Signs Of A Netaholic

<li>You find yourself staring for hours at your INBOX waiting for new e-mail to arrive.


<li>You chat with people on other continents more often than you do with your own neighbors.


<li>Your home page is advertised on a bumper sticker on your car ...as a link.


<li>You promise yourself that you'll only stay online for another 15 minutes ...at least once every hour.


<li>You only goal is to create the world's greatest web site.


<li>You are obsessed with your page stats and the number of guest book entries.


<li>You start using smileys in your snail mail.


<li>You stay up late every night waiting for your wife and children to fall asleep so you can go online.


<li>Everyone you know asks why your phone line is always busy ...and you're seriously considering getting a second phone line.


<li>You get up before the sun rises to check your e-mail ...and you find yourself in the very same chair long after the sun has set.


<li>You cancel your newspaper subscription.


<li>You buy a pager so family and friends that really need to get through can beep you in case there's an emergency.


<li>When someone asks you for your address you tell them your URL.


<li>You sit down at the computer right after dinner and your spouse says "See you in the morning."


<li>Your kids start referring to you as "that guy in front of the monitor".


<li>You yell at your wife for using the phone for stupid things ...like talking.


<li>You purchase a laptop so you can surf while sitting on the can.


<li>You think more about being online than you do about sex ...and to heighten the sensation, you install a mirror over your PC.


<li>You set up a web-cam as your home's security system.


<li>You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two just so you can have the free Internet access.


<li>You started college as a chemistry major ...and walk out four years later as an Internet provider.


<li>You brag to all of your friends about your date Saturday night ...but you don't tell them it was in a chat room.


<li>You spend Saturday night making the counter on your home page pass the 1000 mark.


<li>At parties you introduce your spouse as your "Service Provider".


<li>You e-mail your boss, informing him you'll be late.


<li>Your divorce papers are served via e-mail ...and you never even knew that your spouse had left you.


<li>You develop a liking for cold coffee and warm cola.



<li>You go outside and look for a brightness knob to turn down the sun.


<li>You and your friends get together regularly on IRC ...even though all of you live in the same city.



<li>You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.


<li>You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.


<li>You finally do take that vacation ...but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.


<li>You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop computer on your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.


<li>Even your dog has its own home page.


<li>You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're now halfway through Lycos.


<li>It takes you two hours to check all 14 of your mailboxes.


<li>You go outside for the fresh air and open the window first to hear new mail arrive.


<li>Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.


<li>Your husband leaves you and takes the computer ...and you call him up crying, and beg him to bring the computer back.


<li>You wait for a slow loading web page before going to the toilet.


<li>You sprinkle Carpet Fresh on the rugs and put your vaccume cleaner in the hallway in case someone comes by, so it looks like you are attempting to do something about the mess that has amassed since you discovered the Internet.


<li>You are late picking up your kid from school and you explain to the teacher you were stuck in Web traffic.


<li>You eagerly await the update of the "Cool Site of the Day."


<li>You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.


<li>You check your e mail and it says "no new messages" ...So you check it again.


<li>You don't know the real first names of any of your closest friends.


<li>You regularly make fun of people with 28.8 modems.


<li>You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.


<li>Your sex life has drastically improved... even if it's only cyber-sex!


<li>You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html.


<li>You invent another personality so you can chat with yourself in empty chat rooms.


<li>You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's busy working" ...and you don't even have a job.


<li>You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.


<li>Turning on your computer turns off your wife.


<li>Your wife says communication is important in a marriage ...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.


<li>You read all of Netaholics and you still don't understand why they're funny.


<li>The remote to the T.V. is missing ...and you don't care.


<li>The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few minutes later your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.


<li>Your hard drive crashes and you haven't logged on in two hours, so you dial your computers ISP access number and humm attempting to communicate with it. ...And you succeed.


<li>You lie, even to yourself, about how long you were online yesterday.


<li>You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.


<li>You start introducing yourself as "Jim at A-O-L dot com."


<li>You look at a page of someone else's links ...and you notice all of them are highlighted as already visited.


<li>And last but not least, you just MIGHT be a Netaholic if...


<li>You never get a busy signal when logging on...
<b> Because you never log off! </b>