Grrr baby...very grrr

Ok, so I started this thread yesterday....and right in the middle of an already long thread.......AGELESS gave out! So...grrr.

Here it goes, second attempt......ACTION!

Well, last on April 6th, D's son L left for spring break to go to his aunt's house in LA. D called me and said 'we can finally get some time together!' WOO HOO...I was excited! So we made plans on Tuesday to meet up and have a wonderful night on the town together.....and it wasn't. It was better than wonderful...was so incredibly FABULOUS! We started off by going to a bar in La Jolla called George's. We both ordered a drink and did some people watching. The night was so great....for those of you who don't know...La Jolla IS the beach! You look out the window of George's and hi...there's the sand and water. Usually it gets really cold, but that night was perfect. Light warm breeze...didn't even need a jacket....and I get cold easy! Anyway, after our drink at Geroges, we started to walk down the main strip. La Jolla is a VERY NICE NEIGHBORHOOD *;) ;) * if you know what I mean. So we were passing by all these restaurants, and each time trying to decide if we should go in or not. After we walked for a little over a quarter of a mile, we came to one of our favorite restaurants.....Roppongi's. We hadn't been there since last November for my 22nd birthday. We got a booth next to this couple who were goin' at it! They might as well have been naked and doin' the deed right there on the table. D and I both laughed. He asked:

Do we look like that?
No, and if we did...who cares?

We both laughed and agreed. As we were lookin' over the menu we noticed our friends to the right had come up for air. I - out of curiosity - looked over to see what these love birds looked like?! To my surprise they were May/December. I nudged D and said:

See, it's not as uncommon as you think it is

He paid no mind and continued to choose his dinner. I know he heard me, because he gave this face...you know which one ladies. Anyway, the love birds seperated enough for the gal to go to the restroom, when she returned...she didn't even wait to sit down to start swollowing his face! D looked over and said:

Well, I guess it's not that big a deal as long as it's not a packed restaurant. It looks like they are really into each other, who cares about their age

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Did I hear correctly! Do I need to clean out my ears!

Did that just come out of your mouth?!
That's not what I meant!

The subject was almost dropped instantly, we continued to order drinks and dinner. Our friends left :( lol We had great conversation at dinner. It even got a litte *warm* He likes exciting things. So (I can't believe I'm writing this) I didn't wear underware under my skirt and when we were waiting for our dinner to come, I lifted my skirt past my hips. He loves that stuff...he was very happy. He noticed that I take note of all the things he likes. He told me that I make him very happy and like that I do the things he likes with out him asking or me questioning him. I do it because I love to see him happy. He told me that he wants to make me happy, but I don't tell him what makes me happy. And you know what...everything makes me happy as long as I get to share it with him. It doesn't matter.

After dinner we had a little buzz goin' on. We decided to head back to valet and pick up the car.

*note - when Iget alcohol in my system I get...er...uh...frisky*

So in the car we engaged in some adult fun as we drove back home. :) :D I noticed it was taking longer than usual to get back home, so I looked up to see where we were...we went to TGIFriday's for yet another drink. We spent about a half hour there and then we really did call it a night. By the time we got home it was midnight! I love sleeping together....we sleep naked and there is nothing like skin on skin contact!

The next morning (Wednesday) I didn't want to get up and go to work.....so I called in ;) Glad I did too because after a month of a dry spell....we finally made woopie again :D

He said he had to get goin' after our love making (which lasted forever.....loved it) He was already running late. He also said he was sorry that he couldn't take the day off w/ me. :( But I went to the beach and enjoyed a wonderful day. Before I left to go home (an hour away) I called and left him a voicemail asking if I should stay in San Diego or go home. Sometimes he'll call me after I've gone 80 miles to my Dad's. So I wanted to make sure I didn't miss an op w/ him! He was still at work till two, and I called at one....and waited. I called his house before leaving to go home and he said he was taking a nap before he had to go back to work and he'd call me later. No problem. Then before we hung up he says 'HEY!'...."I had a lot of fun last night, bye." Ok...that was kind of weird. The tone of his voice was different....but he was napping...so ok.

