Why younger women??

I've been thinking about this for quite a while and the answer still escapes me, but the fatc remains that my best relationships have been with women between 15 and 25 years younger than me.
For a while I thought that there was something wrong with me, particularly since I have 3 daughters and some of the women I dated are younger than they are.
I guess I enjoy a younger woman's enthusiasm, her optimism, her vitality and find the ones my age, (49), dull and predictable.
Perhaps I never really matured, or I'm just a fool, but I feel energetic, full of life, and a wealth of knowledge that I never had before.:o
Because I was married at 18 and 1/2, I never got to experience the dating rituals, the flirting, and the good times associated with late teens/early twenties. While some of my friends were out having fun, I had to worry about paying bills, changing diapers, and supporting my family. I felt as if in prison and I served an 8 year sentence.
Once divorced, I hit the club scene with a vengeance, but that didn't last long and now I find myself at a crossroads in my life.
Because my marriage was so horrifying, I was always afraid of commitment, and even now I don't want to settle for less.
I think I'd rather die alone than be with someone that I don't love. Someone once said: "It's better to live one day as a lion than one hundred years as a sheep". I truly believe that, and I'm now looking for my last hurrah, one more chance.
I recently went to a singles dance nearby and the women were around my age or older. I felt like I was dancing with my mother and couldn't wait to leave.
I already wrote of my last relationship with someone much younger, and it was amazing how in tune we were, despite our age difference. Because of difficult circumstances she's now far away from me, but I hope to somehow recapture that magic, find that same sense of joy that I felt, the feeling that I still had much to give in this lifetime.
Anyway, I'd be interested if others feel as I do, or their age gap relationships just happened without them searching for them :)
BY the way, I love this place!!!! AL

I love reading posts from men! It opens my eyes and lets me remember that they feel too! Sometimes D covers his feelings so well that I forget that you too hurt, cry and feel trapped.

Well, like you said, you don't go out looking for May/December, they just happen. It's rare that you find someone that you just connect with. In fact, I'm visiting my mom this weekend and found out a lot of stuff I didn't know about my parents. Well, they are divorced now, but she told me that she never really liked my dad...he just kind of grew on her after a while. And when he had asked her to marry him....she said things had gone too far to turn back. And of course...the best thing to come out of their marriage...was....yours truly....ME! :D

When she told me this...I was baffled! I couldn't believe my ears! Why would you marry someone you don't truly love? I think it was DeeDee who asked if I couldn't wait to marry D. Well...even though it's far from happening....she's right I can't wait because it's a connection that I have never felt before. Now, I've only been in two serious relationships besides the one I'm in now with D. My ex ... I was with him for four years. Funny, I loved him SOOOO much...and come to think of it, he wasn't at the top of my list. I used to think he was annoying. Then when I got to know him...that's when he became attractive. But with D and me....instant chemistry...now where can you find that.

I know what you mean when you talk about partners your own age. I hated that my ex was always out with his 'frat' brothers. I'm not into that scene. He took me to an SAE party once, nothing but drunken' BOYS and ****ty girls wondering around looking for a 'good time'. How was I supposed to feel. This is where he was every Friday and Saturday. Not that I didn't trust him - but people do things they normally wouldn't when intoxicated. The scene got old real fast. My ex always tried to make me someone I wasn't. He went to SDSU and is now in graduate school...and as for myself, I tried going to a JC, but really it wasn't for me. My ex hated that! So he would push and push for someone I wasn't.

When I met D, he accepted me for who I was and always will. He's more caring and compassionate than anyone I've ever known. He's not worried about his social status in life, he's worried about other important things. So - since this is getting a tad bit long- I would just like to say that I'm in love and it's the best feeling in the world! And to be able to post that here is fabulous...I love this site too :D

Why younger women....and for us YW....why older men. I think MerALove said it best....

You don't look for someone older or younger, you just find someone you connect with

Those words I now live by.

Marcopolo - I was just thinking about starting a thread like this today!

I didn't purposely set out to start anything with someone with a 20 yr age gap, but our common interests and his fascinating life have been drawing me in. I enjoy being with him and find him to be kind, generous, respectful, fascinating, etc. However, I am not yet 'in love" with him. I think it may take that first kiss! ;) Since I am nervous about dating in general, until we get past that point I won't have a clear idea of how much potential our relationship has.

I really like hearing the guy's viewpoint. When I was thinking about starting a thread like this today, it's because I look at him and wonder how seriously he takes me. He's had a family - so could he possibly want a second one?! But what you say makes sense.

I also love Meralove's quote. Thanks for posting that emcad!

