Need major advice plz

I dont really know how 2 start... i am 24 i am married 2 a man 4 almost 5 years who is 27... we have a very rocky relationship & i am contemplating divorce...
well i have met a man on the internet, we regularly play spades together, he is 49... we have a great friendship & he gives me the support that i dont have in my marriage... he makes me feel loved, beautiful, & all over good... i find myself rushing 2 the computer just 2 spend time w/ him... we also talk on the phone when we can.... i am finding myself falling in love with him & i know he loves me too...
but he is also married, he says that they have an alright relationship but she does not turn him on anymore & he says that he wants 2 be w/ me & marry me...
my mother is worried i know b/c we are both still married but also b/c he is only 5 years younger than both my parents... she has seen his photos & says he's no movie star, he's not but i think he is adorable... i really love everything about him...
is what im doing really wrong??? i kept thinking that maybe my marriage could be fixed, but the more time i spend w/ my OM the more i want 2 b w/ him... my OM is concerned that after awhile i will tire of him & want someone new... my concern is that he just wants sex w/ a 20-something... i really don't believe that but u never know...
does anyone have any advice? am i total idiot 4 what im doing? i dont want 2 cheat on my husband but we are having all kinds of issues.... i really want out of that relationship... we havent even slept in the same bed 4 about a year or more... & i have no interest in sex w/ him... i feel terrible about all of this... i dont know what 2 do... plz help!!:confused:

You are now uhappy in your marriage so anyone that shows you the emotions you need to feel of course your going to jump to them instead... It is only human.

This issue has nothing to do with age it has to do with marriage.... It is ok that your marriage isn't working But I think your confusing feelings with This OM....
Have you and your husband Tried to work this out? have you talked to him? Maybe you both should seek counseling before you decide to call your marriage quits. don't rush into things because once you destroy your marriage it's usually gone..... I don't want you to do that and then go to this OM and then Realize this isn't what you want.......

If you are not hppy in your marriage you should get out now.... Only if you have worked to get a solution... If you just stopped loving him ... MAKE SURE you don't love him..... Then you should leave for yourself not another man......

You can continue your friendship with this OM... but find yourself first..... Remember he's also married and he has probably been married for a lot longer..... He may not divorce her... Just DON'T be his mistress waiting for him to divorce.... All this has to happen before either of you start anything.

Good Luck to you....

Mer

Arrrrrggghhh! It must be spring fever. I heard a similar story from a really nice woman on another board. I'm going to tell you what I told her.

DO NOT MAKE A MOVE TOWARDS ANOTHER MAN UNTIL YOU HAVE FREED YOURSELF FROM YOUR MARRIAGE. MAKE SURE YOU ARE GIVING YOUR MARRIAGE THE BEST CHANCE POSSIBLE.

My ex husband and I had serious problems in our marriage and I almost, at one point, allowed myself to be "stolen" away from him. (My husband was a neglectful alcoholic who would leave me at home until 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. or sometimes not come home at all. And there's more, worse stuff). For whatever reason, I stopped short of starting any kind of relationship with the man that was showing interest in me and tried to focus all of that energy on my marriage. We went to counseling, we saw our minister, we went to more counseling. . . for over another year.

And you know what, it still didn't work out. I still got divorced. But I, unlike some people I've witnessed, was able to walk away from it strong, clear and without reservation. It is SO rare that I ever think "Oh....we MIGHT have worked it out." I was able to leave without this scarlet letter attached to my chest, I was able to walk away with a clear head.

It turns out to be a good thing too. The fella I was going to leave my ex for turned out to be a serial wife-stealer!!! Ha ha ha. And if I'd run off with him and then gotten dumped, I may have never had the courage or confidence to be with the wonderful man that I'm with now.

Do yourself a huge favor! If your marriage is rotten and you KNOW it's over, or if you are being abused (emotionally or physically) LOVE YOURSELF enough to walk away on your own; unassisted. I promise you'll be much better off for it.