Now one week later, I still haven't heard from him. I left a few things at his house and called his cell to ask when I could get them. At his request on Tuesday, he asked if I was at IKEA to pick up some more plates...b/c he never goes that way. I happened to be there to buy a gift and got him some more plates. Called again to let him know I had some for him, and asked again when I could get my belongings that I accidently left at his house. Still no answer. I have been beating my brains out trying to understand this stupid tactic!

I have a strange feeling it's because he was starting to feel really close to me and started pulling away......AGAIN! I am getting really tired of this damn routine. I am on the same boat aslarasteele. I am so frustrated and I want to yank my hair out. I cry because I love D so much and I know he loves me - but he shys away from it because of the age. It REALLY bothers him. Time is not healing his fear. I want to just move on because this is getting out of control and my feelings can't take this any more. However, I don't want to just stop talking to each other. I want to tell him how much he has hurt me. Even if he didn't have spare time to spend more time with me, he could at least call me back and let me know...not tonight. Or even let me know what he's feeling...he keeps me in the dark and I HATE that.

Sorry for the length of this post, but I had to get this out. All of you have become very dear to my heart. I find myself jumping on line to see who has to say what...and now I really need you guys. So if you made it this far...thanks for reading.

Broken Hearted
~EMCAD

Aww EM!!!!!! I'm sorry to hear this...and I so know how you feel.

In all the times we have talked though, I believe that your heart is still set on him...and still full of hope for you two. I don't want to shoot down anyone's hope, ever...nor would I wish to prolong their pain.

All I can say is this...only you will know if and when its time to do what you must. No one can decide it for you...if the love and hope outweighs the negetives, then you will be inclined not to give up.

How did I KNOW it was time?

When the thought of walking away from him hurt less than the hurt I felt being there, staying there.

ooo....but consider this...your situation has one BIG diff from mine...whether he says he "slipped" or not, those three words did appear.

If you ever consider what to do--think about this. Telling him. Once and for all. The thing you have never directly said.

Because you cannot seriously contemplate drastic measures without a full, honest conversation.

hugs, dear... :)

I'm gonna be off of awork in a bit, I'm gonna cry and I'll be back tomorrow.

I reccommend it.

Chin up, Em, you are strong and beautiful and fabulous...hopeing for you, for lots of good things.

and a better day tommorow.

you mentioned something about telling him how much he hurt you.

i reccommend this also...because I did that too...told my OM when he hurt me, exactly what he did...and even if the response wasn't all that I wished it would be, getting it off my chest helped. You might find relief in saying the things you need to say. Yup, those things. The ones you hold back because you are worried about scaring him further away. just say it!!

try a letter if it helps.

Em, God- where to begin? ? ? Can I make sense out of all that's going on in my head at the moment?? (Try not to get mad at me, o.k.?)

O.K. let's see: (1) If it IS the age difference and he cannot get past it, then there IS a problem; (2) the age difference does not seem to bother him when you guys are in bed; (3) he isn't strong enough to stand up and say "Hey, world, this is what I want and I've got her and I love her and she's mine."

Your fella has ticked me off this time. This behavior is inconsiderate and NOT very loving. This is unacceptable. Every time I read one of your posts, I think "Ahhh, maybe he's starting to come around." I know what it's like to be on a roller coaster and that's where you are.

I would find his behavior perfectly acceptable if (1) he laid groundwork out for you and had said "Look, I like you, I'm interested in you, but I've got too much going on in my life to be very available. Let's keep things light" or (2) If he said "Look, the age difference bothers me, let's see if I can get over it" or (3) "The age difference bothers me, I can't see you anymore or AT LEAST (4) I am very confused, but don't feel right about this.

It is GREAT that you are patient, understanding and kind! But from all I've read over the past few months, he has NO IDEA what he wants. (Or else he's a really tricky fella and knows exactly what he wants and IS getting it.)