~M

Your right Morgaine their lives draw you in. D leads an interesting and fast paced life. Sometimes I try to help...but he doesn't take my advice. However, I can't get enough of him. Even though he's going through some rough times...I can't help it.....I need to be a part of it. Mainly because I like sharing my life with him too. He's been there for me through thick and thin. I can't wait to talk to him at the end of the day and tell him all the good and bad that happened. It give me a chance to vent and mellow out. I think we draw each other in. It's great.

OH! Morgaine....go get that kiss!! I bet it will be wonderful ;)

Hi EM, it's funny how you mention that you're learning that men also have feelings. I think I'm much more open with my feelings now than when I was younger. Also, it's at lot easier to bear one's soul on the Internet, behind a keyboard, than it is while looking someone in the eyes.
As a kid growing up in Italy I was thought that it's a sign of weakness to show emotion, that a man should be strong and never open up. We have these macho, proud images to uphold.
Some men have trouble saying the words "I love you" because
it somehow makes them vulnerable.
In some cases, (mine included) it's a defensive mechanism, a fear of rejection, or of being disillusioned. Some people use the word "love" at the drop of a hat, they use it in all sorts of contexts, and so cheapen its meaning.
I knew someone on line who swore she loved me. She told me she woke up thinking of me and went to sleep mentioning my name. I was very reluctant to believe her but I think my ego got the best of me and finally told her that I loved her too.
Except that in my case it was true, while she was just playing games. I was devastated when I learned the truth and it took me months to get over it.
It was only a stupid on line thing, a fantasy, but I hurt for a long time. I blamed myself for letting my guard down, for falling in love, and for being so emotional.
So, we do have feelings, and we sometime hurt deeply, we just don't like to show it. AL.

except I think think women tend to take the Leap Of Faith more often then men do...but we have those same thoughts and fears. So in all truth...we're pretty much the same.

"So in all truth...we're pretty much the same."

au contere, or something french like that... you ladies are much prettier to look at. I'll tell you a secret, don't let anyone know. One of the most important things guys need is acceptance. So many women try to change us, critique what we say or do, or tell us what we should think. Those are, for me, red flags and time to put the track shoes on. Accept us for who we are and we're much more likely to want to stay. I'm not referring to anyone's specific situation, just a general kinda thing. cool.

Emcad Thanks and Morgaine Thanks!!! That truely means alot to me that someone takes my words to heart.... But it's true...

I didn't go after this.... My heart lead me here.......


I don't think of my relationship as an OM/YW relationship...I have a loving relationship with man I love...... Age isn't on the application :-)

If everyone stops labeling and just goes where there heart leads than we will all be happy.....

Mer

Stan - In the last few years, I have become more aware of things and try very hard to accept everyone for who they are.

Looking back at my two serious relationships, I felt both the men "changed" from how they behaved initially - and they thought I had changed as well. After the first time this happened, I really dug deep and read a lot and realized that relationships do go through changes - and usually people do put more effort in in the beginning.

So, the next serious relationship I had, I was ready. Well, he was a few years younger - at a different stage in his life - and he was not ready. He thought a relationship should always remain the same as it was in those first few months. So, after a year and a half, we went our separate ways (we were on the verge of getting engaged and he panicked).

I'm getting to a question here - bear with me!

My sister thinks in order to have a successful long-term relationship you need to fall "in-love" over and over again. (She's been married 15 years).

So my question for you - for anyone - what are your recommendations for surviving the change that the relationship - and not necessarily the persons - will go through given that the image first projected is not always the "real" image?

Am I making any sense??!

~M

Originally posted by Stan
"So in all truth...we're pretty much the same."
One of the most important things guys need is acceptance. So many women try to change us, critique what we say or do, or tell us what we should think.

THAT is one thing that I did learn in my first marriage. My wanting him to change wasn't so much a blatant "Ohhh. I have a project and I am going to turn you into the man I want you to be". Rather, it was more of an unconcious desire for him to be someone else. We met when we were very young (19) and there were a lot of things I thought he would "outgrow." And while some men do "outgrow" some habits, I've realized that a majority of men are who they are and they aren't going to change.

Even as happy as I am now, sometimes I still think "Ohhh, well if D were like this...." or if "D could have done that..." then we might still be together. And then I realize that all of the traits I wish D (the ex) had possessed ARE really B's traits! There isn't anything about B that I ever want to change! I never find myself wishing "If only he would..." or "I wish he could be more like..." He is perfect for ME. :) :)

But I wasted so much time in my former marriage and caused my ex and I a lot of pain by not accepting who he was (party animal galore, fast-lane driver) and not accepting our differences (I am a home-body who likes to party occasionally, I like to stop and smell the roses...) Our relationship was great when we were 19, 20 and 21, but after that it was all one really hard struggle with me trying to get him to be more of a "grown up" and him trying to get me to be more like him. It's a sad thing, really.

