Rant - part 1

Today was "one of those days", extending "one of those weeks". Heck, two weeks if I'm honest.

Up until last friday, my son's mother's father (his grandfather from her side) stayed with my son and I for 10 days. He's comes once a year and I don't mind as I'm happy that my son (now 3) gets to spend time with one of his grandparents. Since my ex (my son's mother) isn't involved in my son's life other than a random "drive by" usually after he's sound asleep anyway, she didn't stop by to see her son OR her father during that 10 days. She did call the house once and left a message however - the day he left bright and early - so she missed her father entirely.

While I encourage him to stay for the benefit of my son, it's somehwat painful because I cannot do electrical work ($$$) while he's here - because he's in his late 80's and while he's reasonably mobile he certainly doesn't have the energy to chase my son around the house. Instead, he sits in the recliner and gets up four times a day - once to shower - twice to use the bathroom, and once to go to bed. Other than that, he does everything else in the recliner - read newspaper, watch CNN, eat breakfast/lunch/dinner which I brought to said recliner as he requests.

The Sunday after he left, I got a phone call in the wee hours of the morning - my son's mother called - guess what - she fell down her stairs and broke her leg (she thinks). So instead of calling 911 she calls me, and I live about an hour away. So I carry my sleeping son down to the truck and plop his snoring butt into the baby seat, and head up north to her apartment. Yep, there she was, lying on the stoop, leg swollen and turning interesting colors. I did think to bring my old crutches which helped, and I got her into the truck and then I asked her where the nearest hospital is. She did not know. Apparently *I'm" supposed to know where every hospital in NJ is.

I also noticed the car I "loaned" her (seemingly indefinitely) when we split up years ago had the whole passenger side torn off... nice way to treat a nice car that's not yours... but I didn't say anything as her broken leg is by far more important.

So, down the major artery we go to the hospital one town over from me - which is where my son was born - and into the ER we went. They took her pretty quickly, my son was lying on my chest and I dozed off in the waiting room as well. She comes out with new crutches at around 7:30am, and woke my son and I up, and asked if I would mind heading to a diner as she was starved.

Yanno, that sounded good actually, so we head back to my town and visit the local diner, have breakfast, and that was fine. My son enjoyed having breakfast with "Mommy" and "Daddy" together for a change, usually it's just he and I.

After breakfast we get into the truck again and I drove past my area of town and got back onto the highway, heading north.

"Um, where are you going?"
"Your house."
"Oh, you're getting me clothes."
"No, I'm dropping you off."
"No, no that's so not cool, I have no mobility - can't I stay with you".

<silence>

"Yes, we're just getting your clothes". In my mind I remember when I broke my foot 2 years ago, and had a 1 y/o to chase after... being completely alone when you're physically disabled is the pits... so we're getting clothes I guess.

<silence for 58 minutes, other than my son chattering pointing out white cars for some reason>

She gives me her keys, I go inside her house, and grab a hefty bag from the kitchen and toss clothes in it. Socks, tops, shorts and sweatpants, all the stuff I would think someone who has a huge cast on their leg would be comfortable in.

We head home, I help her to the sofa... I popped on the TV, my son snuggled with her, so I sat on my recliner and just "took a load off".

Seems "Bistro Truckman" started right away... "can I have a sandwich, I'd like some juice" and all that's fine, so once again I'm playing "nurse/maid/waiter" to someone living in my house who doesn't live here - except this "guest" has ignored my son for most of his life thus far so I view her being here as a "burden" unlike her father, who I'm happy to see spend time with my son.

That was yesterday.

Today, I had an electrical job in Brooklyn that I absolutely had to finish today - I had blown that job off for 10 days due to my ex's father being here, and I had already committed to finish the job before my ex broke her leg. Plus, I get paid when my part of the job is complete, and May's bills are sitting in a pile on my desk waiting to receive payments. This income will pay those bills.

So here is the real part of the rant, whereas the above is just what's lead up to today. I normally do not "rant" or "vent" simply because I find it embarrassing and most of the time, regardless how tough any particular day seems, I've been able to cope without needing to do so. I've always managed to survive with the "stuff happens" mentality and make lemonade out of whatever rotten fruit comes my way - even if they aren't lemons.