Before you hint around at not seeing him anymore (You know, like "When can I come get my stuff?";) ) You need to just get your ire up and say "Look, pal, I don't know where we are going with this. I need more in the way of [fill in the blank - committment, attention, whatever you feel this is lacking] and if you don't give it to me, I'm outta here." He may try to duck the issue and blame it on ALL the other things that are going on in his life. Do not allow it. Ask him what that has to do with you. TELL HIM what you need and ask him to honestly assess whether he can provide that to you or not. Be prepared for any answer he gives you.

I hate seeing you get bounced around like this. You know what you want. You know you have given all you have in the way of patience, love and kindness. What have you recieved in return? Some nice, romantic nights on the town; hope that there may be something beyond that; that plus the fear, the lack of answered questions; the worry. Hmph.

You are a WONDERFUL person with so much to offer someone. If he can't accept that then that IS HIS LOSS. I'm not saying that to try to make you feel better. I believe that to be true. He will have lost the potential for a wonderful relationship with someone he can trust and be free with. It's very sad for him.

Someone is out there waiting and wishing for someone to love them like you can. They might deserve it more.


THAT being said - no matter what you decide to do, we're here for you. If you decide that you CAN take the roller coaster ride and if (you knowing him in person/me knowing only what I've read) then that's O.K. too!!! Riding the roller coaster isn't necesarily wrong, it's just that 9 out of 10 times someone is riding it, they get sh** on. (Notice, 9 out of 10 - you COULD be the tenth...) Sigh.


I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I am hoping that you end up with whatever the best possible out come of this situation is. With or without him.

Big hugs,
Happy

Okay, Happy said what I wanted to say...but I thought my own experience was coloring my opinion so I bit my tongue.

Good advice, Happy; well said.

take care, EM, we're here for you!

Originally posted by larasteele
If you ever consider what to do--think about this. Telling him. Once and for all. The thing you have never directly said. Because you cannot seriously contemplate drastic measures without a full, honest conversation.
hugs, dear... :)

God, Lara, you have the gift for "succinctness" (if that's even a word) - that's exactly what I was trying to get across!!!!

Em - can't say this enough: big hugs and no matter what you decide, it's O.K. as long as it sits well in your heart!!!

Hugs, (more)
Happy

Em... I am speechless.... all I know is that I am sure I'm not just speaking for myself but no matter what you decide we are here for you........

#1 he HAS to stop seeing the age and SEE YOU.....

#2 He doesn't need to be stringing you along and I think you need to say something......I think you need to tell him how much you love him and how much you want to be with him... and Like I have said in the past he needs to be honest with you no matter how good or bad it is......

Em... We will be here for you no matter what and I do hope this goes the way you want it


*hugs*

You know, EM, I wrote you a more extensive reply BEFORE the website messed up again, stole my post, and went AWOL for a few hours. What I was TRYING to say, before I was so RUDELY interrupted.....:mad:
I am pissed at your OM. It's like, come on buddy, let's get with the program! How can you go out, have an intimate evening, enjoy each other's company, make love, and then NOTHING for weeks on end? Think about it, if you had a car that went from zero to sixty, then back to zero, then to 110 with no warning, you'd get it fixed, wouldn't you? Damn right you would, because it's DANGEROUS. People don't like the unpredictable. Especially not when it's your heart being put through the paces. It's like you never know quite where you stand, or what's going to happen next. That can't be a comfortable feeling when you KNOW what you feel. I think you need to tell him that you're sick of waiting in limbo, and if he's confused he can at least have the common decency to CONTACT you once in a while. You're setting a bad pattern here....he can have his cake, and then put it on ice for the next time, and doesn't have to do anything in between. YOU WANT MORE THAN THAT! YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT! Emcad, you are a sweet, classy, attractive mama, you have a great personality, and you have a lot to offer. WHAT IS THERE TO BE UNSURE ABOUT???? D needs to pull his head out of his pizza oven and smell the cappuccino, because this just isn't fair. He should know this by now too. Next time: have a word with him. No wining, dining, carousing and loving until he's clear on that. Like Dr. Phil always says: You've got to ask for what you want! Good luck- don't be afraid to see what he's made of, if it turns out to be not what you want. :( :( :(

Datura that was well put!!! I couldn't agree with you more......

