we broke up

i managed to speak to him over IM and at the end, i asked him if he still considers me as his girlfriend. he said friend but not lover. so i said well either lover or no friends. he said it's my choice. so i told him that i'll get my things from him tomorrow.

i guess this is the end. thanks for being there for me.

I'm so sorry littleme

Don't be a stranger and let us know the updates. We're here for you during your grieving period and then some.

All the love
~EM

thank you. i really appreciate all of you.

i think this type of relationship is hard and it needs unconditional love which i don't think he was giving. it's like i love him more than he loves me.

hugs, littleme . I am so very sorry to hear this. If there is anything we can do to help--even just listen(read) let us know...we are here for you.

Little...

tough Break...sorry that he was sooo short sighted.

Remember...sometimes you dont know what you have until it's gone....

Someone will see the value in you that he overlooked. Take this as a good thing. If he is not the one, you want to have the 'decks cleared' so that Mr Right can come along.

The IrishKid

Awwww sorry ..... My heart goes out to you.... Just because you and this man aren't together doesn't mean you can't come to us for help or support.... we are going to be here so you can keep posting!!! Keep your chin up girl... he isn't worth your tears!!!!!!

Little - I am so sorry that you are sad and that your feelings are hurt, but I have to say I'm glad he told you the truth instead of being indecisive and stringing you along. Now, just wash your hands of him and let him go. Fuggedaboutit!

Just KNOW that there is someone out there who will L-O-V-E you just as much as you love them. It will be so much nicer for you when the love is balanced instead of one sided. It is so much more rewarding.

Wishing you love and happiness,
Happy

Little....

who needs that cacahead (sorry had to put it) when you have wonderful people here. Man, you guys give such great advice and words of wisdom....you guys are an awesome support group...LOVE IT!

i went to his place last night and got my stuff. I didn't expect to stay more than 1 minute. But he invited me in and we sat in silence while he read and ignored me. But i don't think he was taking any of that stuff in. then finially i said i should get going. he looked up and i went and gave him a hug but it turned into a half an hour hug with me crying and he holding me. so he does love me afterall. i know what he is thinking deep down- as he's said before that i should be with guys my age and not be stuck with an old man.

so whatever the truth is, whether my thoughts are right or wrong, I think it's more comforting to know that he still loves me.

littleme,
im so sorry that you are hurting. i know it sucks to have things fall apart and you dont even really know why. i guess thats how things go sometimes. for me anyway it seems almost worse to not have had a final blowout or something, only a slow fizzle out. i am thinking of you...

LITTLE,

WELL, YOU ARE EXPERIENCING WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH 3 TIMES ALREADY! IT TOTALLY SUCKS, BUT IT MAKES IT WORSE WHEN YOU KNOW THERE ARE TRUE FEELINGS THERE...AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S OKAY TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OLDER OR YOUNGER, THEY ARE SCARED OF THE LABELS AND THE SNICKERING THAT GOES ON. IT'S SAD AND IT PUTS US IN THE WORST POSITION...THE "I LOVE YOU, BUT WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER" POSITION. IT'S ROUGH, IF YOU NEED TO TALK...PM ME AND WE'LL VENT TOGETHER! :)

Originally posted by littleme
as he's said before that i should be with guys my age and not be stuck with an old man.


GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE it when they say stupid shit things like that! DAMN!

Little, I'm sorry to use your post as a spring board for this rant, but LOOK, ALL YOU OM LURKERS - IF WE LOVE YOU, WE DO NOT "NEED" TO BE WITH MEN OUR OWN AGE. IF WE WANTED A MAN OUR AGE, WE WOULD HAVE ONE! DON'T TELL *US* WHAT *WE* NEED.:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE OLDER DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE WISER. YOU GUYS ARE *LUCKY* YOU HAVE US.

So, all OM lurking, quit bemoaning and b-i-t-c-h-i-n-g about the age difference and face what you can ACTUALLY HAVE. Relish in the fact that somebody....ANYBODY...no matter how old they are LOVES YOU.

Little punk *** crybabies! Men with Little's OM's attitude end up less than satisfied because they DITCHED someone who could've endured and loved them for a long, long time. How "EFFING" SAD.
(Nooooooooooooo coffee this morning....can you tell???;) )

Little - I'll say this; love without conviction isn't worth your breath. Save it for someone who will love you AND be proud of it.

LOVE (no matter how old you are)
Happy

Happy....

I love hearing your rants....So well thought out...and so well written. You are right...and it is good to hear the truth.

My lover says the same things to me and I truly believe her. I think there are some that are in this type of relationship by 'accident', and they carry so many of their fears into it. I think every OM has to deal with this issue. I am lucky that my lover makes it extremely clear...and easy to believe.

So go ahead...rant and rave...and help those that need the 'nudge' to look at this correctly....

The IrishKid

you guys totally understand me. I have gone through this before too. we broke up once last year and he gave me a lame reason (which was not truth and later on he said "it is for you own good"). it really hurts. I feel so awful. Last time I lost him I lost myself as well. but this time I will try not to.

