rough spot for Adam and myself

Prayers please, Adam and I have come to a crossroad, he misses military life and his old job, although he did exceedingly well with police work it is not for him. The deepest saddness is that we always said we just wanted to be home and out of the war.

He is with his Mom right now, thinking things thru, God's will not my will I pray to be done.

The day to day grind is certainly not the adreneline rush from the military and that may be a agegap real concern, as the fear I had to experience when he was in war zone nearly crippled me.

Fact is that society does not treat our veterens properly but that is not my doing.

I have kept all the home necessities going, this also is hard for him because his dream was to completely take care of me, which is not a reality today and I am very ok with that, he does not understand how I am ok, I told him maybe he has yet to learn that finding a person that you admire, love, respect and want as your friend is a very rare incidence and now that I have found him, I feel so blessed and count my blessings.

So, we will see, I am off to work, Godbless my precious hero and in Jesus name take the pain from his heart.

Oh my goodness, Rina. I'm sorry that he is so unhappy. :( My ex-husband was a Vietnam war veteran who ended up re-enlisting in the army 11 years later for those very reasons. He was in for another 12 years before he took the early retirement. Despite there being other combat opportunities, such as the Gulf War, he never served in combat again after Vietnam.

I think he was always looking for that adrenaline rush after Vietnam because he suffered from PTSD. I sure hope Adam doesn't have that, too. But, my ex did and all his life he has looked for the rush in some form or another and never finding it.

I hope that Adam can come to terms with everything and that you both find a solution soon that will work for you both.

I pray that God sends you both the strength you need as you go through this period. Am thinking of you. :bighug:

I am so sorry to hear this. :bighug:

Just so that I understand...he wants to go back into the miltary or he's uncertain about his future with you? Or...he wants to go into the military again and you just can't go through all that again?

I can't imagine how difficult it is to go through what you guys have gone through. I also think it is impossible for him to fully digest what it was like for you to be alone and living in daily fear that you would lose him. Its that same experience that gives you the strength to say that whatever happens between you, you will be alright. The flip side is that he daily risked his life, but I wonder when one is in the middle of such an experience, whether they even have time to think about their own peril. I wonder how much of this is a sort of post traumatic stress issue. Now that he's home, he has time to think about this experience and because he survived, he glorifies the time. Sort of like idolizing and identifying with an abusive parent...only he's romanticizing a horrible experience.

If this is all really about feeling a rush in his work, maybe he just needs to looks elsewhere in employment. My nephew is in his final days of training to fullfill his lifelong dream...he's becoming a smoke jumper with the U.S. Forrestry Service. He's been in the forrestry service for a number of years. He loves it. There's great comeraderie in his work, they work in teams, plenty of action and he loves doing the physical part. The enemy is clear cut and he feels great pride in doing something that most people think is scary. He loves going into the bar after they get off a job and having total strangers come up and thank him for what he does. He claims that fighting fires has made his ADHD go away...its that risk and adrenaline thing.

My prayers are with you both. You seem like very sincere and people with
incredible strength. You will figure this out.

...he has yet to learn that finding a person that you admire, love, respect and want as your friend is a very rare incidence and now that I have found him, I feel so blessed and count my blessings.

This is a very sweet thought. I will pray for you. Is there a possibility that he rejoins the military and that you can live with him in a base? Or will he necessarily have to go to war?

Can he start studying something at a community college or other facility? Maybe this provide a challenge. An opportunity to be with other younger people and share camradery.

I'll keep you in my prayers, Kittylane.

:bighug:

my prayers...

Thinking of you both and wishing you peace....you both deserve the best! I am hoping that this rough spot will only make the two of you stronger together.

I hope the two of you are able to communicate well during this trying time. Break downs in communication are sometimes worse than the problem that initiated the difficult time. You are a strong, compassionate woman kitty and I have no doubt that you will be kind and fair - to yourself and to Adam...

:bighug:

Praying for you and Adam, Rina. :bighug:

Know that I will be thinking of you! :bighug:

Thoughts, prayers, and blessings sent your way. Stay strong. :grouphug:

Bright Blessings coming your way!

AWWWWWWw sweetie! first off BIG HUGS! you are in our prayers and thoughts and may God show you both how beauiful you both are together


blessings to you both
Meri

Kittylane, I'm new here & not familiar with your story. I'm also the ex wife of someone who retired from the military after 20 years of active duty service--I was with him as a girlfriend, fiancee and wife for 15.

