I'm one of those people that go <--------->

So discussed in a chat room yesterday with two of my gal pals
Happy4Me and Lara_Steel.

There are people who go -------> this way
There are people who go <------ that way
Then, there are people who go <----------------> both ways

Ah, the curse of <------------->

Last night I was beaming with love, light and actual hope. Even did the happy dance for a few. Quick back round. From Orange County to San Diego is an hour drive. One night I was exteamly tired after dropping off one of my students after rehearsal. Not five minutes into my drive home, her mom calls me and tells me to turn around because she saw how tired I was and was concerned. I did turn around and when I got back to their house there was a set of keys waiting for me and a room with my name all over it. So I have been staying in San Diego for the majority of the weekdays.

Last night, while watching one of my favorite TV shows, one of my students walk into the living room with my cell in her hand(weird at first, but used to it now) and said "your phone was ringing...I think it said D"

NO WAY:eek:

I checked my missed calls and sure enough...it was D! I was upset because I was watching 24 and didn't want to be disturbed...but I called at a commercial.

He called to say thanks for the birthday gifts and the plates I bought for the restaurant. We chatted about what was going on in our lives and how things were. I told him that I wasn't all that great, that I could be better. He said the same. We talked about L and how his behavior has progressed, but very very slowly. He asked where I was and what I was doing because he heard the mom telling me 24 was back on tv. I didn't want to rush through my conversation, so I didn't flinch when my show came back on.

He said "so your in San Diego?" I told him the whole story and that I am generally here during the week. He then told me that we should go out to dinner one of these nights.

:) :( :D ; ) :p :eek: :confused:

All that in a flash of a few moments. Then L started up in the back round and D said he had to go.

I was dancing around the house, smiling and being goofy...don't even remember what happened at the end of 24. I thought of Lara_Steel's post about the BULL and a turn for the better on May Day.

I went to bed happy, but this morning I woke up and very puzzled and confused. The first time he did this (not talk to me for a while) he broke things off with me. The second time he did this it didn't last....but visits and phone calls were few because of his 'needy' son. So I am very scared of dinner, but very excited at the same time. I don't know what to expect, but I am happy that I will at least get to see him.

Love is too strong - sometimes so much that its scary....sigh.

I hope dinner goes well, but understand that it's hard for men to eat when their heads are so far up their a-s-s-e-s.:p

Just kiddin'. You KNOW I have to pick on that fella of yours.

Love ya!
Happy

I'm really not expecting good out of dinner. You know me....over analyzer over here.... I don't understand why he didn't call for so damn long.....especially since we had sex that morning.....then BAM - nothing for almost a month. That makes me feel extreamly cheap and used. I try to rationalize things and remind myself his fears. He even stated the last time we went out to dinner that he wasn't comfortable with the age gap YET. That yet is held very close to my heart I still hang onto it with every ounce of hope. I know it's there between us, but his dark cloud of fear isn't allowing anything to happen. I want to ask him so many things...but I don't want him to feel like I am attacking him with an over load of questions. I'm just all over the place right now...butterflies, neausea and all that - both in a good and bad way :eek:

I just want to get it over with soon! I want to know what's goin' on in that head of his!

Don't you DARE feel cheap. YOUR heart was in the right place. I'll smack ya' if you say that again!

Happy

I know I'm not cheap...just felt that way. My heart was in the right place, but because of that I get deeply effected....I wonder if I opened up my heart too much. I guess not if I love him right? This sucks, it hurts, and it's all a never ending cycle. I hate it. I think I'll tell him that I don't mind taking things slowly but it can't be on hurtful conditions. it's not fair to me and overly fair and convenient to him! Grr...

EM...

Sure wish I knew what was going on in D's head. I think you just need to be true to yourself...know your own motives...and not worry. I know, easy to say...hard to do. It sure sounds like you are feeling the right kinds of things, here. I think we sometimes love someone sooo much, that we quit being the person that you really are...in hopes that you will get the responses that you need..and deserve.

Be true to yourself...and if D really loves you...or grows to love your more...great. From what you are sharing...it seems hard to believe that he will let his concerns get in the way of a great realationship.

Happy is right....

Don't you DARE feel cheap. YOUR heart was in the right place. I'll smack ya' if you say that again!

And for your concern....

I want to ask him so many things...but I don't want him to feel like I am attacking him with an over load of questions. I'm just all over the place right now...butterflies, neausea and all that - both in a good and bad way

I can identify with this. My lover had a lot of questions...but I really liked them...and still do. And yes, she gets her share of questions from me. We just decided that in this relationship we were going to share everything...without the game playing that we had experienced before. It is sooo much easier when you dont have to decipher what someone is meaning....