<rant>

My ex (who is now parked on the recliner) "can't" watch my son all day because of her mobility. Okay, that I understand, my son is lightening quick, climbs anything and everything, and can get outside with the key into the pool area so taking him "onsite" while not optimal, is by far better than risking his getting into the pool and my ex being "too slow" to thwart him. Same issue I had for the last 10 days.

Because I had to bring 16 pieces of 8' long conduit, I *had* to drive my F350 crewcab - which is the worse vehicle to drive on a 98 degree with 65-70% humidity because when I bought it at the very end of 1992 I bought it without air conditioning. I can drink two quarts of water on the way and rub the cold bottles on my forehead every so often but I was worried about my son. So, I filled four sippy cups with ice water and one with ice and OJ.

Upon arriving at the residence I am to completely finish today, I find that the general contractor is remodeling the two bathrooms simultaniously. That's fine except that means there is no bathrooms available to my son or I. I just drank two quarts of water, and my son emptied all his sippy's on the hour ride in. The resolution to this was effective but disgusting and I won't share the details.

The electrical work actually went very smooth, until around 8pm where I was putting on the absolute final wire nut, twisting the bare wire ends together with my electrical pliers.

*ZAP*

Some numbnuts turned on the breaker, and since I was standing on an aluminum ladder, and completely drenched in salty sweat, I felt the jolt through my plier hand/arm/shoulder, through my chest, abdomen, and left leg. My right knee was on a ladder rung and I wear kneepads trying to have my knees last a few more years, so that leg wasn't zapped.

240 volts, 100 amp feed. Ow.

My body winced then immediately every muscle tightened, and as one would expect I simply fell off the ladder onto my back on a nice hard kitchen tile floor. BAM. My son came rushing over all worried yet I could not move or reply for what seemed to be an eternity, but more likely to be less than 3 minutes because I couldn't breath because all my chest muscles tightened to the point of bodily constriction - and I lived to whine about it so it couldn't have been more than 3 minutes. One needs air :)

Once I was back in "okay" shape and my son was calmed down, I turned off the breaker and finished twisting the wires, put on a wire nut, covered the in-ceiling junction box, and packed up all my tools, ladders, scraps of wire/conduit and fittings. I was still in pain and every muscle (except my right leg) still hurt like heck.

Once I got outside, I realized I was essentially "screwed". See, Park Slope Brooklyn NY has on-street parking only... and with an F350 crewcab that certainly pushes one's parallel parking skills to the limits. I was "screwed" because one numbnut parked in front of me, touching my front bumper with his little toy SUV. Not close - TOUCHING.

Behind me was a tiny import car of some kind, with his bumper UNDER my bumper (the rear of my truck is higher than the front, when not loaded down with 2500+ of material). So, I could move back 3" before my rear bumper hits headlights, and I couldn't move forward as my front was touching the numbnuts in front of me.

These two numbnuts weren't there when I pulled in - I was lucky to find a two car-length space with plenty of room right opposite this woman's house. perfect I thought, but it seems at night people pack in like sardines due to the lack of parking in Brooklyn.

I rang several doors on both sides of the street but as my son started to melt down I couldn't keep doing this. It's brutally hot outside and we do need to get home. It's almost 9pm at this point.

Normally, I am a polite and courteous driver, however after all that's happened today my limits have been truly pushed.

Since my front bumper was resting "square" on the toy SUV in front of me, I put my truck into 1st gear, and popped the clutch while idling. A little tire squeal on my part and the toy SUV started to move forward (his tires not turning). I pushed him all the way to the car in front of him, which was about 3-1/2 feet away. Ok, that was most rude.

Now I have 3-1/2 feet to "wiggle" out of the parking spot which I did no problem, only took three back and forths, then I pulled down the street to the avenue and spied a package store that's still open, got out and picked up a half gallon of milk for my son's several sippy cups for the ride home. He likes milk before goes to bed, and since it was quite late I expected him to doze off on the way home, even without air conditioning.