I feel exactly the same as you guys. why can't the OM just get over and accept that we YW love him and that we wouldn't just jump over to another younger guy?!


well i think age gap relationship takes a lot of effort and unconditional love and it sounds like he doesn't want to put in that much effort in...

Your OM sounds so much like D
"it's for your own good"
"you don't know what you want, your just a baby"
"you need somone your own age"
"i don't understand what you see in me"

Girl...what state are you in...if your in Cali, we need to hit up a mall, some chocolate shakes and gab the evening away!


Is there some sort of spell we can cast on these men to make them see past all the stereotypical thoughts they are having. Something that makes them see with their hearts and not their minds or eyes. (that can come later when they are thinking more clearly) :) It's hard....stick in there. I know....our love lives are identical....so if you need to chat...PM me :)

I was just thinking about Little's post. You know what kind of dawned on me....one of the last talks D and I had...he said something along of the lines of me knowing him very well now. He also was wondering why someone like me would want someone who is so stressed, so this, so that....as he listed what he thinks are his bad qualities.

So here is my analysis of why he has pushed me away:

He knows I love him with every ounce of my being. He's been burned twice pretty badly and it SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF HIM that I can actually love him, flaws and all. So I think as a defense mechanism...he pushes me away. Because the whole 'too good to be true' can't be if I'm not there. But in his heart - he feels the same way I do.


Does that make sense....to me it does....but I'm not sure if I worded it correctly....kay gotta go.

hey em, i think you've got it!! thanks for sharing that. I think it is so true and true with my man as well.

you have aol or icq? i've just pm you (and I've just figured out about this whole pm thing, how cool)

Originally posted by IrishKid
Happy....

I love hearing your rants....I think there are some that are in this type of relationship by 'accident', and they carry so many of their fears into it. The IrishKid

Love your posts too, Irish!!:D

And I wish I could COMPELTELY practice what I preach when I say that we should all live without FEAR. I *truly* believe that everyone should live with only love. Love is the essence of every human being's soul. (Even the s-h-i-t-t-y ones) It's just something we forget when we get to this playground called "earth!" If we could live without fear our lives would be so much more enjoyable!

Alas, I suffer from the human condition as well - so I forget that I'm all about love & that things will always be as they are supposed to be. I get scared and worried and yadda yadda yadda. And IT ALWAYS GETS ME INTO TROUBLE.

And so it seems as with some of the OMs described on this board. They are losing out on such wonderful times and experiences by being afraid of entering a committment with someone who can be true, loving and faithful and bring great joy to their lives because of a religious right social norm...(sigh); because of fear of appearing like a letch; fear of investing and getting attached to someone who may change thier mind about him because he's getting old and wrinkly, while she's still young and developing her mind... They are all VALID fears. How hard would it be for B if, say, in ten years, I ditch him for someone closer to my age? He would have to start ALL OVER again at 63. That can make a man nervous, I guess.

BUT, there are risks in every relationship, do you all think?

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to salute (raise a pint, propose a toast, etc.) to all of the OM on this board (those who post and lurk) for being brave enough to chance love in a relationship such as these. THANK YOU B, Irish, RollsHarley for loving your women, (and we ARE WOMEN, not little girls) and being proud of it.

Little - I can't stress this enough: If he loves you, he'll come around. If he can't come around, then he doesn't love you ENOUGH and doesn't DESERVE you.

All my love,
Happy

Cheers to that Happy!!


Oh, and my opinion to this:


because of fear of appearing like a letch; fear of investing and getting attached to someone who may change thier mind about him because he's getting old and wrinkly, while she's still young and developing her mind... They are all VALID fears. How hard would it be for B if, say, in ten years, I ditch him for someone closer to my age? He would have to start ALL OVER again at 63. That can make a man nervous, I guess.

There are women out there who age well. Let's say D ends up with someone closer to his age...or even older....if he doesn't age as well as she does...she may not like the fact that he has gray & is wrinkled up. She may want a younger man. She may want to leave him....there are so many risks in all relationships. It's too bad that some of them can't seize it when it's right under their nose!

With me - I understand that D has bigger commitments right now. I truly admire them. It takes a big person to take personal sacrifice. Most parents wouldn't drop their NEEDED social life. But because L has been abandoned by his mother, D has stepped in and sacrificed so much....I love this quality about him. Yes, it comes to my expense...but a childs well being is far more important......HOWEVER, I deserve a little bit more respect. I'll set things straight....and I'll keep you all updated :)

Phew....I went off for a second...thanks for letting me vent ;)

Little....

SO... this guy wasn't the right one for you... it takes time for some who haven't been in a relationship like this before to really understand that it can work... however, there's a time point where you no longer have to justify yourself or your feelings...

Happy...

hahahaha... soooo many good points, i don't even know where to start... the whole 'be with a guy your own age' thing is utter BS... it's an easy way to cop out of a relationship... i'd like to think that if my man ever wanted to break things off with me that would be the last reason because it really doesn't mean anything substantial.

That's it for now lol

Lucky i was going to say the same thing... Happy you truely said so much.........

Em men are more scared than they let on...... they try and act all tough and put together but really inside there is that sensitive part that hurts just like us...... I hope he realizes this before it's to late