why cant he be at least 10 years older....

Hi ageless love,

I followed up this board for a couple of months now cause we don’t have anything comparable in Germany so I am going to write you my story.

A couple of month ago I came to know a young man (24, I am turning 40 in a couple of days) in an online game. We met in Voice COM and started a pretty nice chat which took a whole night. In the end he invited me for dinner. I didn’t take it serious and left him by simply laughing and saying good night. But, he kept asking by chat, voice COM, mail, sms. He did really a lot to make me say yes and after a couple weeks I agreed and told him I will meet him so that he can see we do not have anything in common and he is running after a silly idea.
We met (we do not live in the same city, it’s a 1,5h car drive, but doable) and we really had a nice evening. In the end he kissed me and I run away.

Since that he would love to have more, I am still not up for it. I told him my whole history (got separated from another guy a few month before I met him the first time and I had really been though hell), I told him he is much to young for me, I could never take him serious, that I have probs with my head and I really would feel like his mum, and that he should go and get somebody of his age, that I am afraid that I somehow just would use him to get over my ex. So I asked him to stay away from me.
Well, what should I say, he didn’t care. He keeps insisting on more meetings and not a day passed by without an sms or a call or a mail, he put a lot of pressure on me to try an relationship. After a while I really freaked out. I asked him really rude and harsh to stay away from me, not to call me anymore ect. and believe me, I was absolutely clear about it.

But, only thing he did, was changing this tactic, he never mentioned a relationship anymore, told me he made a mistake by wanting so much in such a short time and said well, we will see, but he made sure that I really regonize he is there and not going to leave me alone.

I stepped back more or less completely, I did not answer calls, mails ect. but if I didn’t not answered 2 calls, I got an sms ala no need to hide I don’t mean you any harm or something like that . He asked me out for summer activities like open air concerts, motorbike rides ect in such a nice and charmy way, not taking a No for a No. I don’t know how often I said No, he never gave a comment on that, only asking again 2 days later. In the end couldn’t resisted and had to say ok, we can go out for concert ect.
Every time we met we had a really good time, but I was freaking always later on when I have been alone again, blamed myself for not staying with my NO, and I started the discussion again: We should not meet anymore, that has to end…. He: Why, we had a great time whats wrong with that…. Here we went again from the beginning, I don’t know how many times, for how many things, he asked me out, I said no, he asked again and again and in the end we met again ….

The last months passed by like that.

Now I am a totally mess. I really don’t know what to do anymore. He is such a nice and cute guy, funny with a lot of idea and a pretty good feeling how to handle me. If he would be 10 years older I would be totally in love that’s for sure. But things are like they are and I know me, I would never be able to deal with his age, I cant take him serious at all, always expecting the worsest and I am pretty much afraid if I let things go on I ll hurt him really hardly. I know that it will be like that, I know me.
I told him everything I wrote down here, told him all my thoughts ect. – he don’t care. Well thats not true, he takes care, he is interested in what I say and why, but he gives a **** on my we have to stop it.
Age is not important for him, in his opinion we would fit perfectly, he knows exactly what he wants – me. UUUUHHH!
How do you deal with such a situation? How can I explain to him that its not working because of my head? And, no, I don’t think that will pass by, its so deeply inside me that I really don’t think I could deal with it. I tried everything I could imagine. Telling the complety truth, saying sorry it wont work for me even when you are a nice guy, I am not over my ex and so on.
He is just smiling at me and telling me, we will see. And somehow I am deeply impressed that he is not giving up, even when I said all the bad things to him during my freaking time, and he is really nice and cute, but….
How does you deal with such a situtation? If I look at him, listening to his talking I see myself 15 or 20 years ago. Same talking, same ideas, same dreams. But that’s not me anymore, my world changed, my dreams ect…. It just don’t fit.

Well, surely most of you will say now, be happy that you find somebody like him, but I cant. He is willing to change, to move ( I cant so easly cause of my job), ect. … but I am not confortable with that idea. I never asked him to do this, he is just telling me ala: Hey, I know you don’t wanna hear, but I could move to your city that we can come to learn each other better. I told him stay where he is, but ofc you are thinking about it.

By giving it a try I would never get wied of the feeling steeling this life from him, according to myself and the memory of parties, friends, nonsense I did when I was 24. Its not my world anymore, really not. And I am afraid I cant change that much for compromises ect. There are so many differences, he wants kids, i dont want, he is looking for his way in job, i found mine allready. And after every talking we had (and we had quite a lot) its a bit harder. You come to know each other better and better in the nice way, and also the worlds become more fat away. I know I should stand to my NO, no dates anymore, not changing to YES, ok for one dinner, again after a while, but its really hart to resist. He is doing his invitations and the repeatings with so much phantasie and ideas, and I am melting away like ice in the sun. I know that’s stupid and should not be, but somehow I cant help it.

Uff, this has been a long one, thank you for reading and sorry for all the typos I surely did by writing this post ;)

Sweetie I am 21 years older then my fiancé. I thought the same thing at first until I really got to know him. We been together 2 years and it is AMAZING. He is more mature then most of the men my age.
He loves me for who I am and what I will be. HE even loves my tiny laugh lines..my stretch marks my chubby thighs EVERYTHING
and get this..HE THINKS I AM SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL...we STILL can't get enough of each other..not just physically..BUT emotionally as well.

