How do I tell my son????

I'm happier right now, than I've ever been. I am back together with my ex in Colorado. We dated for 2 years, before I moved to Florida. I never even mentioned Cody to my son. My son would not understand. My son and I are close, and he thinks that AGRs are 'sick'. I think that's his immaturity talking. My son says though that he wants me to find love and be happy. Well, I have with Cody and he's only 3 years older than my own son. My son will surely think we are both 'sick'. Or maybe not, I'm not sure.

I'm having dinner with my son tomorrow night, and both I and Cody think its time to tell Erik, about all of this. Holy cow, don't know what to do.... :Thud:

I'm happier right now, than I've ever been. I am back together with my ex in Colorado. We dated for 2 years, before I moved to Florida. I never even mentioned Cody to my son. My son would not understand. My son and I are close, and he thinks that AGRs are 'sick'. I think that's his immaturity talking. My son says though that he wants me to find love and be happy. Well, I have with Cody and he's only 3 years older than my own son. My son will surely think we are both 'sick'. Or maybe not, I'm not sure.

I'm having dinner with my son tomorrow night, and both I and Cody think its time to tell Erik, about all of this. Holy cow, don't know what to do.... :Thud:

Be honest and I would tell him. I realize you think this is wrong but many women and younger men are dating now a days and it is no longer considered sick. I would accept a gal you dated if she was older because I would know you are happy..I am happy and I love you however I love him as well..I know it is tough and all I ask is respect him and he will you..you do not have to accept it just respect my choice and do not judge us.


In the end this is about you and your man..not your son and you. He is an adult..he will get over it:)

GOOD LUCK!

I'm happier right now, than I've ever been. I am back together with my ex in Colorado. We dated for 2 years, before I moved to Florida. I never even mentioned Cody to my son. My son would not understand. My son and I are close, and he thinks that AGRs are 'sick'. I think that's his immaturity talking. My son says though that he wants me to find love and be happy. Well, I have with Cody and he's only 3 years older than my own son. My son will surely think we are both 'sick'. Or maybe not, I'm not sure.

I'm having dinner with my son tomorrow night, and both I and Cody think its time to tell Erik, about all of this. Holy cow, don't know what to do.... :Thud:

PS, I'm 47, Cody is 25 and my son is 22.

Be honest and I would tell him. I realize you think this is wrong but many women and younger men are dating now a days and it is no longer considered sick. I would accept a gal you dated if she was older because I would know you are happy..I am happy and I love you however I love him as well..I know it is tough and all I ask is respect him and he will you..you do not have to accept it just respect my choice and do not judge us.


In the end this is about you and your man..not your son and you. He is an adult..he will get over it:)

GOOD LUCK!

Thankyou and I appreciate your thoughts. If I thought my son was mature enough to handle this conversation, I would have no hesitation. But the moment I mention my involvement, he will merely turn his head and change the subject. This is why I think I shouldn't broach the subject at all. I mean we live 2000 miles apart, and he will not need to know.

Thankyou and I appreciate your thoughts. If I thought my son was mature enough to handle this conversation, I would have no hesitation. But the moment I mention my involvement, he will merely turn his head and change the subject. This is why I think I shouldn't broach the subject at all. I mean we live 2000 miles apart, and he will not need to know.

If you are close to your son then I think you should tell him because if he finds out on his own he will feel that he wasn't important enough to confide in.

Why do you need to tell him Cody's age? Can you just tell him that you are seeing someone and if he inquires to his age tell him that he's younger than you or then disclose his actual age? Just present him as you would any other man.

Resist the urge to defend the relationship and do not attempt to convince your son that this relationship requires his approval. How your son receives this information isn't as important as respecting his right to react however he chooses, provided he remains respectful to you. After all, his reaction is not a reflection of you and Cody so let him work it out his own way.

However, if he starts to make you feel bad, remind him that you didn't share the information to garner his approval, you shared it to include him in your life. From there let him lead the conversation, and if he wants to change the subject allow him to because he's entitled to feel uncomfortable. Don't feed into his behavior. ;)

If you are close to your son then I think you should tell him because if he finds out on his own he will feel that he wasn't important enough to confide in.

Why do you need to tell him Cody's age? Can you just tell him that you are seeing someone and if he inquires to his age tell him that he's younger than you or then disclose his actual age? Just present him as you would any other man.

Resist the urge to defend the relationship and do not attempt to convince your son that this relationship requires his approval. How your son receives this information isn't as important as respecting his right to react however he chooses, provided he remains respectful to you. After all, his reaction is not a reflection of you and Cody so let him work it out his own way.

