EMCAD80
04-28-2003, 02:25 PM
Among being busy and too lazy - I also wanted to make sure I was able to write out the whole story.
So last Wednesday was D's birthday. I had bought him birthday presents before our long period of unspoken words. So as the day neared...I chatted with lara_steel and she helped me come to a conclusion. I was undecided on how to go about giving him his birthday presents. Which I debating giving to him in the first place because he DID NOT (and that was made very clear) want to celebrate his birthday. So I didn't want to make it worse by giving him a gift. But I decided I would for a couple reasons. 1.) I already bought the gifts and 2.) I didn't want him to think I forgot about him on his birthday. Now the next problem was at hand...how do I give it to him. There were several ways - I brought them up with my chat with lara_steel.
1. Leave them at his restaurant.
2. Leave it on his door step
3. Suck it up, knock on his door, and give them to him
She made it clear that leaving it on his door step would seem cold. So true - so I didn't do that. Then she said it would probably be best if I tried knocking on the door and if he wasn't there, then leave it at the restaurant. Okay...that settles that... but there's one big problem....HOW WAS I GOING TO HANDLE IT IF HE WAS HOME!
So, after I got off work I picked up a few of my students that I had to go shopping with for banquet. I told them that we had to make a pit stop. When we got there his mom pulls up behind us! Oh great...that's all I need. She saw me walking up his drive way with two bags of gifts. She stopped me and asked me to send out D's son, L. I was so nervous...sweaty palms, heart pounding, eyes getting kind of watery....I was about ready to scream!!!
My plan was to stand at his door and take a few deep breaths before knocking, but because D's mom was right there....I couldn't! So I knocked on the door. I was afraid, I wanted to pee my pants! I hear foot steps from someone coming down the stairs. Then the light clanking from unlocking the door and twisting the knob. I was scared who would answer. Was it D....L?....or someone new that D was seeing? I had no clue. The door couldn't open any slower. Then when it finally did L was standing at the door. He was happy to see me. It was great. I thought he would have given me dirty looks. He called for D. I told L his grandma was waiting for him. But he wanted to stay. D asked who it was....but L just said it was someone at the door. When D came around the corner I got that Jell-O feeling in my legs. D smiled and was happy to see me. He invited me in and I told him happy birthday. He gave me a hug and a peck on the lips. I told him to open his gifts while I was there. He agreed...but said that I didn't have to and that I was silly for doing so. Silly! Ok - I'm a big birthday and holiday buff...so even if you don't want a gift...DAMN IT - YOUR GETTING ONE! I didn't get him anything big like I planned. Only because I didn't know the status of our relationship.
He's Italian and he's whole motif is an Italian feel. I got him a candle holder and a candle shaped like a wine bottle....there kind of big, but are sooo cute! Then I bought him so CREW shampoo and conditioner, only because he never has any hair products...he steals L's stuff...lol.
I asked him to read the card later - which I didn't say much but Happy Birthday, but I didn't want him to stand there and read it in front of me. He gave me another hug and peck on the lips as I left. I was there for only 10 minutes. I told him I couldn't stay long. I explained that I had to go shopping with a couple of my students. I left and that was that.....
But then I forgot to give him the plates I bought for the restaurant from IKEA, they are somewhat fragile - and I didn't want them in my car any more. So after I drove a few blocks I turned back to give them to him. I rang the door bell, knocked on the door and rang the door bell a couple more times. After he finally answered I told him that I had forgotten to give him the plates. He insisted on paying me back....and I insisted that he didn't. After all the things he's paid for...surly I can pay for some plates. Again, it was short - when I left I was okay. I thought I would have been balling. Maybe my students being in the car helped me. Maybe after talking with lara_steel earlier helped me (that I know did) or maybe I know in my heart by the look in his eyes that there truly is something there.
Lara_steel brought up a good point - which I also stated in LITTLEME's post. He just turned 40, 40 is a milestone and even though age doesn't matter, it's a milestone that is a big deal. I know he'll call again...one day. But for now I can't do much but write that letter and tell him how I feel. With letters I can't hold back my feelings like I do in person. Every time I have tried to open up to D, I never get it all out. So I think with the love and support of this site and my heart....I can do it!!!
That's the update. Thanks from all who PMed me to find out. Sorry it's taken so long. I get a chance to post the small threads...but the longer ones are hard to squeeze in :). Any thoughts or letter suggestions would be helpful.