Do you realize HOW many age gaps are working...and MORE AND MORE are getting together and realizing WOW this is better then my ex was??

We all go through the OMG he is SO young and I am OLD feeling...HUN one YOU are not OLD...he is NOT that young over 18 is an ADULT...he can vote..drink...DIE at war for you and I
Yes he may not have *your life experiences* but these days MOST do and have more. Kai my Fiance had so many rough and GOOD experiences (including sexual) that it made me go wow why am I complaining about mine LOL


When you find someone that makes you laugh like you have never laughed before, when they make you feel like you are a highschool girl with butterflies in your belly, when you see them you get flustered...when you can stay up for hours talking about EVERYTHING and NOT get bored

GO FOR IT
age is just a number girl:yes:

and HE seems AWESOME and mature for his age...not all are but this one does!

Everyone has a different path they are on. His and yours have crossed for a reason. You have to LIVE life, there are NO guarantees....if he were 10 years older, he would NOT be the same person you met at THIS point in your life. And if you were 10 years younger, YOU would not be who you are today.

You are not guaranteed your next breath, much less the next 20 years, so YOU need to be happy. If that's with him, if you melt like ice in the sun, then you are robbing yourself of the only thing in life that matters....HAPPINESS. Whether you get that for 5 days, 5 months, 5 years or 5 decades. If you can't let yourself experience life and experience a situation that may or may not be long lasting but certainly will add value to your life - and his - then what exactly are you doing here? (in life, not on this site.... :p) What are you hoping to find in the next person who may fit your age requirement but doesn't melt your heart? Or who DOES do both and is married? Or who does do both and then changes and breaks your heart? Or who does do both and then gets cancer and dies? Because ALL of those things are possible and they are NOT dependant on a person's age, but on their character, their choices, things they CAN'T control.....

Life is meant to be lived. Hopefully you can do that, but if you can't, let HIM move on to someone who can run down that path WITH him, enjoying every moment, not someone who will fight to be on a different path the entire time they are with him....

Take care! I hope you are able to let go enough to see where life is leading you and how the journey unfolds! :)

At first I was going to encourage you to stick with it, be open, give it a try-he sounds like a nice guy who would treat you well.


After re-reading your post tho, I would encourage you to just stop messing with this guy-cut off communication. It is not fair for you to keep being involved with him on any level when you have no interest or intentions of letting it go farther. When someone is enamored with someone else like he is over you, it is difficult to impossible to change gears to "just being friends". He wants you, and by giving into him you are sending him signals that there is a chance. That in and of itself is cruel. Ironically being open to a relationship and giving it a chance would be "ruining his life" less than you are now.

Let the poor guy go.

I would never be able to deal with his age, I cant take him serious at all, always expecting the worsest and I am pretty much afraid if I let things go on I ll hurt him really hardly. I know that it will be like that, I know me.


You already have your mind made up. You already stated "I would never be able to deal with his age, I cant take him serious at all..." so what are you doing still being with him? Let him go.

Our opinions make no difference to you, so it is time to say NEXXXT, find yourself a guy you can deal with and it is not a "I would never..."

Since you can not deal with it, why bother?

Good luck!

There's no crime in knowing you can't handle it, it's not for everyone.
The crime comes in jerking someone's feelings around, letting them think there's hope, when there's not.

If you've got your mind that made up, then best wishes, live your life. But stop letting him think that if he's only persuasive enough, you might give in.

If you're determined to be too old for him, and it sure sounds like you've made your mind up solidly, then be the grown up, and be firm in letting him go, so he can find someone who'll love him, just for himself, and not punish him for the one thing he can't change, his age.

When I read your post I thought 2 things....1. it's quite clear that your bottom line is that you are not interested in having a relationship with this man (for whatever your reasons are, which are valid for you) and 2. gee, this guy almost sounds like he's stalking you. What part of "no' does he not understand?! It sounds in some ways that you've gone on dates with him because he's been so persistent, because he won't leave you alone. That's a red flag for me. I'd stop replying to any contact he makes and if he continues to try and contact you, change your phone, email etc...

why cant he be at least 10 years older....

....because he can't be. :( So now what you have to decide is whether the rest of the package suits you enough to overlook this one big downside to who he is. Only you can answer that. I chose to take the plunge and move ahead with my relationship with a man 25 years younger than me. I will caution you that its not an easy road and you will encounter people who applaud you, people who resent you and a whole lot of people who are just plain confused.

The one thing that disturbs me with what you've written is that despite trying to end the relationship, he continues to push. You'll read a lot here about how persistence can pay off. You will read how it took awhile for many of these ladies to accept that a relationship with a much younger man could really work and that it would have never happen without the patience of their YM. There is a fine line between being patient and being pushy. I would be turned off by a man who continued to push once I had told him we needed to end things.

It sounds like you know yourself and what you are able to accept and he refuses to accept your feelings about all this. Ughh!!

Honestly, 24 and 40 is not big deal. My boyfriend is 19 turning 20 next month and I am 35 turning 36 next month. Live your life! Don't allow age to stop you from being happy. If the only thing is holding you back is the age then go for it...often times we allow fear to hold us back instead of moving forward. Date him, have a nice time, and see wear it goes.