really likes her and her friends seem to like me.

Anyway, we're apart right now because she's up in Vermont for the summer and I just spent a mostly wonderful week with her over Memorial Day and I'm getting her mail while she's gone. I use the term "mostly wonderful" to describe our week together because she still has major issues with our age difference and I'm afraid that I kind of overdid things a little bit while I was there. Nothing ungentlemanly or inapprorpriate mind you, but rather I seemed to try a little too hard to be the perfect guest while I was there and overdid things by showering her with gifts (flowers, sterling silver earrings, clothes, etc.) to show her how much she meant to me. I also kept telling her over and over about how much I want to come back again this summer and got a little misty eyed when she took me to the airport to come home last week.

Needless to say, I feel really embarassed, immature and stupid about all of this--especially since it probably just re-inforces her issues with our age difference--and so I'm wondering now if I should try and say something about this and clear the air the next time I talk to her.

All I want her to know is how much what we have right now means to me, but that it's not an all or nothing proposition either and that I'm not trying to change, push her or take away her freedom and indepenence as much as I care for her. Also, I want her to know that the reason I inadvertently overdid things when I was there is because I miss her so much when we're apart and that I only have the best of intentions.

We've only talked twice since I got back last Tuesday and exchanged a couple of e-mails (all friendly) because I've intentionally wanted to give her her space and have been extremely busy myself. Nevertheless, I really think I should address this with her next week and not let it fester for too long because I don't want to end up alienating her--especially since we do get along so well otherwise.

As always, I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts. Thanks.

Communicate. Tell her how you feel! Sounds like you're trying to get into her head, see her brain and print out what she's thinking. If you want to know, you have to ask her. If your feelings run deep, you have to tell her. If you shower her with gifts because you love her, you have to tell her. If your eyes get misty at the airport because you have to leave her, you have to tell her.

Bottom line: You have to let her know the depth of your feelings for her, cause from what I'm reading here, it sounds to me like you are in love big time. If this is the case, you're going to remain in a state of agony by not telling her how you feel. You're going to wonder day after day if she feels the same way you feel, if you should give her more space, if you should call her again. You'll be asking yourself "Does she want to see me," or "Maybe I shouldn't call her tonight because I just called her last night." You don't want to go there!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:

Have a good long talk with her and get your feelings out. By the end of that conversation, you'll have a very good sense of the nature of your relationship.

Why do you feel you need to "clear the air"? Has she given you an indication that she felt your behaviour was inappropriate? If she hasn't, then making an issue of it might not be the best thing to do.

You have already spoken enough, she knows your message, you care for her. Leave it along and just enjoy her company and do NOT over do it!

Hi,

I wanted to ask, did she give you any indication whatsoever that she didn't like your behavior, or you are just guessing she didn't. If the first is the case then I guess you would have to talk to her about it but don't overdo it. It's not a "lets talk about this extremely serious stuff" conversation. keep it light. If on the other hand you don't know perhaps nothing is wrong and everything is ok. I, would say however that keeping things "extremely friendly" (I'm not sure I got it right but I understood that you kept your emails on the friendly side to ensure she didn't feel stifled by emotion) after such an exhibition of emotion, could confuse her even more. You can't be REALLY giving while you are there and then become just FRIENDLY when you email. Women pick up on this stuff. So keep the middle ground. Friendly with a touch of feeling and everything is going to be ok.

Keep us posted

ayla

I think if she has major issues because of the age difference you should talk to her about these issues. Did she ever say what these issues exactly are. Try to find out.