Is There Hope?

Hi! I am new to the board but from reading other posts, maybe you all can help me where others just don't understand.

Okay, some background. I am 28, divorced no kids. I have a great relationship with my parents and they know about the OM so that, fortunately is not the problem.

My question is about the OM, I need opinions on whether he is interested and there is hope or whether I should give up.

He is 55, never been married, no kids- he says he was engaged once and he walked in on her with his best friend. He admittedly used to be a playboy. He has a full time job that he works nights and he has a part-time dayjob teaching what he loves to do- this is where I met him. A year ago I approached him to go out to lunch or drinks and we began seeing eachother. Nobody knew about this at our place of work and we both prefered it that way. So we would meet after he was done with lessons- inbetween jobs for him. He always seemed happy to see me when we would meet up for drinks but I would always have to just show up. He would never call me and say- Hey, I have some free time tomorrow around...are you free. I started gettting the idea that he wasn't interested in me. When I asked him- he told me not to think that and thathe didn't understand why I am interested in him. I had repeatedly told him that I think he is intelligent, sexy, interesting, funny etc. If I called him, he would call me back but he would never initiate calling me. I eventually "gave up" hope of having a real relationship with him.

I have "gave up" in quotes because I truly have never given up. We still meet up for drinks and everytime I stop in to have drinks with him we have a great time together and he tells me to stop in anytime. I have several fears. One of them is that he is interested in me but is afraid or so set in his life that I am just not important enough. He is a work-a-holic but I think some of it is that he doesn't want to stop long enough to figure out if he is lonely or not. That is pure conjecture on my part- he may be perfectly happy. I am also afraid that he isn't interested in me and just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He is incredibly sexy adn has probably been with vey beautiful women. I am definitely pretty and in shape but by no means am I the most beautiful women on earth.

I really feel a connection to this OM everytime we are together and sometimes get the feeling he does too. Is there any hope? I dont' even know how to broach the subject with him with out sounding desparate and needy. After my divorce I dated and didn't really connect with anyone. I am not looking to get married again but I would like to love and be loved.

I know I have been pretty broad in this post. I dont' feel like my post came through vey coherently once I started typing and I didnt' want it to be too long. Any questions please feel free to ask. Most importantly, any advice, especially from OM on the board is greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone!

First of all...a big warm welcome to you. I'll tell you what I tell everyone when they join...you will find great and wonderful people here who will give great advice.

First of all, I'm am currently in your shoes...somewhat.

I would like to think there is hope...but right now (at the point I am at) I tend to lose hope....because his fears power his heart. I have yet to sit him down and talk to him...but maybe one day I'll get the guts to confront our fears and talk about them. I wish I had it as easy with you. D has a 13 yr old troubled teen that complicates the picture beyond belief!

I say to keep faith, but remain realistic. That's what I'm trying to do....more to come....eatin' dinner

:( My humble opinion:

Your relationship CAN work out, but you MUST COMMUNICATE. You have to ask where this is going. If the absolute BEST answer they can give you is "I don't know" and you can accept "I don't know" as an answer and hang in there, then that's wonderful! Accept "I don't know" and carry on with them, happy and free. Take each day as it comes. As long as you are happy in other areas of your life, as long as the time you spend with your S/O is happy and joyful and full of love, don't worry yourself with the promise of a future. "I don't know" doesn't necessarily mean "NO." If you can accept "I don't know" you might find a time when they do know and love your a** all the more for being understanding and hanging in there. To accept the truth - in this case, the fact that they are not sure - can make you feel so much better. Wouldn't it be better to know why they are uncertain rather than working up imaginary problems in your head? To KNOW and to hear him say "My lack of committment here has nothing to do with our ages, it's just that I'm a nervous twit...(joke)" has to be better than wondering where this is all going. It's O.K. to accept "I don't know" - as long as you truly accept it.

However, be honest with yourself and if "I don't know" isn't enough for you; if you are not being treated the way you would like to be treated (and DESERVE to be treated), then tell them so. Say "Look, I can love you and love you like no one else could, but if 'I don't know' is the best you have to offer me, then I guess I need to move on. I love you, I want to give you my love, but if you can't accept that, then I need to be free to find someone who can." ASK them to be honest with you. The phrase "The truth shall set you free" is never more applicable as it is here. Ask for the truth, even if it hurts at the moment. Then you can examine the situation in the honest light of the truth and know wether to fish or cut bait.

ALL human beings have the capacity to love, love, love. It's what we were born to do. It's the human condition and ego that makes us experience fear and doubt. We hide from the truth often because we fear what the truth will bring. We often prepare ourselves for the worst, when the best is right within reach.

Don't wonder anymore! Stop torturing yourselves. ASK ASK ASK. Throw fear of rejection out the window; ask what you want to know from the SOURCE. If he says he loves you, but he's not sure - AND THAT'S O.K. WITH YOU, then just accept the fact that he's doing some serious thinking. If that's not enough for you, I PROMISE you, there is someone out there who IS enough; who will make Mr. X pale in comparison. Everyone HAS someone out there. You just have to separate the chaff and find the REAL man that deserves all of the love you have to give.

(Whew. Maybe I should change my handle to RamblesMuch.)

Sending love, hugs and joy your way,
Happy

happy...

I know this thread has nothing to do w/ my personal life...but your words have inspired me...I'll have to start a new thread after I get caught up on all that I've missed :)

Thanks :)

EM: It's hard as he** to keep up with all that one's missed since the damn board kept going down last week. Couldn't get on all day Friday. (That's good, though. I needed to work.)

Dear Abby...Dear Crabby (lately ha ha)

I want the update when you get a sec to breathe! (Or do I???)

Much love,
Happy

I know... the site has been suckin' lately....this is the first time I've been able to post more than one post since last Tuesday! That's hard...especially when you are addicted to this site :)

Addicted???

Who's addicted????

:rolleyes: He he he. As if.

Love,
Happy

AA! Agelesslove Anonymous. Hi, my name is E and I'm addicted to ageless.

Yes like everyone said WELCOME!!!! I am a bit addicted LOL....... My fiance is trying to pull me off now.... HEHEHEHEHHEHH

Yes there is hope... Have you told hiim how you feel???? I think that is the best way....... Be open with him and yourself.... everything else will fall into place.... If you ask him he may be scared of the "age gap" and this is why he is holding back.... If YOU are truely ready for this relationship then go and tell him.....Men are the ones that are more scared then the woman are on most parts anyway...... The worst that could happen is say he's not interested but you know what... Tha'ts even better because this will allow you to move on and find your true love


good luck....
I hope you figure this out
Mer

i think the reaccuring statement is: communication

Thanks everyone for your replies and welcomes. i have been reading posts on this board for a while and finally decided that y'all would knowmore of what I am going through than anyone else. Here's hoping I have the nerve to do what I need to . :)

Happiness to all of you!

B

Well keep us updated!!