Punctuality, never heard of it.

I love my partner dearly and have no doubts that she is the woman for me.

There is one little thing that always gets me annoyed and that is her inability to be punctual, we have missed trains, the start of more movies than I could count, and even on one infamous occasion a flight (fortunately we were able to transfer to another one later in the day).

Even when she is dressed and ready she will find some way of being late, she of course sees things differently, she accuses me of being ruled by the clock. She has a point, if the train, say, left at 10 am then I would be at the station at 9:30. She also says that when you get to her age then nobody is going to make you hurry for anything!

It is our only area of incompatibility, i like to be early and she has no concept of arriving on time. :)

What little things do other peoples partners do that sends the annoyance meter off scale.

my wife has a hard time being on time when things aren't ruled by the clock

what i mean by that is this (just an example)

if we are planning on going somewhere by bus/train/plane she KNOWS she has to be there on time so she gets ready and is, however if say, we are just going to drive or walk somewhere she takes forever to get ready and keeps pushing it back "till later" and half the time we never end up going, for example we were planning on going to see the new Indiana Jones last weekend and it never happened because she never got ready

I'm from the other side, for me being unpunctual especially late to meetings, dinners and other appointments is just PLAIN RUDE. I say it AGAIN PLAIN RUDE and I can't stand it. I'm punctual 99% and my husband is early all the time, he has to be at the airport at least 2 hrs before the plane leaves, if we fly international 3 hrs. This is where we clash, I like to be 30 minutes before schedule he always leaves time for flat tires. I hate waiting at the airport, he likes reading and playing chess while waiting for the flight.
He also likes to tell me what to do with my cooking my answer is always' who's cooking, would you like to take over?' then he keeps quiet and leave the kitchen.

I love my partner dearly and have no doubts that she is the woman for me.

There is one little thing that always gets me annoyed and that is her inability to be punctual, we have missed trains, the start of more movies than I could count, and even on one infamous occasion a flight (fortunately we were able to transfer to another one later in the day).

Even when she is dressed and ready she will find some way of being late, she of course sees things differently, she accuses me of being ruled by the clock. She has a point, if the train, say, left at 10 am then I would be at the station at 9:30. She also says that when you get to her age then nobody is going to make you hurry for anything!

It is our only area of incompatibility, i like to be early and she has no concept of arriving on time. :)

What little things do other peoples partners do that sends the annoyance meter off scale.


My take on people who are late is that they feel that they are much more important than those who are waiting on them. What else can it say....hey I know "YOU" are ready and we agreed on a certain time, but hey....that all of the sudden doesn't work for me. It shows a real lack of caring for the others waiting.....it may be subconscious or it may be intentional....either way I have no patience for it. I wait exactly 10 mins and then I go to wherever it is I need to...I tell them that ahead of time just so that THEY know their behavior will not be tolerated. I simply stopped waiting for the cronically late, for my own sanity.

Blessings, Jann

My bf is like that, but I do not sweat it. I live in a country where we have what is called "Panamanian Hour" it means between one to two hours later than the real hour. So if you want someone to be there at 8, tell them it is at 7 or 6:30 and so adjust your time. No biggie. Once you figure out your "GF-Time" you can manage to be on time all the time.

P.S. If you are ever in Panama and someone invites you to their home at 8, and you arrive at 8, you will find the hostess in her housedress with rollers in her hair and the table not even set.

My bf is like that, but I do not sweat it. I live in a country where we have what is called "Panamanian Hour" it means between one to two hours later than the real hour. So if you want someone to be there at 8, tell them it is at 7 or 6:30 and so adjust your time. No biggie. Once you figure out your "GF-Time" you can manage to be on time all the time.

P.S. If you are ever in Panama and someone invites you to their home at 8, and you arrive at 8, you will find the hostess in her housedress with rollers in her hair and the table not even set.

Perfect description of Jamaican culture. I am very punctual and so is D. We work well together in this regard, but we are always frustrated with the tardiness of other folks. I find that punctuality is tied into a person's personality to be dependable. If you can count on an individual to do what they say they will when they say they will do it, it is highly likely that they are punctual people as well.

