OW please read the "You know you are in an age gap relationship WHEN... " thread

And tell me if I am out of line in any aspect of my ethic. Please! I truely want to know. Was I wrong to joke about ow under the context of that thread. Was I mean? If so how? Should I stick to jokes about YM for this board? If so ware is the line for jokes about YM?

BTW, I'm hooked on phonics. I kinda spell like I speak. Please forgive me.

Hey,
Well I read it and I thought it was funny, BUT I have a weird since of humour and do not take things toooo personally. Has someone said something to you about it?

I have noticed that men take jokes better about themselves than women seem to. I think you are funny and came across that way and that is that, nothing else.

SO don't worry about it.
Jannie

Just give it up bro.

I'm sorry, I have altered the thread in question here and deleted those posts. Everyone is more than welcome to repost to that thread and state their point of view, but lets try to keep it on an even keel around here.
Joanne

I thought it was okay, but I could see how some people could take offense to it. The thing is, the site is largely dominated by ow, and when we joke about ym, I guess we don't see it as being offensive because we ADORE ym and they do have the youth advantage over us. I guess it could be interpreted as unfair, that we can joke about them, but they can't about us, but joking about a ym sleeping late or playing video games isn't quite as hurtful as COUNTING HER WRINKLES! We ow have insecurities about aging in front of our ym as it is. It would be more tasteful to joke about our PMS, or our "control freak" tendencies. Or maybe even our kids being closer to your age than we are.

If the site was dominated by ym, the situation would be different. We would either take what you dished out or leave. I'm not saying that ow should disrespect ym, but I hope you didn't misconstrue the thread. The jokes were from ow who absolutely ADORE their ym, me included. I'll joke about him, but I wouldn't change a thing. I think your jokes were more to counteract our jokes, but you failed to see the affection behind our jokes. Yours weren't affectionate.

Your joke about video games was great :D Thank god there are OW like you around!


The idea of being offended by any of the joking made on that thread is a bit far-fetched.

I did not find the first post offensive, personally, with the jokes from the y/m point of view. It was just the bickering after that I found offensive. So, I did not delete the whole thread. And in an effort to be fair, I went ahead and deleted everyone's post that had involvement in the disagreement, and left the posts pertaining to the thread.
Originalname, you are more than welcome to post again to the thread or to any other thread with your views, as is everyone else whos posts were deleted. I just would like to keep things civil and respectful, and that goes for other members being respectful of Originalname's point of view as well. If everyone can just be courteous, I have no problem with a good debate.

I thought I was being a little more than respectful at times. As far as I can tell, and I have thought about it a good bit, what was considered "mean" was me useing the word "wrinkles". I had no idea that the word was so Taboo. I like wrinkles. I love them! Wrinkles are great! Wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles! ITS NOT A BAD WORD LADIES!!! I, personaly(as a ym) would feel cheated if my ow didn't have them. I would demand another. The more the merrier I say! Whats so bad about them?!?! Bring on the love lines I say.

I do think, tho, that that is an easy thing for me to go and say...BUT, ladies, it's not any easier when I scan thru all these posts refering to me being an "inexperianced youth". I know its not said in a mean way but theres only so many times you can call me a dumb kid and me laugh about it. Although my heart pains for the older ladies, I seek a non-authoritarian environment. And I know I should learn to appreciate my youthful inexperiance, and not become embittered. Was it not Henry D. Thoreau who wrote...

"Age is no better, hardly so well qualified, as an instructor as youth, for it has not profitted nearly as much as it has lost?"

But...gee whiz...i don't know. Forget about it. Light in the absense of eyes illuminates nothing. I should have never posted in the first place. Who the hell am I? BAH! I say. BAH BAH BAH!

I havent been with ageless very long but it seems that everytime someone voices their opinion or someone slips up and says something that offends someone else, even though it is unintentional, EVERYONE jumps on it.... Maybe we should take into consideration that we all have different senses of humor and that just because someone said a statement like about the wrinkles, doesn't mean that they were intentionally being mean.

Maybe asking first how that was supposed to be taken would be better than to just jump to conclusions that the person was intentionally being mean. If we were talking in person, we would see body language and smiles and things like that, and we would converse differently and be able to tell where each person was coming from....but we cant do that...so it would be nice if everyone would just back up and not take things so personally and with a grain of salt.

And I respectfully disagree, I still think that women cannot handle jokes about themselves like men can. I see and hear a lot of "man bashing" on commercials for example that if the same thing was said about a woman, Man there would be all kinds of backlash. Okay, im probably going to get a lot of flack from this statement, but maybe instead of being offended by jokes about wrinkles, older women (of which I am one) should be less concerned about wrinkles and get our self images up to where they should be so we won't get upset about nit-picky things... I mean lets face it, we are with ym, they like us the way we are, accept it and quit worrying about things like wrinkles and gray hair, etc....... my experience in life is that no matter what age you are, male or female, you usually only get upset about trivial things when you are feeling bad about yourself or you are guilty of that which was said. All of us, including myself at times needs to quit wearing our feelings on our shirt sleeves.
Jannie

Originally posted by Jannie
I havent been with ageless very long but it seems that everytime someone voices their opinion or someone slips up and says something that offends someone else, even though it is unintentional, EVERYONE jumps on it.... Maybe we should take into consideration that we all have different senses of humor and that just because someone said a statement like about the wrinkles, doesn't mean that they were intentionally being mean.

