Irenathecat
04-25-2003, 12:25 AM
Hi, everybody! I am new at posting to this board but I have been coming here and reading your posts for a while. I think you all have great advice and will appreciate any advice you would like to share.
Here is the situation-
I am 28 , and C is 52. We work together in the same office.
I had been in a funk for a while (my mother had passed away about 6 months before and she had been my best friend). I started to come out of my depression over her death, dressing better, putting on make-up, trying to lose weight, etc. Well, people noticed. But most would not seem to accept the fact that it was because I was coming out of a depression from my mother’s death. Anyway, several thought I must have met a man. Which, I had not and had not really thought about. Well some of my co-workers then thought I was trying to impress a gentleman at work and since there are not many men that work in my office and even fewer single men they sort of figured it was the one single older man that works in my department, C. For some reason some of the ladies thought we were seeing each other, which, I was clueless as to why because I had never really paid him any attention. C is very quiet and stays mostly to himself never really getting into any of the women’s conversations. However, one of the ladies was always making comments about his “apparent” attraction to me, it was not “apparent” to me, though, to me he never seem to pay much attention to me either (in my own defense I realize I have some self-esteem issues). I guess I started to notice him then, funny how attractive people become when you think they are attracted to you. I really had no idea of his age at this time. Before this we had not really worked together, then the dynamics of are company changed and we started having to work more together. I really knew little about him except office gossip, which like most gossip is usually not good or useful. Therefore, I decided to take the initiative and find out more about this person, which was difficult for me being shy, myself. At first, it was like pulling teeth (which made me suspect of the comments from the co-worker, I felt if he was that attracted to me then he should be easier to talk with) but by this time I had develop somewhat of a crush on him. After a while, he started to open up and talk about other things beside job stuff. Once we talked, we seemed to hit it off. Then something happened and he just backed off. I not sure why, I think the rumor mills had something to do with it. In addition, he found out I was 28 and I think he thought I was a tad older. Since then, he has mentioned a couple of times how he has grown up in another era and he has referred to our age differences. I always say to him that physical age doesn’t matter that it is all a state of mind. He has never been married (this is an issue with one of my friends, she thinks there is something wrong with a man who has never been married at 52) and is currently not seeing anyone and on several occasions he has mentioned that he is a “loner” in such a way that is seems he is trying to say he is not interested in seeing anyone. Of course, it doesn’t help that a few of the women are always saying hey C, hey RE, you remember that, oh, sorry RE, I forgot that was before you were born. Whenever I wear a shorter skirt or something a little more fitted, the biggest Office Gossiper, says things out loud in front of the whole office, including our supervisor, like “Oh, I think Re has a boyfriend, what do you think C?” This seems to embarrass him (I have to say this embarrasses me too, but mostly because I sense it bothers him), and then he tries to avoid me. If we arrive at work at the same time, he will either rush out from his car or wait in his car so we do not arrive in the office at the same time.
On a more positive note though, he happens to live in the same area of the city as I do. So I invited a him and a couple of other co-workers who live in our area out, which he accepted, albeit reluctantly. Our group now meets about once a month (he seems to look forward to this now) and I have been able to find out more about him, as he is a little more open outside of work. I would like to invite him out by himself. I go out of the way to talk to him everyday and flirt with him. Sometimes it feels as if he is waiting for me to make a move and sometimes I feel as if he is scared that I am going to make a move. Partially I haven’t asked him out yet because I wasn’t sure how older men feel about being asked out by a younger woman, however, coming to this board has relieved some of my fear in that area. The other reason is I feel I get a lot of mixed signals from him and that every time I build up the courage to ask him out, it is like he senses this and either avoids me all day, brings up something that accentuates our age differences, or somehow mentions that he is a “loner” out of the blue. Sometimes I think maybe I just want there to be something so bad that I read to much into things. C is an attractive, kind man and I have told him this, but he acts like I am just saying that to get something from him. I have to say one of my biggest fears is how will I handle this if he rejects me, we have to work really close with each other, I mean the om/yw doesn’t bother me, but I suspect by the way he acts that he has issues. Also, I know the co-worker thing doesn’t always work. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you.