If I'm late I feel tremendous guilt and take full responsibility. I never use the excuse that heavy traffic caused my lateness because I should have made allowance for eventualities. I hate waiting, so I don't expect others to wait on me either. I would never date a guy who was habitually late; it means that much to me.

I prefer to be on time than late, and when I must drive to a destination I prefer to leave a little earlier than "mapquest" says in order to compensate for heavy traffic, accidents and such.

While I'm habitually early to most everything, last week I was late for a "POF date". It's partly my fault for packing too much into one day, and just before the date I had a 2 hr ride from PA to NJ (home) with a trailer full of engines and of course I hit heavy traffic. Unfortunately, my cell phone didn't have any signal so I couldn't call her until about 15 minutes before I was supposed meet her, which I explained when I called upon immediately having a signal.

"You're an (bleep)" she said and hung up. That saved me an hour each way to meet her for coffee I guess.

I wonder what she'd have called me if I had said I got into a car accident. Makes ya wonder why people are single in the first place.

I think you have to be careful to not attribute negative motives to her lateness. While some think the behavior is simply rude, most of the time people are late because they have problems disengaging from the task at hand, and many times their difficulty disengaging comes from a desire to not offend the person who has interrupted the task of getting ready to go. For some people its difficult to say "I'm sorry, I can't talk with you/help you right now. I have to be somewhere." To them it feels like saying "I'm sorry, there's something else I have to do that's more important than you." This is all a time management problem, nothing more, and that's how I would approach the subject with her. Once you start talking about this being rude or inconsiderate, you're going to lose her contribution to any dialog.

I am habitually late and horrible at managing my time. I think I will always struggle with this. I'm blessed because my BF is one of the few people who completely understands how hard this is and he's not all that punctual himself. In fact, one of the reasons we make such a great pair is that we move through the day at sort of the same rythm, despite our age gap.

Some tactics that I am learning are to ignore the phone as I'm walking out the door, to gracefully end a conversation before I get into one, to not schedule two activities too close to one another and to call ahead if I'm going to be more than a few minutes late. I use a planner (poorly and inconsistently) and making lists is really helpful. I've even engaged friends and staff in helping me stay on time. Once people realize that this is all part of my internal hard wiring, life is really easier, because rarely will I ever stand anybody up. If I say I am going to be somewhere, I will be there.

Hope there's a little wisdom in all this.

My maternal side of the family runs on "mexican time", which means if you have a party at noon everyone will show up around 2. My mother is notorious for that type of thing and so having grown up being raised by a perpetually late mother I am always punctual. lol My best friend is always late hahahaa, so she drives me crazy.

I have found that I had to adjust my time for my mother when I had functions for instance if my party was at 4 I would tell my mother 2 and she would show up at 4/;30, eventually it turned out to be a pain in the butt and ended up being more of nuisance than worth the effort. So now I dont bother and figure that if she really wants to be there she will make the effort and if she shows up late and the party is over well then that is her fault.

I really think that there are two type of late people, those who are late due to some ditzy inability to schedule themselves properly and those who dont really care who they put out by their self centered focus. My mother for instance always says, "oh they will wait". ugh., my best friend tries to be on time but somehow always ends up late due to things coming up. lol With my best friend I have patience because I have been around her trying to be on time, while my mother doesnt try.

My bf is like that, but I do not sweat it. I live in a country where we have what is called "Panamanian Hour" it means between one to two hours later than the real hour. So if you want someone to be there at 8, tell them it is at 7 or 6:30 and so adjust your time. No biggie. Once you figure out your "GF-Time" you can manage to be on time all the time.

P.S. If you are ever in Panama and someone invites you to their home at 8, and you arrive at 8, you will find the hostess in her housedress with rollers in her hair and the table not even set.

