your advice needed

my SO YM is arriving in 2 weeks to visit me. This will be his first time here and will be meeting my family and friends etc... He says he's coming firstly to see me so it matters not what we do, but I want to show him some of my culture and country so I'm doing some planning as he's only here for 2 1/2 weeks. I want to take him canoeing for a couple of days and then to the Rocky Mountains for a week or so with a day or two before, in between and at the endhere in my city. Anyway, here's what I can't decide about and maybe your opinion will help :) He loves football (that's American football, though he comes from a soccer loving country) and there's a home game here of national teams and I thought that would be a great thing to do. My first thought was I'd take him. I know nothing about football and when I mentioned the idea to my older son (who is 1 yr younger than my YM) he said 'hey let me and D (my younger son) take him and we'll show him how we have a good time here!' So that got me thinking. At first I thought that my sons might prefer me not coming along, or maybe I"d feel more comfortable?? :confused: not being there. I;m a wee bit nervous about this new step in our relationship, i.e, him meeting my family. I also thought that it might be a good 'bonding' kind of thing for them to do without me (a 'guy' bonding thing) I asked my younger son about the idea and he's so so about it, says it would be all right but would want to also go hang with his buddies during the game. My older son said last night he'd be fine either way, and that maybe having me there would take the pressure off of him. But I'm still unsure....I"d like for them to get to know each other and be really themselves. With me around, I don't know....even though we have a really good relationship and they think I"m a 'cool' mom.

Then I'm worried about the timing as it's between the canoe trip and the road trip....aaacckk why is something seemingly so simple becoming so difficult!!!! Must be the nerves of excitement I'm feeling in anticipation of his arrival:yes: Your help needed :yes:

personally, if I was in a LDR and seeing my man for 2 1/2 weeks, I would want to just relax and enjoy him-it sounds like you guys are going to be constantly on the go.I mean if all goes well you guys will eventually be together to "do" all the things, right?

I know when my YM came out for the first time, I had a ton of plans and activities lined up, but in the end we spent most of our time walking in parks, talking, cuddling in hotel room watching TV-and it was perfect-but I guess people are different.

On the football thing. I would send him with just your boys. I think they would have an easier time really getting to know one another without you there-assuming that is your goal.

I tend to agree that it would be better to leave the "boy" thing just for the boys. I still remember when my friends and my brothers refused to take me with them to watch a soccer game even though I abolutely adore the sport. It's the kind of thing men like to do alone, and I couldn't think of a better opportunity for your YM to click with your boys. It's only 3-4 hours, right?

Then, I think the Rocky Mountains is just such a breathtaking environment that absolutely nothing could go wrong there, especially if you're going for a week, it would be truly something to remember. I still think that it would be better to stay in one place, rather than do the whole tour from Jasper to Banff.

Hi Mariposa,

First let me say how excited I am for both you and your YM that he's coming to see you! Yay! Now, let me stress the key words in that sentence ...."he's coming to see you"

In reading your post, I couldn't help but relive my own excitement and nervousness of my YM's (me 46, U.S., YM 24, Aussie) first visit. His first visit was on "neutral ground". We met in California. I dragged that poor man every where....Disneyland, Hollywood, Universal Studios, Las Vegas. It was 2 weeks of non-stop. I was so excited for him to be here, wanting to show him some of the high lights of my country, and so afraid he would be bored. So I packed it all in. He returned the favor when I went to Sydney. It was 3 weeks of non-stop...go, go, go. I too wanted to see one of their "footy" games while there, but we completely ran out of time, so we were gonna watch one on t.v. and I was so exhausted that I slept through the entire game. He too was afraid I would be bored, and wanted to show me everything he could about his country.

We have talked many times about those visits, and how nervous we each were in keeping the other "entertained", and vowed that future visits would just be us enjoying being together. Not us packing up every few days and heading to a new destination.

His last visit (in Dec.) was for 3 weeks. He stayed at my house, meeting my children (18 and 22) for the first time. Wow, was I a basket case pulling into the drive and having them walk out to meet him. So was he, poor guy. But, things couldn't have gone better. We had only 3 days planned for the entire time he was here. Other than that, we just lived everyday life and played things by ear. We did things, but it was at our leisure. I had to work some of the time he was here, and he would have dinner ready and the dishes done when I got home. Talk about feeling spoiled. This also gave him some time to spend with my kids and let them get to know each other. It was the very best visit. It almost made it more difficult for him to leave, cause it felt so natural for him to be here and a part of our lives. He felt the very same way.