(cont)

(cont from previous)

The ride home was fairly uneventful, and by the time I pulled into my driveway my son was snoring up a storm. I carried him in, put him to bed, and turned on his ceiling fan and his nightlight, and gave him "Pony" to cuddle with.

Whew.

Head downstairs and I find my (not to be mean or anything) "unable to do anything" ex had found the bag I just brought in with about a quart of milk left, and she was sitting on the sofa drinking it out of the carton. I'm not sure why this irked me so but it did - and I spied the coffee table which had 8-10 glasses and about six plates on it, all with dribbles of beverages and scraps of food. I say hello, she responds with "shh, I'm watching this" so I clean the coffee table, change the cat box, load the dishwasher and start it, go outside to backwash the pool and dump in more chlorine, load what's in the washing machine into the dryer and turn that on as well, then go back upstairs to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of OJ and sit down in my recliner, still feeling the remaining side effects of the full body zap a couple of hours earlier.

During the next commercial, she says... "I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, at 11am, that's okay with you, right? - oh and when you got my clothes you forgot underwear".

No "Hi", no "how is your day", or "damn, you look tired" or even if she has no interest in how miserable I am at the moment (which is rare), she could have asked how our SON was all day being in a hot, non-air truck, on a messy jobsite, coming home covered in dirt and dust. No, don't ask about that.

Ask about taxi service and underwear.

While most rude, I simply said "Good night" and went upstairs, wrote this rant, now i'm going to take a cool shower and leap into bed.

I am still stunned that we were together for a decade, and I didn't see ANY of this kind of behavior until AFTER we split up - and with a child no less.

I'm further stunned that I don't have any urges to slap people on the side of the head every so often. Nope, not one such urge, ever.

Maybe that is what's wrong with our country... we don't slap the clueless / self absorbed folks on the side of the head every so often (just trying to circle in that other thread which I've been meaning to reply to for a week now).

</rant>

While I dont advocate slapping her, I would have dragged her one legged, moocher, leaving a mess, eating all your food, inconsiderate, ill mannered, no underwear having self back to her place and she can fend for herself. She's an adult she can do that.

No offense but your story irked me, why are you being so nice and dont say for your son's sake otherwise you will get a kick in the pants.

Im a reformed doormat, so I understand where youre coming from but really if you continue to allow these people to take advantage of you then they will. Your ex father in law should be told that he is welcomed to visit but not to stay as this interferes with your ability to earn a living and your ex should be told ...yeah I wont go there.

I applaud your restrain, and I agree more people need a slap and made to realize that the world does not revolve around them.

Sorry. Not all women are like that. If it were me, tomorrow If I drove her to her Doctor's appointment the ride would include her belongings and end with a delivery to her home. If she was able to get herself food and drink by herself all day, she can manage at home.

I managed to drive myself to the hospital and go to work on my scheduled day 2 days later, when I broke my foot and tore all the ligaments in my ankle. It hurt and was swollen, but I still managed.

Any way,
~HUGS~

(cont from previous)



Maybe that is what's wrong with our country... we don't slap the clueless / self absorbed folks on the side of the head every so often (just trying to circle in that other thread which I've been meaning to reply to for a week now).

</rant>


Truckman: I am so glad that you are ok and that your shock was not severe. I would be kicking some donkey butt....

As for your ex, here is what I feel..IMHO, she needs to go home. If she was able to get her food and I presume get herself to the bathroom for all the hours that you were gone.....well, guess what? I think she would be ok at home. If (and only if) you feel any obligation to her because she is your son's mother, I'd do some grocery shopping and arrange (notice I said arrange, NOT do the driving) for cabs or other transportation for her(there are medical vans and car services). Its not good for you to have all the pressure of raising your son and taking care of her to, your son takes priority, do that for him. She must have family or friends who can help her out, otherwise perhaps a rehap facility.

Truckman, you have your hands full with your job and your son...don't spread yourself so thin that you all suffer. I have recently learned that all adults are responsible for their own well being, your ex is ultimately responsible for her own care. I am not in any way telling you to desert her...just to reestablish your boundries and take back your home, by returning her to her's.

Again, this is simply my take on it. I just hate to see nice people get the sharp end of the stick.