Em... We want whats best for you.... and You do need to spend one day speaking about your relationship.... Seems to me he has more contact with you when he wants it and if he wants something.... But if he loves YOU than your needs come first not his.....

Regardless to his son... there is no reason why he can't pick up a phone DAILY....at least.... so......

Em, I just want to echo what everyone else has said. I support you 100% in all that you do.
I joined less than a month ago but already consider some of you my friends. Maybe as a man it's hard to put my feelings into words, but I enjoy reading the various trials and tribulations, and go to this site first thing when I turn the computer on.
I tend to kid around a lot because I use that as a defensive mechanism not to get burned, but this is from the bottom of my heart. When I read of the wonderful evenings you spend with your guy, I sometimes get a little envious because I think he's so lucky to have you. The love that you have for him, the little things that you do to make him happy, all show what a wonderful person you really are.
I don't know what to tell you, my friend, his behavior really puzzles me. It sounds like he loves you but then he acts so incredibly cold that it makes me doubt it. You need to confront him next time, (and I'm sure there will be a next time). Don't go out with him, don't have sex with him, until you have risolved your issues once and for all. The best case scenario is that he truly is conflicted about the age gap, the worst case scenario is that he uses you as some sort of trophy, a pretty young girl to have sex with.
Since you so clearly love him and are so happy with him, I would be more patient than usual, but there's a limit to everything. If you can lower your expectations, see it more as a casual affair with no future, and are able to accpt it, fine. Otherwise you have to be strong and end the uncertainty once and for all. He's a man and has to face the truth. If he truly loves you he should be able to overcome any obstacles, if not, it's time to move on.
Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I hope you're happy.
Just reading your posts sometimes cheers me up and makes me forget that I'm pretty lonely right now, so good luck in all that you do, and don't forget that you have lots of friends here. AL.

Em....

Interesting situation. I sure hope for the best for you...and maybe you are looking at things correctly. Happy, you sure have clear insight and the ability to capture it in writing...I am jealous of that skill....

I am a romantic...and certainly love to see things work out. And my fingers ARE crossed for you, EM....Truly....

And yes...here it the but....

There is no excuse for a guy not to call....the very next morning to tell you how much he enjoyed last night....NO EXCUSE....he can say he screwed up...by not calling...but he screwed up. Makes me nervous that more is going on here then an age issue. In fact, we OM are supposed to be romantic and know how to be great lovers as evidenced by your lovely evening.

Give me his number and i will kick him in the pants for you... ;-)

Keep us posted...we all make mistakes...and there is life after mistakes with someone that loves us....

First of all, I'm at work and balling my eyes out because of the overwhelming (in a good way) response to my thread. I don't have too many friends...more aquaintences than anything else. And the true friends I do have...they don't quite understand. The love and support I receive from you guys truly touches my heart and it PISSES me off that we aren't all located in the same place so we can all hang out! GRRR! Road trip?

Okay where to begin....I guess from the beginning.

Lara_Steele

In all the times we have talked though, I believe that your heart is still set on him...and still full of hope for you two. I don't want to shoot down anyone's hope, ever...nor would I wish to prolong their pain.

I don't want to give up, because my love is so strong and I believe there is something there. Or is it that I'm so tainted by love that I am blind and oblivous to...everything. I'm tired of hurting and that is mainly why I would like end this....my heart isn't a toy - and he needs to stop playing with it.

hmm... just thought about this....I always figured older men don't play games....He's playing the game...I hate that!

ooo....but consider this...your situation has one BIG diff from mine...whether he says he "slipped" or not, those three words did appear. If you ever consider what to do--think about this. Telling him. Once and for all. The thing you have never directly said

This is what keeps me hanging on...those 3 words that have been 'accidently' said....on numorous occasions. I wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs!I want to tell the whole world how much I love D, I want to make the deaf hear with the screeches of love! Alas, I can't because the crap he pulls makes me feel like I shouldn't.