However, if he starts to make you feel bad, remind him that you didn't share the information to garner his approval, you shared it to include him in your life. From there let him lead the conversation, and if he wants to change the subject allow him to because he's entitled to feel uncomfortable. Don't feed into his behavior. ;)

Excellent advise. By the way, my son, 18, also thinks that AGRs are disgusting. He would not date someone significantly older and he "barfs" when he sees images of older men with younger women on TV. However, he did not mind my relationship. He loves me and wants me to be happy. He requested, however that if my bf and I break up, that the next bf I get is:
1. About my age.
2. Panamanian.

So, CG, be truthful, respectful and dignified, and things will go smoother than you think. If he turns his head the other way and changes the subject... that is not that bad, is it?

I agree that you shouldn't tell him Cody's age. It really is none of his or anyone else's business. Just tell him you are involved with a wonderful man.

Congratulations on your newly re-found relationship :)

Be honest and tell your son the truth! He may not react the way you wish right off but give him some time and I'm sure that he will come along when he sees the love between the two of you.
I think that most of us have had a negative reaction one way or another from our kids and other loved ones.. but most of them have come to accept and be happy for us...

Exactly what Angel said....well spoken and advised. Can't add anything more to that other than good luck and keep true to yourself.

My story goes like this: I have 2 sons, 21 and 25 and my YM is 26. I didnt' feel comfortable telling them about his age at the beginning. About a year ago, after one of my trips to visit my YM I was showing photos to my older son. He asked about his age (it was obvious that he was younger than me) and I only could say he's younger than me. My son kept asking me questions but I still wouldn't say, I wasn't ready. He then said "well, I hope he's older than me!!" and to that I could truthfully answer 'Yes'. He then went on to say that what was most important was that I was happy and if I was happy then he was happy for me.

Then some weeks later, something came over me and I told my younger son his exact age and his response was, with a raised hand and a big smile "You go mom!!" Then he made some comment that I didn't like (can't even remember it now) and told him that those kind of comments were exactly why I was protective of sharing my boyfriend's age with people and that I didn't appreciate it. He hasn't ever said anything like that since. And I am sure my younger son told his brother my YM's age.

We are planning to spend a bit of time all together when my YM is here in a week!!! and that will be the true test. I am hopeful. I have a good relationship with my sons and I know they are respectful and kind. But above all, I am the most confident about this relationship than I have ever been and am doing MY thing in life now, which though they may not accept, they need to respect. It's a value I've tried to raise them with. I hope it shines through.

I think we ask a lot of our young adult children when we bring people so close to their own age into our lives. Out of respect to our children, I think we need to be honest, but gentle at the same time. I think this is news that you break in increments and as Angel suggested, start with the fact that you are dating a wonderful man and very happy. Let your son's questions and need for further information guide you from there. With my own son we went from him knowing that I was dating someone "considerably younger" to him demanding that I tell him "exactly how much younger." We had the whole "age is just a number" discussion, but it wasn't until he dated a woman 14 years his senior, that I knew he really understood and approved.

Thankyou and I appreciate your thoughts. If I thought my son was mature enough to handle this conversation, I would have no hesitation. But the moment I mention my involvement, he will merely turn his head and change the subject. This is why I think I shouldn't broach the subject at all. I mean we live 2000 miles apart, and he will not need to know.

ACK. Girl sometimes even when they are in their 40s they cant handle it either ( ask kais mom LOL)
I totally understand and everyone here has given you some wonderful advice.

I feel this way; You are with this man, your child is grown. He has his life you have yours. He has to respect your life and you his. He does not have to accept it however..RESPECT IT...its YOUR choice. If he can't say anything nice then tell him you will not be discussing your life with him anymore and you wish not to have him mention it either.


Just be you and enjoy this man your with. In the end its about you and him no one else.

you do what makes YOU happy

I realized and so did Kai we do not live to make OTHERS happy..It is THEIR choice to make themselves happy, we can't do it for them. SO you do what YOU want to do. Your son will be fine and just be happy, laugh love and smile sister!

hugs always!

Meri

Ps angel is dead on it...I agree with small doses. remember what Kai and I had gone through. We went full force and THAT did not go well..LOL...
but remember what I said..He will BE OKAY and so will you and this man

I mean we live 2000 miles apart, and he will not need to know.

Lying is never a good idea, not matter what the good intentions are behind it. It sets up a precedent, and it makes the other person start to question - okay, what else have they / are they lying to me about? I agree with the advice that says go in doses - just start out with I'm dating a wonderful person. If your son is uncomfortable with the idea that you're dating at all - which some children can be, then your conversation can end there. For now. But start to mention your YM - gently. As in 'me and him are going on a garden walk this weekend' or some such thing, just normal conversational items. Let your son hear about your YM as a person, and how the two of you interact. Then, if it comes to a face to face meeting, mention in advance that the man you're seeing is younger than you, and you didn't want it to be surprise to your son when they met the first time.

