Cutoff

I was just thinking about this OW/YM|OM/YW thing again and concluded the rather obvious: every couple has an older and a younger member.

That said, then, what is the (your personal) cutoff point along this age continuum? How much of a difference must there be before you declare "older" or "younger", and why?

Richard

For me, Im 46 and I don't think people in their 30s are that much younger than me....I guess I feel 30., so when talking to a 30 plus year old, I never feel Im talking to a ym. I consider younger men as being in their early 20s. AND cut off would be someone my daughters age which is 20 years old. I wouldn't mind being friends with a person that age, but not interested in persuing a relationship with someone 18 to 20 years old.

jannie

I am currently involved with a man who is 11 years younger. I personally am finding it to be perfect.

My last husband was 6 yrs OLDER than me the first husband 3 years older. My dad was 3 yrs older than my mom and I remember thinking that it was supposed to be that way.

When I first started dating younger men consciously (cause in retrospect I had done it before just never paid that much attention to gaps of 6 years or less) I was 42 and I went out with a 25 year old. I turned down a couple of 18 yr olds and a few 22 year olds. 25 seemed so young.

And it was for me. I determined that 28 was about as young as I felt comfortable going. Now had I met someone younger than that who had the maturity level I needed, then I am sure I would have revised my plan.

..and even though it depends upon each individual and on an individual basis, I am like Kat, where I do not think I could go 24/25 again. For the most part, I feel that that age group (and younger) is still trying to "find himself" and on a general basis has not really matured yet in all the areas I need maturation in a partner. Often they are intellectually and sexually mature, but not spiritually and/or emotionally, which leaves them on a different page than I am on at this time in my life. If I just wanted sex and intellectual conversation, then I would not hesitate to "git me one" (as Dy would say... :)). but I want a long term relationship, thus I think I would need someone older.
I know many women will disagree with me, HOWEVER, let me reitertate that I know I am generalizing, BUT I am also going by what both my friends/acquaintances and I have gone through with men that age. AND I also know that some men NEVER mature in these areas no matter how old they are!

I think it changes depending on how old the people involved are.

Examples:

At 17 I couldn't have dated a 14 y/o. So 2 year cutoff.

At 20, 3-4 year cutoff.

At 30, I guess a 10 year cutoff (my sweetie just gets in under the wire).

I don't know what it will be when I am older, but it will certainly be wider. I hope I am with my boyfriend, and when I am 50 and he is 40 it won't seem like that much of a gap (it's not that bad now either, except in my head sometimes).

Well, I'm 26, but I know a lot of guys that age who still are immature and women would cut them off even at that age. So I think it depends on the YM as well. :)

just my $0.02,

joe

im in a 12 years age gap relationship, and to me the cut off would be anyone in their teens and even early 20s. they are still in the grow up stage...Im not interested in that!!
my YM is 34 and i really dont see him as a Young man any more, he is actually of middle age!! :-) but we still have that gap.
Adri

I don't think theres much of a "cut off" point to true love.
When it happens, it happens, but for me (If I weren't taken) would be 18-99, (did I say 99??!)
Yep, true love happens when you least expect it.
Polite said it so well many posts ago about being on earth more years than the other.
Age is only seconds in this big ole life :)

Gesh Sucideblonde, ha, ha ... you make it sound as if "I" go "git me one" like all the time, lol :rolleyes: ...

Truth all, when we talk, we have the best time :) But what I believe SB is referring to is the fact that we both agree that if someone wants sex without love, that is fine, but as we have discussed, we need to have more. Though I must admit, at times, I tell her to just go "git herself one" (and now and then think it might not be a bad idea either, lol) ;)

As for me, after a certain age, I began to date younger and younger simply because I had more in common with the younger's :) I was not seeking a young a man as my last love, but it happened and it was quite an intense connection. Our age gap was 30 years and to tell the truth, to my surprise (but not his), no one really ever looked strangely at us. It was as if we just "fit" ... an no one could see us ... as not a couple ...

Having said that, I will say that I don't naturally seek a ym OR an om. I've said this many times before, it's all about the connection, or "chemistry" for me. If it's there, it's there and fabulous ... if not ... well ...

Princessdy

Interesting responses...
It seems some of you are here because you just happen to be in that kind of age-gap relationship, while others seem to have a distinct preference for it, while still others are simply curious.

Given that we are nevertheless here, is this age-gap difference more of an "issue" for us than others (and if so, why/how?) or might this (also?) simply be a convenient excuse/subject-heading with/under which to chat online. :)
All of the above? :)

>Princessdy
[B]Gesh Sucideblonde, ha, ha ... you make it sound as if "I" go "git me one" like all the time, lol :rolleyes: ... <

And? ;)

> ...(and now and then think it might not be a bad idea either, lol) ;) <

Hmmm... ;)

>Having said that, I will say that I don't naturally seek a ym OR an om. I've said this many times before, it's all about the connection, or "chemistry" for me.<

Perhaps we subconsciously "seek" an older or younger parter respectively, and/or feel that the chemistry might be better with one.