I wish for you and your son many blessings, Jann

I am glad you survived the ZAP. I agree with the previous posts that your ex should go home. I also think that you owe this to your son, because if things continue as they are, you will eventually and justifiably lose your temper and it can get ugly.

Just in case my humor allowed anyone to believe (even for a moment) that I have a temper and would enjoy slapping certain people, I don't.

What one's mind fantasizes while under duress is simply stress relief and certainly not to arrive as a manifestation of any kind.

I let my ex's father stay the last two years simply because the first year (when my son was several months old) he'd arrive from his hotel around noon and depart to the hotel around 3pm. While that would be better for me, I figure his staying here is better for my son. All of my relatives are far, far away and even though her father is 10 hours away, he makes the drive annually to see my son. So I reward his kindness and generosity with the same. I figure I can "suffer" 10 days.

The ex, well, how all this came to be was a quagmire at best. See, we were in a decade long relationship where nothing was actually wrong per se, but towards the end we ended up being "roommates" moreso than "significant others". Upon our mutual realization of this we decided because of our decade long "investment" in what was for the most part, more than splendid, we'd try "really hard" for a month before calling it quits. That didn't produce any magical feelings so we parted "best friends", which was a genuine determination on both our parts, until she realized a few months later that our "month of serious effort" resulted in her becoming pregnant. ooops.

Since neither of us had children, and we both felt due to our ages it was unlikely to that we would, having a child with our "best friend" seemed logical and reasonable, even plausable, so at month 8 she moved in, we had our son, and a few months later she moved back out per our highly logical relationship plan. As time progressed, she took and/or visited our son less and less. Since she has a (smallish) apartment, and I have a reasonably sized house, we didn't need to discuss where his "home" and "room" should be. I have the space, a fenced in yard, live on a quiet dead-end street, seemed better/smarter/safer for him to be here. This worked for both of us, but the agreement was she would take him every other week until she's "re-established" then take him on weekends and I'd have him during the week. That didn't really work out, and that's fine because honestly, I do enjoy being a father and having him here with me 24/7.

Was this the best decision, made under the best circumstances? Probably not, but I would have made the same choice again. I have a great kid - no question - and at the time we made this decision I thought my ex's word was worth something, for our decade long relationship gave me complete confidence she'd be as consistent / level-headed / responsible as she has in the past.

I don't believe my allowing her to stay is "doormattish" but maybe I cannot see what is right in front of me. I will have to ponder this more before I can answer that question for myself.

I *think* my reason for allowing her to stay has only one purpose - I somehow still believe that maybe her spending time here, with my son, she might actually see the joy she's been missing and maybe "decide" to do the right thing and change whatever it is keeping her away for the better, and have a real relationship with her own flesh and blood. I decided long ago not to force the issue or make it a war of any kind, simply because I do not want to expose my son to such ugliness. I at the time felt it was "better" to leave it as-is and when he's ready to ask questions, he will do so, and I will answer as honestly as is reasonable without negativity. I was hoping for more time with this to sort my words appropriately, but my son even at three is one sharp cookie.

Anyway, at this point her being here is certainly not because I respect or want her (even as a friend) for I do not. That ship sailed the moment she bailed on her responsibility as a parent. Bailing on your own flesh and blood... well... I shall leave those words for another day.

I think tomorrow as suggested by several of you... we'll just head to her place after the doctor's visit and I'll either pack her clothes that are here ahead of time, or fed-ex them to her when I return home.

And yes, I know all women are not like this. In fact, this is the first time I have ever seen (in real life, not on TV) a woman bail on her own child, leaving him/her/them with the father without a care in the world. That is probably why I am philosophically struggling with this scenario emotionally... for I cannot reconcile the "why" in my own head.

Well, not much to say but you have restored my hope in mankind (me being womankind) tonight with your rant. You are a very good man and I have honestly given up ever finding someone who acts like a man, putting others before himself and being gracious. Can't explain it really except to say your post is a reminder that good men still exist. I have insomnia and part of it is losing my faith in guys acting like men instead of little self-centered boys. I wish your ex was not so selfish.