-mplskan

ACK. .....

I feel this way; You are with this man, your child is grown. He has his life you have yours. He has to respect your life and you his. He does not have to accept it however..RESPECT IT...its YOUR choice. If he can't say anything nice then tell him you will not be discussing your life with him anymore and you wish not to have him mention it either.





I completely agree with you!!!
By the way, what does "ACK" mean? That was the only term that I did not understand.

Lying is never a good idea, not matter what the good intentions are behind it. It sets up a precedent, and it makes the other person start to question - okay, what else have they / are they lying to me about?
-mplskan

You are completely right!! Especially regarding what I changed into bold print now.
You will loose your son's trust. It can then probably not be repaired.

Besides, even 2000 miles are no guarantee that nobody will tell him. One sometimes says that the world is a small place. I have seen people at places where I never would have expected them to show up, and I have experienced weird grapevine connections where suddenly people knew each other and I did not know that they knew each other and that they could gossip.

Is a presumed "workaround" around a problem really worth loosing your son's trust?

I completely agree with you!!!
By the way, what does "ACK" mean? That was the only term that I did not understand.

ack is like a gagging sound LOL...its a HUGE thing on the net from what I seen..I try hard to be hip...and not BREAK a hip:bgrin2::tongue2:

ack is like a gagging sound LOL...its a HUGE thing on the net from what I seen..I try hard to be hip...and not BREAK a hip:bgrin2::tongue2:

:D Thanks a lot.

Well my son and I had a wonderful dinner together Saturday night. After we ate dinner (seared ahi tuna and Alaskan Crab Legs, mmmmm) I said there was something I wanted to let him know. I prefaced it by saying I was not seeking his approval. His intuition was on target, because he knew in a way, what was coming. I said I've been seeing someone who makes me very happy and we both think its time you knew because this will likely be a long term thing. My son's first question was "how old is he?" I said it didn't matter and my son repeated the question. So I told him. My son thought for a moment, asked when he could meet Cody and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy". And then my son and I went and played poker together....


Thanks for all the GREAT ADVICE AGELESS LOVERS....

Wonderful news! I loved that he asked to meet Cody and you two went on to have a nice evening together. That had to make your day!

Now you can move back feeling as though you are harboring some secret from your son. Awesome! :w00t:

Well my son and I had a wonderful dinner together Saturday night. After we ate dinner (seared ahi tuna and Alaskan Crab Legs, mmmmm) I said there was something I wanted to let him know. I prefaced it by saying I was not seeking his approval. His intuition was on target, because he knew in a way, what was coming. I said I've been seeing someone who makes me very happy and we both think its time you knew because this will likely be a long term thing. My son's first question was "how old is he?" I said it didn't matter and my son repeated the question. So I told him. My son thought for a moment, asked when he could meet Cody and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy". And then my son and I went and played poker together....


Thanks for all the GREAT ADVICE AGELESS LOVERS....

That is wonderful news! It could not have gone any better. I am so happy for all of you.

There is no-one in my life right now, but my daughter would probably also first ask "how old is he". LOL

Well my son and I had a wonderful dinner together Saturday night. After we ate dinner (seared ahi tuna and Alaskan Crab Legs, mmmmm) I said there was something I wanted to let him know. I prefaced it by saying I was not seeking his approval. His intuition was on target, because he knew in a way, what was coming. I said I've been seeing someone who makes me very happy and we both think its time you knew because this will likely be a long term thing. My son's first question was "how old is he?" I said it didn't matter and my son repeated the question. So I told him. My son thought for a moment, asked when he could meet Cody and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy". And then my son and I went and played poker together....


Thanks for all the GREAT ADVICE AGELESS LOVERS....


Wonderful news, Sharron! If he is like my son was when I told him, he is probably thinking about this in his head and may have comments/questions later. But, I think that you prefaced it nicely by telling him up front that you are not seeking his approval.

*HUGS YOU TIGHT* see it worked out! I am truely happy he is okay so far with it!

That's great. Glad it worked out!

Well my son and I had a wonderful dinner together Saturday night. After we ate dinner (seared ahi tuna and Alaskan Crab Legs, mmmmm) I said there was something I wanted to let him know. I prefaced it by saying I was not seeking his approval. His intuition was on target, because he knew in a way, what was coming. I said I've been seeing someone who makes me very happy and we both think its time you knew because this will likely be a long term thing. My son's first question was "how old is he?" I said it didn't matter and my son repeated the question. So I told him. My son thought for a moment, asked when he could meet Cody and said, "If you're happy, I'm happy". And then my son and I went and played poker together....


Thanks for all the GREAT ADVICE AGELESS LOVERS....

That's so cute. I'm so happy for you!