Oh gesh Elixir ... gonna keep me in trouble huh, ha, ha ... ???

Okey dokey ... well then let me address your .. response to my response to SucideBlondes' response to ........ you ...

Yes, ok, I admit it is nice to sometimes think about "goin to git me one" ... and that, just for sex ... but I can not, nor have I ever been able to do that .... it's just me. So, even though one says such things (me) :) ... it doesn't necessarily mean that I can follow through, and that's not a bad thing ... just a me thang :)

Have I dug my way outta my hole as yet ??? Help me someone :(

Princessdy

Yep - I'm one of the ones with a "distinct preference" for ym. I'm just not mentally, physically or emotionally attracted to men my own age or older. (they're OLD!!! LOL) I just feel more comfortable and have more fun with ym. I mean, whats NOT to like about them? As far as there being a "cut off age" I guess I'd have to say I dont have one, except being of legal age. As long as we connect mentally, get along, and have fun together, I just dont really think about the age difference.

Southerngal

Damn, I feel like a baby now. http://www.extreme-athlete.com/forums/images/smilies/baby.gif http://www.extreme-athlete.com/forums/images/smilies/baby.gif http://www.extreme-athlete.com/forums/images/smilies/baby.gif


joe

>Okey dokey ... well then let me address your .. response to my response to SucideBlondes' response to ........ you ...<

LOL

>Yes, ok, I admit it is nice to sometimes think about "goin to git me one" ... <

Fantasy can be very exciting, but I doubt I would want to fulfill many of mine and whether they'd be as exciting in reality.

>Have I dug my way outta my hole as yet ???

Do you really want to? ;)

by southerngal
As long as we connect mentally, get along, and have fun together, I just dont really think about the age difference. >

Same here, and I guess that's probably what it all ultimately boils down to, wouldn't you say?

Richard

Hey Blondie - glad I could give ya a laugh :p . Oh, and I guess I might as well admit it...yeah, I did the quarter AND pencil tests and somehow passed :eek:

And yes Richard, thats about the sum of it...two souls who connect - no matter what their ages.

Southerngal

Hey Moon
i agree with you.... no younger than 34 and not older than 42 i would say, but that 42 number it was really hard to type it!!!!!
maybe 40....yeah 40 was nice and easy to type!
well.....i think 38 is even easier!
Cheers
Adri

I agree. What I feel it cums down to in an OW/YM relationship, is the aura of mental maturity and the newly inexperienced sexual appetite of the YM versus the reinvigorated sexuality of experienced OW. :)

joe

Originally posted by southerngal
Yep - I'm one of the ones with a "distinct preference" for ym. I'm just not mentally, physically or emotionally attracted to men my own age or older. (they're OLD!!! LOL) I just feel more comfortable and have more fun with ym. I mean, whats NOT to like about them? As far as there being a "cut off age" I guess I'd have to say I dont have one, except being of legal age. As long as we connect mentally, get along, and have fun together, I just dont really think about the age difference.

Southerngal

Wow, Southerngal . . . it's like you looked in my head and withdrew those exact thoughts !!!! I couldn't agree with you more.

I finally went back to read all of this and Richard, I can tell you ARE going to be a counselor of sorts (or a TV talk show host!), for I felt like this was a real round table discussion. You would reiterate what people said by either paraphrasing or quoting them and then build on that! Hmmmmm shades of psychology and FREUD.....which brings me to JOE and his Feudian slip when he wrote :" I agree. What I feel it cums down to in an OW/YM relationship, is the aura of mental maturity and the newly inexperienced sexual appetite of the YM versus the reinvigorated sexuality of experienced OW. " What's with the way 'comes' is spelled??? And dear, sweet, funny Joe, at 26, you made my cut off age! :p Now Southerngal, I kinda am in your mode of thinking; that I prefer younger men all around but I always have for some reason, and moreso now I think. However, like what both you and Dy said, if that chemistry connection thingy is too strong to deny, age would not even be a question. Now my dear friend Dy, you got exactly what I meant! LOL I didn't mean to sound like you were like "on a mission" so to speak.... sorry if anyone misinterpreted it!!! So I hope I helped to dig you out of that hole!

Good thread Mr. Richard!!! Have enjoyed it immensely.

:D

Originally posted by suicideblonde
I finally went back to read all of this and Richard, I can tell you ARE going to be a counselor of sorts (or a TV talk show host!), for I felt like this was a real round table discussion. You would reiterate what people said by either paraphrasing or quoting them and then build on that! Hmmmmm shades of psychology and FREUD... Good thread Mr. Richard!!! Have enjoyed it immensely.

Thanks, SB, but without you guys, the thread would only be a lonely ol' post. :)

R

Suicideblonde, I made your cut off!!! Wow!!! I'm flattered!!! :)
Now was it my attitude that the cut or is that number just your cut off??? :confused:


joe

...very good question. I will have to think on it and get back to ya! :D

PS And what about that Fruedian slip????