citygirl0770
07-18-2008, 12:05 PM
I’m new here. I’m so happy to have discovered this site. I’m not sure if I should even be posting this soon. I’ve been dating this YM for almost 3 weeks, so compared to many on this site this is such a new relationship and still very much in the “honeymoon” phase. But I guess that is part of the advice I’m seeking.
First, a bit of background about me. I was thinking back recently and realized that I have always been attracted to younger men going all the way back to when I was a junior in high school and a sophomore was interested in me. I was in a long term relationship and engaged first to a man my age and then after breaking it off with him, started a 7 year relationship with a man 6 years younger than me. My family never had a problem with the age difference but did have a problem with his treatment of me. He started very slowly at the beginning of our relationship to isolate me and it slowly became emotional abuse and towards the end, physical, (the only reason I go into that was to try to give incite into my family’s reaction to my current relationship).
So after taking a year off of men to regroup and heal, I started dating again. Being that I was now 36 I was thinking that I “should” try dating guys my age and older but was not too excited about the idea. I tried dating a man that I met at work, who is 2 years older than me. We dated for 7 months and ultimately decided that we were better friends and the romantic feelings just weren’t there. (Plus he was recently separated from his wife of 12 years and has 2 small children so he wasn’t totally invested in a new relationship.)
So I decided to try internet dating. He first guy I dated was 4 years younger (and I found out after a week together still married – which he lied about on his profile but they were separated for a year after 3 months of marriage so he thought it didn’t count LOL). I dated him for 2 more weeks but was just not getting what I wanted from him. He became a bit of a stalker and I finally had to change my number.
So the next guy I dated was 7 years younger than me. He’s an OTR truck driver and was divorced with 2 young children. He was a very nice guy but it’s hard to date someone that you only see for a few days every month and have to share that time with his parents, children, etc. His main problem was he couldn’t handle me being friends with guy #1. And I couldn’t handle the distance and the lack of effort he put into maintaining an LDR. So after 2 months we split.
All of these relationships have been this year. (Sorry to write a book but this background is necessary to explain my current issue).
My twin sister was saying that I needed to try dating an older man after the experiences I had with guys #2 and #3.
So now to the happy part of my story. I met C. online 3 weeks ago tomorrow. He’s 24 and I’ll be 38 on Sunday. I was on a different dating site then I might guy #2 and #3. C. popped right up on the IM and we started chatting. All the other guys on the site who were my age had just been emailing me. We chatted for a bit and then we both got offline to do errands. I was supposed to go on a date that evening but it ended up being cancelled. So C. and I ended up chatting for 6 hours. I knew within the first 10 minutes of our second chat that he was different. I was hesitant at first because of the age difference and the fact that I was feeling like I “should” be looking for guys my age or older. But the idea of an older guy just didn’t set well with me. Most of the guys I’ve spoken to online my age or older are divorced and have children. And having dated the 2 guys with children, you have to “share” the limited time you have together with the children. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and love guy #1’s boys so much and I think that children should definitely be involved with both parents, especially in a situation of divorce. It’s just you want time with them alone.) But the doubts I had about his age and the age difference just went away so quickly. My normal rule was talking for at least a week before meeting for a date, but C. lives in NJ and was down here, in NC, for the weekend visiting his family and would be returning to NJ on Monday. So I agreed to meet him for dinner and a movie. After talking for a while he asked if we could meet earlier because he didn’t think that he could wait that long. LOL. So after ending the internet conversation at 2:00 am and then chatting again from 10 am to 11 am, we met for lunch at 2:00. I was so comfortable from the start with him. It was like we already knew each other. We spend all day together, going to eat, a walk, going to a movie (and cuddling and sharing our first kiss – something I never did either which was kiss on the first date). I had gone on the date with the idea that I was just going to have fun and that’s what it was. I didn’t know if we would see each other again and just left it up to faith or the powers that be or whatever. He text me the next day and asked if we could see each other again and I said of course. (he told me later that he wanted to ask me before he left for another date but he wasn’t sure if I would say yes). So we chatted online, text and phone until we met last weekend. We have found a city in VA that is exactly half way. We had a wonderful weekend together. The time we spend together either, phone, chat or in person is the best and the age thing never comes up for either of us or enters our mind. I’m actually flying up to NJ today and spending my vacation with him and am returning on the 27th.