I do hope though you let your ex know she can take care of herself...pay for her groceries for a week or two if you must but I do hope you send her home.

God bless you.

Dear Truckman,

I don't know really how to start... I would like to sound supportive, but at risk of sounding insensitive, I will tell you what I think.

You really need to make some decisions my friend, at the expense of not being nice. You cannot and should not continue living in a situation that you don't like or don't feel confortable either with the father of your ex or with your ex herself. You have to take care of yourself, not just for your own good, but mostly because you are the only person your son actually depends on; and you need to, at all cost, make sure that you will be there to provide for him under any circumstances.

You cannot afford to go to work with all this ranting meddling in your head. Your job already carries a significant degree of risk from what I've read. You need to be physically and mentally prepared to go to work with this risk in mind, and you have to keep it at a minimum by avoiding unnecessary stress, ranting, or whatever. I gather that the most important thing in your life right now is your son, and if I'm not mistaken, then you have to focus on this and act accordingly.

I don't need to tell you that if your ex does not help to your situation, or if your son's grandfather is more of a burden then you're better off without them. You are the only one who can evaluate this keeping in mind your son's best interest. What you need to remember is that your son needs you more so than anyone else, and it's probably this part what you have been forgetting.

Please, do not take this the wrong way. I tell you this as a single mother of two beautiful children who gets a lot of demands from all sides, but no practical help whatsoever.

glad you are ok...


and i'm for the slap along side the head ;)
*tongue in cheek* must disclaim as i'm surprised how many "don't get it"

Geeze!
I have a male friend who ends up taking care of all of his children (4 girls ranging from 15 to 4 months), and is still running ragged taking care of his current wife who does nothing and his ex, who apparently still thinks they are married:rolleyes:, as well!
More power to him, I guess :confused:
I agree, she is an adult,....send her arse home and let someone else take care of her!
After all, she doesn't have a child to care for at her place!
Blessings, TD

*tongue in cheek* must disclaim as i'm surprised how many "don't get it"...hey me too! I'm all for some people getting a slap upside the head. I just think those who give should also be prepared to receive.

Truckman, what a day. Good to hear you survived the electrocution. That must have been really freaky.

I think everyone has said what I think about the ex. She needs to not ask anything of you, and you need to stop giving her everything she asks for. Its a shame about the leg but surely she can get support from someone else. I wouldnt rely on her for anything really.

Does your son have daycare? Can you only work when he has daycare, it doesnt sound too safe on the job when you are stressed, and he is running around.

Best of luck with it. I'd pack her off home and get some peace and quiet.

I get your humor.

I still say a slap up the side of the head to knock some sense into people. :rolleyes:

Well I for one am glad that youre taking her home. I can't understand women who let their children go like that either. I have done everything to keep my kids with me during my divorce so it always shocks me when I find out that there are women out there who can for all intents and purposes walk away from their children.

My ex and I also had an agreement in the end, I had the kids through the week he would get them on the weekend. Which he did at first now he sees them one weekend a month, he calls them everyday though but the kids feel the hurt of it.

Three year olds are handful and you already have your hands full there is no need to take on the added chore of cleaning up after someone who is fully capable of hobbling her butt to the sink and cleaning her own dish but I can see why you did it for your son so that he could spend some time with his mother. sigh.

Honestly though if she ends up guilting you in allowing her to stay, do not go around making sandwiches for her and being her waiter or her personal man servant. Tell her that if she wants something to get it and to please clean up after herself, she's a guest in your home. As for you son's grandpa, does he let you know in advance that he's coming or does he just show up?

I also hope there is a way to prevent you getting shocked again. I get sad thinking of what that 3 year old would go thru if he lost his daddy.

Immature. Temper. Whatever it dubs me, I say line 'em up and start smackin'. :eek: :bgrin2:

Okay, I semi-don't-mean-it, but it does make you feel better inside when you picture pimp handing someone (who really has it coming) upside the head. Doesn't it? :p

Sorry to read about your day and all the issues you endured, but I think you're handling things fantastically given the situation. If anything you've done everything for your son sometimes even at the cost of you.

