MissMuffins
06-11-2008, 01:53 AM
...but it helped. ;)
I’m 39 and I’m pretty doggone sure that a younger man (22) is interested in me.
When I met this guy last fall, I was absolutely not in the market for a relationship. Now I’m afraid that I blew my chance because I took too long to get my head together.
At the time, I was still dealing with the death of a childhood friend who had been killed in a car accident a little less than two years previously. I’m separated from my second husband and have been for more than 4 years; even though there is no hope of reconciliation and that was established LONG before this guy came on the scene, the divorce isn’t final and I have qualms about beginning another relationship until I have a “clear title.” I did not want another relationship until I had finished my soul searching, figured out why I kept choosing to be with jerks, and felt confident that I wouldn’t settle for another bad relationship simply because that’s what was normal to me. And, after two failed marriages, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to enter into an intimate relationship with a man of any age ever again.
I’ve dated younger men before, so I know what we’re in for insofar as the boy toy, Mrs. Robinson, and cougar remarks go. Even though those relationships failed because they were bad relationships, my experiences left me leery of dating men under age 25. I’ve since learned more about developmental psychology and am even more leery of dating men under age 25.
Then there are all the other insecurities that raise their ugly little heads. Proceeding with caution just to be sure he’s not merely out to bag a MILF or looking for someone to support him. The age issue—if this goes anywhere, will he still love me when I’m 67 and he’s 50? The “am I stealing his youth?” issue. The body issues—oh Lord, the body issues. He’s a college athlete, a right-regular hard body, and I need to lose 50-60 lbs. I have stretch marks everywhere, I tore from stem to stern during child birth, and didn’t get the best repair job afterward.
The circumstances of our meeting are also worth taking into consideration…I’m an English tutor and he’s an international student who has already completed a bachelor’s degree in his native country. He is earning a second bachelor’s in the US and after he completes his MBA here, he intends to go home and open a business (so no, he’s not after me just to get a green card). We met when he came to me for tutorial assistance. Within a couple of weeks, I suspected that he had a thing for me. However, I have a firm policy against dating the men I am currently tutoring—I’m in my seventh year as a tutor, and this is not the first time a student has become interested in me. If they come back when the term is over and they don’t need my help any more, the picture changes.
The fall term ended, and this guy found a reason to come back just about every week for the spring term. This isn't the first time a guy came back to see me after the term ended, but he's the only one who's been so consistent/persistent, and it is the only time I’ve wanted to see where it leads.
About a month ago, spring term ended and he went home for the summer. I knew I'd miss him like crazy; I didn’t realize we’d made so many memories. I skip the first song on my iPod because it reminds me of him, yet I can’t bear to take it off the playlist. Everywhere I go somehow became someplace I went with him.
Missing him has helped me get my head together, though, and I needed to do that. (I love the quotation one of the other ladies uses as her signature: “Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.”)
Before he left, he stopped by to tell me thank you for everything (again) and wish me a good summer. Then he asked me if I was going to be there (in the same job) when he came back in the fall, or if maybe I had “other opportunities.” He knows I love the field I’m in but hate that particular work environment—in large part due to a co-worker’s open speculation as to the nature of our relationship. I’m pretty sure he understands that it’s against my personal ethics for me to date him and keep my present position. In order to date him, I'd either have to quit my job or make sure no one found out about us. Under no circumstances will I agree for either of us to be the other’s “dirty little secret,” but I also don't think we're at the stage where anyone needs to quit her job yet.
There’s no privacy in my office, we’re both very private people, and my gossipy, speculative co-worker is avid to know everything I say—especially to my young friend. Rather than go into it where we would be overheard, I emailed him later to tell him that I don’t know where I’ll be working when he comes back, but I expect to see him when he gets here.
I had prior knowledge that our meeting was significant to him, so I also let him know that it was important to me, too. I knew within moments of meeting him that I’d just met someone extraordinary, but I didn’t realize I’d just met one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
I don't know when my best days became incomplete until I could share them with him, and my worst days became bearable because I knew he carries them with me, or the things I struggle with became less overwhelming after I talked them over with him...but they have.
I’m 39 and I’m pretty doggone sure that a younger man (22) is interested in me.
When I met this guy last fall, I was absolutely not in the market for a relationship. Now I’m afraid that I blew my chance because I took too long to get my head together.
At the time, I was still dealing with the death of a childhood friend who had been killed in a car accident a little less than two years previously. I’m separated from my second husband and have been for more than 4 years; even though there is no hope of reconciliation and that was established LONG before this guy came on the scene, the divorce isn’t final and I have qualms about beginning another relationship until I have a “clear title.” I did not want another relationship until I had finished my soul searching, figured out why I kept choosing to be with jerks, and felt confident that I wouldn’t settle for another bad relationship simply because that’s what was normal to me. And, after two failed marriages, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to enter into an intimate relationship with a man of any age ever again.
I’ve dated younger men before, so I know what we’re in for insofar as the boy toy, Mrs. Robinson, and cougar remarks go. Even though those relationships failed because they were bad relationships, my experiences left me leery of dating men under age 25. I’ve since learned more about developmental psychology and am even more leery of dating men under age 25.
Then there are all the other insecurities that raise their ugly little heads. Proceeding with caution just to be sure he’s not merely out to bag a MILF or looking for someone to support him. The age issue—if this goes anywhere, will he still love me when I’m 67 and he’s 50? The “am I stealing his youth?” issue. The body issues—oh Lord, the body issues. He’s a college athlete, a right-regular hard body, and I need to lose 50-60 lbs. I have stretch marks everywhere, I tore from stem to stern during child birth, and didn’t get the best repair job afterward.
The circumstances of our meeting are also worth taking into consideration…I’m an English tutor and he’s an international student who has already completed a bachelor’s degree in his native country. He is earning a second bachelor’s in the US and after he completes his MBA here, he intends to go home and open a business (so no, he’s not after me just to get a green card). We met when he came to me for tutorial assistance. Within a couple of weeks, I suspected that he had a thing for me. However, I have a firm policy against dating the men I am currently tutoring—I’m in my seventh year as a tutor, and this is not the first time a student has become interested in me. If they come back when the term is over and they don’t need my help any more, the picture changes.
The fall term ended, and this guy found a reason to come back just about every week for the spring term. This isn't the first time a guy came back to see me after the term ended, but he's the only one who's been so consistent/persistent, and it is the only time I’ve wanted to see where it leads.
About a month ago, spring term ended and he went home for the summer. I knew I'd miss him like crazy; I didn’t realize we’d made so many memories. I skip the first song on my iPod because it reminds me of him, yet I can’t bear to take it off the playlist. Everywhere I go somehow became someplace I went with him.
Missing him has helped me get my head together, though, and I needed to do that. (I love the quotation one of the other ladies uses as her signature: “Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.”)
Before he left, he stopped by to tell me thank you for everything (again) and wish me a good summer. Then he asked me if I was going to be there (in the same job) when he came back in the fall, or if maybe I had “other opportunities.” He knows I love the field I’m in but hate that particular work environment—in large part due to a co-worker’s open speculation as to the nature of our relationship. I’m pretty sure he understands that it’s against my personal ethics for me to date him and keep my present position. In order to date him, I'd either have to quit my job or make sure no one found out about us. Under no circumstances will I agree for either of us to be the other’s “dirty little secret,” but I also don't think we're at the stage where anyone needs to quit her job yet.
There’s no privacy in my office, we’re both very private people, and my gossipy, speculative co-worker is avid to know everything I say—especially to my young friend. Rather than go into it where we would be overheard, I emailed him later to tell him that I don’t know where I’ll be working when he comes back, but I expect to see him when he gets here.
I had prior knowledge that our meeting was significant to him, so I also let him know that it was important to me, too. I knew within moments of meeting him that I’d just met someone extraordinary, but I didn’t realize I’d just met one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
I don't know when my best days became incomplete until I could share them with him, and my worst days became bearable because I knew he carries them with me, or the things I struggle with became less overwhelming after I talked them over with him...but they have.