Now my problem. My friends are supportive of me. My problem is my family. My sister thinks the age gap is too much and she told me to enjoy it while it lasts. My 19 year old niece (whom I’m very close to and has been very supportive of me in the past) told me that he’s too young and he hadn’t even started kindergarten when she was born. I told her that it was nice to be with someone that hasn’t been married and has no kids (I’ve never been married and really want to get married to someone who hasn’t so we can experience it together). She told me “yeah I understand but he doesn’t have to be so young”. My 14 year old nephew thinks that he’s a little young for me but as long as I’m happy then that’s all that matters (out of the mouths of babes). My 33 year old brother (whose wife is 26) thinks C. is a bit young but he says after everything I’ve been through in my life I deserve to be happy. (the reason my family is such a part of my life is that I live with my dad because my loser ex left me with all our debts and because we weren’t married and they are in my name – I’m responsible. And I didn’t want to drag it through court because I don’t want to be in contact with him ever again. And my niece lives with us while she’s in college). My family has all made reference to my dating “so many people” this year. And I guess they think that I will be moving on to another one because that’s what I done this year. But after 15 years in unhappy relationships, I decided I wouldn’t settle and would not be in situation that didn’t make me happy. After all that’s what dating is all about.
Anyway, what I feel for C. is so different from anything I’ve ever felt. At 38, I think I know myself well and what I want. He tells me everyday how happy he is and how lucky he is to have me. He makes me feel so happy and special. I know it’s early in the relationship and this is still the “honeymoon” period, but he shows every indication of wanting this LDR to work. I’m just so happy and excited to see what the future holds. I’ve never had anyone treat me the way he does. He’s also more mature than many people my age. He left home when he was 18 and started his own business. He owns his own condo and his car is paid outright. The thing that really kills me is that no one in my family has met him and is making a judgment strictly on one thing – the age.
So I’m asking, how have you dealt with negativity? How did you know he was “the one”?
Thanks for reading my book and for any advice you can give me.
Lynetta
First, a bit of background about me. I was thinking back recently and realized that I have always been attracted to younger men going all the way back to when I was a junior in high school and a sophomore was interested in me. I was in a long term relationship and engaged first to a man my age and then after breaking it off with him, started a 7 year relationship with a man 6 years younger than me. My family never had a problem with the age difference but did have a problem with his treatment of me. He started very slowly at the beginning of our relationship to isolate me and it slowly became emotional abuse and towards the end, physical, (the only reason I go into that was to try to give incite into my family’s reaction to my current relationship).
So after taking a year off of men to regroup and heal, I started dating again. Being that I was now 36 I was thinking that I “should” try dating guys my age and older but was not too excited about the idea. I tried dating a man that I met at work, who is 2 years older than me. We dated for 7 months and ultimately decided that we were better friends and the romantic feelings just weren’t there. (Plus he was recently separated from his wife of 12 years and has 2 small children so he wasn’t totally invested in a new relationship.)
So I decided to try internet dating. He first guy I dated was 4 years younger (and I found out after a week together still married – which he lied about on his profile but they were separated for a year after 3 months of marriage so he thought it didn’t count LOL). I dated him for 2 more weeks but was just not getting what I wanted from him. He became a bit of a stalker and I finally had to change my number.
So the next guy I dated was 7 years younger than me. He’s an OTR truck driver and was divorced with 2 young children. He was a very nice guy but it’s hard to date someone that you only see for a few days every month and have to share that time with his parents, children, etc. His main problem was he couldn’t handle me being friends with guy #1. And I couldn’t handle the distance and the lack of effort he put into maintaining an LDR. So after 2 months we split.
All of these relationships have been this year. (Sorry to write a book but this background is necessary to explain my current issue).
My twin sister was saying that I needed to try dating an older man after the experiences I had with guys #2 and #3.
