Are we crazy?

Hello all,

My significant other (l.Wolf) and i are new to this site and after talking about it with him i decided to post. Our story may not be as uncommon as we think and i'm sure we will need all of the support we can get after deciding to pursue this relationship. I am 40 and he just turned 22. He actually told me about this site when we first met a couple of months ago.
We only intended on being friends but after a few conversations we began to feel something much stronger. For me the age gap seemed hard to ignore, but on top of it we live in different countries, he is in England and i am in the US. We met online and chatted for hours on end. We are sure that we love each other, we are very understanding of each other and seem to be more compatible than anyone else we have met before.
After my deciding to go and visit him in the UK we have realized that we are in for a lot more than we bargained for. We are both very close to our families, who we haven't told about our relationship just yet. Neither of us feels ready for the barage of questions which we know are valid given the circumstances. We are still trying to sort things out for ourselves, whether we can really continue this relationship, which brings me to our question, is it really possible to carryon a long distance, age gap relationship?

you bet it is!

my partner and i are going on four years of a long distance/age gap relationships and we still love each other. he's british, i'm american, and we see each other when we can. like you, we met on the internet, chatted online for two years as good buddies, and became partners after our first vacation together. so we took our time getting to know each other as close friends first, with no romance, which i heartily recommend. first solid platonic friendship, then love.

i recommend talking some more (skype is best, as it's free), meeting in person as soon as it's convenient, and until you're sure it's going somewhere, i wouldn't present it as a fait accompli to either family. and when it is a sure thing, don't be defensive when you run into criticism. after all, it's a good relationship that just happens to be an age gap relationship. you love the person, not the age.

best of luck to ya, and go slow.

I am in one to and I can honestly tell you there are MANY on here who are in your shoes OR have been. My fiance is from Australia and we have been together 2 years and know each other going on 4 years. He will be moving here for good FINALLY under the K1 visa. He was here before with me and fell even deeper in love.

TO be in a long distance relationship, you BOTH have to be commited and strong to make it work. You will also need to make sure you talk/voice chat webcam A LOT! We have movie nights, internet picnics you name it!

BUT I cant wait for him to get home..I miss him madly

My husband is Aussie and I am American. We met online over 7 years ago. We managed long distance for 3 years with two visits during that time.

We have been married 4 1/2 years. I am 51, he is 29. It's not easy to have an LDR, but it can be done. I agree with grumpysgirl...it takes commitment, lots of communication, (we were on webcam every weekend, talked on the phone at least once a week, and sent emails every day), trust and perserverance.

Thank you everyone for your replies, i appreciate you all taking the time to respond and i look forward to hearing more advice and being able to share the happiness that we have found. We are going to be spending some time together in England this coming October. Its my first trip abroad and we are both very excited about it.:bgrin2::jiggy::yay:

One word for the trip.

Haggis. Don't eat it :)

Although she beat me to it :) , i would like to just give my thanks to those who have gave their support and advice.. its nice to hear from you all..and will look forward to any future input..

Naturally im sure we'll keep you informed of how things are progressing and more importantly how the holiday / vacation goes in october..

and don't worry cuteguy .. i got that covered always helps having the local knowledge lol i do know a couple of good places and what to pick up at the deli and rest assured haggis aint on the menu... if she wants to try by all means she can im not tho lol..

Hah! I actually like haggis!

LDR's?? That's another story. Let's put it this way. I'd go through it again to be with with him, but I won't do it again if things don't work out once we are finally together.

Me and my husband used to LD... he in WA and me in Norway. He is 23 and I'm 36 and we have been married for 3 years on July 22nd :yes:
We both live in Norway now ;)

Hah! I actually like haggis!

LDR's?? That's another story. Let's put it this way. I'd go through it again to be with with him, but I won't do it again if things don't work out once we are finally together.

AMEN.
It was worth it for him, no matter what happens. He's been in the States for five months and we were married in April. I ADORE him. But if it doesn't work out... no WAY I'd EVER go through it all again for anyone else.

(Clarification: I wasn't "amen-ing" to the liking haggis part of Rozie's post. ;) )

I guess I can understand the point of view that you would re-experience all that you have gone through just to be with the person you are with, because love at any age and set of circumstances is an adventure worth experiencing when you believe that he/she is the one you have waited your whole life to find. The adventure is just beginning for L.wolf and I and I hope that the future holds great things for us. So far, the man that I have come to know and am falling evermore in love with each passing day is worth any amount of difficulties we may come to because up till now I have never known a man who has treated me with as much love, respect, trust, and support as this man has. If things don't work out between us, I don't think I would travel this road again either.

