Kids

Kids
Isn't it amazing... I sit on here each day waiting to see all the progress you have all made... and to get the assurance I need and I thank each and everyone of you that has written to me about my relationship. I am not usually the one that goes on about the bad stuff about my relationship I am more of one to give advice .....Fortunatly my relationship is on a high still after a year and 2 months and I am in for the long haul.... My only and I mean ONLY problem is his son... I do love his son and think he's a good kid but HE'S SO DAMN LAZY... he's almost 18 years old never has had a job.. does nothing.. I MEAN NOTHING no sports no activities.. he usually spends time home (because he's usually grounded) because he receives all d's and f's on his report cards... He thinks he did well this semester but he got a B in ceremics a B in Auto and a B (only good one that matters) in Biology but still gets a D in english and a D in math...

Today you would think he'd want a job we take his phone away from him the cable away we don't buy him anything... although all he says is can you buy me this or that and we keep saying if he wants it you'll get a job.... but even his dad babies hiim and I HATE IT... he needs to tellhim to get a god damn job .......He acts (at least I think so) like a 13 year old spoiled brat......IT scares the shit out of me because when I have children with him am I going to have these same issues... I love my fiance with all my heart and His son is the one that gives me my doubts in ANYTHING about our relationship.....And he's almost 18!!!!!!!

I have never in my entire life seen anyone as lazy as this......

How do I get this kid to get a job???? sometime please tell me ... we've tried punishing... taking things away...w hat else.....

MerA,

Well maybe I can shed a small amount of light on the subject from my own past experience.

My Ex and I were together for 6 years, during that time her daughter did do the laundry one time after an almost world war three battle about her laziness. From age 12 to age 18 the girl sat in a chair feeding herself snacks and either watching TV or playing video games. As time went by I tried stressing the point to her that at some point in her life she would either HAVE to learn to work or marry a prince to keep living her lifestyle. Told her that her doing any chores would not only help us out but would also help her to learn to be self supportive in the future (my main concern for her).

Well long story shorter.....All my talking and hoping that this girl would change her ways..in my case was useless.
Her mother and her moved on with their lives, and the girl has a spite for me because of my nagging as she called it. Her mother bought her car, pays for her insurance, her gas, her food, her college tuition, her cell phone, just to cover the bigger expenses!

I know, at least she's going to college (which by the way she's been thinking of dropping out) and hopfully in the future she'll make good money to help herself in life.

I'm probably not giving you a whole lot of encouragement with my experience on this. But my thoughts back on the whole thing are. I was only a step parent, my worries though valid, did nothing but to make a rift in the relationship because the true parent didn't agree along with my views.

As hard as it was to know that this child that I loved needed to learn about life. I worry that I should have just given my love and let her know I would have been there for her when needed. which I also did. But my advise now to you would be.

If you love your OM keep loving him, and hard as it can be to you.
Respect his decisions on raising his child. I'm not saying have no voice at all. Just make sure you try and see his side in his choices.
Talk often with him and listen often to him. Being a "step" is to say the least, very hard! We spend the same amount of time as the real parent, sometimes even more with the child. But still we are often times thought of as inferior.

Though our love grows as deep as the real parent. We must keep in mind that when and if an indifference occurs, All too many times its the "step" that gets the short end. Not fair but sadly true. It seems so easy to say.....but your not my real Mom/Dad and though true most don't realize how painful those words can be at times.

Hope my ramblings helped you in some way.

Don

Thanks Don!!!!! Yes it has.... I actually know this.... and it's sad... but he does agree with me ... but he's just so damn passive ... worries me more about when we have children because I WON'T STAND FOR IT..... also his kid is taking MY money..... so I do have a certain say... but your right I will get the end of the stick.... and it sucks... I love him but his son is ruining it all for me....

Thanks

Mer

Ugh Mer! Yuck. I swear, some kids can be such spoiled shits. Don't GET me started on a child or two of B's.

Anyway, since the little sloth does not seem interested (or maybe not adept) in academia, maybe he needs to find something he is interested in that will get him motivated. I see lots of young men his age with this bizarre apathy for life. Is there a technical school nearby? Maybe he's less interested in bookish matters and would like something more hands on. I mean, in Charleston, there is a tech school here with one of the finest (really, one of the instructors is in the top 1% of his field) automotive mechanics programs around. Not everyone is wired to be a doctor/lawyer/indian chief. If he's interested in cars, then that might be something he could do. Auto mechanics do not have the most GLAMOROUS jobs or the cleanest or EASIEST jobs, per se, however, good ones can "make bank" and they practically work bankers hours!:) He might get insulted at that suggestion due to the image that mechanics hold, but it's SOMETHING. Usually those schools aid with job placement as well.

Or maybe, getting such high marks in ceramics, he's more artistically inclined. Maybe he could get a job at an art supply store or even one of those cheesy craft stores. Again, it might not be a "rock-star" type of job, but being around things he likes might help.

Alot of times, this type of apathy comes from either suffering from clinical depression; smoking too much pot or generally not having someone push you hard enough. Some people are NOT "self-starters."

Another question: Does his dad make him pay rent? At 18, living at home SHOULD require some type of payment to, if nothing else, ease them into the "real world I have to pay bills" mode. If his pop feels bad about taking his kid's money (you know, when he gets a job), then dear ol' dad could take the "rent" money and put it in an account for junior. Then, when the kid is ready to leave the nest, he's got a nice little nest egg that appears to be a gift from dad!!!

Yeah, I know, these are all GREAT ideas. But helping that kid put them into practice is a whole different story. (sigh) You can lead a horse to water, but. . .


I'll be thinking about you & sending positive vibes your way!

Love,
Happy

happy... RENT?? HE doesn't even have a job... and he doesn't "really" want one.....I don't know... H e goes to Tech. school for Auto but in order to do auto "good" you have to knkow how to do math.... I don't know..... Just frustrating... I told him when he gets a job he has to pay the phone bill ... he stayed back two years so he is 17 and is a sophomore in High school and he'll be an 18 year old junior.... so ... When he graduates school he will pay a quarter of the bills.... at least going to pay 200.00 a month..... or something.... I will continue talkin to C but it scares me that this kid could be the ruin of something perfect

Yuuuuuuuuuuky situation! Hope it gets better.

Love,
Happy

You can say that again... my parents are actually worried that he is going to ruin my relationship also....

Anyway...

Rolls thanks for your advice to I truely thank you!!!!
and Happy you also

love Mer