So now to the happy part of my story. I met C. online 3 weeks ago tomorrow. He’s 24 and I’ll be 38 on Sunday. I was on a different dating site then I might guy #2 and #3. C. popped right up on the IM and we started chatting. All the other guys on the site who were my age had just been emailing me. We chatted for a bit and then we both got offline to do errands. I was supposed to go on a date that evening but it ended up being cancelled. So C. and I ended up chatting for 6 hours. I knew within the first 10 minutes of our second chat that he was different. I was hesitant at first because of the age difference and the fact that I was feeling like I “should” be looking for guys my age or older. But the idea of an older guy just didn’t set well with me. Most of the guys I’ve spoken to online my age or older are divorced and have children. And having dated the 2 guys with children, you have to “share” the limited time you have together with the children. Don’t get me wrong I love kids and love guy #1’s boys so much and I think that children should definitely be involved with both parents, especially in a situation of divorce. It’s just you want time with them alone.) But the doubts I had about his age and the age difference just went away so quickly. My normal rule was talking for at least a week before meeting for a date, but C. lives in NJ and was down here, in NC, for the weekend visiting his family and would be returning to NJ on Monday. So I agreed to meet him for dinner and a movie. After talking for a while he asked if we could meet earlier because he didn’t think that he could wait that long. LOL. So after ending the internet conversation at 2:00 am and then chatting again from 10 am to 11 am, we met for lunch at 2:00. I was so comfortable from the start with him. It was like we already knew each other. We spend all day together, going to eat, a walk, going to a movie (and cuddling and sharing our first kiss – something I never did either which was kiss on the first date). I had gone on the date with the idea that I was just going to have fun and that’s what it was. I didn’t know if we would see each other again and just left it up to faith or the powers that be or whatever. He text me the next day and asked if we could see each other again and I said of course. (he told me later that he wanted to ask me before he left for another date but he wasn’t sure if I would say yes). So we chatted online, text and phone until we met last weekend. We have found a city in VA that is exactly half way. We had a wonderful weekend together. The time we spend together either, phone, chat or in person is the best and the age thing never comes up for either of us or enters our mind. I’m actually flying up to NJ today and spending my vacation with him and am returning on the 27th.
Now my problem. My friends are supportive of me. My problem is my family. My sister thinks the age gap is too much and she told me to enjoy it while it lasts. My 19 year old niece (whom I’m very close to and has been very supportive of me in the past) told me that he’s too young and he hadn’t even started kindergarten when she was born. I told her that it was nice to be with someone that hasn’t been married and has no kids (I’ve never been married and really want to get married to someone who hasn’t so we can experience it together). She told me “yeah I understand but he doesn’t have to be so young”. My 14 year old nephew thinks that he’s a little young for me but as long as I’m happy then that’s all that matters (out of the mouths of babes). My 33 year old brother (whose wife is 26) thinks C. is a bit young but he says after everything I’ve been through in my life I deserve to be happy. (the reason my family is such a part of my life is that I live with my dad because my loser ex left me with all our debts and because we weren’t married and they are in my name – I’m responsible. And I didn’t want to drag it through court because I don’t want to be in contact with him ever again. And my niece lives with us while she’s in college). My family has all made reference to my dating “so many people” this year. And I guess they think that I will be moving on to another one because that’s what I done this year. But after 15 years in unhappy relationships, I decided I wouldn’t settle and would not be in situation that didn’t make me happy. After all that’s what dating is all about.
Anyway, what I feel for C. is so different from anything I’ve ever felt. At 38, I think I know myself well and what I want. He tells me everyday how happy he is and how lucky he is to have me. He makes me feel so happy and special. I know it’s early in the relationship and this is still the “honeymoon” period, but he shows every indication of wanting this LDR to work. I’m just so happy and excited to see what the future holds. I’ve never had anyone treat me the way he does. He’s also more mature than many people my age. He left home when he was 18 and started his own business. He owns his own condo and his car is paid outright. The thing that really kills me is that no one in my family has met him and is making a judgment strictly on one thing – the age.
So I’m asking, how have you dealt with negativity? How did you know he was “the one”?
Thanks for reading my book and for any advice you can give me.
Lynetta