Gotta Get Out Of This Mood--Help!!!!!!

Last year I turned 50. Great, I'm happy I made it, happy to be alive and well and doing my thing. I remember my YM, his mother, my brother-in-law and his wife all took me out to dinner. The glasses were raised for a toast and after all shouted, "Happy Birthday," my mother-in-law added quietly, "You look very young and very slim." I thought it a wee bit strange at the time, but figured she'd had a couple of drinks and just, well, said something she thought would be a nice thing to say.

Well, this year she was back in town, made the same comment but then said, "but when you go shopping don't buy black suits." She added quite soberly that she'd just attended another birthday function two days prior and that "only women in their 20's were wearing black so a woman your age has to wear some color."

I thanked her for her birthday wish but told her that I was quite capable of making my own fashion decisions. Ever since this exchange, I've been a bit "out of it," which is not really like me. I don't even want to go there with my YM because logically it seems rather petty. But if it's so petty, why do I feel kind of "blue." I keep saying to myself, "Snap out of it -- so much else going on in the world that you should be thinking about, but then that feeling comes back and I say to myself, "try to define the problem, clean it up and move on." Problem is, I can't seem to define the problem. Perhaps it's something I've never recognized with respect to my mother-in-law; like deep down inside she resents me for marrying her son who is younger than I am. If this is the case, it could change the nature of my relationship with her since it would seem I've been living in denial for quite some time. I thought we were close.

Can anyone out there help me out!!!!! I need some serious tech support:yes:

It may just be her personality to make comments like that. It may have nothing to do with you. In fact, it could be related to her own fears and concerns about getting older.

The idea that certain clothes, styles or colours are appropriate for certain ages is just another form of age discrimination but many people making these remarks truly intend to be helpful.

I saw an article in a women's magazine bemoaning the fact that some 20ish women dress very businesslike or else in baggy pants and sweaters instead of the "sexy, young" clothes the magazine saw as appropriate for their age. Why shouldn't they wear what they want? A twenty-year-old in a business suit might well enjoy powering up her career early. And why are young women made to feel there's something wrong with them if they're not showing a lot of flesh? Similarly, "older" women get told what they shouldn't wear. Why shouldn't I wear "sexy" clothes now that I'm reaching my sexual peak and am happy in my own skin? It's far more appropriate for me than when I was young and didn't have near the sex drive of guys my age, and when I scrutinized every inch of exposed flesh for "flaws", feeling self-concious about all the "imperfections" I was allowing everyone to see yet afraid if I didn't dress sexy I wouldn't get a man. :rolleyes:

I wouldn't make assumptions about why she says what she says. Just go on treating her with love and respect - and go on wearing whatever the heck you feel like!

Thanks for the support! I needed that shot in the arm. I was right, it's simply petty. Time to get back to important things in life. Can't believe I got caught up in this in the first place. It's really hard to get me to travel to these zones. Well, we all have our down days. Thanks again.:)

What???? We can't wear black? First I've heard. Wow, half my wardrobe would have to be replaced. And some of my favorite pieces. While I DO enjoy an excuse to shop - I don't think so.

LOL yes, quack quack, be a duck (water off it's back). Her comment would have been MUCH different if it was phrased something like "oh you look so pretty in blue you should buy more of that color", but when it supposedly has something to do with age, yes it's just a bit odd.

Sort of like a coworker of mine who says now we have to wear white for the summer and put the "whites" away after Labour Day. I don't think so. I wear what I think is appropriate and feels right for me, not what somebody else says - unless it's don't look now but there's a big hole in the back of that sweater you're wearing :eek:

Just do the smile and nod thing and wear what you feel like wearing. It's your body, your life, your clothes.

When she pays for your clothes, maybe you can take her advice then. :bgrin2:

[QUOTE=Unconventional;569826]Last year I turned 50. Great, I'm happy I made it, happy to be alive and well and doing my thing. .


Unconventional: I am not even sure it had to do with your MIL's comment...perhaps it was just a trigger...turning 51 is somehow different than 50, don't ask me why, but it just feels different. (I turn 51 in July). I am starting to really assess what I want from life and from my career, my future partner/husband/BF whatever. Could this be what you are feeling? The need to feel in tune with your future, not just letting it happen but helping to guide it?

So take a deep breath say the mantra "I love who I am" and read something inspirational....seek the sun and dance in it....life is a joyful experience.


I wish for you blessings, Jann

Sorry you're in a funk.

I was thinking that maybe subconsciously you thought that your MIL was not consciously aware of your age and the age gap between you and her son.

Anyway, her comment doesn't change anything, bottom line. You're still the wonderful person you were before she made that stupid comment.

Thanks for all of your responses. They really mean a great deal to me.

Zapped1x: On turning 51, I don't think that was a "trigger." I've never had hang ups about chronological age. I'm grateful for my life -- I've got a warm and supportive husband, a great business that I own, a lovely house with three acres of land and horses galloping next door. These are the fruits of my labor and I'm happy with what I've achieved and I'm looking forward to achieving even more.

However, now that I think of it you might be on to something: I've just come off of a year and a half caring for my mother who has vascular dementia -- this plus running my own business. This was a very difficult time for me. Then I had a medical scare of my own. I only recently went for a PET scan and, thank goodness, all is very well. I'm in excellent health and that's always good to know.

So perhaps I'm still on the mend, getting my head back in order after a very challenging time. I just plain read my mother-in-law's comments in a dark light. Believe me. I will wear black whenever I decide to. Get rid of all my little black dresses??? No way.:bgrin2:

I'm so glad I found you guys. Your insights are priceless.:yes:

Hi,

Sometimes mothers in law say things in the best possible way without implying anything but just because they are mothers in law it comes out horribly wrong. I've never had a mother in law but I was engaged a few years back and I will share with you a little incident. My Irish fiance and I were invited to dinner by his parents and while we were sitting there chatting along, his mother said to his younger sister "she has quite a good command of vocabulary after all". Now, being an English Language student at an English University and coping just fine that comment seemed rather.....well....off putting. But she quickly realized and she apologized. We then got drunk and were merry :bgrin2:

Also, my sisters' mother in law went to her place a few months back and told her how to fold her plastic supermarket bags properly because apparently that's what you do when you are a great housewife. Go figure.....


Wear black, enjoy it and be fab as always


ayla

Uncon --

You're not supposed to get along with your MIL. It's ok! Buy any color suit you want!

Sort of like a coworker of mine who says now we have to wear white for the summer and put the "whites" away after Labour Day. I don't think so. I wear what I think is appropriate and feels right for me, not what somebody else says - unless it's don't look now but there's a big hole in the back of that sweater you're wearing :eek:

Just do the smile and nod thing and wear what you feel like wearing. It's your body, your life, your clothes.

When she pays for your clothes, maybe you can take her advice then. :bgrin2:


GIrl I agree!

I just smile nod and wear what I want..EVEN if there is snow on my mountain there will be FIRE in the furnance and if I feel 20 I will act 20
sorry but I hate it when women my age say OMG ACT YOUR age
NO I WONT..i do not wish to be some stuck in the mud thank you very much
AND i will WEAR BLACK lol

Wow this is the funniest thing I've heard in a LONG time. It doesn't make any sense to me at all. I never follow fashion rules of any kind...except if I'm in Paris of course!
Wear whatever makes you feel FABULOUS! :D

I never heard any thing more ridiculous. What what ever looks good on you.