Maybe asking first how that was supposed to be taken would be better than to just jump to conclusions that the person was intentionally being mean. If we were talking in person, we would see body language and smiles and things like that, and we would converse differently and be able to tell where each person was coming from....but we cant do that...so it would be nice if everyone would just back up and not take things so personally and with a grain of salt......................

All of us, including myself at times needs to quit wearing our feelings on our shirt sleeves.
Jannie

Jannie, that was a wonderful post, stated so calmly and so honestly.;)

Thank you snow, I thought I was going to get a butt chewing from someone like I usually do. hahhah

By the way, hope your brother is okay. I was 12 when my brother went to Vietnam and I will never forget that.... the day he left and the day he came back are burned in my memory forever.

Jannie

uh huh huh huh uh huh uhh huh huh You said butt chewing.

Oh and my bro was going to try out for the seal team before he decided to get out instead. They're bad asses.

Since I WAS the younger partner in an age-gap relationship (my beloved husband was 11 years older than me, before he died of cancer in 1995), I am going to chirp in here that jokes about my general lack of experience, innocence, naiviete, and lack of first-hand knowledge
of various events of the 1960's - did get somewhat old after a while.

When I feel tempted to make them - now that I'm on the other side of the equation - I try to remember all those feelings before I start mouthing off.

It doesn't take alot for it to be too much.

Originally posted by Jannie
I havent been with ageless very long but it seems that everytime someone voices their opinion or someone slips up and says something that offends someone else, even though it is unintentional, EVERYONE jumps on it....


glad you mentioned that...I thought it was pretty obvious too.that was a GREAT post Jannie...there is no way anyone should be offended by it...I agree with Snow...it was wonderfully put.thanks.


[Jannie]my experience in life is that no matter what age you are, male or female, you usually only get upset about trivial things when you are feeling bad about yourself or you are guilty of that which was said. All of us, including myself at times needs to quit wearing our feelings on our shirt sleeves. [/QUOTE]

you should post more Jannie:)

I hope I'm not way off base here, but I just wanted to throw this out and see what everyone thinks. I remember this happening once before (possibly several times - I have a bad memory LOL). It was a post from someone who had been here a long time and a fairly new person took offense to it. Then a third party nicely explained to the offended person that the poster was indeed just a big jokester (I think it was Road Warrior and we all know what a wonderful sense of humor he has) and meant no harm. It was all done without getting out of hand.

My whole point is that sometimes when you're new and havent "gotten to know" some of the long timers, it very well could come off as offensive. But having read lots of Nessa's posts, I truly dont believe she meant any harm. From everything I've ever read - she LOVES ym, as do we all. We respect them, we admire them, and yes, we cut up with them sometimes. I think thats all she meant. Just one of those funny little things that come out when we're from different generations than our ym.

Anyway originalname - we know ym are sensitive to a few things and we definitely try to keep those things in check. I think the main one being the rejection line "I'm old enough to be your mother"!! And we certainly dont think ANY of you are young and dumb - in fact we think you're pretty special for wanting us. Hope this helps a little.

Southerngal

Amen to that :)

Jannie, I think your post was right on!

I was out to dinner with a close friend tonight, and she told me something really interesting. She said, "We, as humans, are all connected. When someone is trying to hurt you, they're really just a miserable person who is subconsciously hurting themselves. There are things about themselves that they don't like, and to take the attention and pain away from that, they try to hurt others. They feel a kind of "power" from that. The thing is, the power isn't real, so it doesn't last, and they keep on trying to hurt others to get it back."

I thought that was fascinating! People who are truly happy not only don't try to hurt others but also don't get easily hurt themselves. I've always been sensitive, but because I have someone in my life who I absolutely adore and who adores me, I don't feel so sensitive anymore. I know who I am, the man I love knows who I am, my dear friends know who I am, so it's silly to get all bent out of shape over comments made by people who are clueless! :) In the end, we all need to love ourselves for who we are, and take others' words with a grain of salt.

I didn't have a problem with the original post per se. I had a problem with the way the original post was defended. I also think if a person is posting what they see as jokes they need to indicate that they are jokes.

and ti's only about 5:30 am here and I am sore, cranky and crampy so be kind please. I also don't have my glasses on so I am not sure if I typed it all correctly.

What she said. But that's the truth totally people have to take the TIME to get to know the people before they make assumptions and comments about them.

My YM is 11 years younger than I am. His brother is 2 years younger than he is and his cousin is 7 years younger than that. We spent all day yesterday together. I do enjoy young men totally. I also was with his daughter age 10 his nephew age 5 his sister in law who is around 30 (and also older than her husband) and his parents who are 8 years and 12 years older than I am as well. We all had a blast. AGE should not matter. And in this family it doesn't.