Here is the situation-
I am 28 , and C is 52. We work together in the same office.
I had been in a funk for a while (my mother had passed away about 6 months before and she had been my best friend). I started to come out of my depression over her death, dressing better, putting on make-up, trying to lose weight, etc. Well, people noticed. But most would not seem to accept the fact that it was because I was coming out of a depression from my mother’s death. Anyway, several thought I must have met a man. Which, I had not and had not really thought about. Well some of my co-workers then thought I was trying to impress a gentleman at work and since there are not many men that work in my office and even fewer single men they sort of figured it was the one single older man that works in my department, C. For some reason some of the ladies thought we were seeing each other, which, I was clueless as to why because I had never really paid him any attention. C is very quiet and stays mostly to himself never really getting into any of the women’s conversations. However, one of the ladies was always making comments about his “apparent” attraction to me, it was not “apparent” to me, though, to me he never seem to pay much attention to me either (in my own defense I realize I have some self-esteem issues). I guess I started to notice him then, funny how attractive people become when you think they are attracted to you. I really had no idea of his age at this time. Before this we had not really worked together, then the dynamics of are company changed and we started having to work more together. I really knew little about him except office gossip, which like most gossip is usually not good or useful. Therefore, I decided to take the initiative and find out more about this person, which was difficult for me being shy, myself. At first, it was like pulling teeth (which made me suspect of the comments from the co-worker, I felt if he was that attracted to me then he should be easier to talk with) but by this time I had develop somewhat of a crush on him. After a while, he started to open up and talk about other things beside job stuff. Once we talked, we seemed to hit it off. Then something happened and he just backed off. I not sure why, I think the rumor mills had something to do with it. In addition, he found out I was 28 and I think he thought I was a tad older. Since then, he has mentioned a couple of times how he has grown up in another era and he has referred to our age differences. I always say to him that physical age doesn’t matter that it is all a state of mind. He has never been married (this is an issue with one of my friends, she thinks there is something wrong with a man who has never been married at 52) and is currently not seeing anyone and on several occasions he has mentioned that he is a “loner” in such a way that is seems he is trying to say he is not interested in seeing anyone. Of course, it doesn’t help that a few of the women are always saying hey C, hey RE, you remember that, oh, sorry RE, I forgot that was before you were born. Whenever I wear a shorter skirt or something a little more fitted, the biggest Office Gossiper, says things out loud in front of the whole office, including our supervisor, like “Oh, I think Re has a boyfriend, what do you think C?” This seems to embarrass him (I have to say this embarrasses me too, but mostly because I sense it bothers him), and then he tries to avoid me. If we arrive at work at the same time, he will either rush out from his car or wait in his car so we do not arrive in the office at the same time.
On a more positive note though, he happens to live in the same area of the city as I do. So I invited a him and a couple of other co-workers who live in our area out, which he accepted, albeit reluctantly. Our group now meets about once a month (he seems to look forward to this now) and I have been able to find out more about him, as he is a little more open outside of work. I would like to invite him out by himself. I go out of the way to talk to him everyday and flirt with him. Sometimes it feels as if he is waiting for me to make a move and sometimes I feel as if he is scared that I am going to make a move. Partially I haven’t asked him out yet because I wasn’t sure how older men feel about being asked out by a younger woman, however, coming to this board has relieved some of my fear in that area. The other reason is I feel I get a lot of mixed signals from him and that every time I build up the courage to ask him out, it is like he senses this and either avoids me all day, brings up something that accentuates our age differences, or somehow mentions that he is a “loner” out of the blue. Sometimes I think maybe I just want there to be something so bad that I read to much into things. C is an attractive, kind man and I have told him this, but he acts like I am just saying that to get something from him. I have to say one of my biggest fears is how will I handle this if he rejects me, we have to work really close with each other, I mean the om/yw doesn’t bother me, but I suspect by the way he acts that he has issues. Also, I know the co-worker thing doesn’t always work. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you.