My insecurities

I do not want my insecurities to mess up my relationship but they are popping out from all over the place. My BF is 16 years my junior, when we are together there is no age barriers, we have a great time. I have 2 children from my divorce and I am single parent due to my ex dying. I recently career changed so I am financially strapped from just completing graduate school and substitute teaching. My BF is equally financially challenged. He is in credibly handsome and will be leaving in August on a basketball scholarship.

A few people told him that he is very handsome, a lot of women of all ages like him, why would he get tied down to an older woman with 2 children? He claims he loves me, but I am even fearful once he is away at college and playing basketball he will forget about me. Sometimes I feel like I should be with someone more my age, but I honestly love my man and don't want to give up on us. However, in the back of my head, I think of all the pretty young girls, with no baggage that are available to him. He tells me what if I find a man my age that is more stable that will be able to provide a better life for my children and I.

My boyfriend and I almost never go out because we are both financially challenged so most of our time is spent in the house around my children. My 3 year old daughter loves him to death because her father died before she was born and my man is the closest thing she has known to a father. My man has done absolutely nothing to make me think he is cheating or dont love me. He has even shown my picture and my daughter's picture to his coach and he tells every one she is his little girl.

I know these are my insecurities. I just need to get a handle on them.
<a href="http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s171/moniqueander/?action=view&current=MoeMike020.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s171/moniqueander/MoeMike020.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

You guys look great together! I have no insight for you....insecurities are a part of any relationship; if you have good communication, it will help you work through them, but they are definitely common, if not normal.

The only thing I want to add (which seems to have become my "tag line" here at AL) is that none of us are guaranteed to live a long, healthy, happy life, so.....enjoy every moment you DO get, whether that is for a year or for 50 years. There are a ton of things that screw up relationships besides an age gap, so don't obssess on any one thing, just enjoy the fact that right now, which is all any of us really have, you are happy! That's what life is about! Embrace it! :)

Good luck!

Monique,

You have the right to feel your insecurities, just don't let them rule your life. Yes any or all of the scenarios you wrote about could play out but also they could just be scenarios that never see the light of day. It really sounds as if you are just having a doubting day, but you have your head on straight. We all have them, somedays worse than others, just don't let them rule the relationship. We never know what the future will bring, just don't change the path by heaping worries on it.

And you do look happy!

I don't even see any age gap!

You look great together. As Alara said, we all feel insecure sometimes, but the key is not to let the insecurities ruin a beautiful relationship.

You guys are great. I know my insecurities are mine and not how he feels, but I cannot help but to feel them.

As one member said, don't let them consume my relationships. I almost freaked out today over something that was not there, but I caught myself.

The irony is my man is very proud of me and walk around showing every one my picture like a badge of honor. I do the same thing too.

Again, Thanks. This site is great forum to lash out feelings.

[QUOTE=moniqueander;570343]my children and I.

[I]My boyfriend and I almost never go out because we are both financially challenged so most of our time is spent in the house around my children. My 3 year old daughter loves him to death because her father died before she was born and my man is the closest thing she has known to a father. My man has done absolutely nothing to make me think he is cheating or dont love me. He has even shown my picture and my daughter's picture to his coach and he tells every one she is his little girl.
/I]

I am not sure where you live, but even here in our relatively small comunity there are tons of free things to do. We have awesome hiking, biking trails and outdoor concerts in the spring and summer....check out the local chamber of commerce web sites...you'd be amazed at the free or really cheap things to do...it can be an adventure! One of Humboldts neat things is the Arcata Marsh...watching birds and walking the dogs or having a picnic....its awesome...I love to just go and just walk on the beach and listen to the ocean and watch it roll and sometimes roar....

He loves you, you love him, and being apart is not going to be easy, accept that for a time the relationship is going to be harder....but the question truly is do you trust him, does he trust you? If the love is truly strong and lasting...it will be ok...and it might even make your relationship stronger.

I wish for you many, many blessings, Jann

Hi Monique!

Yes indeed! You all do look great together. :yes:

Sounds like there is little to be insecure about at all. If he loves you (and from what you say, it sounds like he truly does, then you have little to worry about if anything. Just talk daily when he is away and make the love even grow stronger from the distance.

It is great that he loves your daughter and she loves him. It is important that he accepts you and your children. Count your blessings!

It is also important that you support him in his dreams and aspirations. Go see him play once in a while. Ask him about the practices and the games.

You don't need money to be happy together. What is wrong with staying home and enjoying dinner and a good movie together? Do things with the kids.

Sounds like a good man Monique. Sounds like he has a good woman too. :yes:

Generally the way men are is that they see a woman they are attracted to and she stays the woman he is attracted to. It takes a lot to make a man change his mind (or really, his heart).

One thing that does mess things up eventually is focusing on the worry that he could find someone else better at some point. Men enjoy that they make us happy. And they enjoy feeling they are working for their prize, you.
If you sell yourself down, they can begin to see us as less valuable.

It seems he loves you and your daughter and you need to give him a vote of confidence. Sure it could blow up, but nothing in life is without risk. It is most likely to go well if you let go of your worry. Or just talk to a friend if you feel that way. Enjoy him. Believe in yourself and him.

... why would he get tied down to an older woman with 2 children? He claims he loves me

Well, there is the obvious reason.

Sounds like there is another, too:

My 3 year old daughter loves him .... he tells every one she is his little girl.

So why would he want to get tied down to a woman his age without children?


SW

First let me say how completely adorable you two are. He -is- very handsome...but, you are also very beautiful. It looks like either of you could have a choice of whoever you wanted.

I understand the insecurities. My ym and I have 22 years between us and we're in an LDR. He is young, good looking, incredibly intelligent, has a great career and is surrounded by young, good looking, incredibly intelligent women all day long. He too has nothing tying him down.

I've wondered many times myself why he would want to get tied down with an OW with 2 kids, who lives so far away. But, I also have always had in my mind that if he did find himself wanting to be with someone else, then there really isn't anything I could do about it (of course I would be heart broken). But, it's been 2 years and he's had -plenty- of opportunity to rethink us and go out and date and he has chosen me. Even when I did my best to push him away. He's now in the process of making his move to me.

These AGRs can be a true challenge, especially the LDRs and insecurities can definitely creep into our minds, especially when we see all the possibilities for them. But, he's with you. All you can do is love him back and see where your journey leads you. Yes, he has alot going for him, but so do you. Don't forget that (although I know we tend to).

Keep coming here and talking things out when you need. Even if it's to just vent. There are very sweet people here who truly understand. :bighug: