I am Numb

I am gonna be quick because I am in the library because my home PC has a virus. But I had to come on this board and let out my feelings.

Personally I am still in shock and do not know what happened; I guess its every woman's worst fear when dating a younger man, but I didn't know it would be this blantant and disrespectful.

I have a 17 year old and his girlfriend is 16. My boy friend will be 20 next month and I will be 36. My boyfriend has been in my apartment with my son and his girlfriend, he formed a relationship with my son, he has even taken my son shopping. I thought we were happy. My BF comes from a very dysfunctional family and stated that my home was the closet thing he had to a normal family. He even told his entire family about me, his basketball coaches, and even told people my 3 year old daughter was his child.

Last Friday my BF calls me and to tell me his in the barbershop with my son, and my son's girlfriend is there talking to another man, and he always sees her there, and my son saw the girl and left like he didnt care. And my son's girl was asking my BF could she hang out with him at a cookout. At this time I am at the barbershop and my son's girlfriend was crying saying my son is treating her wrong. I gave her a girl talk and left it at that.

Later that evening my BF tells me that my son's girl told him she understands why he is with me because he is HOT. I told my son.

Of course it all gets turned around and my BF is the one that asked the girl to the cook out and my son's girl didn't say any of the other stuff. At this point I am very confused. Honestly, I didn't what to believe...I just in tears.

I shook it off as a big misunderstanding but then my BF started acting funny saying he didnt want me doing things for him any more. Dont worry about making dinner any more. He has a job at the YMCA he just started on Monday. I met him Monday and gave him 3 roses and he took the card and gave me back the flowers and told me to give them back to my daughter. I was at a lounge when I Met him on Monday and he didnt want to leave me there so he walked me to a cab and I thought we were back on track and still together.

Yesterday I text him and told him to have a nice day at work but he didnt text me back saying he was sleep and didnt have to be at work until noon. I asked him was we still on for Dinner on Saturday and he responded by saying: To be honest I dont want you spending any more money on me, I rather we just talk and walk in the park. I want to take things slow and do things right. I felt like he was acting this way because I overreacted about the incident with my son's girlfriend. I told him I felt like I was losing him and he said, Naw I just think we rushed things.

Later yesterday my son calls me and say, Mom I spoke with Corey ( the man from the barbershop that my son's girl was seen with) and Corey said Mike called my girl over to him and he seen with his own two eyes Mike flirting with her. I spoke with Corey personally and he was very upset because he said he could get in trouble because my son's girl is under age and he is 25.

I tried to call Mike (My BF) and he didnt answer my calls. I text him and he didnt respond. I honestly just said the hell with it.

I teach 5th grade and my students had a prom last night and a few of them asked why didnt Mike come to the prom. A few girls in my class was whispering. Then one of them said tell her: My 10 year old students told Ms. A that day I saw you in town with your BF and you got on the bus he was with some teenage bummy girls. He kissed one on the cheek and then he walked around the corner and came back around with another girl. I told him that I was gonna tell you Ms. A, but he told me to hush.

I fought for this relationship. I dont understand why this young man would work so hard to get close to me and my children and at first I was the one pulling away due to his age and he pursued me. I don't understand why he would walk to my home all the way from across town to spend time with me, nor clean the kitch, take out the garbage, tell his family about me, tell all of his friends about me, his coaches and mentors about me, and then do this. He even put our pictures all on his myspace page. It wasnt like he was trying to keep me in the closet, but in the same breathe publically humilate me and disrespect the trust my son and I placed in him. He was willing to throw my son's girl and my son's friend under the bus to save himself. The young girls he was allegedly flirting and carryon with are not even upright girls...they are little street girls. But yet he wants to walk proudly down the street with me.

Honestly, I need help with understanding this situation. Last night I left him a voicemail telling him that this is too much for me to sort out and I just think its best we don't meet on Saturday and go on with our lives. He didnt respond or text me back. I didnt call him all day today nor has he called me.

I am gonna end this here, but again. I am disturbed and in great pain.

I have no words of wisdom and am very sorry that he has deceived and hurt you.

I can not explain why he would do this to you, but I think he is being honest when he says he wants to slow down and feels that things are moving too fast. It sounds like his way of easing the guilt he's feeling for his actions by downplaying the relationship. It also may be his way of breaking up with you gently.

Unfortunately you'll need to get him to talk to you and I don't know how honest he will be given his past behavior. I doubt he'll give you the answers you need to move on as it sounds like he's not even sure what he wants.

Any man that would lie to cover actions such as these is a man who is very immature and not worthy of your time and love.

:bighug:

Aww, hon, something similiar happened to me and you just have to go through the pain and come out the other side. It sucks, it really does and you have all the right in the world to feel the pain.

Some younger men are old souls, others are just trying to be and those are the ones that break your heart. Yes, he pursued you, yes he was proud to show you off, and yes you resisted til he broke your barriers down. Same thing except I was told out of the blue "I don't love you anymore" "poof".

You will grieve but you will get over this, you might have some conversations with him that are going to tear you up. But.You.Will.Survive.

Hugs to you, girl and I'm sending positive thoughts to you.

i just dont know why he sunk so low
.

i just dont know why he sunk so low
.

And you probably will never know. I doubt even he, at this point, can answer why he behaved so poorly. Hopefully he'll spend enough energy trying to figure that out before he finds himeself with a string of failed relationships at his feet.

It was a very selfish act on his part. You deserved to know the context of the relationship and if something changed on his part he should've owned the change before acting out. He had no right to deplete your love, energy, and time if he had no intent of being honest.

Try to keep your mind occupied as best as you can and do not allow his actions to become a reflection of some flaw in you. You did nothing to deserve this.

Wow, I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. That's just awful. Hugs to you.

When I was in my early 20s and I wanted to break from a relationship, I was not mature enough to face the arguments in favor of continuing the relationship, so I made a total mess, dating other guys, so as to make reconciliation impossible. (I know, I was a jerk).

This is the explanation I see for him going for your son's gf out of all the girls in the world. He wanted to make sure you got the message. He may be scared of a commitment and yet love you enough to feel weak if you try and fight to keep him, so he burned his bridges.

I am sorry you are going through such pain and confusion.

Sounds like he got "cold feet," for one reason or another, but that doesn't matter. He did not handle the situation in an honest, dignified manner and so I think your decision to cut him loose is in your best interest.

After a time, or even sooner, he may try to contact you, try to talk to you about the situation, perhaps even explain himself. If that happens, I'd listen to what he has to say, forgive his immaturity and leave well enough alone. I would not take up with him again. I only say this because he knows your feelings for him and might want to test your "vulnerability." Stay strong and don't go there. Wish him well and let him go.

I'm sending you a big hug and always remember that when one door closes, another always opens. Your patience and ability to love will bring someone very special into your life. This is what you deserve. The very, very best!

Stay strong!!!!!!!!

i text him and asked to take my pictures off of his page. we exchanged words & he claims God talk to him in his dreams & showed him who is on his side so i guess his dream revealed i am against him. he thinks he going to the NBA & thinks every1 is after his future earnings. At this point I think he has a mental defect.

I'm not to sure what to say after that last post...he seems to be odd if he thinks that!

If that is how he is you're better off without him.

AWW SWEETIE BIG HUGS!:bighug:
I had something somewhat similar. MY ex husband who was younger then me was having an affair with my sons girlfriend right under our noses! She got pregnant and THANK god its my sons as we had NO idea about the affair until after he left me for her (she was 18 he was 30)

I think it has to do with maturity love..not the age because I know some 20 year olds who are very mature and have it together compared to some older ones. It sounds to me He was more interested in the * I have an older woman WOO HOO syndrome and not really interested in the full relationship. I think he thought it was FUN at first until he realized he had to grow up.

I am SO SO sorry he did this to you!! He sounds like he is 15 not 20!

HUGS AGAIN
meri

Soon after the pain subsides you can face he was being an jerk to the ninth degree! He is lusting over women until 18...R. Kelly anybody?

Oh my goodness, I wish I could tell you to not waste anymore time on this fellow. But I know you must grieve...go through the pain. You will come out stronger. There is peace and love on the other side of the pain.

Grieve the dream that died. The trust that was broken.


And understand, he took you because he could. He won you over and your family...then got cold feet. Needed something spicier to keep him content.


Of course he will want you back after you put your life back together. They always do.

Oh please understand this: not only did he cheat you, he cheated your family took you for a fool. He also is flirting with a child.

Gross! Oh it hurts but understand, you did nothing to deserve this1 Be strong...glad you found out this now instead of later on!

Bad character. Oh so move on!

(((HUG))))

sorry for all the mistakes in my last post. I am tired but yet can't sleep. I am tired of seeing this kind of behavior too myself. You are a precious jewel in God's eyes. Keep your chin up. DO NOT let this loser get you too down!


You will get through this!

monique I am so sorry to hear your pain. I can not believe it, just a few days ago you were writing what a wonderful guy this YM was and then, you are left heart broken!

It shall pass... Hang in there!

I am sorry that you had to go thru this and that it is going to hurt for a while. It is sad that people can be so deceptive and unkind. To me it just sounds like he is a confused, immature, male. I am sure that he did or at least thought his feelings for you were true, but then maybe things changed.

Either way, that doesn't make you any less of an incredible person. You will bounce back and you will find someone that deserves you. You have received some wonderful advice here. Keep your chin up and remember you always have the people on this site to help you thru the hard times.

Some younger men are old souls, others are just trying to be and those are the ones that break your heart.

I agree with Alara...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this...I know the hurt and confusion it brings.

Unfortunately, very young adults often lack the maturity to deal with leaving a relationship the right, honorable way. Don't blame yourself at all, it's nothing you did...like Sheila's story, he's just making a mess out of trying to say, "I'm confused about our future and want to back up"...it happens often, and you are not alone in this experience. Happened to me in 2003 when my vym was just 21 after 3+ years together. Many change their mind once they venture further into the adult world, even though at one point they promised us their undying love and devotion. It's pretty common, actually, so PLEASE don't waste your time wondering "why"....he's backing out, and he doesn't want to hurt you; but he's doing it all wrong.

Hugs, hon....again, I'm sorry,
Karen

:bighug:
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Unfortunately, I agree. There is a real lack of maturity with this YM. Alara said it best. Focus on your kids and take a break from men for a little while, and this too shall pass.

Im sorry that you are going through this, I can only imagine how painful this would be. One thing that struck a cord with me was this

My BF comes from a very dysfunctional family and stated that my home was the closet thing he had to a normal family.

For me this was a concern when I first started to get to know Clint, I worried that if he did come from a background where there was no sense of a family then he was seeking out a woman who would provide him with that. It wasnt until I got to know him tthat I realized that even though he came from a family of just him and his mom it was good family, even though Im unfamiliar with such a small family unit, two people could make a family. A foreign concept for someone who comes from a large family.

You did nothing wrong, you could not have foreseen this end to your relationship.

I agree with the people who state that he is going about this all wrong, in a typical teenage fashion, no calls, no texts...avoidance, I know looking back that I did it too as a teen. My own 16 year old has done this to girls who he has decided it is time to end it with. Usually a few days of no contact and avoidance is a clear comment that "it's over" and there is nothing left to say. She should just know that its over and if she is wondering mutual friends in school usually tell her. It's not right and he has me to push into giving the girls a call to end it properly so that they are not left floundering, hurt, wondering what happened, as you are. It's not the right way to break up with someone, it's the very stupid way, the easy way and thankfully he's maturing.

Given his (your bf) level of maturity he is ending it the only way he knows how and hopefully he will grow out of his immaturity, some men dont, some men do. Hell, my exbf was very immature relationship wise and he was almost 40. He never learned past his pattern.

Again YOU did nothing wrong and time will heal you. Im wishing you some strength your way.