Happy

First of all girl...no matter what you say, I know it's said out of love and support so I could never be upset with you...unless you tell me I smell :)

I would find his behavior perfectly acceptable if (1) he laid groundwork out for you and had said "Look, I like you, I'm interested in you, but I've got too much going on in my life to be very available. Let's keep things light" or (2) If he said "Look, the age difference bothers me, let's see if I can get over it" or (3) "The age difference bothers me, I can't see you anymore or AT LEAST (4) I am very confused, but don't feel right about this.

That's what is so strange! He has stated all of the above! But after a few weeks of not talking or seeing each other...he comes around again. That's when I think...okay, he's comin' around - things are good! Plus, I'm am so set in making him see that it's okay to be in a May/December romance. If he doesn't want to be with me, I want it to because he doesn't like ME or something about ME, anything...but my age. That to me is not an acceptable answer. If I as rude or something, I could understand. But - especially when he tells me I'm perfect for him - I have a problem with him having a problem with my age. Would he act the same if I were jewish, if I were black, asian....or even better, what if I was really a man with a sex change and he never knew....when he found out, would he dump me because of that? Ok, that's a little extream, but you get where I'm coming from?

You are a WONDERFUL person with so much to offer someone. If he can't accept that then that IS HIS LOSS. I'm not saying that to try to make you feel better. I believe that to be true. He will have lost the potential for a wonderful relationship with someone he can trust and be free with. It's very sad for him.

What's really sad it knowing that he has such strong feelings for me...hello he's said it...and he's running his life off of what other people think and say. I HATE that about him, that's one of two flaws that I have found. How can one truly be happy in life when he bases his choices off of other people. Yeah, people get married and get divorced almost as often as the sun rises. But it takes two people to make things work - when one doesn't really have a mind of his own...it makes it rough. I'm pullin' for the both of us when he's pushing.....not a good combo!

Mer

#2 He doesn't need to be stringing you along and I think you need to say something......I think you need to tell him how much you love him and how much you want to be with him... and Like I have said in the past he needs to be honest with you no matter how good or bad it is......

I am trying to be strong and am prepairng myself for what I don't want to hear, but I do need to know...because this in the middle crap SUCKS ***!

datura81

I really wish I could have read your original post...they always come out better, and sometimes things are forgotten in the second post :( Happens to me too grrr

People don't like the unpredictable. Especially not when it's your heart being put through the paces. It's like you never know quite where you stand, or what's going to happen next. That can't be a comfortable feeling when you KNOW what you feel

I fear the unpredictable with D. I wonder if he has some sort of disorder...because he'll be fine one day and then the next...well you read the post. I hate knowing my feelings for him and knowing his, but what makes it bad is that I know I'm the only one willing to stay strong and work through the ins and outs of the relationship. Maybe it's too much for him, well life isn't easy - take it as it comes and if the damn people don't like it...oh the F*@k well!

D needs to pull his head out of his pizza oven and smell the cappuccino, because this just isn't fair. He should know this by now too.

AH!! ROTFLMAO!!!! Thanks... I needed that.


Mer

Em... We want whats best for you.... and You do need to spend one day speaking about your relationship.... Seems to me he has more contact with you when he wants it and if he wants something.... But if he loves YOU than your needs come first not his.....

Ahhh...no don't think that! Ok, nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to sex. I'm actually the one who always wants it. Yeah we fool around a lot, but we never really have sex. I'm always trying to jump on him - and he has to tell me no because he wants me to know its not about the sex and he made that VERY clear.

marcopolo204 and Irishkid

I really appreciate your words of wisdom, I love insight from men....it really does help.

I'll keep everyone updated


THANKS!!!

EM- It really does sound lilke you and I are in similar situations. I was reading the replies to your post and was bawling my eyes out too because all this advice could very well be directed to me. Good luck- I am right there with you!

