BeatleFreak 03-28-2003, 06:45 PM I'm a new member here and I am confused right now. I am 25 and I have ALWAYS liked older men, but I felt like I've had to hide it. I have only dated a few because of my family. They think I need therapy and/or that he is suffering from a mid-life crisis. They are quite critical. Well, recently, I met a wonderful 43 year man and we enjoy each other's company SO much, but it is still new. I can't control myself around him. (I have though) I am so attracted to him and I know he feels the same way. I can see a connection there though...more than sexually. He also has 2 children under 10 living at home and that makes for a new twist for me. There's no place to be alone because I have roommates. I like him so much but I'm afraid that we'll simply be looked down upon and not accepted by our family and friends. So, I told myself that if it gets to be too serious that I will just end it, but that's not fair to him. Aahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Well, I just don't know what to do. I feel insane at the moment and I know this is random. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
EMCAD80 03-31-2003, 10:23 AM Hey girl! Oh you came to the right place!!
Well...it's sad to say that I lost one of my very best friends b/c of my new found love. But you find out who your true friends are. I don't know why she backed away...jealousy, envy, anger, perhaps she didn't like that I was dating her boss, or maybe she had a problem w/ the age...but no matter what she was my friend and friends should be happy for friends who find love and happiness in someone else no matter their age, gender, religion, race, etc., etc.
For family issues...I got lucky...my family has all sorts of age gaps, inter racial and cross gender relationships. But the way I see it - they are your family and ALWAYS will be. Once they see that you are happy, they will be happy for you.
I'm glad to know that you have found this site. We look forward to the updates! :)
Best of Love!
samantha 04-07-2003, 02:07 AM hi beatle freak,
i know i'm a few days late to reply... perhaps you've sorted out your feelings a little more since then.
i always lament this subject with my SO (he's 45, i'm 27). i think it is so unfair that our friends, family, hell the whole society, puts so much instant pressure on people in age-gap relationships. *never* was i asked to consider my entire future, or all the situations that may possibly unfold in the next 20+ years when dating someone my age! yet when i started telling my friends, parents etc. about my new relationship, expecting them to be happy for me, i just got bombarded with what-ifs and trite expressions. it took me a long time of feeling like my SO and i needed to hide our relationship, until one day i realized that life it just too damn short. and since i've found someone who makes ME happy (not my friends or family -- it's just not their life to live), i'm going to go with it, offering no apologies to anyone who raises an eyebrow.
that soapbox stated, it can be difficult when there are kids involved. however, if you two want to make it work, i believe you can find ways to deal with the kid/ living situation. take it one day at a time -- and give it the time you need to figure out how you really feel and what you really want. it will all reveal itself. try not to let ignorant people stop you from enjoying a potential new mate.
good luck,
samantha
EMCAD80 04-08-2003, 10:01 AM do what makes you happy!!!
larasteele 04-08-2003, 11:16 AM Originally posted by samantha
*never* was i asked to consider my entire future, or all the situations that may possibly unfold in the next 20+ years when dating someone my age! yet when i started telling my friends, parents etc. about my new relationship, expecting them to be happy for me, i just got bombarded with what-ifs and trite expressions.
Yes, yes, yes!! No one would think to ask these questions in a same-age relationship...in my case, it is my guy's parents who put these things out there. I have met them several times. They like me, according to my guy, but I am "so young." I was introduced as a friend--they know he likes me, but how much else they know, I have no clue. Enough, I guess, to bring these things up.
And when they bring it up, my guy hears it and then considers it, and wants to pull away because of it.
I wouldn't consider future negetive "what ifs" with a guy my own age, so I consider it an invalid point to be made with this relationship. I am trying, and will keep trying, to make my guy see it this way.
and Beatle Freak...your families ideas that you need thearapy and he is having a mid-life crisis are part of their attempt to box in an idea that makes them uncomfortable. They do not understand and there fore they put these invalid "labels" on what you have. The idea makes THEM uncomfortable...and they don't understand why it doesn't make YOU uncomfortable as well.
Stay strong...and remember, time is the answer to many of these questions/problems.
EMCAD80 04-08-2003, 11:24 AM They like me, according to my guy, but I am "so young." I was introduced as a friend--they know he likes me, but how much else they know,
And when they bring it up, my guy hears it and then considers it, and wants to pull away because of it.
Same exact same thing here. Except D's mom went an extra mile. She said her friend is getting a divorce from her husband because he is too old now. She's 58 and her husaband is 14 years older than her. Needless to say-this freaked D out. I understand that his Mom is concerned for her son's future happiness....but she's ruining his happiness now!!
Eh - parents
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