Because you are so dependable it allows mom to be so unreliable but you don't have much of a choice, someone's got to be reliable for your son. I know that you'd have things works out differently if you could (and Lord knows you give her the opportunity to change things). Hopefully one day she'll get what it is you've done for her, once she's worked through whatever is holding her back. If she does.

I had a friend who abandoned her first born son with her mother and then went on to marry and have another son whom she dotes on. We were friends for many years and I thought she just wasn't 'mother material' until she had JT (the youngest).

I never could reconcile her behavior and ended up terminating the relationship.

Fortunately for your son he has an active father and I know you will eventually find a woman who will come into both of your lives and treat both of you as a blessing and not an obligation or burden.

Tare two day care places in town, neither of which I can afford - at least not consistantly. One is $650 a week for 6 hour days, the other is $750 a week for 8 hour days. Both places will terminate the contract if you pick up your child late twice in a month - late being past 4pm.

There are other places further away that has better hours and more tolerance for late pickups, however there are other problems with those places - mostly the fact they are 15-30 minutes the wrong way from where most of my ad-hoc work ends up being as of late. I have no less than 20 electrical jobs lined up on this one Brooklyn street alone, as as much as it pains me to do the commute in time/gas and endure $18 in tolls each way, it's a living and if I worked 60 hours a week I would do quite well financially.

What I've been doing since early March is work two days a week in NY, spreading out the jobs so I can spend more time with my son as well as do smaller jobs in NJ that are more local, and keep the Brooklyn income more consistent week to week. I may have to change that thinking and work out a full-time care arrangement and hammer out all these jobs, pile the cash in the bank, then live on that for a while until I can build my "to do queue" back up, preferably with more jobs closer to home.

My neighbors to the left have a live-in nanny, so most of the time I leave my son next door when I'm going to work a full or extended day at a child-unfriendly job site (outdoors, commercial, lots of debris, etc). Yesterday's job was extra messy and a complete surprise, as I was supposed to be there by myself slapping in massive power feeds to each floor's new subpanels I installed 14 days ago. Anyway, I've offered to "kick in" my neighbors refuse because I make up for it in other ways. During long power failures, he runs an extension cord from his freezer/fridge to an outlet I have right on the edge of my property, almost against his driveway, since I have a permanently installed 200A house generator that automatically "kicks in" when the lights go out. All he has to do is unplug my riding mower and plug in his cord.

This has saved them from food spoilage many times actually. When their dry well collapsed I borrowed a huge backhoe from a friend and dug it out, then buried it after he re-lined the thing with concrete blocks. His older daughters (9 and 11) use my pool whenever they want as long as one of their parents are with them. Things of this nature, so it balances out with my constantly begging for short-term child care. When I leave my son there for the day, their nanny does charge more for that day because she's chasing four children instead of three, and they always refuse my offer to make up that difference. This is my preferred arrangement because I've known my neighbors for the 7, almost 8 years I've lived here and they've had this nanny all of that time, therefore I'm comfortable with her. My son loves it there as well so that's a huge plus as he's "in love" with their youngest daughter - 2-1/2 years old.

As far as the ex goes, after the doctor visit we went to dunkin donuts and then immediately got on the highway to head north to her home, which her complaining how unfair I am being the entire way. My son of course added to this by "I want Mommy to stay, please can Mommy stay!" and while I felt a lot of guilt during the hour ride mostly because I see the pain in my son's eyes (which he made known verbally), I agree with all of you that this needed to be done. I am spread way to thin and this cannot continue.

If she cannot participate in my son's life, I cannot participate in her drama, even though her broken leg wasn't anyone's fault and just an accident.

Being mid-40's she should have a clue how to take care of herself just as I did 2 years ago when I broke my foot in four places and was also casted - and I endured that event with a 1 y/o climbing on me, and I worked, and my truck is a "stick" meaning my foot hurt a little with every shift.

I managed just fine. A bit cranky, but I managed. Par for the course.

Upon reaching her apartment building she decided to be hostile, rude and obnoxious so after she slammed the truck door I backed the truck around, pulled out my tow bar, and attached my 2004 Lincoln I gave her on "indefinite loan" to my truck, and pulled out of the lot, car in tow. This is the car I mentioned earlier with the passenger side torn up, which was never discussed by the way. I almost don't want to know. I didn't take the car to be spiteful, but rather to fully sever my liability. My car, my insurance, and it gets highly damaged and I'm not told about it.