ROFL !!!!!!! reminds me of the Egyptian IBM.
I-Inshallah -God willing
B- Bukra-Tomorrow
M- Maalesh- never mind
:D

I'm very punctual. I never arrive a minute late OR early, but I am surrounded by people who arrive always late. I just do my own thing and they arrive when they want to. No big deal.

there is late and then there is LATE!

When you miss a plane because someone cannot get his/her act together then there is a major problem that needs to be corrected. Being early to the airport is a necessity these days. Being considerate is optional and apparently it's an option she doesn't consider important.

IMO she is just plain rude and selfish.

People who are late, is my greatest annoyance. It is a matter of respect, pure and simply. Those who keep people waiting on them, have no respect for others. They are simply self involved narcissists who think the entire planet revolves around them. Now, being an engineer, I am very punctual and there is a very simple formula for always being on time. Take the time you must be somewhere, subtract 10 minutes for good form. Then count backwards for how much time it will take you to shower, dress, put on makeup, do your hair and other bullshit. Then you will know what time to start performing the ritual go get you there 10 minutes early for an appropirate fashionable arrival. Nuff said.

Perfect description of Jamaican culture. I am very punctual and so is D. We work well together in this regard, but we are always frustrated with the tardiness of other folks. I find that punctuality is tied into a person's personality to be dependable. If you can count on an individual to do what they say they will when they say they will do it, it is highly likely that they are punctual people as well.

If I'm late I feel tremendous guilt and take full responsibility. I never use the excuse that heavy traffic caused my lateness because I should have made allowance for eventualities. I hate waiting, so I don't expect others to wait on me either. I would never date a guy who was habitually late; it means that much to me.

I agree wholeheartedly. If a person is dependable and worth his/her salt, they will plan accordingly, considering all eventualities, in order to not keep another person waiting. Everyone's time is valuable and being late is the ultimate insult to someone who's time you will be sharing......

Even when she is dressed and ready she will find some way of being late, she of course sees things differently, she accuses me of being ruled by the clock. She has a point, if the train, say, left at 10 am then I would be at the station at 9:30. She also says that when you get to her age then nobody is going to make you hurry for anything!



Your last statement is what makes me say she is rude and selfish- I am 58yo and I belive in treating others with respect which includes being on time. Just because one gets older does NOT give them the right to use and abuse others , which is what she is doing. SHe is pulling the age string because it's working- you give in to her. Stand up for yourself !! YOU are an important part of this "relationship" and deserve better.


Curious tho, about her other relationships and why they didn't work....

I feel guilty as charged. I am one of those that manages to be late more often that I would like. However, being on this side of the fence, and in defense of the hopelessly late, I need to say that this has nothing to do with self importance or lack of respect, but more on the perception of time, which is something we develop as we age. Once this perception is entrenched as you grow older, it gets more and more difficult to change.

Now, I have changed my punctuality patterns more than once, with great difficulty in some cases, to address the concerns and annoyances of those on the other side of the fence. One thing I can say to the punctuals is that if you love someone, you may have to be prepared to accept some faults, and as long as these faults do not touch your core principles, be accepting to your best.

BTW, I have been late for causes of car explosions, snowfalls over 60cm, drops of temperature of 50C, earthquakes, armed assaults, and tornados. So there are plenty of instances where punctuality shortcomings are excusable.

Thankyou, Greenpetunia. My points exactly!

There is disorganized late -- where someone doesn't plan on traffic, maybe misses a bus, whatever, 15-20 minutes late.

And then there is rude late -- where someone has no concept of the imposition on others they are causing, where they are hours behind schedule and it doesn't even cross their mind to care how their actions affect others.

The former can be dealt with. The latter, for me, can't. I can't even have friends like that, seriously. I used to party with a guy, way back in the day, who was like that and I just decided one day that he must not have any respect for me at all (or any of us) and that I truly could no longer stand to be around him.

I agree Pink Cat and I am assuming this woman wouldn't be the love of his life, if she were just "rude late." But I can tell you that as a person who struggles with time management, people getting angry and insulted by my tardiness doesn't help me change my behavior...it makes me anxious, nervous and also to some extent avoidant.

