Declaration of Independence

Well.

If anyone recalls my saga with an OM, I humbly pen the conclusion.

I'm out.

I have decided a few things. I had decided them before last night, but the event I will share momentarily sealed the deal.

Number 1: I want more than this. I am NOT a bad person for knowing that I seek a stable, committed relationship. I have to both understand that this is what I need, and accept that it is not going to be top on everyone else's list...it isn't HIS priority, and that is a fact, incontrovertable. Two people wanting two seperate things...not going to work.

Number 2: He COULD change his mind...yes, this is true and possible. However, I also COULD win the lottery tommorrow--but I am not going to quit my job today. He may, in the future, be looking for something more. But I am not going to wait, and possibly miss a chance with someone who matches my priorities right now.

Number 3: In an attempt to reconcile my needs and wants to his, I have consistently lowered my expectations...and he has consistently not met them. I have hung in a "just dating/just friends" limbo for months...we have been "not serious" and able to "see other people" for the whole length of time we have been dating...when I honestly believe that eight months is long enough to know if the person you are dating is one you wish to be with, at least to the exclusion of other dates, while a full relationship is pursued.

There is a bit more to my decision than this...adding all the juicy details would just make this post too long.

So I will skip to the story.

Last night he was crabby. As usual, when he doesn't get enough sleep, his patience is nill, or nearly so. He was blunt bordering on rude to me...and I shut up. Well we dodged around each other for a while...mutual, but not enjoyable, silence ensued. I finally had a bit of enough, and asked him why he did that. That thing--the thing where HE is rude, then acts like I AM the one who did something wrong. He told me he had been picking up an attitude from me--it got really stupid, honestly. And then the kicker. I told him the "vibe" he picked up from me, was because at this time, I felt rotten from his callous lack of compassion or even simple manners...plus, he is the only person who has the power to make me feel THAT BAD. I waited for his response. I admit that my eyes began to tear up. He thought a moment, and said, "I don't know how to respond to that." Then walked away, leaving me with tears in my eyes...

THUD.

I don't know how to describe it. Something clicked...painfully. I looked at him, and saw...this person does not care...this person does not love me, and will not love me...even if I wasn't expecting love, I was expecting simple, decent compassion. In my experience, when one cares for someone, when one cares ABOUT someone, the knowledge that we have caused them pain is followed by a wish to rectify the sitution. For him to shut me down so suddenly, and to walk away from me when I needed kindness and caring from him...it was an eye-opener.

I don't know if he was ever the person I thought he was...I don't know if he was genuinely CONFUSED, as he stated more than once...I don't know if he simply got swept up in the idea that someone so much younger than him could fall for him...I just don't know. I can drive myself crazy here...

Stop.

What I do know is this. I am giving up on him...I am NOT giving up on love.

so thanks, all, for the support...I can't say I'm through needing it; in fact I may need more support than ever.

p.s. I was a bit tentative to post this...what if I change my mind? But I don't believe that is going to happen.

GO LARA! WHOOOOOO HOOOOO!

Look, you realized you weren't getting enough and what happened was that your head and heart were in alignment and you knew what you had to do. I am impressed and proud of your strength.

And look, it's o.k. to post it. If you change your mind, we will still be here for you. But I hope your mind change is caused only by his changing his behavior! I pray that any change of heart you have is NOT caused by you second guessing yourself. If you change your mind, don't be embarrassed or ashamed. We'll still love ya!

You are a strong, intelligent woman who deserves (*and can have*) a joyous, loving relationship; equal on BOTH sides. Getting to know you over the past month or two, I can see that you have a lot to offer a man. An intelligent man will realize that the minute you open your mouth!

Big hugs,
Happy

Hey Lara,

It sounds like you've done the right thing - I hope I would be strong enough to walk away in a similar situation.

Hope everything goes well for you from now on.

Have a better one!

Felix

EMCAD sings:For all the women who are INDEPENDENT~ throw your hands up at me!

Oh honey...do we have Yo-Yo similarities or what! I know what your talking about. I wish I had your strength! Again, I will post after I get caught up with all these threads... I love you girl!

Thank you Happy and Felix and Em...I will post more soon, but for now I'm going to bed.

Okay, so actually, I'm going to have a good cry, THEN toss and turn wondering if I'm doing the right thing, then possibly sleep a bit today...but knowing you are out there for me, rooting me on, no matter how many times I screw up, helps me bunches!

MOVE TO CALI!!! :D

When and if you get some shut eye.....sweet dreams!

Lara, it is often more difficult to do what is right than what isn't. You deserve more, and the line of guys is forming for you to take your pick. Hopefully you'll find the one you deserve.

Lara

Good for you Girl!!!! It's hard to face the end and you did it and you are such a strong woman in my eyes......You have it right ... you can give up on him but NEVER give up on love.......!!!!!! You are worth it and One day you will find that "special" man!!!!


*Hugs*
Mer

I hope this doesn't mean the end of Lara Steele. But yeah, your guy was displaying some very doltish behavior. And you deserve much better, you deserve everything you want! I know how much it hurts to know how great you are and to not have someone else feel the same way- in fact I think sometimes you gave him too much leeway because you figured he'd catch on eventually to what a prize you are. HMPHHH- he done fucked up, you gave him his chance to see the light, and he refused to look. Don't doubt YOURself for a minute though- you know who you are and you know what you deserve. It's ok to give chances but there comes that point where it turns into settling- you saw that point and it sickened you as it should have. So be very nice to yourself, go get some chocolate peanut butter ice cream, some really spicy wings and a cold one, and a good dog to snuggle with. (Wait, that's what I like to do...) Then when you're done mourning his loss (note I said HIS) close that chapter and enjoy just being YOU.

EMCAD : girl, do NOT tempt me with Cali--given my frame of mind you might find me knocking on your door by tonight:p Although...we are supposed to be a sunny 80 degrees here today...80 degrees, in April, in Michigan? Find it in the dictionary under MIRACLE!! As always, thanks again, girlfriend.

Stan : haven't chatted with you much, in fact I don't really see you post much...but thanks for reaching out! Your words are a gift.

MerAlove : I don't know how strong I am, but wonderful words from Sister-Friends like you increase my strength...or maybe your encouragement doubles it!

And datura : really think you'll get rid of me that easily? thank you for making me feel less vain for thinking it is his loss. And as for your remedy? Change the dog to cat and it is the best cure yet:D

Happy and Felix : thank you again for posting yesterday...know that I cried just a smidge less because of your help.

As for me, the Divine LaraSteele(hee hee) , well...watch out world, here I come. It is the right choice, though it sucks giant goat-balls. And I trust I won't always get this feeling like something cold and clammy pinched my heart when I see him. I smiled my way through the night...and it really did help. Fake something long enough, and even you are fooled!!

There is sunshine!! There is a warm breeze!! Here is me inside in front of the computer!! silly girl, go outside and play...and mend your heart, so he can eat his heart out over his mess up. Hheeemmm....just gave advice to myself:p lol...big head alert!

HEY! Don't knock giving advice to yourself. It's just as good as anyone else's.

Hang in there. And if California doesn't suit you, know that you are always welcome in Charleston! Ha ha ha! (If you can stand the humidity. Visitors are always complaining about the heat and steam. Ha ha ha.)

Been to Michigan. Froze my tootsies off. I'm a hot weather girl!

We're behind you! (Big Hugs)

Much love,
Happy

Lara that's what we are all here for... for each other....... Keep your chin up I know your strong enough.... WOMEN ARE THE STRONGER SPECIES......

hehehe :-)

smarter & sexier

and if your a man reading this.....j/k :)