If we didn't enjoy YM we wouldn't date them. I didn't take the original post as offensive I just ignored it cause I didn't think it was as funny as the OP planned it. I did know it was intended to be cute and funny but I didn't tickle my funny bone so I just walked on by it. What wasn't funny was the rationale behind why the post was made.

The original comment was made because I found it adorable that my YM and his daughter look at me sometimes like I"m nuts (and I meant that in a good way but then originalname wouldn't have known that because he hadn't taken the time to read my other posts and see how I adore this YM and sometimes he's the older one in our relationship.

Yes this is my first OW/YM relationship so sometimes I pick on YM about it. He's dated older women before me and has always prefered them. He's the one guiding me in this case. But anyone who has read the history knows he is my heart and I would never say anything to hurt him.

Of course last night at the dinner table Mom Dad and I all knew who Mitch Miller was but we had to explain it to the three young men (and the young wife too). If I had made a comment about that then it would have been done in the same spirit. I started the thread lovingly and stand by the fact that it was started lovingly and with the awe and wonder that a man eleven years younger than I am thinks I hung the moon.

Southerngal is right, before we make comments about people we should take the time to get to know them and read their posts and see if we can see where they are coming from.


Originally posted by southerngal
I hope I'm not way off base here, but I just wanted to throw this out and see what everyone thinks. I remember this happening once before (possibly several times - I have a bad memory LOL). It was a post from someone who had been here a long time and a fairly new person took offense to it. Then a third party nicely explained to the offended person that the poster was indeed just a big jokester (I think it was Road Warrior and we all know what a wonderful sense of humor he has) and meant no harm. It was all done without getting out of hand.

My whole point is that sometimes when you're new and havent "gotten to know" some of the long timers, it very well could come off as offensive. But having read lots of Nessa's posts, I truly dont believe she meant any harm. From everything I've ever read - she LOVES ym, as do we all. We respect them, we admire them, and yes, we cut up with them sometimes. I think thats all she meant. Just one of those funny little things that come out when we're from different generations than our ym.

Anyway originalname - we know ym are sensitive to a few things and we definitely try to keep those things in check. I think the main one being the rejection line "I'm old enough to be your mother"!! And we certainly dont think ANY of you are young and dumb - in fact we think you're pretty special for wanting us. Hope this helps a little.

Southerngal

like I've only said about a million times,everyone will not agree with everything someone may say,everyone will not like everyone and you can rest assured,no ONE person is ALWAYS right...that's just life...more often then not, there are no hidden meanings from it,no need to disect it (unless of course we can't beleive that every person in the world does not agree with us)...some times we tend to complicate even the simplest things as humans.maybe it just makes us feel better to think there must be a reason for everything,when sometimes it's just as simple as not likeing what someone said...I know that everything I say or do,will not be everyone elses way,at least I understand "that's just life",I don't see "underlieing"meanings to it,unless of course the meaning is..hmmm .....let's see...people are not all the same....yep.I bet that's it:confused:

I'm humming along with a Beatles song, or Jackson 5 or Osmonds or Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young or an old Who, or Ozzy Osbourne or Mozart or Handel.........................my husband will look at me and say "Showing our age are we?" I'll pop him on the arm and retort, You got it! :D

Originally posted by originalname
And tell me if I am out of line in any aspect of my ethic. Please! I truely want to know. Was I wrong to joke about ow under the context of that thread. Was I mean? If so how? Should I stick to jokes about YM for this board? If so ware is the line for jokes about YM?

BTW, I'm hooked on phonics. I kinda spell like I speak. Please forgive me.

No spelling flames from me. I can't spell worth a darn. JOKES are fine. WE all joke. Jokes are part of life. If you want to joke please by all means go ahead.

But if someone doesn't like the joke, then please don't get defensive about it. That's where the problems start.

Originally posted by originalname
I thought I was being a little more than respectful at times. As far as I can tell, and I have thought about it a good bit, what was considered "mean" was me useing the word "wrinkles". I had no idea that the word was so Taboo. I like wrinkles. I love them! Wrinkles are great! Wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles wrinkles! ITS NOT A BAD WORD LADIES!!! I, personaly(as a ym) would feel cheated if my ow didn't have them. I would demand another. The more the merrier I say! Whats so bad about them?!?! Bring on the love lines I say.


Ah so that's why you don't like me I don't have any wrinkles. :-)


Originally posted by originalname
I do think, tho, that that is an easy thing for me to go and say...BUT, ladies, it's not any easier when I scan thru all these posts refering to me being an "inexperianced youth". I know its not said in a mean way but theres only so many times you can call me a dumb kid and me laugh about it. Although my heart pains for the older ladies, I seek a non-authoritarian environment. And I know I should learn to appreciate my youthful inexperiance, and not become embittered. Was it not Henry D. Thoreau who wrote...

"Age is no better, hardly so well qualified, as an instructor as youth, for it has not profitted nearly as much as it has lost?"

But...gee whiz...i don't know. Forget about it. Light in the absense of eyes illuminates nothing. I should have never posted in the first place. Who the hell am I? BAH! I say. BAH BAH BAH!

But if you are an inexperienced youth then it's not an insult it's a comment based in truth.

just relax and go with the flow sweetie.