I would say, whatever you have planned....cut the activity list in half. Trust me, you are why he's coming to visit, and you are who he wants to spend time with. Believe him when he says that. It won't matter what you're doing. Besides that, finally being in close physical contact....you may find yourselves plenty busy :blush: As far as the football game...go with!

Just give yourselves time to just be the two of you too.

I'm sooo excited for you both!

Hugs,
Zuzu

hey thanks for your comments, it's always good to hear what others have experienced and what they think. Just to explain, this isn't the first time we will have been together, in fact, since we met 2 1/2 years ago this will be the 6th time, the last time was 3 months ago when we spent 2 1/2 months together in his city,though this time we didn't live together because he's back living with his family for a bit while he finishes his Masters. For the other visits, we did live together and he was also working much of the time so we have experienced a kind of 'day to day' life together. We both love to travel and see new places and do that together, it's one of the things we love about each other and love to do with each other. The road trip to the mountains and the canoe trip will both be intensive times of just the two of us....driving in the car, canoeing to my favorite very isolated Canadian Shield island, camping out under the stars and hearing the loons. I think we can do it with some ease, though I hear what you are all saying about just hanging out toand the itinerary is completely open so if when he arrives we decide we just want to live here in my apt and hang out in the city, that will be okay.

As for the football game...well, I went ahead and went with my gut feeling and it's now a moot point because I went ahead and bought tickets for all of us this afternoon. You see, I was picking up tickets for another event for tomorrow night and just asked about available seats for the game and there weren't many left and I just opened up to my intuition and it felt good to go ahead and buy 4 tickets! So that's what's happening.

Thanks again for your opinions, I really appreciate hearing them and your experiences especially. I'll let you know how it goes at the game. I have a feeling it's going to be all right. I'll sit next to my man and have my boys sit on the other side so it can be kind of like I'm not right there :rolleyes: I have a feeling it's going to be a good way for them to get to know each other and for them to get to see me and my man together.

And now there's figuring out how and when to meet the rest of my family...my mother, my sister in law. I'm thinking one evening with a bbq supper. Likely after the trip to the mountains so he can have something to share about his time in Canada.

hey zuzu I wanted to also say how I can so feel your excitement for me fly off the screen!!! Thank you so much for sharing that.

And yes, we may find ourselves just a wee bit busy laying around together ;):yes: ....

I am excited for you!! I also agree that it sounds like you have an awful lot planned. I'm not sure how I feel about the football thing. Rather than making it a surprize for him, you might ask him if its something he would be comfortable doing with your boys. Its something that might put all of them on the spot. Two week sounds like a long time, but in my experience with my LDR it flies by in the blink of an eye. Make sure you leave plenty of time for just the two of you.

[QUOTE=Rozie;573817]Two week sounds like a long time, but in my experience with my LDR it flies by in the blink of an eye. QUOTE]

Yes it sure does...the shortest time we've spent together has been 10 days when I just had to see him and took some time off work to do that. That was hard because it always takes a few days at least to get reacquainted and adjusted to being together and then it's time to go!

This will be our next shortest time together, and I am already thinking about how hard it's going to be to say goodbye after 18 days together. And then we're not sure how much time it will be until we are together again..maybe up to 5 or 6 months!! Though we've done that once before, I feel just awful when I think about being apart that length of time again. I'm getting to the point in this LDR where I don't want to be LDR for much longer. Not meaning that I would end it because of the LDR but that I want to work towards a plan to being together.

Put my vote into the 'go with to the game' camp. First of all, you will be able to share an environment that he likes, which is always helpful in learning about someone else. If you dislike football, you can decline in the future, but to start out with, to go with him to something he enjoys is a wonderful way to learn about another aspect of his personality.

My second point is that - I've been the odd person out, forced to go with a group of people with whom I have no history, and it really is painful. Its fine if you click right away, but if that doesn't happen, you've stuck your YM in an awkward position for the length of the game. I see it as, best case - he hits it off with your boys and you're there to be apart of the fun, or worst case - he and the boys don't get along, he at least has you there.

-mplskan

thanks mplskan...you made some good points and I totally agree. I'm really glad now that I went ahead and bought tickets for 4 of us! I'll let you know how it goes.

