in a situation

hi!!!i am new to the boards and figure i would ask the pros so questions.
situation is:i am married(not happiley) and have known this older woman for almost a year.she has a b/f but they arent serious.recently her and i have got this thing going.she says she loves me but she says she doesnt want to mess up my marriage.my marriage was already messed up before this.
i have never had feelings for someone like i have for this woman.she is all i think about.how can i get her to realize that i want me than just a fling?
she is all i ever wanted in a woman.she is 40 and i am 25.
also what does a 40yo look for in a 25 yo man?
i am trying to make her fall in love with me and hoping she wants a full relationship.
any suggestions and help is appreciated.

Hopefully someone that is single.

Sorry hito but I have to agree with yellowrose here, can't you fix your marriage? I hope no children are involved, and if she doesn't want to mess up your marriage then what is she doing with you in the first place?

Hi there!!
what we want in a man, of any age is:, understanding, companionship, appreciation, to be listened to, have a well groomed man by our side without having to spend hundreds of dollars, just taking care of themselves., good sex life, and a man that will appreciate our wisdom and the way we look no matter if we are getting older, with a new wrinkle or not.
Unfortunaly most of those things we can get it mostly from younger men than their older brothers.
and also...you cant make anyone to fall in love with you.
it just happens by being yourself all the time, , show her that you really care, listen to what she has to say.
and always compliment the way she looks, so she will never feel insecurities about you or the relationship, (if you love her, she will look beautiful to you anyway),
But above all....we want a YM that knows what he wants. If it is us with all those years more than him, then don't play around or show insecurities after those initial months of good sex and fun. usually the YM starts to back off when getting emotionally attached to their OW. we had our share of pain and tears in our younger years and we certainly dont need that now. We can feel and fall in love again. So please dont play with her.
i wish you luck
Adri

We want to feel wanted,

Your situation is a very controversial one around here (extra-marital relationship). I'm not going to condem you or anything, so don't worry about that. I think Adri wrote a lovely post, and i'm sure she speaks for a lot of women with those words.

I just wanted to tell Lorena that sometimes a marriage isn't worth fixing. . .sometimes people just grow apart. Seems like your marriage, Craving, is already fallen apart beyond fixing. Just do me a favor. . .don't leave any one on. If your wife is really not doin things for you. . best thing in my eyes is just to make sure she knows it. Don't make it seem like all is honkey doory. (i'm assuming here that she doesn't know you're not happy :) )

Anyway man, i hope you find happiness down what ever path you choose. Take it easy

Steve

I understand that some marriages aren't worth fixing, I've gone through a divorce myself, but I waited to end my marriage before going into another relationship. I just hope that craving isn't blinded by his feelings for this other woman, if his marriage is worth fixing, and really how fair is that to his wife who may not know what is going on? And this other woman should have made an alternative for him to end his marriage before going into this kind of relationship with him in the first place, how wise is that, when she states she doesn't want to mess up his marriage yet she's with him, hope she's not playing games in thinking that theres no strings attached so why not. I don't know except that someone is bond to get hurt by all this. And that is my honest feelings.

Can't keep quiet on this one . . . sorry for blasting you on this Craving . . . but here goes . . .

I got a divorce two years ago from a 25-year marriage because my ex was running around on me. I agree that some marriages are not worth fixing and you did state your marriage was on the rocks before you got it on with this other woman. But the fact is that YOU ARE STILL MARRIED AND WITH YOUR WIFE !!!!!!! If you want to get it on with someone else, then tell your wife it's over, leave and go for it . . . Why are you still with the wife if it's over? With my ex it was because he wanted to make sure he wasn't without anyone. So I would do until he could forge some type of relationship with someone else. Sorry for being so blunt, but this is a real sore spot with me.

To Yellowrose: Touche'

http://www.manifestation.org/~ill/images/funny/nolove.jpg

Don't worry about other women just yet.

Worry about yourself and your marriage. If there are kids, work harder to fix it.

What do women look for in a man (younger or older)? Integrity, commitment to themselves and those around them, honesty, sexuality, and sensitivity. Handle your responsibilities first. Make the sacrifices necessary for life's work.

All the best,
Cindy

I agree that being married or seriously involved with one person and actively pursuing another is wrong. If the marriage is over then it's over and you need to be brave and move on. IF you want her to fall in love with you, maybe one of the first things you need to be is AVAILABLE for falling in love with. Some women won't/can't love an unavailabel man.

But Craving what you asked for was advice on what a 40 year old woman wants in a 25 year old man.

Again I'm going to say that what I want in a man is different from what every other woman wants in a man.

There is no set formula. Heck if there was a set formula then we wouldn't have divorce etc everyone would KNOW what they want and we'd all be trained to provide it. Of course life would be boring.

Generally I'd support the party line about getting your marriage sorted out before doing anything else.

But a dear friend of mine was walking around in a dead marriage at 27, and she did indeed start up an affair that ended up leading to her 2nd marriage - which has been a very happy one.

I was a tad disgusted with her, but as she put it - she just couldn't let this chance for happiness go by. And she didn't.

You must, however, try your level best to treat everyone involved with integrity. Start the process of ending your marriage now, whether or not you have any commitment from the new woman.
Don't **** your ex once the process begins. Make sure that you date and then live with the new woman for a good long time before you get married again to halt the rebound effect. And don't lie to anyone - ever.

It's a big mess and you'd be well-served to avoid it, but if you can't - there's some advice from the trenches.