Acceptance is a WONDERFUL thing!

"So my question for you - for anyone - what are your recommendations for surviving the change that the relationship - and not necessarily the persons - will go through given that the image first projected is not always the "real" image?"

We all have different facets to our personalities. The first image might be real, it just isn't everything. If both people are really interested in their partner's happiness, and feel free to share who they are, its not that hard. None of us are perfect, which is why its not easy finding the right one. We do go through changes. I used to look for miss right now, now I'd prefer miss right.

I think that one of the things that go wrong in a relationship is our desire to "change" our partner, to make him/her more of the way we perceive they should be. It usually doesn't work because changes don't come easily and also the reason we get involved in the first place is because we like them the way they are, imperfections and all.
I've known women who married men that were abusive or drunk. When I asked them why did they get involved with them in the first place, they usually replied that they thought once they married them they could make them "change".
By the time they realized they had made a horrible mistake, it was too late to escape.
On the question of how to keep things fresh and intersting, that's a tough one. I think keeping the line of communications open is always a good idea. For myself, I like intelligence in a woman, infact I find it sexy. Also, it helps to not let oneself go, not become a fat, lazy slob, or take someone for granted. AL.

Yeah! :)

Okay - here's my two cents...

So my question for you - for anyone - what are your recommendations for surviving the change that the relationship - and not necessarily the persons - will go through given that the image first projected is not always the "real" image?

In order to portray the real image...you have to BE the real image. Not what you think your parnters wants your real image to be....follow me? If your going through a change, express it! If you don't it will only lead to discomfort and arguments in the future of the relationship...that's what happened between me and my ex. We grew into different people without sharing our new selves. Instead we grew distant and didn't recongnize who the other was. Sometimes I get sad b/c we aren't together anymore....but then I remeber that I'll always love the old him...not the new him. That's why I'm happy with D...just like Happy4Me said:
Even as happy as I am now, sometimes I still think "Ohhh, well if D were like this...." or if "D could have done that..." then we might still be together. And then I realize that all of the traits I wish D (the ex) had possessed ARE really B's traits! There isn't anything about B that I ever want to change! I never find myself wishing "If only he would..." or "I wish he could be more like..." He is perfect for ME Those words are so true!!

Although this thread took a bit of a wander away from the posted topic, its a fabulous twist! I was so happy to read what all of you have to say.

Marcopolo and Stan, your ability to open up and talk to us impresses me. Sure, its "behind a computer" but many cannot even do that. Your viewpoint is valued. I do hope you always feel welcome, both of you, and keep on posting!

marcopolo, you said, regarding your bad online-relationship experience, that it "was only a stupid on line thing..." Don't belittle what you went through. The internet is a dangerous tool in the wrong hands, like your game-playing friend. What you went through and what you felt was by no means invalidated by the medium in which it took place.

Stan! You hit the nail on the head. While the person you first meet is not necessarily a facade, there is much more beneath the surface. Personally, when I first meet someone, I know I emphasize and utilize my funny, charming, light-hearted side. I allow my wit to come to the fore...there is a deep and intense side to me as well, but deep and intense at first sight? Men would run away screaming!! (And so would platonic female friends) Also, these deeper and more intense sides that I believe we all have--they open up vulnerability.

And even women can shy away from being vulnerable.

But just because we may shy away from showing our "darker" side at first, it is still a part of us, and cannot be suppressed forever. If I can not get comfortable enough with a person to feel that I can trust them with my vulnerable, intense side--well then they never become more than a passing friend.

As relationships grow, you learn more about who your signifigant other is.

And if they still like you...Faults and all, as my guy said...well, there's room to grow for a lifetime!

Originally posted by larasteele
Men would run away screaming!!

Totally off topic here, but that reminds me of something I said to B. He was being very sweet and asked me "What did I do to deserve you?" And I said (and I totally STOLE it from a movie I saw, but it was fun to apply...) "Hmmm...I usually only hear that when someone is running away from me and screaming..."

:p (Getting better. Coffee is kicking in...)

but what movie was it? can't remember, save me before I go crazy, Happy!

I call myself a movie buff! I don't know either.

Originally posted by larasteele
but what movie was it? can't remember, save me before I go crazy, Happy!

It's Angelina Jolie in "Playing By Heart." It's a GREAT movie that B recommended we watch together and was AWESOME! Sean Connery, Ryan Phillipe, Angelina, the girl from the X-files, John Stewart, the doctor that died in Hawaii of a brain tumor on ER, and LOADS of other people. Cute movie!

Never heard of it...I'll have to check that one out :)

I love Angelina Jolie, she has the greatest lips ever!! (talk about straying from the subject!!):)