Now mind you, I haven't missed a plane because I couldn't get myself to a flight on time (nope, on second thought I did once :o) but its not unusual for me to walk into a meeting 10 minutes late. However, I am also the last person out of the office at night as the "punctuals" make a beeline for the door, not stopping to see if anyone needs help or if everything was really completed. Some of my "punctual" partners have actually walked out on patients, not realizing they had not completed their schedules. My "punctual" partners walk in on me when I am with a patient, because they need something of me and can't jeopardize their own schedules, whereas I wait for them to finish something before I interupt. My point is, rudeness is rudeness! Punctuality doesn't preclude rudeness and being late doesn't always imply rudeness.

there is late and then there is LATE!

When you miss a plane because someone cannot get his/her act together then there is a major problem that needs to be corrected. Being early to the airport is a necessity these days. Being considerate is optional and apparently it's an option she doesn't consider important.

IMO she is just plain rude and selfish.

So you don't know my partner but you feel you have the right to pass personal comment about her, well in my opinion somebody is just plain rude, but it is not my partner.

She also says that when you get to her age then nobody is going to make you hurry for anything!



I based my opinion of her on this statement.....I'm sorry if you think that I am rude, but she is making a very lame excuse for her lateness. She is inconsiderate of those around her who may be made late by her lateness.

AGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BEING HURRIED OR NOT! It's a control thing for her and you are part of the problem. Try telling her that you are leaving on time and then do so...see what happens. Well maybe you had better not, I would not want to see her anger..

HOw old is she anyway???? She is acting like a child.
I am soon to be 59 and I feel that I owe ppl around be some consideration, and I expect the same from them. I do not feel the need to control someones life like this.

I see that you are 48 and she 68- good grief I thought you were much younger from your post!

My mother is 78 and she does NOT feel the need to putter around at her own speed, she is mindful of others and considerate of their needs also and would NEVER EVER feel that SHE is more important than those around her.



PPL who are late really irritate me, in case you couldn't tell.

I get angry when I am expecting someone to arrive, and they call with a lame excuse. "Well, the kids have to stop for a happy meal, and Joy wanted to pick up her playmate Joanie, so I went and..blah blah". I would prefer to never have to wait for someone. It's better for myself to let them know where I will be, and they can hunt me down, or meet me. Maybe I am an impatient sort, but I don't like people who are habitually tardy. It makes me feel like a doormat. If I am going to be late, or vague about when I will arrive, I will let the other person know that, and let them opt out if they wish. If I need to put on make up, I do it in the car as a passenger to save time.

Some people find all social interactions stressful, and are always late to postpone the uncomfortable moment. I am not so quick to label a late person as rude or selfish. Also some people are optimistic regarding traffic, or weather conditions, or live in the past when traffic was lighter and it only took 10 minutes to go downtown, while it now takes 30.

The fact that she decided to be late to the airport is a sign that it may be a symptom of a mild social phobia.

to me, whether or not a person is late depends on what the event is & who it's for.

Some things you need to be early/on time for--trains, planes, weddings, funerals, holiday dinners, meetings you facilitate, classes you teach, etc.

You can be "fashionably late" to other things, like barbecues and New Year's Eve parties.

If you're going to be late to someone's Tupperware party, meeting, literature class, or a doctor's appointment, you should probably let the hostess/faciltator/teacher/receptionist know you'll be there, but you'll be late and you're sorry about it.

Many of my friends are from cultures that do not expect punctuality in the same anal-retentive sense that upper middle class Americans of European descent do. If they invite me to a party at 6 pm, what that means is I can show up at 6 to help them peel potatoes if I want to, or I can show up for drinks & munchies at 7:15 and that'll be fine, too, but we're probably not going to eat dinner and they won't be offended if I don't get there until 8:30.

However, when my sister schedules a reservation for Easter brunch for her family and our parents six weeks in advance and does not include me in the invitation (my family has "invitation only" holidays) until the day before and I have already made other plans, I will be there if and when I jolly well get there, and they can spare me the tissues, tears, histrionics and other related dramatic displays.