Love, hugs and wishing you peace,
Happy

Not much to add here, just a major "yes yes yes, right on the money..."

josaphina...make sure there is nothing left to try in your mariage...or, if its abusive, forget trying, just get out. I've seen this story before, haven't we all, and I just want to yell NO STOP BACK UP!

Being unhappy currently makes it easy to attach to this "nice " man who gives you what you're missing...but please, please, don't do it!! you need to make a decision regarding your marriage, then you need to fully detach, if that is the choice you make...

Then you need to heal.

Only after this will you truly be ready for another relationship.

And may I further suggest that you avoid married men...that's an old, sad story as well, and it almost never ends happily ever after.

Ladies...you guys have bestowed phenomenal and valuable information to our new friend josaphina. Thank you!!

Well, now for my two cents. I don't know how valuable my info can be seeing that I have never been married. However, I have been in the position of a relationship getting old. My ex and I were together for four years, and as any relationship does, it grows. You either grow together and learn about each others new ventures and interests or you grow apart. Sadly to say, my relationship grew apart. I WAS one of those people who was vulnerable because my ex wasn't giving me the love and attention I needed. Now the word is that my ex is engaged...and I still wonder to myself...what if! It's not a good feeling, even though I know in my heart that if we did get married, it's doomed for failure. But I never gave my relationship a second chance. I let it fall to pieces and I'll never forgive myself for doing that. I have since then vowed to myself that I will try my hardest to not give up in a relationship. It does seem like the easy way out, but (in my case) it was just a communication issue. It was an easy fix and I gave up.

Not to say that I'm not happy now, but the 'what-ifs' make for an ugly day when your down. But as the other gals said...LOVE YOURSELF b/c you will always be with you. Your the one who has to be strong for yourself.

Are there any children in your marriage? If so, I would advise you to proceed with caution. Not that I'm telling you to stay married if you are unhappy (I'm glad my parents got a divorce), but just to consider the lives of your youth.

As for the OM situation, be very very careful. He may promise you the world and it's easy to get reeled in...hook, line and sinker. But read the above posts by Happy4Me larasteele and MerALove23 over and over again and let it sink it.

I wish you the best of luck, love and happiness.
Welcome to ageless, we will always be here for support and advice :)

~EMCAD80

thank you ladies for your advice... you are telling me things that i have thought about...
there are no children in my marriage... & we have been "working" together for over a year on our relationship... it just keeps going in a terrible cycle..2-3 weeks good, 3 weeks bad...
i do know that i have 2 end my marriage b4 i try anything else... the OM & i only talk on the comp & occasionally phone, we've never met.... i told him i will not meet him until we are both divorced b/c that wouldn't be good 4 anyone....
i know it will all work out in the end for the best, its just so hard 2 wait 2 find out the best is gonna be.... thanks ladies

It is said that Time heals all -
It is very true, but it sucks at the same time. I always wished for the power to see the future so I could see that YES I WILL be happy at some point in my life. It's sad to say that I can't do that and all I have is time.

I wish the best.

Internet romance is always risky and I've been burned badly by it. If this guy really wants you, he should divorce his wife first.
Talk is cheap and it's easy to make promises, as I learned painfully, so he has to prove his love for you with facts and not just empty promises. Also, he doesn't sound too unhappy in his marriage and the excuse that he gives for possibly leaving her is pretty lame.
I never agreed with people who, if they're in unhappy relationship, look for a replacement before leaving their partner.
To me that's hypocritical and if I'm really unhappy I get out of the situation whether I have someone else in mind or not.
My on line romance was wonderful, along the same lines as yours. I spent 5 or 6 hours every day with her, as well as the phone, love letters, etc. We even bought cams at the same time so we could see each other. Because of our time differences, I'd get up at 3 AM every day so that I could talk to her.
I could not believe that I could fall so deeply in love with someone I had never met, but I was completely addicted to her.
I had made plans for her to travel here in Florida and for me to visit her in New Zealand, and had put $10k in a fund just for her. She swore that she loved me deeply, told me that had never felt that way before and her main purpose in life was to make me happy. I believed her because she was relentless in her promises and I counted the days till we could meet.
Later she told me she wasn't coming and had stopped loving me. I then learned that she was telling at least two guys the same things she told me, making the same promises. One of them even sent me some of their chats and I learned that while I was on one screen, he was on another and she was actually telling him everything that I'd say to her, even our most private and confidential conversations.
I was devastated and felt betrayed I still think about it, 3 months later. Even with all that, I didn't want it to end and in the month of January made 54 long distance calls to her. She hung up every time and finally emailed me telling me to get over it and not to take it too seriously. It's funny, but even my divorce wasn't as painful as this on line thing.
Anyway, I'm not saying that your case would be as bad as mine, but be careful with this Internet love. AL