As far as the Haggis is concerned, I may just have to try it. You guys are making me very curious and as long as I am going on the journey of a lifetime why not experience as much as possible. I'll definately let you know about that too.:)

I don't have much physical distance in my AGR, about 32 miles between us, but I thought another raised hand in the 40/22 area would be nice :D We've been going along nicely for 1 year and 4 months, his Mom still hates my guts and doesn't acknowledge my existance, but we love around that...lol Best of luck!!!!!

If I met someone as good as Alex has been to me I may consider it again, but I would not pursue one nor would I place myself knowingly into a situation where I thought it could happen. It was stressful, hard to manage, and left a longing that daily webcamming, phone conversations, and emails could not fill. I neglected a significant portion of my life (hobbies, outings, friends, etc) to spend time with him because we were on different time zones. And because of that neglect I would say, for Alex, I'd do it again. For anyone else, well I'd rather not. :o

Yes, it is possible to carry on a LDAGR and most successful one's I've seen have some long-term plan about what happens in the future. While these questions may not be pressing now eventually they will require an answer. Will one of you be willing to relocate? When will you tell the family about each other? What country will you reside in?

You mentioned family and how important it is to each of you. Can you imagine leaving your family for the other? If not, are you willing to remain in a LDR for years? And with that are you prepared for a potential border denial (I only bring this up because I think it's such a cruel thing to see a long term international couple endure that it warrants at least an awareness that it can happen)?

There's no right way to handle a LDR, our experiences here are a wide range of "this worked for me" so no one can answer what works for you both except you. Love, while splendid, does not ease the pain of separation, it increases it. Honesty, respect, and faith in each other is what will carry you through the process. It sounds like you both are trying to figure out what will work for "you", so be patient and flexible with each other.

I look forward to getting to know you both better through this process and wish you the greatest success! :yes:

...haggis...shudder :D

Hey Angel,

At this poing all of the questions you posed may not be that important at this early stage of our relationship, but gosh, do they all run through my head on a daily basis. I worry what my family will think when i finally reveal that he is infact my boyfriend and not just my internet friend. His family knows he has an online friend in America who will be coming to visit England and he will be showing me around. We have discussed not talking to our families about our relationship until we are sure that we are ready for all of the questions and concerns that may arise. I am more afraid of how his family will feel about me even knowing that I am a friend, because I am so much older, will they think I am just out to use him and then disgard him when I get bored? Given how we met I would not blame them for thinking that, even though they are not nor never were my intentions. After so many times being the one deceived and manipulated I feel so blessed to finally meet a true gentleman who loves me for me. I would rather be with a younger man who loves me from a distance than to be with one who will stand infront of me and lie to me, cheat on me and then throw me away like so much garbage.

As romantic as it all is, being in love with an incredible man who happens to live thousands of miles away, the reality of just how far away he is and how inaccessible is really starting to set in. We have decided that we want to spend more time together, but the time difference(five hours) can be a hinderance. By the time I get home from work he is already getting ready for bed. He is so sweet to stay up so that we can chat. I will be so glad to finally be in the same time zone, two weeks won't be long enough but it is all that I can afford. I'm already thinking about how I'm going to handle that last night we are together- those precious final moments before we go back to online chat and the occasional phone call. The time isn't coming fast enough before my trip and yet I don't want it to go by so fast while we are together.

And MsKriptonite, thank you and Angel for your input and words of support. I look forward to getting to know you all too. Its so nice to have someone to share all this with. Being a very open person it is very hard to not share this wonderful experience although I know at this point many people wouldnt understand.

Its so nice to have someone to share all this with. Being a very open person it is very hard to not share this wonderful experience although I know at this point many people wouldnt understand.

I had to bring this part of your statement out... you don't know how right you are just yet...and I hate to say that. The reality of a relationship of this kind is that it is truly a roller coaster ride, at least in my experience. People to talk to become fewer and far between, except for here...at least you can always find someone here who can relate and a lot of others who can offer advice or a just a shoulder. You hang in there! And remember the initial shock that others might experience when you first "come out" with this, is usually a gut reaction and sometimes not very good...how you handle it can determine how you're going to handle it in the future, (because it never stops). Prepare yourself for the worst, ( the questions, the insults, etc.) and hope for the best!