I think you should ask your questions, unless he really says he doesnt like them. When you love someone, you want to understand them..and you want them to understand you.

And on the not calling thing, I agree with you that he SHOULD call...and it is too bad that he doesnt. Would it be sooo bad if you were to call???? Perhaps he would learn to appreciate the closeness that calls can make. It may be new behavior to him..rather than some cosmic sign that he has a problem with you. Be assertive...take a chance...do what you feel you need. If you need a call....CALL!!! ;-) I am one of your cheerleaders, EM...go get him!

The IrishKid

Irish AND Happy

Thanks guys...so much, I value your words very much. and Irish it means a lot to get a guys perspective on a site that is mainly women.

As for the calling....I'm actually afraid to call now because I called for 3 days straight and never got a return phone call. Was I being to assertive? Too immature, to high school. See, I teach high school and wonder if I act like 'one of the kids' too much. I have been told that I would be 'a cool aunt' and wonder if I tend to play that role more and am afriad that it comes off in my relationship with D.

Who knows, I get so many mixed signals from him. I feel it and know it...and I've even evaluated myself wondering if I am trying to push something that truly isn't there....but it is. The way he looked at me when I went to his house on his birthday tells me so. I could see it in his eyes that I was a sight for sore eyes and that he missed me. But I also saw the confusion and the lost puppy look. It's disheartening and scary. But all at the same time, there is hope. The pitter patter of the heart displays joy and happiness - which goes hand in hand with nervousness.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - wish I could do that now....that would be cool....it echoes in my corner, a burst of relief!

EM....

Thanks for taking my ramblings so well....

I assume you are leaving nice loving messages with every call. I am sure you are good at that. I would continue to call and leave messages if he doesnt pick up....until he tells you he doesnt appreciate them. You just might have to take the lead here to 'train' him ;-) EM...if calling pushes him away...well...so be it. Be who you are!!! I bet he really likes hearing your voice...

The IrishKid

I wasn't able to get to my cell last night....and D generally doesn't leave a voicemail....but the gal at the house said he probably called to just hear your voice....a few seconds later my voicemail alert went off.

Funny you said that.

I'm not trying to alter who I am, but D has a lot going on his life and I am very aware of that stress....but I love him for that. If he wasn't such a stressed out person it would only show me that he doesn't care. But he does....hence my backing off from calling so much. I don't want to be an added stress, and I want to give him space if that's what he needs.....I just wish he would inform me and tell me. In fact...that's another thing I could bring up. I don't mind the situation we are in, but if he wants to work on this...no matter how slow the pace....we both have to put forth the effort and the work that it takes to make ANY relationship work. I'm a stong person and can handle it....as long as I know what to expect so I can properly prepare myself.

This could drive a person crazy.
Love could drive a person crazy.

How come the age gap always bugs them so much..... when you're not in BED?!!?!?!? Then it's out the window huh. I know his son is needy right now but I really hope you can get some answers out of D. I wish we could all form a group and go knocking on his door on your behalf. But I guess you can't make a grown man act any certain way..... I'm just waiting to see what he has to say this time. :( Keeping you in my thoughts.....

Thanks for the support...I will keep all informed. :) *sigh*

Honestly Em, I really do have my fingers crossed for you guys to get through this. I just hope he does give you some answers so that at least you know where to go from here. I find myself waiting on my OM to give me some answers. He always tells me I'm looking for a guarantee of some sort..."No! I just want to know where this is headed...so that I can act accordingly. How can I help or support you if you don't tell me anything?" I understand how your feeling. Mixed signals left and right!? Can't they just make a flippin' decision???

Can I get an AMEN!

AMEN! :p

You are doing just fine, dahlin....

We worry way too much!!

If you start to analyze what you are doing and why you are doing it (i.e., "is that too agressive...too high-school?") then you are already changing your behavior patterns and modifying who you are!!

Just be yourself. If he is the right one, then nothing you do is wrong anyway.

I still think that love is this: You see and know the other person's faults, and love them anyway, because in your eyes a conventional fault is not a fault when your love has it.

Hey there... i hope your dinner goes well..... Em keep your heart and ears open..... and ask questions.. find out whatyou need to know..... and listen but also express your feelings....

Please let us know what happened and if it goes well... i will be thinking of you

Irish...you are so right.

Silver.....PERSUE YOU HEART OUT!!!