Thank you for your information. I hope & pray that my OM is legit. We each spend more time with each other than we do with our spouses. My OM has even looked at Cyber Marriages b/c he says he wants 2 b w/ me so badly even if we can't be yet. Like I said earlier my marriage is very rough & I am leaving but there are just some small complications b4 I do. I am also not leaving for my OM, so it's not like that either. I have asked my OM when & why he is leaving his wife. He said that as soon as I figure out what I'm doing then he will straighten out his. I do know to, that that sounds kind of lame. But he was also burned on his first marriage b/c his younger wife left him for a younger man. He says that he doesnt want to be alone, which I can understand. He says that I am the one he wants to be w/, but for the time being some company is better than no company. I feel in my heart that he is being truthful w/ me, He makes me feel safe & secure. He feels like my other half, like my soulmate. Or do you think I am just totally blinded?

Josaphina, I wish you well and I'm sorry for being a little skeptical, but when he says that "for the time being some company is better than no company", that's not a valid reason on his part. There's a saying in Italian that says, "meglio solo che male accompagnato" which means "it's better to be alone than with bad company" that i agree with because I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love. And I certainly wouldn't stay married if I was in love with someone else.
It's not like his "company" is a beer buddy but she's someone he goes to bed with every night . It sounds like he won't leave her until he's sure he can have you, and therefore he sees you as an upgrade over what he has now. Bottom line, if you didn't exist he would not leave his wife and so you will be seen as the "other woman".
I guess I see things less romantically than you, maybe because I'm a man, but if he really loved you and is a man of pride, he'd be honest with his wife and leave her. It's the right and fair thing to do. As I said, all you have right now are words and some men would say anything to get what they want. Not that he's like that because I don't know him, but I would wait for him to leave his wife first before you leave your husband. It's the best way to see if he really means what he says because anything else is just B.S.
AL.

I will say this... she does know about me & he told me last week that he told her that her days were numbered.... I again questioned him on this to see if he was B.S.ing me... he seemed sincere... I really want to be able to trust him.... he knows I am seriously looking into divorce but that I probably won't do anything until this summer.... how long do you think I should wait b4 I get a divorce??? I cant stand to have my husband even touch me... Also he says he hasn't slept (sex) w/ his wife for about 3-4 weeks.... should I really be skeptical?

Well.... I think you should think about yourself.... don't worry about this OM..... if he wants to be with you thn he will .....You want a divorce you should do it because you want it....Your OM shouldn't even be part of the equation..... Good luck though....... If your OM loves you he will also divorce and be with you

"He told her that her days are numbered"
That doesn't sound like a nice thing to say, Jos, to anyone. How would you like if someone told you that? If it's true, she should have kicked him out on his butt.
I don't want to sound too negative about the guy and he might be entirely honest with you, so I guess I'm just playing devil's advocate.
If he told his wife about you, what was her reaction? Was she pissed? Did she yell at him? Did she accept it? Is she fighting to keep him? Did she try to contact you and call you names?
Maybe you should have a talk with her and see how she feels.
As far as sex, does he sleep in the same bed with her? If he really doesn't want her, he could stay in another room, or the couch.
I'm sorry that you're unhappy in your marriage, and if you were going to get a divorce anyway, then go ahead as planned. But are you sure that meeting your on line friend didn't rush things a little? Regardless if you leave your spouse first, you still should not see him until he does the same thing. Give him maybe a couple of months and if he's still with his wife, move on.
As I said, words are cheap. He has to show that he really means what he says with facts. AL.