Letter suggestions....(hint hint nudge nudge to Happy)
So last Wednesday was D's birthday. I had bought him birthday presents before our long period of unspoken words. So as the day neared...I chatted with lara_steel and she helped me come to a conclusion. I was undecided on how to go about giving him his birthday presents. Which I debating giving to him in the first place because he DID NOT (and that was made very clear) want to celebrate his birthday. So I didn't want to make it worse by giving him a gift. But I decided I would for a couple reasons. 1.) I already bought the gifts and 2.) I didn't want him to think I forgot about him on his birthday. Now the next problem was at hand...how do I give it to him. There were several ways - I brought them up with my chat with lara_steel.
1. Leave them at his restaurant.
2. Leave it on his door step
3. Suck it up, knock on his door, and give them to him
She made it clear that leaving it on his door step would seem cold. So true - so I didn't do that. Then she said it would probably be best if I tried knocking on the door and if he wasn't there, then leave it at the restaurant. Okay...that settles that... but there's one big problem....HOW WAS I GOING TO HANDLE IT IF HE WAS HOME!
So, after I got off work I picked up a few of my students that I had to go shopping with for banquet. I told them that we had to make a pit stop. When we got there his mom pulls up behind us! Oh great...that's all I need. She saw me walking up his drive way with two bags of gifts. She stopped me and asked me to send out D's son, L. I was so nervous...sweaty palms, heart pounding, eyes getting kind of watery....I was about ready to scream!!!
My plan was to stand at his door and take a few deep breaths before knocking, but because D's mom was right there....I couldn't! So I knocked on the door. I was afraid, I wanted to pee my pants! I hear foot steps from someone coming down the stairs. Then the light clanking from unlocking the door and twisting the knob. I was scared who would answer. Was it D....L?....or someone new that D was seeing? I had no clue. The door couldn't open any slower. Then when it finally did L was standing at the door. He was happy to see me. It was great. I thought he would have given me dirty looks. He called for D. I told L his grandma was waiting for him. But he wanted to stay. D asked who it was....but L just said it was someone at the door. When D came around the corner I got that Jell-O feeling in my legs. D smiled and was happy to see me. He invited me in and I told him happy birthday. He gave me a hug and a peck on the lips. I told him to open his gifts while I was there. He agreed...but said that I didn't have to and that I was silly for doing so. Silly! Ok - I'm a big birthday and holiday buff...so even if you don't want a gift...DAMN IT - YOUR GETTING ONE! I didn't get him anything big like I planned. Only because I didn't know the status of our relationship.
He's Italian and he's whole motif is an Italian feel. I got him a candle holder and a candle shaped like a wine bottle....there kind of big, but are sooo cute! Then I bought him so CREW shampoo and conditioner, only because he never has any hair products...he steals L's stuff...lol.
I asked him to read the card later - which I didn't say much but Happy Birthday, but I didn't want him to stand there and read it in front of me. He gave me another hug and peck on the lips as I left. I was there for only 10 minutes. I told him I couldn't stay long. I explained that I had to go shopping with a couple of my students. I left and that was that.....
But then I forgot to give him the plates I bought for the restaurant from IKEA, they are somewhat fragile - and I didn't want them in my car any more. So after I drove a few blocks I turned back to give them to him. I rang the door bell, knocked on the door and rang the door bell a couple more times. After he finally answered I told him that I had forgotten to give him the plates. He insisted on paying me back....and I insisted that he didn't. After all the things he's paid for...surly I can pay for some plates. Again, it was short - when I left I was okay. I thought I would have been balling. Maybe my students being in the car helped me. Maybe after talking with lara_steel earlier helped me (that I know did) or maybe I know in my heart by the look in his eyes that there truly is something there.
Lara_steel brought up a good point - which I also stated in LITTLEME's post. He just turned 40, 40 is a milestone and even though age doesn't matter, it's a milestone that is a big deal. I know he'll call again...one day. But for now I can't do much but write that letter and tell him how I feel. With letters I can't hold back my feelings like I do in person. Every time I have tried to open up to D, I never get it all out. So I think with the love and support of this site and my heart....I can do it!!!
That's the update. Thanks from all who PMed me to find out. Sorry it's taken so long. I get a chance to post the small threads...but the longer ones are hard to squeeze in :). Any thoughts or letter suggestions would be helpful.
Letter suggestions....(hint hint nudge nudge to Happy)