After I got my son settled inside with a hefty lunch, he decided to take a nap on the sofa - simply by falling over on his side. Whew. Toddlers sleep so easily anytime, anywhere :-D

I poured myself some ice water and looked at the damage to my car, and realized the the two passenger doors do not open at all - while the damage looked bad on that side I had hoped it was just the door panels (outer skins) and rear quarter panel, but it seems the damage is somewhat internal as well. Yay, another project. I also noticed the "Jiffy Lube" sticker on the windshield indicates the car needed an oil change 18,000 miles ago as well as being due in May of 2007, and the "check engine" light is illuminated constantly. Not so good.

Anyway, I have two friends who own automotive shops who owe me "major" favors so what I ended up doing is calling in those "chips" to see if I can get this car fixed at a reduced rate. The first guy said "Of course, no problem, no cost, I owe you and happy to do whatever you need" so he's on his way over now with a flatbed to pick it up. The second guy essentially said the same thing, so when Bill's done fixing the body, Ken will go to Bill's shop, pick up the car and sand, prime and paint it nose to tail also at no cost. All I have to do is pick out the color :-D

Once completed I'll have to figure out why the "check engine" light is on and more than likely it's just because the oil has broken down into a syrupy mess. The car does run "fine" to my ear so hopefully there's no major damage. If that's not the case I have the original engine fully rebuilt on a dolly in the garage, so with a few friends, a cooler of beer and some steaks, swapping engines is barely a day's work.

You are all correct - I am spread too thin at times and certainly this is my fault entirely. I say "at times" because while I do scrap a bit for work here and there, for the most part this has worked out very well on all fronts - I have enough to live on, I get to spend a lot of time with my son, and overall things are quite happy in "TruckmanLand". Occasionally there are some frustrating moments like the past few weeks but overall I cannot complain - life is good - because for whatever reason I can easily disconnect myself emotionally from such trauma/drama and just cope with it... but only to a point. These past few weeks were more trying than is typical, and I simply didn't cope as well as I normally do.

I do feel a lot better letting this all out... thank you very much for listening. Today is a good day however... ex is gone, the Town Car just got picked up while I was typing this reply, my son woke up from his nap in a really cheerful mood and is now on my lap smiling while eating a banana, and when he's done he and I are going to take a dip in the pool and relax.

It all works out. Thank you for listening. Being able to "unload" was very, very helpful to me.

Just want to say I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread, and sharing in your day, even though it was a majorly crappy one. Im glad you survived it, and glad you sent the ex packing. You're a stand up guy Truckman...I hope you continue to write here often. :)

I do feel a lot better letting this all out... thank you very much for listening. Today is a good day however... ex is gone, the Town Car just got picked up while I was typing this reply, my son woke up from his nap in a really cheerful mood and is now on my lap smiling while eating a banana, and when he's done he and I are going to take a dip in the pool and relax.

It all works out. Thank you for listening. Being able to "unload" was very, very helpful to me.


Truckman: It sounds like you handled the situation very well...I am glad that you are back at home with just your son. You have quite a job with raising him on your own and still making a living. Perhaps this summer a trust worthy high school kid could baby sit? That way you could concentrate on work and he could have a great time being at home...What I would do is have them come and be there while you are at home just to see how he is and how the babysitter is...and can I just say one word...babycam.


We are all here for you whenever you need to vent or rant or just talk...I hope it all works out for you.

Blessings, Jann

I just read this whole thing. Unbelievable some people are.

I'm so sorry for the added stress, I'm hoping that it gets a little better as the day goes on, it's supposed to cool off for tomorrow if that helps at all!

Hang in there.

I enjoyed reading your thread. I'm glad both that you returned your ex home and that you picked up your car - you are right there is potential for great liability there. Also glad that you and son are both fine.

I think I would have told the ex to call an ambulance lol... obviously her finger and ear worked if she was able to call you.