A lot of servicemembers have difficulty transitioning from active duty to civillian life. There are so many things that go into it--for instance, behavior that is tolerated in the military isn't tolerated in civillian life. Then there's the loss of entitlements--no more commissary, Exchange/PX/BX, medical, etc. Some people cannot cope without the rigidity and structure of active duty service; others can't make it without the "good old boys" network. People who served in specific branches of the military and/or MOS's or ratings have it even worse.

Even though law enforcement has a lot of similarities to active duty service, it's not the same thing.

He needs a lot of emotional support, and--as much as you love him--he needs it from more than just you. Depending on what resources are available to him as a veteran, in your community, or online, he may find a lot of help with a group meeting or online forum.

Hang tough. Kudos to you for giving him space to get his head together.

Kitty, I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry Adam's gotta be hurting too.

I hope he finds peace with himself. And I hope, no matter how things wind up, you still know what a remarkable woman you are.

Big virtual hugs, and I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.

My prayers and thoughts are with both you.

I hate to hear that your man is lost right now. Thats the way it is though, you get so used to a certain lifestyle you don't know what to do with yourself when it's gone. Hopefully he will find his answer. I pray you find peace within your answer. Trust God, everything will be okay whatever the outcome. Even though things don't work the way we want them to, God knows whats best for us. (((HUG)))

hmm, we are going to be ok. Thank you to my God, My Jesus.

We need time apart to see why things happened in the way that they did, I kept telling him that there is a reason that God has made his journey difficult in transition and we have come to find out that his mother has a biopsy on Monday for a cyst on her vocal cords, she has become very sick from this and although we have re-committed to couple counceling and getting to the VA to discuss our options with PTSD, I have asked him to stay with her until she gets the news, she is in Georgia. He also admitted to noticing how he was snapping at her over simple converstion, something he had begun to do with me, he notices it now.

Our laughter came back in the last few phone calls, he does not understand why all of his supposed failures are not getting at me, it is because I still see him as I always have, he is my hero, the only one who made me feel loved, secure and protected.

He said the army thing will be in the past, my insecurity over this will take so much off my shoulders. He was also applying to blackwater because of the huge salary and I did not want that either, he would be gone 6 months and yes we would not have any money worry but he needed to get it that he is worth more to me than money.

In all the troubles I see in the world, I have sincere gratitude for my roof over my head, food in my fridge, and money to pay my bills and the health of all those I love. I could care less about a big paycheck. it means nothing to me, but to my husband he wanted to do some kind of payback to me, I adore this aspect about him, but what I want is just him.

It is utterly amazing how life gets so hard at times, yet I really feel because of this, I have reestablished my love for him and he for me and we have a chance to clean the messes we were creating and move on to where we were supposed to be, I truly believe he is by God the person I am supposed to be with, I was failing miserably as was Adam, I see hope now that we can move forward to be the couple we were supposed to be.

*smiles* I can't imagine you "failing miserably" at all. Maybe getting off track a bit...dont be so hard on yourself.I know you need no advice, so maybe a suggestion?He may benefit from finding a close VA post for fellowship with other vets?Also, Jeremy is a big adreneline junky and he gets into racing & gaming. Maybe Adam could find a hobby, rather than a career, which satisfies that rush - bungee jumping, parachuting, surfing, car racing, kayaking rapids, hunting or rock climbing are some ideas?I'm glad you are working it out. Sending positive thoughts out for his mother....

hey, life is tough. But it is all about getting thru the better and the worse.

I am in love with him, he is in love with me. We gotta go where God leads us to be better, get better, do His will, I am ok with that as much as I resist and be stupid and egotistical.

Pray for his mom. She is the stuff that Adam is made of, she is a very good lady. Love to all, Jesus blessings on all that read this, it works for me, if you have a minute or two get to know Him, a wow, a real wow. Godbless, Rina

Adam's mom's biopsy came back normal today, he is already on his way home. It was a good time to come to grips with accepting where each of us is in our lives. Thank you for your prayers. Love to all. Kitty

Adam's mom's biopsy came back normal today, he is already on his way home. It was a good time to come to grips with accepting where each of us is in our lives. Thank you for your prayers. Love to all. Kitty

Wonderful news about his Mum and I have you both in my prayers!
hugs
meri

I'm so glad you two are finding peace....