B

Em ! I just want to reiterate that (and I think I speak for everyone here) no matter WHAT decision you make, we are behind you. Of COURSE when we see that he's hurt you (intentionally or unintentionally), we get our panties in a bunch (Oh AL, just ADMIT that you wear panties!;) Kiddin') and want to get mideval on his a**! Really, it makes me want to show him what things would have been like if Bruce Lee had been a GIRL. An a** kick and an apology. ROFLMAO.

I am praying for whatever is best for you and sending lots of love and positive energy your way. If he truly loves you and if you are meant to be together, even his own ridiculous, silly fears will not keep you apart.

And by the way, who knows, maybe in a while we can all meet up in some mutual middle-America state to say "hi" in person!

Hugs,
Happy

Hey Em,

I know i'm pretty much a lurker around here, but i do read just about every post.

Personally, I don't think I would have put up with this as long as you have. In one sense I think your patience and devotion is commendable, in another I think you may be blinded by it. I know you are strong and you want everything to work out--you want to be with him I understand. Anyone who can't see that is stupid. But, i think you need to go back and reread some of the things you posted, like " But it takes two people to make things work "

Is this relationship working because he is trying? Is he demonstrating any kind of behaviors to you that show he wants this relationship to work, to thrive, as you do?

I am a hopeless romantic most of the time, I know, but I am not completely blind to logic and that of which is blatantly obvious.
And, when I think of some of the more obvious attributes of LOVE... i think of the following (and then some): respecting the other persons wants/needs/feelings, putting those wants/needs/feelings before your own, telling the person you care, showing them you care, being for them through thick and thin.

Surely, there are more, but which ones apply to you? Which ones apply to him?

I don't want this to get too long.... and I know I can't fix things or answer any of your questions for you...I can only throw my two cents in the jar and hope it adds up to something.

BTW, I'll try to post more ;)
Kate

ps...I hope none of the things I've said have upset you. i'm just trying to help.-

Em Em Em Em.....

Although i'm new to any kind of message board and posting site, i was turned onto this one and have been flipping through it for a while... i told myself i wouldn't register because i would just spend most of my time on here.... so be it.

If i were you, i would be extremely wary of this situation. Something just doesn't click with your story. Although you love this man and you say he loves you, things just don't match up. There really is no excuse for not calling and not being closer with you if he says he really cares for you. Not to give you anything to worry about, but if he only calls you to ask for a favor and shys away from anything of any real substance (such as getting your stuff back!) it would give me (personally) cause to start to think... Then again, i have this tendency to overthink things. Is this the first OM you've been out with? ... not to get too personal... just asking to get a better idea of the situation.

Hang in there... and realize that if something really doesn't feel right, it probably isn't... if there's anything i've learned in my short time here, it's trust your gut.

All the best though!

Em... I don't think it's all about Sex... I just think he has you handy for when HE'S ready...he's not taking your feelings into consideration at all... at least from what I can see....When he's ready to be open and loveing he will take it .. but when you need it he isn't there... You see what I mean...

Hon... I don't think it's all a sex thing... :-)

MerA.....

I think you're absolutely right on that! you're right, we do think alike!


Em...

Keep us posted!

I will keep you posted.

Em ... I hope your not upset about my candadness..... I just think you are a terrific woman who deserves the best out of Life... and that you should never just settle for anyone..... There is so much out there and so much in life that I don't want you to miss the best things life has to offer..

Which ever you decide Is good for me anyway... because only you know how happy you are....

no one has offended me in any way. In fact - I thank everyone for their honesty. I'm just extreamly sad right now and I am sorry if I don't post much right now.

Let us know though how it all turns out.... You will figure this out..... hurt and sadness only last a little while... thats when you realize what you need to do....... Once you face what you need to do it just gets easier...

we love you Em!!!!

Hey Em! I was wondering about how things were going, too. But I wasn't sure I should ask!

I hope things will get better! I would hate not to see you out and about on the boards!

Big hugs!

Happy

with or without D, I'll be here

EM....

glad to hear that you are staying around. You add soooo much to the success of this board. I know it is good for me to see that I am not alone....

The IrishKid

thanks irish...

everyone's support really does mean a lot. Thanks