One thing I try to keep in mind when dealing with other people is, am I helping them be dependent, independent, interdependent, or co-dependent? The first three are all useful in different times and situations, but the last usually doesn't help anyone; and it sounds like where she might prefer to operate.

Truckman, I really enjoyed reading your thread. I hope you are fully recovered from the electric shock!

You sound like a really great fella...

After I got my son settled inside with a hefty lunch, he decided to take a nap on the sofa - simply by falling over on his side.:-D

Thats so cute.

Glad you got rid of the liability!!! And got your car back.....smart thinking!!!

I'm glad you're decisions made you feel better. Making decisions like this isn't easy. It will also be of a great benefit to your son. He may have vocally complained at the time, but as things would have progressed it could have had an effect on his behavior and happiness, and not in a good way.

Wish you all the luck, peace and happiness.:)

I enjoyed reading your thread so dont stop now!

Well three cheers for taking her home and I also agree that towing your car was a smart idea. Sounds like you have your own version of "Nanny share" going on with your neighbors. Finding reliable care for a small child is worth it's weight in gold. I know how you feel, when I went back to work full time and circumstances lead me to have to find new care for my son..it was a total nightmare to find a good babysitter. Thankfully, as a mother, I was able to network through other moms to find a good babysitter and avoid the bad ones who they had "heard stories" about. In the end I found a sitter that my son loved and who now at 8 still has good memories about almost 5 years later.

Dont feel too bad about your son vocalizing his want for his mother to stay, I know it's a terrible feeling especially when you have an adult not helping the situation but sometimes No is the best thing.

Truckman...
I can not understand a woman who has no maternal instinct...it must be a major psychological deficit or something. It just makes no sense at all to me. I would die for my children (literally), and live for their hugs, "i love you's" ,etc. She's "not right", ya know....not only selfish beyond belief.

I'm just thankful that your son has YOU...a loving, attentive, caring daddy. He will honor you all the days of your life for your investment of love in his.

I'll reply to some of the "deeper" comments tomorrow as time allows... but on a lighter subject at least the car thing is working out.

Turns out both doors were jammed due to the power lock mechanisms in both doors breaking off their mounts during whatever impact this car experienced, so after some minor "nudging" with a rubber mallet both doors opened just fine and were removed.

The body/frame of the car is perfect, so the only damage was to the outer sheet metal which is a huge relief - this means the car will drive straight "in spec" and no monkey rigging has to be done to make the car safe.

I'm picking up the replacement doors tomorrow at the junkyard, along with a perfect section of rear quarter panel for my buddy to weld in, so after that effort the car will be structurally and mechanically whole again. When I glanced under the hood today I found the reason for the check engine light to be on - a vaccum hose had split like a banana giving the sensor it attaches to zero information - which freaked out the computer that manages the engine's operation. I replaced the hose and viola, started and ran like a kitten and no light. Still have to change the oil however, but at least there's no serious problems.

It looks like over burgers, soda and beer this car will be back together ready for paint by the end of this weekend, and early next week it will become a dark, metallic green which should go nice with the grey leather interior. I never liked the original beige/cream but it was a nearly free car so I didn't complain when I picked it up four or so years ago.

A former co-worker of mine who is still at my previous employer (in outside sales) had to break his lease on his car, and needs something suitable for client entertainment (other than his wife's Kia, naturally), so while sharing this whole story with him (car, ex, ex's broken leg), he expressed a strong interest in the car, to the point where we discussed preliminary numbers. He's seen it, he's been in it, as while I put this together for my then girlfriend I on occasion used it for client entertainment as well as most customers wouldn't be interested in sitting in my vinyl-interior no-air option free F350 crewcab.

Since I got the car at an auction four years ago (with a blown engine) and I shoved an identical engine I had lying around into it the following weekend, this car really didn't cost me much at all. Since I really don't need yet another gas guzzler in my driveway (at $4 a gallon), this may work out for both of us... he gets an "acceptable" car on the cheap and I unload something I really don't need, making a reasonable profit.

I love win-win scenarios. Anyway, I'll respond to your deeper comments tomorrow when my mind re-engages. Right now it's caffiene free thus functionally useless :D