Mari...He likes american football, you dont know much about it. Sons willing to show him, ALSO let them show you! Learn the sport together..BUT also dont overwhelm all the time you have together with going and doing things!! Yes you want to show him all this, BUT he also wants just YOU and him time, aloneeeeeeeeee *wink wink*

Mariposa,

I hate to break the news, but if you actually live in Canada, you won't be seeing American football! Canadian football may look a lot like American football, but the rules are quite different. I've heard comments several times that even if hockey is the national sport in Canada, the most Canadian sport is actually Canadian football.

Greenpetunia...thanks :) but I know that already :yes: and that's another good reason for my sons to come along as they know the game well and this will be something they can share with each other, the differences between the two.

grumpysgirl... I hear ya! And we will be taking time to just hang out together.

just 3 more sleeps and he arrives!!!! Wooo hooo!!:runnningaround:

Tic toc tic tock... counting minutes someone? :D

Haven't posted because I've been happily busy hanging out with the love of my life....and he left today :( so now I can take some time to write.

well...the football game was GREAT!! Yes our home team finally won their first game (had been 4 and 0 til then) and we credited my bf for that--bringing good luck from mexico. And it was a great game...good plays and all that. But it was also went really great, meeting my sons and all of us just hanging out for a while. My sons picked us up and we all drove their together...after introductions. Walking to the stadium they had a chance to chat about football CDN versus US rules etc. My sons were welcoming and friendly and it felt sooooo good to me to have my sons see their mom being affectionate with her bf and all that stuff...we didnt' hold back and held hands and hugged and kissed. I know that may sound weird to some of you but you have to remember that my sons haven't seen me in a relationship, ever, other than the 4 years I was with their dad. So...this was a BIG deal in a way for all of us.

I'm so glad I got tickets for all of us.

As for meeting the rest of my family, we waited until we got back from our road trip to the mountains...yep, we did all that we had planned and it worked out just fine. We drove 4000 kms in 8 days!!! but felt really good about it and we had so much time together to talk, or not talk and camping worked out great..we both love camping and being in nature and we got into a rhythm with it. He had a great time and so did I. So then we got back into town from our trip and had a family bbq dinner at my sister in law's place with the whole family and though we were both a bit nervous at first, everyone was really friendly and as the evening wore on we all relaxed and my bf said he really enjoyed meeting my family, that they were all very nice and welcoming and though at first it seemed like there was a wall between him and them that over the course of the evening that melted and he talked a lot with people (he said he seemed to forget all his english when we first arrived!!! :eek:from being nervous!!!).

No one said a thing about our age gap and talking with my mom today, I was crying actually because I was missing him so much (he left today) so we were talking about that and how I was feeling worried about the future and she asked well how old is he? and I told her and she said 'oh that doesn't matter...as long as you are both happy and I can see that he really cares about you and you really care about him'!!! How great is that:yes: all that worrying for nothing!!! It's all true what all of you have said in numerous posts..that when family and friends see the love and happiness the OW/YM feel, the age gap becomes irrelevant. It was true with meeting my best friend as well...we went out for a drink with her and her bf and that went really well too.

Gratefully time went by slowly and it felt like we spent a long time together...but now it's over and he's arriving back into Mexico as I write. Sigh....it's painful to be apart. And we wont' be seeing each other now for at least 5 months, maybe 6. That is going to be really hard and I can't stop myself from worrying about how things might change between now and then.

Anyway...that's how things went. Thought you'd want to know.

Its great to read some details of the visit! I'm happy the football thing went well and even happier to read of your family's positive reception! Don't worry so much about what's going to change over the next months...focus on how much better things are now than they were a few months back!!

Delighted to know that it all went so well. I also think it is great that you went to the football game. That also shows him that you are interested in being with him and seeing him being happy at something he is interested in even if you are not real interested in it. However, maybe you will be interested in football too! I think it is a good thing to let your boys bond with him, but I would say that once they all know each other better that would be a better time. I am guessing that would have been the first time they would have been alone with him. You did the right thing and sounds like it went great. I am happy for you all!

Don't worry so much about what's going to change over the next months...focus on how much better things are now than they were a few months back!!

Thanks Rozie...that's such good advice as I tend to do the worry about the future thing way too much. Things ARE so much better than they were a few months back. My friend advised me today in a good way...she said stop worrying about the things you have no control over (like people's reactions for e.g) and focus on what you want and what's happening in the present. All that energy I focused (?wasted) on worrying about how my family and friends' would react to my YM and me...well it was for nothing because they all liked him a lot and had nothing negative to say about our age gap. Learning lessons all life long!!!